


I'm Coming Home

by WinterBeserker



Series: The Assets of Hydra [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: ASL, Bucky can hear voices, Clint Barton's Farm, Deaf Clint, Eventual Smut, Everyone loves magic, Fluff, He has his farm, Hurt/Comfort, It's a good book, M/M, Magic, Nightmares, OC doesn't really make much of an appearance, Right?, Sick Fic, Slow Burn, Steve and Bucky know ASL, The author's shoving their love of the hobbit onto Bucky, The voices help him, Ya that's right, will update tags as I go along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 20:58:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 58
Words: 88,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5799922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterBeserker/pseuds/WinterBeserker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you asked Steve how he found Bucky, he couldn't tell you. He's not sure if he found Bucky or Bucky found him. </p>
<p>AOU does not exist here. Nor will Civil War be in here either. Why? Because these two deserve some happiness, that's why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If you asked Steve how he found Bucky, he couldn't tell you. He's not sure if he found Bucky or Bucky found him.  
...  
Steve and Sam had decided after three months of searching and chasing lead after dead end lead, that it was best to simply back down and wait until a new, solid lead made itself known. Sam got back to work at the VA while Steve tried to preoccupy himself with something, anything really.

Steve was out for his daily run. Sam refused to go after what happened the morning before. He told Steve that his lungs needed to recover from Steve's 'torture' as he so eloquently put it. And so, Steve was left to run on his own. Not that he minded as it gave him time to think. He was running past an alleyway when he notice out of the corner of his eye... something. Probably a stray kitten or perhaps some drunkard. He skidded to a stop and slowly entered the alleyway and looked around, his eyes sweeping around. Just behind a dumpster, he saw a dark shadow move. Steve slowly crept closer, trying not to startle... whatever it was. He peeked around the corner and his eyes widened almost comically. A man sat, his back pressed against the brick wall behind him. Dark eyes looked at him from underneath a battered baseball cap. Shaggy, greasy, dark hair hung limp around his face. Steve couldn't stop staring at that face.  
"Bucky?" Steve whispered.  
Bucky stared at Steve in bewilderment. He looked confused and rather frightened. He looked exhausted and painfully thin, but it was him.  
"Bucky, it's me. It's Steve, remember?"  
Bucky stared intently at Steve before shaking his head no. He curled in on himself, still eyeing Steve in fear. Steve got down to his knees and smiled warmly to his friend.  
"I promise, I'm not gonna hurt you Buck. I only wanna help you."  
Bucky just stared at Steve for a few more minutes before suddenly shoving him back, getting to his feet, and running as fast as he could. Steve raced after him, determined to catch up, only to lose him in the crowd. Steve went home, defeated, but with a small shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, they could do this.  
...  
Steve had called Sam and told him about what happened.  
"He was there Sam. So close I could've reached out and touched him. I told him that I just wanted to help him and he bolted."  
"I don't know Steve. He's probably gonna avoid you like the plague." Sam said." He's scared and likely confused. I'm not sure he'll come out of hiding."  
"Well, he knows I wanna help him. Maybe he'll come to me." Steve said quietly.  
"Never know man. I gotta go, dinner's almost ready."  
"Okay. Talk to you later Sam."  
Steve hung up the phone and placed it on the kitchen counter. He sighed heavily before exiting the kitchen. He walked down a small hallway before stopping at a door on his left. He opened the door and looked into the small bedroom. It had a queen sized bed pushed against the wall. A brown dresser was tucked by the door and a soft, cream coloured armchair sitting in the corner. Steve walked over to the chair before sitting down. He groaned, placing his head in his hands. What was he going to do?  
…  
Bucky sat quietly outside, on the fire escape. He was just, watching. Just staring out into the apartment. It was dark, and it looked like it was going to rain. Not that he cared. He just stared in, watching. 

The man, the man said he could help, that he wanted to help. That was starting to sound very good to him. For three months, he had survived on what he could find in the dumpsters. He lived on a diet of mushy, forgotten leftovers. And it sucked. The food was terrible, in smell and taste. It tasted just as bad, if not worse, when his stomach threw it back up. Help was starting to sound very good to him. 

And anyway, the man wasn’t Hydra. He wouldn’t sell him out to Hydra. He would actually help him. Give him somewhere safe to rest. And yet, and yet something stopped him. Something stopped him from knocking on the window, or opening it himself. Fear. He felt nothing but dread in the pit of his stomach. Nothing but worry at the back of his mind. Fear is what kept him rooted to the spot, with the skies threatening to rain on him. He looked up and a rain drop fell on his nose. Scratch that. The skies are raining on him and taking great fucking joy from it. Bucky huddled in on himself. All it would take is a single knock. Just a knock and the window would open and he would be warm… and dry. It would be so nice to be dry right now. The rain was falling in buckets now. His jacket was soaked through and still the chill attempted to reach his bones. Bucky shivered silently in the rain.  
…  
CRACK!  
Steve jumped in surprise at the loud clap of thunder coming from outside. He looked up to see that it was pouring outside. He rubbed his eyes.  
‘Must’ve dozed off.’ He thought. ‘I should get to bed.’  
He got up from the chair and went to turn off the lights throughout the apartment.  
‘I hope Bucky’s somewhere safe and dry.’ He thought as he turned out the lights.  
He turned around to go down to his room when a flash of lightning lit up the sky. His eyes grew wide when he saw the dark figure, huddled outside his fire escape. The figure looked up at him with a sad, tired look in their eyes. Steve walked over to the fire escape and opened the window leading out to it. He poked his head out and almost immediately, the rain soaked him and was steadily soaking his shirt.  
“Bucky?” He said over the loud pounding of the rain on metal. “Is that really you?”  
Bucky just looked at him pathetically and Steve ushered him in. Steve quickly closed the window and went to turn on the light. Turning around, he saw that Bucky hadn’t moved from his spot.  
“Hey Buck,” Steve said shakily. “Are you alright?”  
Bucky didn’t respond, simply staring at his feet. Steve took a deep breath and said,  
“Come on pal, let’s get you cleaned up.”


	2. Chapter 2

Steve lead Bucky towards the washroom, his hands hovering over Bucky’s back. He watched Bucky’s face, worried.  
“How long were you sitting out there Buck?”  
Bucky didn’t answer. He just hunched his shoulders and stared off into the distance. Steve gently asked him to sit down on the toilet while he got a bath ready.  
“You’ll feel a bit better when you get cleaned up.”  
Bucky continued to say nothing, just watching Steve as he filled the tub. Steve turned around to face him.  
“Buck, I’m gonna need you to get your clothes off. I’ll clean them as best I can, and give you something else to wear, okay?”  
Bucky just nodded and reached up to take off his ball cap. Steve smiled as Bucky slowly began to peel off the soggy clothing.  
“I’m going to get some dry clothes for after your bath, okay?”  
Bucky nodded and Steve quickly left the bathroom. He hurried to his bedroom and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a baggy, long sleeved t-shirt. He hurried back to the washroom to find Bucky sitting on the toilet, a pile of wet, dirty clothing at his feet. Steve could almost count Bucky’s ribs under his skin. When was the last time his best friend ate? Steve placed the clothing on the sink and went to turn the water off. He turned over to Bucky and asked him to get into the tub. Steve gathered up the dripping clothes and put them in the hamper, then knelt down in by the tub where Bucky sat.  
“You need any help, Buck? Is there anything you need?”  
Bucky looked up at Steve apprehensively, shrugging.  
“I’m not gonna hurt you Bucky. I promise you that.”  
Bucky curled in on himself and nodded quietly. Steve smiled before getting up and grabbing a towel.  
…  
Steve spent twenty minutes cleaning Bucky’s hair. It was extremely knotted and greasy. Steve wondered silently if Hydra even bothered to wash Bucky’s hair from time to time. He kept an eye on Bucky’s reactions, ready to pull away if need be. Nothing looked out of the ordinary unless you count the fact that Bucky was like a coiled spring. Steve tried very hard to be gentle, telling Bucky what he was doing so as not to scare him. He felt terrible that he had to constantly reassure his friend so that he wouldn’t start freaking out. Still, at least, his friend was home.  
…  
Bucky’s heart was pounding at an alarming rate. His mind was racing a thousand miles a minute.  
‘This is bad.’ He thought. ‘This is very, very bad.’  
Now to be fair, it wasn’t that Steve was doing a bad job or anything. On the contrary, it felt quite nice. It was the fact that letting this man clean his body went against everything he understood. Bucky could feel his skin crawling and hear a voice screaming in his head to get the fuck out of there. However, there was another, softer voice. This one was telling him to relax, that Steve wasn’t going to hurt him. The voice was soothing and Bucky was tempted to listen, however, he was still fucking terrified.  
“Alright Buck, I’m going to pour water over your head to rinse the suds out. On three, okay?”  
Bucky nodded jerkily, trying not to scream.  
“One… two… three.”  
Water cascaded down Bucky’s head and face. His eyes were screwed tight as the soapy water flowed. Steve did it three more times, warning Bucky each and every time, counting down so Bucky had time to prepare himself. When all the suds were finally gone, Steve’s hands were on the tub’s edge.  
“Bucky, can you look at me?”  
Shaking slightly, Bucky turned his head to Steve, enough so that he could see his face, but not enough so that he could see his.  
“Are you okay? Do you need me to back off now?” Steve asked, looking quite concerned.  
Bucky nodded, his head bobbing up and down roughly. He needed Steve to stop, to leave him alone.  
“Okay, Buck. I understand. There’s a towel for you on the toilet. You just clean the rest of yourself, alright? I’ll make you something to eat for when you’re done.”  
Steve stood up and smiled warmly at Bucky before leaving the room to get to work. Bucky watched as he left the room, only picking up the bar of soap when the door closed and he was alone. Slowly, Bucky cleaned his body, scrubbing away the dirt and grime from being out in the cold for three months. When he finished, he put the soap away and pulled the plug, watching the water begin to drain away. He got out of the tub and grabbed the towel.  
‘It’s soft.’ He thought in surprise. ‘The towel’s so soft.’  
He squeezed the water out of his hair as best he could before drying himself. He looked at the clothes that Steve left for him on the sink and hesitated before reaching for them. Putting on the sweatpants and then the shirt, he reveled in the warmth. Why was he given such nice clothes? Why was Steve being so nice to him with these clothes? Hydra would’ve given him stiff, scratchy pants, or make him walk around naked. But Steve gave him soft, warm clothes. Granted, they were rather big on him, but he felt… good. He felt safe and secure. It was a nice feeling for a change.  
…  
When Bucky came out, Steve was filling a bowl with watered down tomato soup. It was simple, easy on the stomach and gave him something to eat.

Steve was no fool. He had come across enough malnourished soldiers to know that if you gave them rich food, no matter how high in much-needed nutrients it was, they were guaranteed to spend the next short while vomiting in a corner. However, he didn’t know exactly what he needed to give Bucky to eat, and the internet wasn’t very helpful when he tried to look it up. It only served to piss him off. Greatly. So, Steve decided to call Sam in the morning to see what he could tell him.

He quietly asked Bucky to sit at the table while he brought over the soup. Bucky did… somewhat. He was at the edge of the seat and looked ready to bolt if need be. Steve made sure to keep his movement small and slow. After placing the food in front of Bucky, he said,  
“Go on Buck. Eat. It’ll help.”  
Bucky listened, quietly drinking the soup, hunched over it protectively, while Steve tried to look like he wasn’t staring (and failing miserably). When Bucky was done, Steve asked,  
“Would you like some more Buck? Or do you wanna get some rest?”  
Bucky stared at Steve for a few minutes. He was trying hard to find the right answer. Hesitantly, Bucky raised his right hand, making a flat ‘o’, and tapped the corner of his mouth.  
**Food.**  
Steve was a little surprised by Bucky signing. They hadn’t done signing of any sort since before the war. But, never the less, Steve smiled and nodded.  
“Sure Buck. I’ll get you some more.”  
Steve made a mental note to see if he could contact Clint in the morning too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already received a couple of comments that said they like what I'm doing so far. That really means a lot to me. I hope you liked the chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

 

After Bucky had had three bowls of soup, Steve led him to the bedroom that he had set up for him.

“You sleep here, okay Buck? This is your space. I won’t come in unless you say I can.” Steve said, smiling lightly.

Bucky didn’t say anything. He only nodded before stepping into the room.

“If you need anything Buck, I’m just down the hall, okay?”

Bucky nodded again, staring at the bed. Steve bade him a good night, closing the door behind him. Bucky shuffled up to the bed. It look soft and the covers looked like they were nice and warm. He gingerly reached out to feel the sheets.

 _'They’re so soft.’_ He thought. _‘They feel so nice.’_

Bucky gingerly sat down onto the bed and seemed to sink into the mattress. It was really fucking comfortable. Bucky got under the covers and his eyes widened at the warmth. This was the warmest he felt in so long. He nuzzled into the large duvet and pillows with a sigh.

 _'Maybe this won’t be so bad.’_ He thought before drifting off to sleep.

…

It was quiet. Not a single sound could be heard throughout the entirety of the room he was in, save for his breathing. It was dark and smelled musty. It was almost familiar. He felt like he’d been there before. He stopped when he heard the sound of chains on the floor. Crouching down, he crept over to the sound. Faintly, in the shadows, he could see a body. Its right arm was attached to the wall with thick, iron chains. Where its left arm was meant to be, there was a stump. The body looked up at him with eyes that held a broken gaze. It opened its mouth and black ooze dripped down, over its lips and down its chin.

 “Help me.” It croaked, weakly reaching its right arm up.

He could see dog tags hanging from the body’s neck. Looking closely, they read, Sargent James B. Barnes.

“Help me.” The body croaked once more.

He looked up at the face, his heart in his lungs.

“Help me!” The body cried as the room filled with light from a door being pushed open, a figure standing in the doorway with some sort of bar.

…

Bucky shot up from the bed, his heart pounding. Sargent James B. Barnes. That, that was him, wasn’t it? Bucky curled into himself tightly, gasping for breath.

_'Third time in a month I got that nightmare.’_

He didn’t know what it meant, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

…

Steve felt a little giddy. His best friend was back. Bucky had come back and was in the small bedroom that Steve had set up for him. It was almost surreal. Just a few months ago, Steve would’ve never dreamed of seeing Bucky again before death. Now Bucky was here, under his roof, and alive. That thought alone made Steve smile. Of course he was angry at Hydra for what they did to Bucky. He’d forgive them when hell froze over. But he couldn’t help but be the tiniest bit grateful that he wasn’t alone anymore. He had his best friend back, something he thought would never happen. With Peggy at death’s doorstep, Steve was relieved that he now had someone that understood what he was talking about… kind of. Bucky was going to need help with remembering and if he never remembered, Steve would help him make new memories and would remember for him. He owed that to him.

…

Three hours. Three goddamned hours since he woke up from that nightmare, and he still can’t back to sleep. It was really getting frustrating. Bucky laid in the bed, wrapped in the soft, warm duvet and was seriously considering banging his head against the wall. If he did it hard enough, he could knock himself out, right?

 _'Every damn time.’_ He thought bitterly. _‘Happens every night without fail.’_

He looked back over the day, in an attempt to relax. He remembered having a serious inner conflict with the decision to go to Steve for help in the first place, and feeling ready to break Steve’s wrist while he washed his hair. It felt nice, but at the same time, it felt so… wrong. Almost like he felt he didn’t deserve it. That said, maybe he didn’t. He killed people, children for god’s sake! He didn’t really deserve to feel… loved. He felt loved when Steve fed him though. It was a nice feeling. He felt warm inside, which was a first in a long time.

_'Does Steve think I deserve this?’_

_Yes._

He groaned weakly before hiding his head in the pillow. All he wanted was some sleep. He was safe, dry and warm! What more did he need?

_Steve._

_'Shut up.’_

What was he going to do, go to Steve’s room and curl up in his bed? It was stupid.

_It would be nice though._

_'Fuck off.’_

The other voice in his head was really starting to piss him off.

 

Shortly after the helicarriers, Bucky had noticed something off. He was hearing not just his voice in his head, but another as well. It would mostly yell at him to go find Steve and to let Steve help. He figured out that the other voice in his head was the original Bucky Barnes. The one who fought in World War two and fell from a train. It was… strange. Really no other word for it. It was bizarre hearing the voice of a man long thought dead. It was comforting at times though. On days where Bucky was too panicked to move, the voice would talk to him, telling him about Steve. That was all he could really remember. Steve.

 

_For fuck’s sake, just go to Steve. He’ll understand._

_'Fuck off, leave me alone.’_

This was seriously getting annoying. He was trying to get some rest and Barnes, as he had taken to calling the voice, wasn’t helping.

_I’m not trying to help. Go to Steve damn it!_

Bucky shook his head. He couldn’t really find the energy to get up and go to him, even if he wanted to. He hadn’t had a decent sleep in ages. He thought that here, he would feel safe and would relax enough to fall asleep. He was so fucking wrong it wasn’t funny. His eyes itched and his limbs felt heavy. All in all, he felt like hell.

_'Barnes? You there?’_

_Not like I can really leave. What is it? You wanna go to Steve now?_

Bucky shook his head again.

_'Could you just talk to me? Tell me any story you want, just talk to me.’_

He didn’t hear anything at first and was concerned that Barnes was ignoring him. He really didn’t want Barnes to ignore him. As annoying as it was at times, the voice made him feel a bit better, a bit saner. (Oh the irony)

_Anything specific?_

Oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets a nightmare. That's pretty much all that happens.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve walked down the hallway, pausing to listen at Bucky’s door. Nothing. He continued on to the kitchen and got the coffee pot started. Pulling out his phone, he first texted Sam.  
Steve-[Sam, guess who showed last night]  
Sam-[Beyoncé?]  
Steve-[I don’t know who that is. Famous?]  
Sam-[Famous singer. Was it Bucky?]  
Steve-[Yes. He was sitting out in the rain on my fire escape.]  
Sam-[Okay, what did you do?]  
Steve sighed to himself before continuing.  
Steve-[I got him in, helped him clean up in the bath a little, got him some food and showed him his room. He hasn’t said a word Sam.]  
Steve set the phone down when the coffee was ready. After getting himself a mug, he picked up the phone to find a new text from Sam.  
Sam-[How’s he looking? Is he malnourished? Does he look tired?]  
Steve-[He looks okay at first, but he looks exhausted and he’s malnourished. I gave him tomato soup last night. Watered down. It looks like he may not be used to food anymore.]  
There was a pause before Steve got another text from Sam.  
Sam-[What about you? Are you okay? You need anything?]  
Steve smiled at the phone. It was nice that someone was asking if he was okay. Everyone else just assumed he was fine, but Sam didn’t.  
Steve-[I’ll be honest; I have no idea what I’m doing. Maybe you can come over? I can introduce Bucky to you.]  
Sam-[Sure man, if you think it’ll help.]  
Steve-[Ya Sam, I got it. I think Bucky might be scared of touch though. So you need to be careful, okay?]  
Sam-[I got it Cap don’t worry.]  
Steve smirked as he typed back his response.  
Steve-[K, g2g, ttyl.]  
Sam-[Goddamn it Rogers, really? You gotta stop hanging out with Romanov.]  
Steve-[In all seriousness, thanks Sam. I’ll talk to you later, okay?]  
Sam-[Oh thank god, you’re literate again. I’ll talk to you later man. Let me know when you want me to come over.]  
Steve set the phone down again to go about making toast. He didn’t know when Bucky would wake up, but he wanted him to have food waiting when he woke up. As it turned out however, he didn’t need to wait long.  
…  
Bucky heard footsteps outside the room and got up. He looked out the window and saw that the sun was just starting to rise into the sky. So it was about oh five hundred hours. He got out the bed, though rather reluctantly, and groaned.  
-Good morning sleeping beauty.- Barnes sang.  
‘Fuck you Barnes, I’m tired.’  
-I know, but you managed to get a few more hours.-  
‘How many?’  
-Three.-  
Three hours, that wasn’t bad. Most he’d gotten in weeks. He heard some shuffling from outside, a short ways away from his room. Bucky slowly opened the door before stepping out, his footsteps silent. He quietly padded over to the kitchen and saw Steve by the toaster, watching his phone. Steve looked up to see him.  
“Hey Buck, how’d you sleep?” He asked.  
Bucky shrugged, hugging his arms.  
“You hungry? I’m making breakfast.” Steve said with a smile.  
Bucky looked at the small pile of toast that already accumulated onto a plate. He nodded and slowly signed,  
 **Yes, I’m hungry.**  
Steve smiled and asked him to sit down. When Bucky sat down, Steve placed a plate with a couple slices of buttered toast in front of him.  
“You want more, just ask, alright Buck?”  
Bucky nodded before digging into the food that sat before him.  
…  
Steve smiled as Bucky dug into the food. Pulling out his phone again, he started to text Clint.  
Steve-[Hey Clint, I need to ask you something.]  
It took a few minutes to get a response back, in which Steve just had some toast himself, but Clint responded.  
Clint-[Ya Cap? What’s up?]  
Steve-[Remember how you taught me modern sign language?]  
Clint-[Ya, some of your signs were outdated. Why do you ask?]  
Steve started to explain what had happened since he last saw Clint only a month ago. (They ran into each other in northern Canada. Clint didn’t even know SHEILD fell.)  
Clint-[Fucking hell, lots happened since. You got Barnes back, that’s great. What does that have to do with ASL?]  
Steve-[Bucky isn’t speaking. But he’s signed a couple of times. I use to be deaf in my right ear before the serum, so Buck and I learned a bit of sign to get by. I was wondering if maybe later, you could come by and teach him some more, as you’ve been teaching me?]  
Clint-[Captain, it would be my honor. You want me to bring Pizza dog?]  
Steve-[Leave Lucky at home right now. I’m not sure Bucky can handle him right now.]  
Clint-[Got it. Let me know when you want me in DC.]  
Steve smiled at the text before putting his phone away and paying attention to Bucky. They might just make it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Sam are here! Yay! Well technically. I hope that you guys like this chapter. Let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky sat on the floor, hugging his knees while watching Steve. Steve was at a loss of what to do and simply stared back out of the corner of his eye. After an hour of awkward silence, Steve took a deep breath and said,

“Bucky, there are a couple of people I want you to meet.”

Bucky stared at Steve with wide, frightened eyes.

“Not right now.” Steve clarified. “I mean when you’re ready. One of them is my friend, Sam. Do you remember him at all?”

Bucky stared at his feet in concentration for a few minutes before nodding.

“Well that’s good. The other person is a teammate of mine. His name is Clint, but he’s also called Hawkeye.”

Bucky looked up when he heard the code name.

“Clint’s mostly deaf and knows fluent sign. He taught myself and the other Avengers sign and I was thinking that maybe he could teach you more signs so we can communicate better. What do you think?”

Bucky stared at Steve frowning slightly before nodding a little. He raised his right hand and signed,

**Ok**

Steve smiled, nodding slightly.

“Alright. Do you want to meet Sam or Clint first?” Steve fingerspelt the names as he said them.

Bucky stared at his feet for a few minutes, as though silently pondering the question. After many tense minutes, he raised his eyes and slowly finger spelt S-A-M. His fingers fumbled over the letters slightly.

Steve smiled and nodded before saying,

“Okay, do you want to meet him tomorrow?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Do you want to meet him today?”        

Bucky stared at Steve, as though pleading him to make the choice. Steve remained silent, waiting patiently for Bucky to answer on his own. Slowly, Bucky began to nod, though he looked scared.

“Alright Buck. I’ll let Sam know and I’ll tell you when he’s coming over, okay?”

Bucky nodded before hugging his knees tight against his chest again.

…

Oh god, oh god, oh god. What had he done? Did he really just agree to meet Sam today?

 _Winter, calm down._ Said Barnes.

_‘Oh god, what was I thinking? I fucked up Barnes, I fucked up.’_

_Winter, you didn’t fuck up. You did good. You made three choices in a row. I’m proud of you, and I can tell you that Steve’s proud of you too. You’re doing just fine._

_‘Then why do I feel sick to my stomach?’_

_Hydra wouldn’t let you make choices, right?_

_‘Yes.’_

_You just made three choices, something Hydra wouldn’t dream of happening. You’re just scared Winter. You’re fine. You did great._

Bucky nodded gently before exhaling quietly. Just then, Steve walked into the room with a warm smile.

“Bucky? Sam’s coming over in a couple hours, okay?”

Bucky didn’t say anything and simply nodded.

…

Bucky was still on the floor when Sam arrived, but this time, he was wrapped in a blanket. A thick, soft, dark grey blanket that smelt faintly of Steve. It was comforting to simply run his fingers over the soft material. When Sam walked in, Bucky’s head was only just visible from beneath the blankets. Steve introduced him to Sam, who smiled. He seemed friendly enough.

_Didn’t you rip off his wing on the helicarriers?_

Shit.

“Hey man. Nice to properly meet you. How you holding up?” Sam asked him, smiling enough that Bucky could see the small gap in his teeth.

Bucky shrugged slightly, avoiding eye contact.

“Hey, if you’re feeling guilty about you ripping off my wing, it’s okay. They were actually pretty old anyway.”

Bucky stared at him, confused. How was that okay?

_He’s trying to help you feel more comfortable you dolt._

_‘Shut it.’_

Sam asked if he could answer some questions, just so they had an idea of how he was doing.

You feeling any better? A nod.

Did you sleep well last night? A shake.

Nightmares? A nod.

Have you been able to hold down food? A nod.

Do you feel safe? A hesitant shrug.

Do you feel safer here then out there? A nod.

Steve watched the whole interaction from the side, listening to Sam ask simple yes or no questions and watching Bucky silently answer. He looked nervous, or maybe sad. Bucky couldn’t quite tell for sure.

“Nice to see you’re doing a little better. I got something I wanna give you.”

Sam grabbed his coat and pulled out a small, black notebook from the pocket. He held it out to Bucky.

“Here. It’s for you. You can write whatever you want in it and no one but you can look at it, alright?”

Bucky didn’t answer at first. He was too busy staring at the notebook in his hands. It had a simple black cover with a plain border around it. It felt somewhat light, and had a pleasant smell. Like a brand new book from the bookstore. Bucky looked up at Sam and slowly finger spelled (sloppily), ‘Thank you.’

Steve translated and Sam smiled as he told Bucky it was no trouble. He liked Sam; he seemed nice.

…

Sam left about an hour after he came. Steve had given Bucky a ballpoint pen and he set to work immediately on filling the notebook with words. Granted, he was writing in Cyrillic, but that hardly mattered. It was nice, writing. He felt more relaxed then he had in ages. Steve must have noticed Bucky relaxing because he said,

“You use to write on any paper you could get your hands on. You and I would fill notebooks with drawings and poetry respectively. You use to love writing stories.”

Steve smiled faintly at the memory and Bucky felt his heart flutter.

_He looks… happy. Just a little, but still._

_‘Ya. It’s nice.’_

_You should write him something! A story! He loved our stories._ Barnes said enthusiastically.

_‘You want me to write him a story? What would I even write about? Come on Barnes, anything I write now, he’ll hate.’_

_No, no he won’t. On the contrary, I can tell you that he’ll be touched that you wrote him something. I bet you anything that he would keep it on him at all times._

Well, the smile on Steve’s face did make him feel… good. Probably not the right word to use, but it was the only one he could think of. But seeing Steve’s grin on a larger scale? That sounded like a great reward. And why not? It couldn’t hurt.

…

Bucky was slowly working his way through a bowl of soup during dinner when Steve spoke up.

“So you met Sam. When do you wanna meet Clint?”

Bucky paused for a moment, and then shrugged. He didn’t really know.

“How about in two days? Give you some time to get use to the idea.”

Bucky looked at Steve for a few seconds before bowing his head and staring at his soup with a furled brow. It would be good, learning more signs. He could tell Steve what he needed a lot more efficiently than before.

_Do it. Steve knows this guy, so he must be good._

_‘Barnes, I’m scared.’_

_You and me both. But Steve will be there._

Bucky looked back up at Steve and nodded. In just two days, he was meeting Clint Barton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit it's happening. 
> 
> Sorry it's been a month since this was updated. School has been driving me insane. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky was writing furiously in his notebook on the day that Clint was coming to teach signs. Steve couldn’t help but wonder what he was writing, but didn’t look because it wasn’t his place to. Steve sat in the armchair closest to the front door, sketching ideally in his own notebook. His mind ran over the conversation he had had with Clint over text.

…

Clint-[Are you sure Barnes is okay with me coming over?]

Steve-[He’s nervous but he’s okay. Just remember not to touch him if you can help it. And let him know before you go to readjust his hands or something.]

Clint-[Okay Cap, but you’ll be in the room just in case, right? I think it would be better for him if you’re there. Familiar face you know?]

Steve-[Ya, I know. I still remember how I felt when I came out of the ice. I was relieved when I found out Peggy was still alive, even if she couldn’t remember me half the time.]

Clint-[I should be there about noon, sound good Cap?]

Steve-[See you then Barton.]

…

It was now five to noon and Steve couldn’t help but notice that Bucky looked very nervous. He was wrapped in the blanket Steve gave him just two days prior. Steve could still remember the look on Bucky’s face when he said that he could keep the blanket if he wanted it. It was a look of shock, relief and nervousness. It was nice to see that he was at least a little comfortable. Steve checked the time again. Two minutes to go.

_'Come on Rogers, you’re not helping the situation.’_

Steve started putting his pencils away, keeping an eye on his phone, which was displaying the time. At exactly noon, a knock sounded at the front door, causing Bucky to jump, then burrow into the blanket as though he was trying to hide. Steve went to answer it and saw Clint standing there with a backpack slung over his shoulder.

“Hey, Steve.” He greeted.

“Hey Clint, you get here alright?”

Clint nodded as he stepped into the apartment. His eyes immediately fell on the grown man wrapped in a blanket on the couch. Steve went over the couch and knelt down by where Bucky was sitting.

“Buck, he’s gonna teach you some more basic sign today, okay?”

Bucky’s eyes were just visible over the blanket. He nodded but seemed almost sick at the idea.

“Hi Bucky, I’m Clint,” Clint said as he signed what he was saying. “It’s nice to meet you. You ready to learn some sign?”

Bucky stared at Clint nervously before unearthing his hands from the blankets and slowly signing,

**Yes.**

…

“Okay, show me ‘a’.”

Bucky slowly formed his hand, curling his fingers into his palm, his thumb resting against the side.

“There you go. Show me ‘b’.”

Bucky’s fingers were pointed straight up, closed, and his thumb was folded over his palm.

“Yep, now how about a ‘c’?”

Bucky curled his hand, as though his hand was gripping an invisible cup.

“Great. Now a 'd’.”

This went on until Clint had Bucky go through the entire alphabet, stopping only when Bucky had a misplaced finger or thumb. Steve watched as Bucky and Clint slowly worked through the most basic of signs.

“Okay, let’s go through the first few numbers.”

And so Clint had Bucky go through the first twenty-five numbers. Bucky was looking a little tired after going through some of the basics. Thankfully, Clint had noticed and suggested taking a break. Bucky looked grateful as Clint went to go grab something to drink.

“How you doing Buck?” Steve asked. “You okay?”

Bucky shrugged, looking tired, and wrapping the blanket around him tighter.

“You hungry?”

Bucky nodded and Steve went to get him something to eat. As Steve got up, Bucky relaxed into the armchair, wanting to rest a bit.

 

_You haven't stared freaking out and killing people, that's good._

_‘Barnes, that’s not really helping.’_

_Well, it’s true. You should be proud of yourself Winter._

Bucky was proud of himself. He was doing rather well so far. Granted, he was exhausted, but that didn’t make him any less proud.

_‘Barnes, you use to sign with Steve, right?’_

_Ya, he was deaf in his right ear, why?_

_'I just wanted to know where I learned to sign in the first place.’_

_We learned some sign from the local deaf kids in the area. It was hard trying to tell them we wanted to learn sign._

Bucky nodded and closed his eyes. God, he was tired. Just then, Steve placed a plate before him on the coffee table.

“Here you go Buck. Now eat, alright?”

Bucky nodded and immediately started on the sandwich that Steve gave him. It was nice being able to eat again. He definitely didn’t miss the bland foods that Hydra gave him.

…

Bucky steadily worked through a few, basic words in sign. Clint walked him through the signs of,

  * Hello
  * Goodbye
  * Please
  * Thank you
  * Food
  * Water
  * Happy
  * Angry
  * Sad
  * Tired
  * Scared



After he got each and every sign right, Clint would praise him. Saying things like,

“Not bad.” or “You’re getting the hang of this.” but it was mostly, “Nicely done, let’s try the next one.”

By three in the afternoon, Bucky had relearned the alphabet, learned numbers, and some basic signs to use when communicating, as well as coming up with a sign name for himself, and learning sign names for Steve and Clint.

“I should probably get going.” Said Clint. “Been at this for a couple of  hours. Don’t know about him, but I’m tired.”

Steve thanked Clint for his help and asked when he’d be able to come again.

“Ever since SHIELD went down, I’m almost always free. Just text me, ‘kay?”

Steve agreed before giving Clint a clap on the shoulder.

“It was nice meeting you Bucky,” Clint said, smiling.

Slowly, making sure he got it right, Bucky signed,

‘Thank you, Clint.’

Clint signed back to him,

‘You’re welcome Bucky.’ Saying the words as he signed.

Steve lead Clint out, thanking him again for what he did. After he left, Steve went back over to the house and asked,

“How are you feeling Bucky?”

Bucky slowly signed tired to Steve, who smiled.

“You get some rest then, alright Buck? I’ll wake you up when dinner’s ready.”

Bucky watched Steve walk away over to the kitchen. He smiled faintly to himself. Maybe, just maybe, he might be alright after all.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurrah, new chapter! Man, my updates are inconsistent.
> 
> Here are the name signs in case you were wondering.  
> Steve's name sign is a salute using an 's'.  
> Bucky's name sign is a 'b' tapping the upper left arm.  
> Clint's name sign is a 'c' being pulled back like an arrow.
> 
> *Fun Fact* You cannot give yourself a name sign. In deaf culture, others observe you and look for quirks that make you unique. Once they find a suitable quirk, they will give you a name sign. These quirks can be anything from the way you walk to a personality trait.  
> My name sign (I knew a kid who was profoundly deaf in elementary, he gave it to me) is an 'r' by the head. It moves down like a wave. This was because I use to have long, wavy hair. Key word use to. My hair is now very short. It doesn't work for me anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

Clint would come over every other day to teach Bucky more sign. Sam would come over on the days when Clint wasn’t there to talk with Bucky and make sure both he and Steve were taking care of themselves. Within a week, Bucky was able to communicate in short sentences in ASL. (Steve was immensely proud of him.) Bucky was slowly starting to get used to the fact that he was truly no longer with Hydra. That didn’t mean he was completely fine however.

…

Bucky was lying in his bed whimpering, just a little. The area around where the metal arm attached was extremely sensitive. He couldn’t move at all, less he wanted to feel the dull throb of pain.

_Go to Steve. Maybe he knows someone who can help with your arm._

_‘No. I’ll be punished. I always get punished.’_

_Steve’s not gonna punish you. He’s going to help you in any way he can._

Bucky whimpered quietly, sounding similar to a kicked puppy.

_‘Barnes… I’m scared.’_

_Steve’s not gonna hurt you. He just wants to help you. I promise._

…

The next morning, Bucky was quieter than usual. He wasn’t signing to Steve.

“Buck, you okay? Is there something wrong?”

Bucky looks up at Steve and hesitated before signing,

**The area around my arm hurts. I don’t know what to do.**

Steve watched Bucky’s hands intently before nodding.

“Okay. Is there anything you need me to do? Would you like a hot water bottle?”

Bucky thought about it for a short time before nodding. Worth a shot, right?

... 

Bucky was getting minimal relief with the hot water bottle. It helped only slightly with the constant, dull throb he felt. He told Steve, who look at the ground, worried.

“That’s not good.” He muttered, his voice muffled by his hands. “Maybe Tony could help. Less weight in the arm. Maybe.”

Bucky knocked on the coffee table to get Steve’s attention.

**What are you talking about?** He signed nervously.

Steve sighed before saying,

“Do you remember Howard Stark at all?”

**I killed him.**

Steve nodded awkwardly before continuing.

“Well, Howard had a son, named Tony. Tony’s great with machines and I was thinking that maybe he could look at your arm? He might be able to find out why it’s hurting you so much. It’s up to you though.”

Bucky paused a moment before nodding furiously.

**If you think he will help, I’ll do that.**

Steve smiled weakly at his best friend.

“Okay, Buck. I’ll give him a call, okay?”

Bucky nodded as Steve went to go phone Tony.

_'So this Tony might be able to fix my arm?’_

_Well, at the very least, lessen the pain._

Bucky smiled faintly before nodding.

_‘Barnes, I think you’re right.’_

_Finally, somebody recognises this._

_‘But what about the rest of the pain? How will I deal with that?’_

_Massage?_

Bucky’s blood went cold.

_‘No. That involves touching. I don’t want touching.’_

_One day you may not mind so much._

_'Barnes, I don’t want some stranger or Steve to touch me if I can help it.’_

Steve walked back into the room, his hand on the receiver, when Bucky said this to Barnes and was smiling warmly.

 “Tony says he can come tomorrow morning if that’s alright. What do you think Buck?”

Bucky stared at his feet for several long minutes, debating whether he should do it before nodding. Steve smiled and nodded himself before saying,

“Alright. I’ll let Tony know.” Steve turned around, about to leave the room so he could tell Tony when he stopped. Turning back around, he asked, “Is there anything you’d like me to do for you, Buck? For your arm?”

_Massage, a massage! Ask him to massage your shoulder!_ Barnes yelled in his head.

Bucky shook his head and signed,

**No thank you Steve.**

_Goddamn it! Are you fucking kidding me?_

Bucky didn’t listen to Barnes however. He was too worried about what would happen tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about to see Tony, yay!
> 
> Don't expect many updates like this. You know, where I update a couple days after the previous update. I guarantee this will not be a regular thing.


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky didn’t really sleep that night. He spent the night on the couch, a hot water bottle on his shoulder, staring at the television. Steve had given him the best painkillers he had, and they barely even dented the pain. Steve had stayed nearby, reading in his chair. He didn’t try to talk to Bucky, and he was okay with that. It was a comfortable silence, broken only by the occasional grunt from Bucky and Steve turning a page in his book. At six in the morning, Steve put down his book and went to start breakfast, watching Bucky worriedly.

“How’s your shoulder, Buck?” Steve asked gently.

Bucky looked up at Steve, slowly raising his hands, so he didn’t hurt himself.

**Hurts.**

Steve nodded and pulled out his phone, checking his messages.

“Tony will be here in a couple more hours. He’ll be here soon.”

Bucky nodded, staring straight ahead. Steve walked away, going to get started on something to eat.

_Okay, just hold out a little longer._

_‘Barnes, it hurts really bad.’_

_Just wait a little longer._

_‘I’m trying.’_

Bucky barely touched his food when Steve set it before him. He was trying not to whimper from the pain.

“Buck, are you sure there’s nothing I can do?” Steve asked, looking worried.

Just ask for a massage you stubborn jackass.  Said Barnes, obviously having enough.

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat and took a few deep breaths before raising his right hand and spelling, M-A-S-S-A-G-E. Steve looked slightly surprised.

“Sure Buck. I’ll get behind you okay? You need me to stop, just tap my leg three times, okay?”Bucky nodded, his throat tight.

_You got this Winter. Don’t worry._

_‘I’m scared Barnes.’_

_Steve’s not gonna hurt you. Not intentionally._

As carefully as he could, Steve maneuvered himself so that he sat behind Bucky, legs on either side.

“You okay Bucky?” Steve asked, noticing him shaking slightly.

Bucky nodded jerkily and Steve sighed.

“Alright, Buck. Remember, you need me to stop, just tap my leg three times.” Steve made to start rubbing Bucky’s shoulder when he stopped. “Is it okay if I take off your shirt? So that I can see what I’m doing?”

Bucky hesitated before nodding, tensing slightly. Steve silently set to work, slowly working the baggy sweater off his best friend. It took several minutes to get it off without causing Bucky too much pain, but in the end, the sweater was in Bucky’s hands, being held close to his chest. Steve took a second to look at the scarring down Bucky’s back and where the arm connected to his body. It made him sick to see what had happened to his best friend, but he swallowed it down. Throwing up on him would not help the pain. If anything, it would make the situation much worse.

“I’m about to put my hands on your shoulder, alright Buck?” Steve said calmly.

Bucky nodded, hugging the sweater close to him with his right arm. Steve set to work, gently pressing his thumbs into Bucky’s shoulder, careful to apply only a bit of pressure. As slowly as he could, Steve rubbed the area around the shoulder and neck, pausing whenever he heard Bucky whimper in pain.

“It’s okay Buck, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He muttered, worried about him.

Bucky placed his flesh hand on Steve’s knee and squeezed gently, trying to tell Steve he was okay. This went on for an hour before a knock was heard at the door. Carefully as he could, Steve got up and hurried to the door.

“Hey, Tony.”

 

Steve couldn’t help but feel relieved that Tony arrived. Tony stood at the door with Bruce Banner standing awkwardly behind him.

“Hi Bruce,” Steve said, a bit surprised.

“Hey, Steve,” Bruce said with a little wave. “Tony asked me to come, thought I could help.”

“Really hope you can,” Steve muttered.

He ushered them into the apartment, asking them to wait in the doorway while he told Bucky.

“Bucky, this is Doctor Banner and Tony Stark. They’re here to try and help you, okay?”

Bucky nodded quietly, eyeing the men nervously. Tony took a step forward, putting his toolkit down by his feet.

“Hi Bucky, I’m Tony.” He said gently. “I’m a friend of Steve’s. It’s nice to meet you.”

Steve couldn’t help but admit he was a bit shocked. He didn’t think Tony would take so much care to try and help Bucky feel a bit more comfortable. He couldn’t help but feel grateful for it. Bruce took a small step forward, placing his bag at his feet like Tony.

“I’m Doctor Bruce Banner, but you can call me Bruce. Tony asked me to come along to see if I could help figure out why your arm is hurting you.”

Bucky nodded, relaxing slightly. Tony and Bruce set up their equipment on the coffee table, showing Bucky each and every instrument, telling him what they did before setting them down. Steve sat nearby, always arms length away. Tony reached into a compartment of his toolkit and pulled out a small package. He held it out to Bucky, smiling.

“I thought this might help you calm down a bit.”

Bucky gingerly took the package and slowly tore off the brown paper. Wrapped inside was a teddy bear dressed as Captain America.

“He’s a Captain Ameribear. I thought he might help you feel a bit better. At the very least, it’ll give you something to squeeze.” Tony grinned that cheesy grin of his.

Bucky stared at the bear in his hand before hugging close.

**Thank you.** He signed.

“That was thank you, right?” Tony asked. “I’m a bit rusty.”

Steve nodded, smiling. He was a bit red from the fact that Tony gave his best friend a bear version of himself, but he appreciated the gesture all the same.

“Great. Shall we get started?” Tony asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Tony and Bruce are here!
> 
> Let me know what you think about this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

Bucky squeezed the little teddy bear in his flesh hand as Tony carefully lifted the panels of his upper arm, looking around at the wiring.

_Relax Winter, he’s not gonna hurt you. He’s a friend of Steve’s._

_'I know, I know, I’m still scared.’_

Bucky watched Tony out of the corner of his eye, trying very hard not to flinch. (More difficult than it seems) Tony was carefully moving some wires when a wave of pain caused Bucky to cry out. Almost immediately, he wanted to curl up in embarrassment. An asset does not cry out in pain.

_Winter, you’re not there anymore. It’s okay._

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” Steve asked, concerned.

Tony looked at the two men sheepishly.

“I think I accidently moved a wire and pinched a nerve. Sorry about that.”

Steve nodded, still eyeing Bucky worriedly. The look in his eyes was making him uncomfortable.

_'It’s not that easy Barnes.’_

_It’s easier than you think. Now answer him, you idiot._

_'I hate you.’_

_No you don’t. Now go!_

**I’m okay.** Bucky signed (sloppily I might add.)

Tony went on, making sure he didn’t hit any wires that could potentially pinch nerves. Bucky hugged Captain Ameribear close to his chest, his thumb caressing the fur. It helped to have something to hold onto. It was silent in the room for many minutes until Tony said,

“There’s the problem!”

He carefully pulled out a flat disc from the arm, removing any and all wires that were attached to it. He placed it on an oil rag and cracked it open, exposing a clear liquid.

“Looks like a failsafe in case you went rouge,” Tony muttered. “How long has your arm been hurting you?” He asked, turning to Bucky.

**Two, three days.**

Tony stared at the disc, confusion written all over his face.

“It’s been months since you got away. Why would it activate now?”

Tony picked up a small device and proceeded to scan Bucky’s arm.

“Jesus fucking Christ, there’s more in there!” Tony exclaimed staring at the device’s screen in shock. “Bruce, take a look.”

Bruce leaned over and looked at the screen, his eyebrows rising in shock.

“There’s gotta be at least three in there.”

“More of those discs?” Steve whispered, mostly to himself.

“Looks like it. I can get them out, but it might take a while.” Tony groaned. “It’s all up to Bucky though. It’s his arm after all.”

Everyone turned to Bucky, waiting for him to answer. Bucky didn’t even need to think.

**Get them out.**

Tony simply nodded and grabbed a marker, marking each spot where the discs were located.

“Should I put on some music or something?” Steve asked.

“Might as well. Gonna be here a while.”

Steve got up and set up the music. Big band music filled in the silence. It was strangely comforting.

“Really Rogers?” Tony teased. “You don’t have anything more modern?”

“That just happens to be the first song. You’d be surprised.”

Tony was very surprised when ACDC’s Highway to Hell started playing.

…

It took nearly two hours to safely get the discs out of Bucky’s arm. It was a good thing it didn’t take any longer; otherwise, he would’ve had a panic attack. The discs were piled onto the oil rag, totalling five.

“All done,” Tony said, smiling. “I also checked and made sure that nothing else was hurting you. You, Mr. Barnes, are now clean.”

Bucky could see Steve relax out of the corner of his eye.

“So, anything else you’d like me to do? I can get that star off your shoulder if you’d like.”

Bucky looked at his shoulder, at the pristine star staring right back at him. He looked up at Tony and nodded, giving him the go-ahead. Tony set to work again, this time grabbing another rag and some sort of cleaner. It only took five minutes to get rid of any trace of the star (it was a bit stubborn in some areas) and seeing it gone lifted a weight off Bucky’s shoulders.

“There, all gone. Never to be seen again.” Tony smiled, putting away his gear.

Bruce rolled his eyes behind Tony while Steve face palmed.

“Really Tony?” Steve muttered, shaking his head.

Bruce went up to Bucky and asked, “Is it alright if I give you a quick check up? Nothing too bad; just wanna make sure that stuff didn’t harm you in any other way.”

Bucky looked at Bruce hesitantly before nodding slowly.

“Thank you. I’ll start by checking your heartbeat. Small warning, the stethoscope will be cold.”

Bruce checked Bucky’s heart rate, eyes, and ears and asked him some simple questions.

“How much are you eating?”

**A small amount of food in the morning, at noon and in the evening.**

“How much did you weigh before you came here?”

**I don’t know.**

“Do you think you’ve gained some weight?”

**Yes.**

Steve translated each answer, smiling a bit.

“How are you sleeping?”

Bucky hesitated for a moment, unsure how to answer.

**I get nightmares every night.**

Steve choked out the translation, looking as though someone kicked his puppy.

“Have you been doing anything to deal with them?” Bruce asked gently.

Bucky looked down at the bear in his hands, frowning slightly. How would he explain Barnes?

**There’s a voice in my head. I call him Barnes. He helps with the nightmares sometimes.**

Bruce, Steve and Tony all looked at each other, shocked. That wasn’t an answer they were expecting.

“Is Barnes from the forties?” Bruce said uncertainly. How the hell do you respond to such an answer?

**He’s who I was before. He sometimes tells me stories. It helps.**

Steve smiled faintly as he translated. His Bucky was still in there.

“Buck, what stories does he tell you?” Steve asked.

**Stories about you. You used to pick a lot of fights… right?**

Steve chuckled softly, nodding.

“Ya, I did. I only fought those who deserved it though. You more often than not had to pull me out or finish the fight for me.”

Bucky looked down at the bear again, nodding.

“Bucky, can you hear Barnes now?” Bruce asked.

**Yes.**

“Can you tell us what he’s saying?”

_Hi Stevie._

**Barnes said, ‘Hi Stevie.’**

Steve just managed to choke out the translation. It looked like he was going to cry.

“Okay. Thank you for telling us.” Bruce said. “It looks like you’re doing alright. If you feel strange for any reason, you let Steve know so he can tell Tony and I, alright?”

Bucky nodded, watching Steve. Bruce and Tony gathered up their things and said their goodbyes. Steve went to escort them out.

…

“Rogers, you okay?” Tony asked, concerned.

“I… I’ll be fine. I just…” Steve wiped his eyes. “He use to call me that when we were kids. It’s… it’s kinda surreal to be called that again… it’s been so long.”

Tony patted Steve’s shoulder before going to grab something in his bag.

“I got you something as well. I thought it might help a bit.”

Tony handed Steve a little brown package. When he opened it, Steve was face to face with a Bucky Bear.

“I haven’t seen one of these since the war,” Steve whispered. “Where did you get one?”

“It was mine,” Tony said quietly, looking embarrassed. “Well, my dad’s. I figured you could use something to hug too. For nightmares or something.”

“Thank you, Tony. I-I really appreciate it.” Steve hugged the bear close. “Thank you.”

Steve waved goodbye to Bruce and Tony before closing the door and looking down at Bucky Bear. He smiled as he traced the little domino mask. He looked up when he heard a knock on the wall.

**What is that?**

“Tony gave him to me. It’s a Bucky Bear. They use to make ‘em during the war, for kids.”

Bucky looked at the little teddy bear in Steve’s hands.

**Is it meant to be me?**

“There was a Captain America comic. In the comic I had a teenaged sidekick named Bucky. The Bucky Bears were modelled after the sidekick.” Steve laughed. “You were always annoyed by the fact that they made you a teenager.”

**I don’t remember.**

“It’s okay Buck. I can remember for you.”

Steve smiled at Bucky, and Bucky smiled, just a bit. Just a bit, but it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo, I updated! Now that I'm technically of off school (I mean I still have a couple of exams, but still), hopefully, I can update more often. However, I make no promises so don't hold me to it. Let me know what you think. (I feel like I wrote a few characters out of character, please, tell me how I'm doing in that department)


	10. Chapter 10

It wasn’t an unusual sight to see Bucky carrying Captain Ameribear around now. Roughly a week had passed since Tony visited, and Bucky hadn’t put the bear down once. It was actually somewhat adorable, in a strange way. Steve couldn’t help but smile whenever he saw Captain Ameribear tucked under Bucky’s arm. At least he knew that Captain Ameribear was helping him.

…

Bucky carried Captain Ameribear around because he made him feel safe. That was a feeling he was no longer accustomed to. It was nice to actually feel just a little relaxed, even if it was because of a bear. But perhaps that was why it helped. The fact that the thing that provided him security was a simple teddy bear. An object that wouldn’t judge him, that wouldn’t laugh if he were scared. Just the very idea of feeling accepted, even if it was a teddy bear, was just what Bucky needed really. Just a little furry friend to hug and remind himself that he’s not there anymore. That he’s safe and warm and can have nice soft things.

…

“Hey Buck, how’re you doing?” Steve asked.

Bucky hadn’t really slept the night before (Not that he really ever did) and it was starting to become more evident. Bucky shrugged.

**I’m okay.**

Steve looked sceptical but nodded anyway. If that was the only answer Bucky was willing to give right now, he wasn’t going to push.

“Alright, Buck. Just remember, if you need anything, let me know.”

Bucky watched Steve’s retreating back.

_He’s worried about you._

_‘I know.’_

_Just tell him about the nightmares. He can help._

_‘Can he really? It doesn’t seem like he’d know how to stop nightmares, Barnes.’_

_He helped before._

Bucky gave a confused look.

_‘What do you mean he helped before.’_

_After Zola, I started getting nightmares, which all things considered was pretty reasonable. Steve helped me with that. Even if it was just sleeping in the same tent with me, it helped. I didn’t feel alone._

_‘You really think he’d help me?’_

_It’s worth a try._

…

Bucky was in bed, curled around Captain Ameribear, hugging him tight. He could feel his entire being shaking. Jesus, he hadn’t had a nightmare that bad in ages.

_Go to Steve. He can help._

God that idea was tempting. So tempting that Bucky wanted nothing more than to get up and find Steve. But it wasn’t really that simple. He was scared, no, terrified. He was fucking terrified. He wanted to scream and cry, anything to loosen the knot of terror in his stomach, but he just couldn’t find the energy or the will to do so.

_‘Barnes, I want to. I really do, but I’m scared.’_ Bucky thought, hugging Captain Ameribear tighter (if that were even possible at this point).

_Just breathe Winter. Keep breathing. Once you got your breathing under control, I want you to get up and go to Steve. Can you do that for me?_

Bucky took a shuddering breath before nodding.

_‘I think so.’_

Barnes was a constant in his mind, reminding him to breathe and building up his courage.

_You ready to go to Steve now?_

Bucky nodded, slowly getting up. He was shaking, badly. He was fucking terrified and he felt like he was going to throw up, but he was getting up. He was going to Steve, even if it was just to sit in the corner of his room. Bucky looked back at his bed after he stood up and decided to grab the large, grey blanket that Steve let him keep. Might as well be a little comfortable. He shuffled his way to the door, the blanket wrapped around him, dragging on the floor like a long cape. It was actually a rather adorable image if you picture it. Bucky crept down the hall, slowly making his way to Steve’s bedroom door. He could hear his heart beating a thousand times a minute. Jesus, this shouldn’t be that hard. Slowly, he reached out to carefully turn the doorknob.

_You’re doing good Winter. You got this._

Bucky slipped into the room silently and looked at the bed. Steve was fast asleep, laying on his side. His fist was loose around Bucky Bear as he snored softly. Bucky crept over to a corner of the room and slowly sat down, wrapping the blanket tight around his person. Captain Ameribear’s head was just peeking out from under the soft blanket. Bucky sat silently, listening to Steve’s snores. He didn’t even notice that he fell asleep.

…

Steve wasn’t really expecting to wake up to find Bucky, curled up in a corner, wrapped in a blanket, asleep. He was surprised, to say the least, and also rather proud. Bucky felt safe enough to be near him at night. At least, that’s what he was hoping. Quietly as he could, he slipped out of bed and walked over to Bucky’s sleeping form. He could just faintly see Captain Ameribear poking his head out. Steve knocked on the wall.

“Bucky? Can you hear me?”

Bucky’s head shot up like a bottle rocket. He whirled his head around, looking disoriented and confused before his eyes fell on Steve.

“Hey Buck, how’d you sleep?”

Bucky looked down at his blanket covered feet for a moment, biting his lip in concentration.

**I slept okay.**

Steve smiled softly.

“That’s good to hear. I’m gonna get breakfast started. You come out when you’re ready, okay?”

Bucky nodded, hugging Captain Ameribear close. Steve set off to make breakfast.

 

It wasn’t anything major. Just simple oatmeal. Of course, Steve was adding apple slices and honey, but it was a simple meal. He smiled at the thought that Bucky felt comfortable enough to sleep in the same room as him. Even if he was curled up in the corner, it was still nice to see that Bucky was starting to adjust.

…

Bucky stared at the bed Steve was previously occupying.

_How do you feel Winter?_

Bucky stared at the bed intensely for a second.

_‘I feel… rested. Like I actually slept.’_

_Congratulations Winter. You manage to sleep through the rest of the night._

Bucky smiled softly. That was an accomplishment. Usually, he had at least two nightmares a night. The fact that he only had one? A major accomplishment.

Bucky shuffled out of Steve’s room, wrapped in the blanket, Captain Ameribear being held close. Steve looked up from the stove, smiling when he saw Bucky.

“Hey Bucky, I made oatmeal.”

Bucky nodded before shuffling over to the table. He sat down, hugging his bear close. Steve placed a bowl in front of him. It smelled good.

“Here you go Buck.”

Bucky slowly started eating, hunching over his bowl like usual. Steve set his bowl down across from Bucky and started eating too. There was nothing but the sound of spoons occasionally clinking against the bowls. It was calm, it was peaceful.

…

Bucky was watching a cartoon that was on tv when Steve walked in.

“Hey Buck, how’re you feeling?” Steve asked, sitting down in the armchair.

**I’m okay.**

“Did you sleep alright last night?”

Bucky nodded.

“That’s good to hear.”

Bucky looked over at Steve and nodded. Steve couldn’t help but smile when Bucky nuzzled Captain Ameribear. It was nice seeing Bucky looking so relax. He looked calm like he knew he was safe, which was nice, considering how he tensed up every time someone came into the room.

“You know, you’re welcome to stay in my room if it helps.”

Bucky looked up at Steve, a confused look on his face.

“I really don’t mind, if it means you get a better sleep.”

Bucky smiled softly before nodding.

**I’ll keep that in mind.** He signed, after freeing his hands from their blanket prison.

‘It’s getting better,’ Steve thought as Bucky turned back to watch a kid go on adventures with his dog. ‘That’s all you can ask for.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurray, I updated! Updates are gonna be more inconsistent than every before. I've been looking for a job and if I get one (which I'm hoping) I'll be rather busy and may not be able to update much, so I'm sorry in advance. I will do my best though! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!  
> (Wish me luck on getting one of the jobs I applied for.)  
> (These chapters will get longer at some point, I swear to god!)


	11. Chapter 11

Sam ended up stopping by, checking to make sure everything was okay (That and he just wanted to see Steve and Bucky, not that he was going to admit it). He walked in after Steve opened the door. The first thing he saw was Bucky sitting on the couch watching Adventure Time, wrapped in a blanket, and hugging a teddy bear? Okay what the fuck?

“So… I’m assuming some stuff happened.”

Jesus, you go to visit family for a few days and you miss shit.

“Ya. Bucky’s arm was hurting him, so I called Tony to see if we could find out what was going on. Before Tony even started fixing the problem, he gave Buck that teddy bear.”

Sam nodded, still confused.

“Alright. Anything else? I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Bucky has a voice in his head called Barnes.”

Sam kinda sputtered at that. How can anyone react to that really?

“You’re pulling my leg. You’re pulling my leg right?”

Steve just shook his head and Sam groaned.

“Okay then, this is a thing now.”

They walked into the main area of the apartment where Bucky was sitting and sat down themselves.

“So how was your family?” Steve asked.

“Good. My niece Jodie kept trying to climb onto my back.”

“How old is she again?”

“Just turned three.”

Sam and Steve continued talking, updating each other on their respective happenings while Bucky watched episode after episode of Adventure Time. Steve ended up getting up to grab something to drink by the fifth episode. Sam turned to Bucky and smiled.

“How you doing man?”

Bucky looked over to him, looking surprised. He pulled his hands out from under the blanket and signed,

**I’m okay.**

Sam thankfully knew that much (He had been learning the alphabet).

“That’s good. I’ve heard from Steve you have a voice in your head?”

Bucky started signing quickly. Sam didn’t understand a goddamn word.

“Woah, woah! I did not understand a word you just said. I only know the alphabet.”

Bucky furrowed his brows before looking around. His eyes fell on a random sheet of paper and a pen. He grabbed it and started scrawling words down before handing it to Sam.

His name is Barnes. He was always sorta there. He helps. He tells me about the past when I can’t sleep. He reminds me of things, reminds me that I’m not there anymore.

Sam looked up and smiled.

“Well, it’s good to know that he helps you.”

Bucky nodded, hugging his teddy bear. Just then, Steve walked back into the room, smiling softly. He sat down and smiled at Bucky who smiled back.

…

Bucky relaxed into the couch cushions nuzzling Captain Ameribear. He closed his eyes, listening to Steve and Sam talk. He didn’t even noticed that he dozed off.

…

Steve glanced over to Bucky only to see him fast asleep. He smiled softly as he watched Bucky doze peacefully, looking calm and relaxed. Sam smiled, patting Steve’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna go. Good to see you again Steve.” He whispered.

“I’ll be seeing you later I assume.”

Sam nodded, smiling.

“Ya.” He looked over at Bucky. “You should take him out at some point. There’s a quiet park a short drive away, not a lot of people go there. It might help a bit. Helps a few vets, getting out in quiet areas.”

Steve nodded.

“Might do that. Be good to go out anyway.”

Steve got up and walked Sam to the door.

“Take care Steve.” Sam said, giving Steve a hug. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I make no promises.” He joked. “You take care too. Text me when you get home safe.”

Sam nodded and left.

…

Bucky was asleep for an hour before he even started to stir. The only reason he started waking up was that he could smell… something. Whatever it was, it smelled good. He sat up, set Captain Ameribear on the arm of the couch and walked over to the kitchen. He watched Steve for a few minutes, before knocking on the wall.

“Hey Buck.” Steve said, turning around. “How was your nap?”

Bucky smiled and did thumbs up. He looked at what Steve was doing.

**What are you making?**

Steve smiled, stirring the pot.

“I’m making stew. My ma taught us this recipe when we were kids. I thought I’d make it.”

Bucky leaned into the pot, smelling deeply. It smelled familiar. Somewhat.

_Steve’s ma use to make this whenever she could get the ingredients. It was rare, but it was always good._

_‘I-I remember this.’_

“Buck, you alright?”

Bucky looked at Steve with wide eyes.

**I remember this. I remember you; standing on a footstool, your mom was standing next to you. She was telling you… something.**

“She was telling me how long to stir it.” Steve smiled, looking at the pot. “Bucky… is it okay if I hugged you?”

Bucky raised his eyebrow and thought to himself for a moment. It took a few minutes before he nodded slowly. Steve held open his arms, waiting for Bucky to make the move. Bucky slowly moved in and hugged Steve gently. Steve slowly moved his arms around him, hugging him close his grip loose.

“I’m glad you remember something.” He said quietly.

Bucky just smiled into his shoulder. Being hugged was nice. It felt warm, safe. Like no one could hurt him. He pulled away, feeling a bit overwhelmed. Steve easily let go, smiling softly. Steve turned to the pot and continued stirring.

“Sam told me about this park, short drive away. You wanna check it out? He says it’s quiet, might help.”

Bucky looked at Steve for a moment before looking at the ground.

_‘Barnes, what do you think?’_

_That might be a good idea. Besides, Steve will be with you._

_‘True. I… I think I’ll do it.’_

Bucky nodded, smiling.

**As long as you’re there, I’ll go.**

Steve smiled, nodding.

“Alright. We’ll figure out a day that we can go.”

**Okay.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Sam. Yay  
> Here, have this insomnia inspired chapter! Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna see how long it'll take for my natural melatonin to kick and knock me out. Hopefully after my appointment.  
> Enjoy!


	12. Chapter 12

They had decided to go to the park later in that week. Steve had loaned Bucky a light jacket and they were getting ready to leave when Bucky grabbed Steve’s sleeve and tugged.

“Ya, Bucky? What is it?”

**Can I bring my bear?**

Bucky was obviously on edge so Steve agreed.

“Alright. Let’s get something to put your bear in so that you have free hands.”

It took a moment, but Steve managed to find a small backpack in his closet. He handed it to Bucky, who tucked Captain Ameribear inside, along with his notebook and some pens. Steve grabbed another backpack and put his sketchbook and pencils inside.

“You ready to go?” Steve asked, smiling.

Bucky hugged the bag close and nodded. They left the apartment and went down to the garage where Steve’s motorbike sat. Bucky stared at the bike apprehensively. Steve had told him about the bike and what it would entail, but that didn’t make him any less anxious. Steve smiled softly and held out his hand.

“It’s okay Buck. As long as you hold on, you’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry.”

Bucky took a deep breath before putting on the backpack properly and taking Steve’s hand. He led him to the bike and Steve handed him a helmet.

“This should fit you.”

Bucky put it on and turned to Steve. Steve looked as though he was trying not to smile too hard. Steve put his on and they got on the bike. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve loosely before Steve started the engine. His grip tightened when the engine roared to life and Steve started backing out of the stall.

“You alright there Buck?”  
Bucky nodded against Steve’s back, relaxing a bit. The engine just startled him. That was it. Bucky focused on the warmth radiating off Steve. It was nice. He wouldn’t mind staying like this for a while. He could feel the bike vibrate underneath him as Steve drove down the way, slowly making his way to the main road. Bucky kept his grip tight as Steve drove, watching as they passed cars and signs. It was nice. He felt relaxed. They drove for thirty minutes before Steve turned onto a small gravel road. The vibrating increased, getting a bit uncomfortable.

“We’re almost there.” Steve said over the roar of the engine.

Bucky didn’t respond, trying to focus on holding on. Dear god this was insane. Steve turned again and parked in a dirt parking lot. Bucky slowly loosened his arms and let go of Steve before getting off the bike. He pulled off the helmet and shook his hair out. It kept getting in his face.

“You alright Buck?” Steve asked after he took his helmet off.

Bucky nodded, smiling softly. They put their helmets away and Steve held out his hand, giving Bucky the option to take it if he so chose. Bucky did, taking the hand allowing Steve to lead the way into the park. Bucky looked around at the trees and shrubs, watching a few birds flutter from tree to tree. It was nice. It was peaceful. He saw a couple of people up ahead and stiffened. Steve squeezed his hand and turned to smile at him.

“It’s okay Buck. Not a lot of people come here.”

Bucky nodded, breathing deeply. He was safe. He had Steve here, and Captain Ameribear. He was fine. Steve led him down the path until they reached a bench under the shade of a tree. There they sat down and Steve opened his pack and pulled out his sketchbook. Bucky watched him for a while, watching his hands as they moved and an image slowly appeared on the page before deciding to grab his notebook. He gave the backpack a gentle squeeze before reaching in and grabbing the notebook and a pen. Slowly, he started to write, allowing himself to relax. He didn’t notice when Steve glanced over at him and smiled, nor did he notice when Steve started drawing him. By the time Bucky looked up again, an hour had passed and Steve had drawn multiple Buckys on the page (He was on a new page sketching a bird by the time Bucky looked up again).

“Hey Buck, how you feeling?”

Bucky smiled softly, closing his notebook and placing his pen on top of it before signing,

**I feel good. Peaceful. I like this.**

Steve smiled, nodding.

“That’s good. You ready to head home?”

Bucky nodded. He felt tired now. It was nice, but now he wanted to go home and rest. They backed their stuff into their packs, Bucky giving Captain Ameribear a quick squeeze before zipping it up, and started walking down the path. Bucky took Steve’s hand again after he’d silently offer it. It was nice, holding his hand. It felt familiar. It felt safe. They walked down the pathway back to the bike and got ready to set off for home again. Bucky enjoyed the pleasant warmth Steve was giving off as they drove back to the apartment. In the back of his mind, there was something squirming, as though scared to be touching Steve, but for the most part, Bucky felt rather content.

…

The rest of the day was very peaceful. Steve was in the living room ordering in, and Bucky was sat in his room, on his bed, looking at what he wrote earlier in the notebook. He couldn’t really remember what he had written. Once he started, his hand just went on and on and he zoned out. It felt good. His normally small, tight writing had grown while he was writing, getting looser and bigger. He was reading over the words quietly when Steve knocked on his door before opening it.

“Hey Buck. I just thought I’d let you know that dinner’s on the way.”

Bucky nodded, closing his notebook.

“Did going to the park help any?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded again, smiling down at his notebook.

**I like the park. Can we go again?**

Steve smiled and nodded, leaning against the doorframe.

“Sure pal. Whenever you want. It was nice getting out. Wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

Bucky nodded and Steve left him be. Bucky looked down at his notebook again before opening it and grabbing a pen.

…

Steve knocked on the door again when the pizza had arrived thirty minutes later. He opened the door slowly before saying,

“Food’s here Buck. You hungry?”

Bucky looked up from his notebook and nodded.

**Can I just finish? I’ll just be a minute.**

Steve nodded, smiling.

“Sure Buck. I’ll get the plates and something to drink.”

No sooner than when Steve said that, Bucky began scrawling into his notebook again, pen moving furiously. Steve smiled and closed the door before walking over to the kitchen and grabbing the plates. He had just sat down on the couch, looking for something to watch when Bucky came in, eyeing the food.

“Hey Buck, grab as much as you’d like.”

Bucky grabbed his plate and piled it high. Pizza was threatening to fall off. When Bucky sat down, he turned to Steve and asked,

**What are you looking for?**

“Something to watch.” Steve said. “You wanna watch the Wizard of Oz?”              

**I don’t know what that is.**

“It’s a movie that came out in… 1939 I think. We managed to get enough money to see it. I haven’t seen it since then so…” Steve trailed of and looked back at Bucky. “You wanna watch it?”

Bucky stared at his leaning tower of pizza before nodding. Steve smiled and hit play before grabbing a slice of pizza and starting to scarf it down.

…

They watched as Dorothy was transported to the land of Oz. It wasn’t as magical as it once was for Steve, who had grown use to modern cinema and had grown accustomed to the effects used today. Still, it held a certain charm for him. Steve would glance over at Bucky as they watched every once in a while, gauging his reaction. For the most part, Bucky seemed to be enjoying the story, staring at the screen while he worked through his pizza tower. Every time the witch terrorized Dorothy on the yellow brick road, he frowned.

“What is it Buck?” Steve asked after the third time.

**Why hasn’t she grabbed Dorothy yet? She’s had multiple opportunities, but she hasn’t even tried. I thought she wanted those shoes.**

Steve glanced at the screen and nodded.

“I have no idea why she hasn’t tried yet. Suspense maybe? Maybe she’s trying to instil fear into Dorothy? I…” Steve paused. “That’s a good point. Why hasn’t she just grabbed Dorothy?” Steve cried. “She’s right there!”

Bucky smiled softly.

**This movie would be so much shorter if she just grabbed her while she was on the yellow brick road. Seriously, I don’t think she even wants those slippers. I think she’s just terrorizing Dorothy for the hell of it.**

Steve burst out laughing, nodded before turning to Bucky.

“You know; I think you’re right.”

Bucky smiled as he watched Steve laughed.

_It’s nice seeing Steve laugh. Nicely done Winter._

_‘I… I like his laugh. It’s nice.’_

_His face’s scrunching up and everything… like when we were kids. Haven’t seen him laugh like that in a long time._

_‘He looks really happy now.’_

_You’re the one that caused it too._

_‘It’s weird.’_

“You wanna continue watching the movie Buck?”

Bucky was brought out of his conversation with Barnes and back to reality by Steve’s voice.

**Sure.**

Bucky turned his attention back to the screen, or at least he tried to. Instead, he was subtly watching Steve out of the corner of his eye, smiling softly as he watched. He made Steve laugh. And it felt pretty damn good.

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've written so far. Hurrah! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think.


	13. Chapter 13

The movie had ended, the two of them had finished their food and Bucky was fast asleep in the chair, completely relaxed. Steve rubbed his face, smiling softly when he glanced over to where Bucky was sleeping. It was nice to see Bucky so relaxed and calm. Bucky was slowly becoming more calm and relaxed as time went on and he got use to living with Steve and not having Hydra agents and scientists staring at him, poking him. He still wasn’t okay, Steve wasn’t sure he was ever going to be perfectly okay, but he was getting better, slowly. Steve watched Bucky calmly, smiling when Bucky shifted slightly, curling in tighter. It was familiar, comforting. Bucky use to curl up when sleeping. He always did it when he shared a bed with Steve, a way to keep him warm. It was comforting to see that again.

‘He’s safe, warm, stomach full.’ Steve thought. ‘He’s here. He’s here with me.’

Steve leaned back and smiled softly.

‘He’s safe.’

Bucky started squirming, looking distressed. Steve looked over, concerned. Was he having a nightmare? He knew that Bucky was having nightmares, could hear them sometimes, but he never actually saw Bucky when he was having them, and didn’t really know what to expect.

“Bucky?” He whispered. “Buck?”

Bucky didn’t respond, curling in tighter, hugging himself close. His breathing was broken, whimpering softly. He was starting to shake.            

“Bucky, whatever you’re seeing, whatever you’re remembering, it’s okay. You’re okay. Your safe, no one’s gonna hurt you here. You’re okay.”

Bucky still didn’t respond, shaking harder, breathing heavily, tears starting to fall. He looked like he was saying something, but no sound came out. It seemed like he was pleading, begging. Steve was tempted to try and wake him up, anything to help him out of it.

“Buck, come on. It’s a dream. It’s nothing but a bad dream. You’re safe. Bucky, wake up! Please wake up.”

Bucky was still shaking, hugging himself tightly, but he seemed to be calming down slightly.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m right here Buck.” Steve said, noticing the slight change in his demeanour. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s okay.”

Bucky was still shaking, but he seemed to be waking up.

“I’m right here Bucky. I got you.”

Steve reached out slowly, being cautious. He placed his hand gently on Bucky’s shoulder nervously, unsure if this was okay or not.

“It’s okay Buck, it’s just a bad dream. You’re safe.”

Bucky’s eyes opened suddenly and he stared at Steve, shaking.

“You’re safe Buck. You’re okay.”

Bucky reached up and grabbed the hand that was on his shoulder. His mouth was moving, looking as though he was trying to call out for Steve.

“It’s okay Buck, I’m right here.”

Bucky nodded, shaking. He reached out, grabbing blindly. Steve pulled him close and held tight.

“I got you, it’s okay.” Steve said. “You’re not there, it’s okay.”

Bucky held on tightly, trying to breath. Tears were falling, the occasional whimper. Steve held him close, humming softly.

“I’m here Buck, I got you. It’s okay.” Steve said. “You’re not alone.”

…

Bucky listen to Steve, focused on the warmth surrounding him. He focused on the fabric of Steve’s shirt, on the beating of his heart. He took deep, shuddering breaths, trying to calm himself down.

_It’s okay Winter._ Barnes said. _See? You’re okay._

_‘I-I’m okay. I know I am.’_

Steve carefully arranged them onto the chair. He gently rocked them back and forth. The motion was somewhat soothing.

“I got you Bucky. You’re safe.”

Bucky nodded against Steve’s chest. He pulled away slightly, just enough to sign. Steve loosened his grip but didn’t let go.

**I know. I…** He didn’t know what to say. **I’m okay, just a stupid nightmare.**

Steve nodded.

“You wanna tell me about it, or just…” He sighed. “I don’t know.”

Bucky stared at his hands for a split second before looking up and signing,

**Could you tell me a story? About when we were kids?**

Steve smiled and nodded.

“Sure Buck, I can do that.”

Bucky slumped against Steve tiredly, relieved.

“When we were kids,” Steve started. “There was this lot everyone would go to. We’d go to play stickball and just run around without being on the street. One day, you and a bunch of other kids were playing a game of stickball and I was sitting to the side. I couldn’t play because of my asthma, but I went to support you.” Steve cleared his throat and continued. “Well, on this particular day it was cloudy. You could barely see the sky. No one noticed though and so we were all shocked when it started raining. Everyone started yelling that the game was over on account of rain. You didn’t really pay attention; you were too busy trying to get to me. If I stayed in the rain long, I would’ve gotten sick. You and I ran home as fast as we could and by the time we got to our building, we were soaked to the bone. Ma was relieved we were okay and grabbed all the blankets and towels we had. I ended up getting sick anyway.”

Bucky snorted softly, smiling weakly.

“You were worried sick when I ended up getting a cold. It was a just a cold, it could’ve been pneumonia, but you were running around, trying to make sure I didn’t get sicker.”

Bucky pulled back slightly, signing, **Did you? Get sicker?**

“No, I got better after a week.”

Bucky snorted and sighed softly.

**I’m tired.**

Steve smiled softly and hugged him close.

“You wanna go to your room? Or to mine?”

Bucky slumped against Steve tiredly.

“Alright, tap on me once for your room, twice for mine.”

Tap. Tap.

“Alright, my room it is.”

…

Steve ended up carrying Bucky to his room. Bucky was slumped against Steve, blinking tiredly. Steve places him down onto the bed and Bucky taps his shoulder.

“Hm?” Steve grunted, watching Bucky.

**Can I have Stevie Bear and my blanket?**

Steve nodded and smiled before going to Bucky’s room to get the items. Steve picked up the blanket, folding it up. He looked around the room, looking for the bear. He found it partially hidden by a pillow. He gently took the bear and noticed Bucky’s notebook peeking out. An urge to open the book and read it hit him. He almost reached out to take it before realizing what he was doing and pulled away. He shook his head and grabbed the bear. When he returned to his bedroom, he saw Bucky, sitting upright, staring at his hands.

“Here you go Buck. You need anything else?”

Bucky looked up at Steve for a moment before shaking his head. Steve nodded and grabbed a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt to change into. Bucky wrapped himself into the grey blanket and hugged the bear close while Steve changed in the washroom. Bucky nuzzled the head of his bear, relaxing slightly. Steve walked back into the room and stretched.

“So what side do you want to sleep on?”

Bucky looked down at the bed before patting the side he was currently on. Steve smiled softly and walked to the other side and sat down.

“You good Bucky?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded his head and lied down, snuggled up and relaxed. Steve got under the covers and turned to face Bucky.

“Good night Buck, sleep well.”

Bucky nodded and closed his eyes before hugging his bear close.

…

It was four am and Steve was awoken by shuffling and whimpering. Steve cracked open his eyes, blinking blearily. He looked over to Bucky and saw Bucky curled up, whimpering. He could just see the bear’s head poking out from under Bucky’s arms. Tears were streaming down Bucky’s face as he jerked and shuffled slightly in his sleep.

“Bucky,” Steve said, reaching out to gently grasp Bucky’s shoulder. “Buck wake up. It’s just a bad dream. You’re okay. Wake up.”

Bucky curled in on himself tighter. He was starting to shake like he did before.

“Come on Bucky, wake up.”

Bucky’s eyes shot open, shaking. Bucky took a few shuddering breaths, trying to calm him down.

“Hey Buck, it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Bucky reach out and grabbed Steve’s arm, his grip tight.

“It’s okay Bucky. It was just a dream.”

Bucky nodded, still trying to control his breathing. Tears were still falling. Steve took Bucky’s shoulder and pulled him close. He hugged Bucky close, allowing him to cry into his shoulder.

“It’s okay Bucky. I got you. I’m right here, not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

Bucky started sobbing into Steve’s shoulder, shaking and whimpering. Steve just held him close and rubbed Bucky’s back, trying to sooth him in some way.

“I’m here Buck.” He said. “I’m right here. I got you.”

By the time Bucky had managed to calm down, it was quarter to five. Bucky made no attempt to move away, instead choosing to press his face into Steve’s shoulder and remain there.

“Bucky, how often do you get multiple nightmares in one night?”

Bucky didn’t say anything.

“Is it often?”

He shook his head.

“So it happens once in a while?”

He nodded.

“Buck, do they always get this bad? Your nightmares?”

A short pause. He nodded.

Steve felt his heart break. Jesus, his best friend had been having nightmares that cause him to coward and cry since he got here, perhaps longer, and he didn’t do anything.

“I’m right here Bucky. I’m right here for you.”

Bucky nodded against Steve’s shoulder, relaxing. They laid in the bed together for another hour before they even started to get up and ready for the day. The entire time, Steve held Bucky in close and rubbed his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo, new chapter! I'm sure a few of you hate me a bit here for having Bucky suffer, but hey, him and Steve have gotten closer. Ha ha, I'm gonna have to hide or something, aren't I?


	14. Chapter 14

Bucky wasn’t really able to function very well during that day. He shuffled around the house, wrapped in the blanket. He held Stevie Bear close and wandered around the apartment. Steve didn’t say anything about it. He beat the ever living shit out of punching bags whenever he had nightmares. He wasn’t going to judge. Instead, he made sure that Bucky was comfortable, made sure he drank enough water, ate something. He did his best not to hover though, he knew that wouldn’t help. Instead, he was simply near, checking in on Bucky every once in a while, making sure he was okay.

…

Bucky was looking at Steve’s bookshelf while Steve was in the kitchen, making them something to eat. (Goddamn metabolisms constantly needing food) He looked through the shelves, curious to see what books Steve had. He had just noticed a certain book when Steve walked into the room with a small bowl of food.

“Hey Buck, whatcha looking at?” He asked, setting the bowl down onto the coffee table.

Bucky looked over at Steve before looking back at the book.

 **The name of this book is familiar.** **I feel like I know it.**

Steve leaned in to look at the book. He read the title and smiled.

“Oh ya, that book came out 1937. I ended up reading it when I ended up with a bout of pneumonia.”

Bucky reached out and pulled the book from the shelf. He stared at the cover.

**The Hobbit. I feel like I should remember this.**

“You got it for me.” Steve said quietly. “It was a gift. It was 1938. You were looking for a gift for me for Christmas and you noticed this book. You read a portion and thought I’d like it. You somehow got me the book and a new set of sketch pencils for me.” Steve smiled softly. “I still don’t know how you managed that.”

Bucky stared at the book. The cover was a light brown with the title written in blue. The pages were yellow and old.

**Is this the book I got you?**

Steve nodded, gently taking the book from Bucky’s hands.

“Tony’s father, Howard, put my belongings into storage after I went down. When I woke up, they gave me a small box with my belongings that weren’t in museums. The book was one of them.”

Bucky stared at the book in shock, eyes wide. Steve glanced up to see Bucky staring at the book, a perplexed look in his eyes.

“You wanna read it? The story has aged quite well.” He laughed softly. “Think they made a movie too.”

Bucky looked up at Steve in shock.

 **Really? You’re okay with that?**  

Steve nodded, holding the book out.

“Sure, no point in keeping it on the shelf. I think you’ll like it.”

Bucky took the book gingerly and smiled at Steve.           

“Come on, let’s eat.”

…

Bucky sat on the couch, wrapped in his blanket, the book in his hands. Steve smiled as Bucky read the book, watching as Bucky reacted to the adventures of Bilbo Baggins. He sketched quietly in the armchair, sketching Bucky reading. He happened to glance up at the perfect time. He caught Bucky staring at the book in horror.

“You’ve reached the end, didn’t you?” Steve asked, his face neutral.

Bucky looked up and glared at Steve, a betrayed look in his eyes.

**You didn’t fucking tell me that the leader fucking dies!**

Steve’s blank expression cracked and he smirked.

“That would’ve been a spoiler.”

 **I hate you.** Bucky signed aggressively. **Fuck you Rogers.**

“You got attached to Thorin, didn’t you?”

**I got attached to Bilbo and he fucking cried when Thorin died! Why didn’t you warn me?**

Steve hung his head, his shoulders shaking.

“Other than that, did you like it?” He asked, trying not to laugh.

Bucky glared at him, gently setting the book down before grabbing a pillow on the couch and throwing it at Steve’s head.

**It was good but I still fucking hate you!**

Steve broke and started laughing, his shoulders shaking. Bucky glared at Steve, waiting for him to calm down. It took a few minutes, but Steve managed to calm down. He waited for Steve to look at him.

**You’re dead to me.**

As Bucky signed, a slight smirk started creeping up on him before a big grin broke out.

“Is it worth anything to say I’m sorry?” Steve asked, smiling nervously. (Bucky still had a couple of pillows)

**No, no it’s not.**

Bucky grabbed another pillow and chucked it at Steve’s head, hard. It hit him square in the face.

“Is there any way you’ll forgive me?” He asked, his voice muffled by the pillow.

Bucky glared at Steve. Oh no, he was not letting him off easy.

**No. You’re dead to me. I will never forgive you.**

Steve’s lip jutted out while he pouted, trying to buy some sympathy. Bucky stared at him

with a neutral expression for a few minutes before turning around, grabbing the last pillow and threw it at Steve’s head. It hit.

“You can choose dinner, or a movie or whatever.” Steve said, pillow slowly sliding off his face.

Bucky glared at Steve before signing, **We’re watching the goddamn Hobbit movie! And we’re gonna get fucking pizza.**

“We had pizza last night.” Steve said, hiding behind the pillow.

Bucky’s glare deepened and Steve hid behind the pillow.

“Okay, pizza. Got it. Anything else?”

He looked up to see Bucky flipping him off.

“Jerk.”

**Punk.**

…

Bucky made sure he had at least three pillows ready, in case he needed to hit Steve again. They watched as the dwarves convinced Bilbo to go on their adventure and Bilbo running off without any handkerchiefs. Bucky smiled softly as he watched the company slowly make their way to the lonely mountain. He was upset to say the least when the movie ended with them on the rock that the eagles took them to.

**Where’s the rest of it?**

“Part two comes out in December.”

**Why are they dragging this out?**

“I think they want you to get really attached to the characters so that it hurts more when they die.”

Bucky immediately picked up a pillow and started wailing on Steve with it, hitting him repeatedly.

“It’s not my fault!” Steve squawked. “It’s Peter Jackson. Peter Jackson’s doing it!”

 **Peter Jackson’s not fucking here!** Bucky signed before resuming his beat down on Steve.

Steve laughed as he tried to defend himself from Bucky’s attacks, arms up in a vain attempt to protect himself. His laughter proved contagious when Bucky had to stop due to his shaking shoulders and faint giggles coming out. Steve stopped laughing and listened to Bucky’s quiet giggles. It’s been so long since he heard his best friend laugh at all.

“Are you just gonna smack me anytime you don’t agree with something in the Hobbit?” He asked, inching away cautiously.

Bucky stared at Steve and nodded, an evil grin on his face. Steve silently started praying. Good god Bucky was gonna kill him when the last movie comes out.

…

Bucky sat on Steve’s bed, wrapped in his blanket, staring at Captain Ameribear in his hands. He could faintly hear the click of the door closing and looked up to see Steve walking into the room.

“Hey Buck.” He said, stretching. “How are you doing?”

Bucky shrugged. He was fine, just tired, ready for sleep. Steve nodded, smiling softly.

“You ready for bed?” He asked.

Bucky nodded and pulled his blanket tight around him. He laid down on the bed, curling into a ball.

“Good night Buck,” Steve said. “Sleep well.”

Bucky nodded tiredly, hugging his bear tight. He was asleep within minutes. Steve watched him for a moment, before grabbing Bucky Bear from his night stand. He held him close, giving him a squeeze. Steve lied down, pulling the blanket over him. He watched Bucky for a short while, smiling as he relaxed and seemed to sleep peacefully. Steve placed his hand near Bucky’s before closing his eyes and falling asleep himself.

…

Bucky’s eyes cracked open at roughly 3:47 am. He looked over at Steve to see him still asleep. He noticed the little Bucky Bear poking its head out of his arms. He slowly got up, trying not to wake Steve as he did so. He slowly got out of the bed and decided to go grab his notebook. He wrapped his blanket around himself before silently shuffling over to his room to get it. He grabbed it from under his pillow and scurried back into Steve’s room. He cracked it open and started to write. When he looked up again, he noticed the time on the clock read 5:21 am. He turned to look at Steve and saw that he was still fast asleep, curled up around his bear. Bucky smiled softly at the sight. He looked kinda adorable all curled up, fast asleep and… wait, what? What was he… what?

_Well, you seem to have fallen hard haven’t you?_

_‘Barnes, you’re not helping.’_

_You’ve fallen for Steve. It’s kind of adorable._

_‘Shut up, I haven’t fallen for him.’_

_You realize I can hear everything you think, right?_

Bucky started blushing slightly.

_‘Shut the fuck Barnes. I hate you.’_

_No you don’t. Just like you don’t hate Steve._

Bucky could practically feel Barnes smirking.

_‘Barnes, just shut up, alright? Just shut up.’_

_You’re not denying it, therefore…_

_‘I fucking hate you.’_

_Like you ‘hate’ Steve?_

Bucky sighed and decided that it would be better to not answer him at all.

_You like him._

Which might prove harder than originally thought.

_You like him. Admit it Winter, you’re in love._

Much harder than originally anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the story is moving a bit fast, but that said, it does take place over a long length of time. Still, I hope that the pacing isn't too fast. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
> 
> (Bucky's reaction to Thorin's death in the book was pretty much my reaction when I first read the book. I was so angry at my mum for not warning me that a few of the characters were going to die. I didn't talk to her for a few days after I read the book. Still hurts to read that section)


	15. Chapter 15

Barnes continued to pester Bucky for the next few days. He would constantly say,

_You love him. You fell for Steve. Oh my god! When’s the wedding?_

It was really starting to get on his nerves. Bucky hid it well though. Steve never suspected a thing. At least, he didn’t think he did.

 

Bucky sat on Steve’s bed, writing absentmindedly in his notebook, waiting for Steve to come back so they could go to bed. Bucky heard the tell-tale click of the door opening and closed the book, tucking it under his pillow. Steve walked into the bedroom with a smile.

“Hey Buck, you ready?”

Bucky nodded, smiling softly. He grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around himself. He always slept better when he had the blanket. Steve got into bed and relaxed against the pillows.

“Good night Bucky, see you in the morning.”

Bucky laid back with Captain Ameribear and could hear Barnes talking softly.

_You’re in love Winter. Just admit it. You are in love._

_‘Shut the fuck up Barnes.’_

Bucky relaxed into the mattress and closed his eyes, hugging his bear close. The sound of snoring filled the room.

…

He could feel shuffling beside him. Almost like someone was trying to get comfortable, but that wasn’t it. It… he wasn’t sure what it was. He could hear a low moan of discomfort. Is he too hot? What’s going on? He heard a soft whimper. Wait, a whimper? He opened his eyes and sat up, looking over to the sleeping figure next to him. He was whimpering and wiggling around. A look of distress barely noticeable in the dim light of the room. Tears were starting to fall. Oh god, Steve’s crying. Bucky looked around the room, trying to figure out if maybe something in the physical world was bothering Steve. He looked down to Steve’s still sleeping form and saw that he was shaking now, almost as if he were cold. He could faintly hear the chattering of teeth.

_Stevie’s having a nightmare._ Barnes said, rather unhelpfully.

_‘No shit. We need to wake him up.’_

_You mean you have to wake him up. I’m in your head, remember?_

_‘Smartass.’_

Bucky reached out his hand, nervous. He gently grasped Steve’s shoulder and shook it lightly. Nothing. He shook again. Nothing. He shook again, harder than before. Steve’s moans of discomfort increased.

_Winter, ever hear of speech? It’s pretty good when waking someone up!_  Barnes yelled.

_‘I-I… Barnes…’_

_You can talk! No one’s gonna yell at you for speaking! You’re safe here! If anything, it’ll help Steve, which is kinda important right now!_

Jesus, Barnes yelled a lot when stressed. Bucky took a deep breath and decided, fuck it. He’s gonna try. He opened his mouth and called on his voice. And… nothing. A faint croak could only just be heard over Steve’s whimpers. Bucky shook Steve’s shoulder again, trying to call on his voice and say… something, anything. Even a swear would be good right now!

“S-Steve.” He croaked softly. It was barely audible.

_Try again, louder this time._ Barnes urged.

Bucky opened his mouth, still shaking Steve’s shoulder.

“Steve.” He said, a bit louder than before, but still quiet.

_Again, I think it’s working._

It seemed to be doing something. Steve was moving around more, whimpering. It almost seemed like he was trying to find that voice. Bucky took a deep breath and…

“Steve.” He croaked, louder this time.

This time, Steve heard him (That and the constant shaking helped). Steve bolted upright, scaring Bucky a bit in the process. Steve was gasping for breath, shaking violently. Bucky swallowed his nerves and said,

“Steve.”

Steve whipped his head around to Bucky, a look of astonishment in his eyes.

“You were having a nightmare?” Bucky asked, his voice raw from months of disuse.

Steve continued to stare at Bucky, making him feel as though he did something wrong. Before Bucky could start apologizing, Steve said,

“Y-you talked. You talked.”

A huge smile spread across Steve’s face.

“Buck, you’re talking to me. Y-you’re talking.”

Bucky stared at Steve, unsure of how to respond.

“You were having a nightmare.” He croaked. “Are you okay?”

Steve took a deep breath and nodded.

“I-I’m okay now. I’m fine.”

Bucky stared at him sceptically.

“Really Buck, I’m just fine, thank you.”   

“You were crying.” Bucky said bluntly.

Steve’s hand went up and he wiped his face, shocked when it came back damp.

“I didn’t even notice.” He muttered.

Bucky leaned over to the bedside table and turned the lamp on before pulling away and looking Steve in the eyes.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked, signing while he talked (His voice was still very rough and was a little difficult to understand).

Steve stared at Bucky for a few moments, before sighing.

“I… you know how I ended up frozen for over half a century, right?”

Bucky nodded. “Yes, Barnes is yelling at you right now.”

Steve let out a dry chuckle.

“Figured. I… I was back in the plane.” He whispered. “It was when I drove the plane into the water. The water was rushing in… and I was so cold and,” Steve took a shuddering breath. “I was so scared.”

Steve’s voice sounded so small, so vulnerable. Bucky grabbed his blanket and wrapped it tightly around Steve. He pulled Steve into a hug and held him tightly.

“You’re okay.” He whispered. Talking any louder than a whisper was hurting his throat. “You’re okay Stevie.”

Steve sniffled, leaning into the hug.

“I know. You’re here. I know.”

Bucky smiled, keeping Steve close. Bucky held him for a while, rubbing Steve’s back.

“Hey Buck?” Steve said, sounding almost like a child.

Bucky grunted. His throat hurt, and he didn’t want to try and talk again.

“I’m tired.”

Without saying a word, Bucky laid down, bringing Steve with him. He held Steve close, hugging him close to his chest. Steve buried his face into Bucky’s shirt, smiling softly.

“…Thanks Bucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, Bucky's talking now. Hurrah!  
> I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm sure that at least a few of you are back at school, perhaps just starting university. I know I am. As of the moment I'm posting this, I haven't left for my first day of classes in university yet. They start at 3 pm though, so I'm fine.  
> Let me know what you guys think in the comments if you can. I always appreciate it. Good luck at school if any of you are going.  
> Hopefully, I'll post the next chapter within a week or so.


	16. Chapter 16

Bucky was looking at his notebook. It had been a couple months since he had first gone to Steve and already the notebook was almost full. He was going to need a new one. He opened the book and glossed over some of the things he wrote. Random memories, a daily log of what happened in the day, incomplete poems and stories. Nothing unusual… until you got closer to the end. After the first hundred pages or so, Bucky noticed something… off. He read through what he had written and saw that he was starting to describe something, or someone. He read over the descriptions and blushed when he realized he was writing about Steve.

_You’re in love._

_‘You’re me. Does that mean you’re in love with Steve too?’_ Bucky asked, smirking to himself.

Barnes didn’t respond to that and Bucky knew he had won. Bucky closed the book and took a few deep breaths. This was nothing. It was normal… right? It was normal to want to hold your best friend close and kiss him and… shit. That’s not normal.

_You’re so in love._

_‘Fuck off Barnes.’_

Bucky took another deep breath and tucked the book under his pillow before getting off the bed. He walks out the bedroom door and walked over to Steve, who was sitting on the couch, reading. Bucky tapped Steve’s shoulder and waited for Steve to look up.

“What’s up Bucky?” Steve asked.

Bucky took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

“I need a new note book.”

“Is yours full?” Steve asked.

Bucky shook his head and said, “Not yet.”

Steve nodded and smiled.

“Getting close though I’m assuming. I’ll pick up a new one when I do grocery shopping.”

Bucky smiled and nodded, rubbing his throat.

“You okay Buck?”

**Hurts to talk. I’ll be okay.**

Steve watched Bucky sign sadly and nodded.

“Don’t strain yourself Buck. I don’t want you to hurt your throat.”

Bucky was about to say something when Steve held his hand up.

“No, it’s fine. You’re recovering. I understand that you’re doing your best, and I’m proud of you. You’re doing great.”

A warm fluttery feeling filled Bucky’s chest. Steve was proud of him.

_Stevie and Winter sitting in a tree…_

_‘Barnes, I will figure out a way to beat the shit out of you, I swear it.’_

Bucky nodded, smiling softly. He turned on his heel and went back to his room to press his face into the pillow.

…

Clint had come over. Apparently Steve had called him over so that Bucky wouldn’t be alone while he went to buy groceries.

“Hey Bucky.” Clint said, signing as he spoke. “How’ve you been?”

**I’m doing fine. A little tired but okay.**

“I should only be gone an hour, two at most.” Steve said, grabbing his wallet.

“Don’t worry Rogers, I’ll make sure Bucky doesn’t destroy anything.”

“It’s not Bucky I’m worried about Clint.” Steve said, not looking up as he laced up his sneakers.

Bucky snickered at the shocked look on Clint’s face.

**Jesus, what did you do to make Steve distrust you that much?**

“Shut up Barnes.” Clint muttered.

They waved goodbye to Steve and wandered over to the couch to sit and relax.

“You’re looking better Bucky. How you feeling?”

Bucky pondered the question for a moment, staring at his hands.

**I’m okay. I feel a bit tired, but at the same time, I feel happy. Safe.**

Clint smiled and nodded.

“Well that’s good to know. I heard from a certain Captain that you’re starting to communicate verbally. That’s great to hear Bucky.” Clint praised.

**I can’t talk long or my throat starts to hurt.**

“Hey, baby steps. You’re trying, that’s what matters.”

Bucky nodded, staring at his hands for a moment. Should he tell Clint? He trusted him, he knew he was nice.

“Clint?” Bucky croaked, his throat smarting.

Clint sat up and nodded.

“Ya Bucky, what is it?”

**I think I realised something.** He signed slowly. **Barnes helped me.**

“Barnes is the voice in your head, right?” Clint asked.

Bucky nodded and continued.

**I think I’ve developed… feelings for Steve.** Bucky’s hands were starting to shake. **I think I’m starting to…** He couldn’t continue.

“Wait,” Clint said, putting up his hand. “Are you saying that you’re in love with Captain America? Is that what you’re saying?”

Bucky stared at his hands. He nodded.

“Oh my god.” Clint murmured. “Oh my god. I… why are you telling me?”

**I know you. I trust you. I know you wouldn’t tell Steve… right?**

“Course not!” Clint said, looking a bit insulted. “That’s up to you. I can’t go around telling people about your feelings. Those are yours to tell.”

Bucky visibly relaxed into the couch, looking relieved.

“How long?” Clint asked. “How long have you liked him like that?”

**I… I don’t know. I realised today. I think I felt this way for much longer though.**

“What do you mean?” Clint asked. “Can you explain?”

Bucky took a deep breath and got up to grab his notebook. His hand was shaking when he handed it to Clint.

**Look at the last few pages.**

Clint opened the book and looked at the last seven pages, his eyes widening with every page.

“Jesus, you’ve fallen hard.” He muttered.

Bucky went beet red and ducked his head.

“Nothing wrong with that.” Clint said. “I mean come on. It’s the 21st century. It’s legal now. It’s even legal to marry in some states. We’re on our way to all fifty states allowing same sex marriage.”

Bucky looked at Clint, a bit scared.

“I think I’ve always loved Steve.” He muttered hoarsely.

Clint’s eyes widened a bit.

“You’re not even remotely joking, are you?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Okay then… I…. Nat’s better at this shit then I am.” He muttered. “I never know what to do in the situations.”

He reached out and patted Bucky’s shoulder.

“There, there.” He said. “It’ll be okay.”

Bucky snorted, his shoulders shaking. Clint started panicking.

“Shit! I’m sorry! Don’t cry!”

**I’m not crying, you fucking idiot!** Bucky signed, wheezing, faint giggling just barely audible. **I can’t,** He wheezed some more. **My laugh comes out weird because of everything that happened.**

“You’re laughing?” Clint exclaimed. “Jesus don’t scare me like that.”

Bucky was now doubled over, wheezing and gasping, faint giggles barely audible.

“Are you done yet?” Clint deadpanned.

Bucky was still wheezing.

“You’re an asshole Barnes.”

**I know.**

“Fuck you.”

**Not really my type, but thanks.**

Clint sputtered for a moment, staring at Bucky.

“You’re a little shit, you know that?”

Bucky grinned and signed,

**I know.**

…

Bucky and Clint ended up simply talking for an hour, signing to one another **.** Steve walked in, arms full of groceries to see Bucky and Clint facing each other on the couch signing to each other. He smiled as he went to put the groceries down. He grabbed the notebook he picked up for Bucky and walked into the living room, knocking on the wall. Clint and Bucky looked up, a bit surprised.

“So, I’m back.” Steve said, holding out the notebook. “This good Buck?”

Bucky took the notebook in Steve’s hand and quickly inspected it before giving it his approval.

**It is. Thank you Steve.**

Steve nodded and turned to Clint.

“You wanna stay for dinner?”

“Are you cooking?” Clint asked.

Steve glared at Clint for a moment before sighing.

“My cooking’s not that bad. I’m use to having access to spices now.”

Clint leaned over to Bucky and whispered something in his ear.

“What did you just say?” Steve asked.

**Clint said that your cooking was really bland and tasteless the first time he ate it.**

Clint glared at Bucky, betrayed.

“Dude! What the hell! After all that time we spent bonding!”

**I’ve known Steve for longer.**

“Traitor.”

Bucky didn’t sign back this time, instead grinning.

“I’m gonna have to pass on that Cap.” Said Clint, who was getting up from his seat. “I’d better get home. Lucky needs his food.”

“Alright Clint. You should bring Lucky over next time.”

Clint looked at Bucky and nodded.

“I just might.”

…

Bucky sat on the counter, watching Steve make stir fry for supper. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

“So what did you and Clint talk about?” Steve asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Or is it secret?”

_‘I think he’s onto us.’_

_Steve’s as observant as a brick. He didn’t figure out I liked him during the thirties, he wouldn’t now._

_‘You don’t know that.’_

**There were some things that I needed to talk to Clint about. Things that he has more experience in.**

_Considering the way, he talks about Natasha…_

_‘Shut up Barnes.’_

“What, pop culture or something?”

**Kinda.**

“Good thing you went to Clint then. I’m still catching up myself.” Steve focused on the contents of the pan for a few minutes. “Did he tell you about Lucky?”

**That’s his dog right?**

“Yep. Lucky’s a dog he found all beat up. He took him to the vet and ended up adopting him. Sweet little guy.”

**You’ve met him?**

“Clint had brought him over a few months before… you know. Lucky was very friendly. All you had to do was pet him for a while and you had a companion for life.”

**Lucky sounds nice.**

“He’s more than nice. He’s a little pizza stealing angel.”

**Pizza stealing?**

“Clint will feed Lucky pizza. So anytime there’s pizza left out, Lucky will snag it. That’s why Clint also calls him Pizza Dog.”

Bucky was doubled over, wheezing. Steve looked a little startled before recognizing what was happening and smiled.

“Ya, it’s pretty funny.”

Bucky nodded, still wheezing. Steve took the pan off the burner and began serving the food. Bucky grabbed the glasses and asked Steve what he wanted to drink. They had fallen into a comfortable routine. Steve did most of the cooking (Because Bucky could never cook for shit), Bucky would get the table ready. It was nice. It was simple. The two men sat down at the table and began eating in a comfortable silence.

…

Bucky finished filling out the last of the pages in his notebook, spilling out all his emotions and feelings before ending the final entry and taking a breath. He looked around the room Steve had given him, trying to figure out a good place to hide it so Steve wouldn’t find it. There had to be a place where Steve wouldn’t look. He went under the bed, testing out the floor boards to see if any were loose. Nothing. He looked over to the dresser and thought about it for a moment. No, too obvious. There had to be someplace for him to safely hide the old notebook so that Steve would never find it, even by accident. He glanced over to the small closet. He never really used it. There was no point, he didn’t have much. He checked the closet and noticed that if he tucked it onto the top shelf in a certain way, it wouldn’t be seen. At least, not by someone who wasn’t looking for it. Bucky got to his tippy toes and tucked the notebook in safely. He took a step back and sighed, satisfied with his hiding place. Steve wouldn’t find it there.

_You hope._

_‘Shut the fuck up Barnes.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurrah, another chapter! I think this is the longest chapter yet. Don't... don't expect chapters to be this length or longer every time. That's not a thing that's gonna happen.  
> Still, hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think.


	17. Chapter 17

Bucky was frustrated, to say the least, with Steve. He still hadn’t caught onto the fact that Bucky was falling for him, and hard. It had been a week, and now Bucky wondering if he’d ever notice.

_Ha ha, you realize this is Steve we’re talking about, right? Again, as observant as a brick._

Barnes wasn’t really helping in the situation.

_Who said I was here to help? Who’s been lying to you Winter?_

_‘Fucking bitch.’_

Bucky fiddled with the sleeve of the shirt he was wearing. (Steve’s. Not his.) Bucky jumped when Steve knocked at the door.

“Hey Buck, I was thinking about something.”

‘ _Shit, he’s onto us, he’s onto us, he’s fucking onto us!’_

_Winter, you’re not helping!_

_‘Nor are you!”_

**Ya Steve, what’s up?**

_Smooth._

_I will fucking cut you.’_

“You’ve been wearing my clothes for the past couple months. I think it’s about time we got you some of your own, don’t you think?”

Bucky stared at Steve for a moment, shock.

**You want to take me shopping?**

“It’s up to you Buck. Do you think you could? You don’t have to.”

Bucky stared at his hands for a moment before looking up and nodding.

**As long as you’re there.**

“I’m the one paying, where else would I be?”

_Winter, was that your subtle way of hinting to Steve?_

_‘Why?’_

_Because it wasn’t that subtle and I think Steve still doesn’t suspect a thing._

…

It turned out that Steve had a car (Who knew? Especially considering he drives his motorbike everywhere). It was a decent car, a good size for someone who was a little over six feet. Bucky sat in the passenger’s side, staring out the window of the car. Steve was a bit busy driving to the shopping centre. When he parked the car, that’s when Bucky tensed up.

“Bucky?” Steve said. “Hey, it’s okay. Just breath, alright?”

Bucky took a few deep breaths, shaking a bit. Why didn’t he bring Captain Ameribear again?

“Buck, do you need to hold my hand or something while we do this, or do you want to go home?”

_‘Did he just…’_

_Steve just offered to hold your hand._

_‘Oh my god.’_

_Accept, accept, accept you fuckwad accept!_

_‘Who’s in love with who again?’_

_Fuck you._

**I think holding onto your hand will help, yes.**

Steve smiled and nodded.

“Alright. Let’s get out of the car then.”

They stepped out of the car and Steve walked over to Bucky’s side, holding out his hand.

“Just let me know if you need to stop or go outside for a bit, alright?”

Bucky nodded and took Steve’s hand.

 

Bucky was a bit overwhelmed when they first entered the shopping centre. There were many people, multiple shops… sweet baby Jesus this was a bad idea. Steve noticed that Bucky tensed and squeezed his hand. Bucky felt comforted and took a few deep breaths. Steve gently coaxed him to the first store, which (Thankfully) wasn’t that full. Steve let go of Bucky’s hand and placed his hand on his shoulder when they got to the pants.

“Alright, there are a bunch of different styles. I’d recommend these.” Steve pointed to the regular jeans. “They’re quite comfortable.”

Bucky nodded and rooted through them, looking for his size. He came out with three of varying colours. Steve gently lead him over to the sweatpants.

“Go ahead and pick a few.” Steve said.

Bucky ended up picking one pair of black, two grey, and one pair of navy blue. Steve took the pants from Bucky’s hands and tucked them under his arm. They then walked over to the shirts.

“Root though, see if there are any you like.”

Bucky grabbed a few t-shirts of varying colours and noticed henleys on the table just ahead. Steve noticed where his gaze was directed and smiled.

“Let’s take a look then, huh?” He said, patting Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky smiled softly and walked over to the shirts. He looked through the shirts, picking out a total of five shirts. Bucky did not relinquish them to Steve.

“You sure Buck?”

Bucky held them close to his chest.

“Alright then.”

Steve lead Bucky away from the shirts and towards the check out.

“Let’s get these payed for and we’ll check out a different store.”

Bucky nodded and stayed close to Steve while they stood in line, eyeing the few other people nervously. Steve put his arm around Bucky and gently rubbed his shoulder.

_Is Steve even aware of what he’s doing?_ Barnes yelled. _Does he know how this looks?_

_‘Shut up, it’s helping.’_

_You fucking love sick puppy._

_‘Shut the fuck up. You’re one to talk.’_

Bucky stayed just behind Steve when he went up to pay, holding onto his jacket loosely. Steve took the bags from the cashier after he paid and they left the store.

“How’re you doing Buck?” Steve asked, taking Bucky’s hand again.

“I’m okay.” Bucky croaked, smiling softly.

Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand and smiled as they made their way to another store. In the next store, Bucky ended up getting three hooded sweatshirts of varying colours, each of them large and baggy on his person. The next, Steve bought a couple of packs of socks and underwear. The next, a light jacket and a thicker jacket for the colder days. Finally, they were in the final store, looking for a couple of pairs of new shoes for Bucky. Steve found a pair of rather plain sneakers and held them up to Bucky.

“What do you think Bucky? These good?”

Bucky looked at the shoes Steve held in his hands and nodded. He was feeling very tired and just wanted to go home now. Steve noticed and smiled apologetically.

“Let’s just look for one last pair and then we can go home, alright Buck?”

Bucky nodded tiredly and looked around the store. His eyes landed on a pair of black boots and he felt drawn to them. He walked over to them, dragging Steve along by his sleeve.

“You want these ones?”

Bucky looked at them once and nodded. They made sure they fit and went to the front to pay. Bucky rocked on his feet, watching the cashier intently. (The poor cashier got very flustered. They thought that Bucky knew they had weed hidden in their sock.) Steve took the bag and took Bucky’s hand and off they went, walking back to the car. Bucky stumbled a bit. They had been at this for four hours and he was ready to lie down and rest. Everything was too loud and bright and he just wanted to go home and hug Captain Ameribear.

 

The ride back was rather uneventful. Bucky ended up dozing for most of the drive, waking up only when Steve pulled up to the curb. Bucky helped Steve carry up all the bags to his apartment and finally, he was able to rest. Bucky kicked off the old, beat up sneakers he had on and wandered over to his room. Steve was taking of his shoes when Bucky wandered back in, wrapped in his big, grey blanket, hugging Captain Ameribear close to his chest. It looked rather adorable. Bucky flopped down onto the couch and groaned. Steve lugged all the bags (Of which there were many) over to the couch and went to grab a pair of scissors to cut the tags off. He sat down near Bucky’s head.

“You did good Buck.” He smiled. “I know that wasn’t easy. I was getting a bit overwhelmed myself, can’t imagine how you were feeling, but we did it. It’s done.”

Bucky didn’t really respond to that, except with a small grunt. Steve set to work cutting off the tags. When he was finished, he laid the clothes out on the coffee table and leaned back. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He didn’t notice when he started to gently stroke Bucky’s hair. Bucky tensed up at first, shocked at the contact, but soon relaxed into it, enjoying the soft, constant action.

_Well this is nice._

_‘Shut up and let me enjoy it. It’s been a long day.’_

_I know. I was there. I’m not a separate entity._

_‘Sometimes I wish you were.’_

_Well that’s harsh. I thought we were friends._

_‘Steve’s my friend. You’re the annoying roommate who won’t pay rent.’_

_Okay, you got me there._

Bucky smiled to himself.

_You’re enjoying this aren’t you? You’re enjoying Steve playing with your hair._

_‘It feels nice. It makes me feel safe.’_

_Well… that’s good Winter._

Bucky focused on Steve’s constant movements, relaxing further and further until finally, he fell asleep, Steve still stroking his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated in a while. I was thinking to myself,  
> 'Bucky doesn't actually have any clothes. They all belong to Steve.'  
> And thus, the shopping chapter was born. I regret nothing.
> 
> I just wanna warn you guys that I'm not gonna be able to upload very often due to me being in University now and having classes and assignments. So, please be patient. I'll try and update at least once a month.


	18. Chapter 18

Oh god he was dying.

_Calm down Winter._

_‘No, I’m dying. I’m gonna die here.’_

_You’re not dying!_

_‘I have the plague!’_

_It’s a fucking cold!_

Bucky huffed before going into a coughing fit.

_‘I’m gonna die here.’_

He could faintly hear Barnes huff in frustration. He would’ve smiled, but good god everything hurt.

 

It had been two days, 48 hours since Steve took Bucky shopping for his own little wardrobe. It seemed that Bucky ended up catching something when they were out. Steve felt terrible, trying his best to nurse Bucky back into health. But really, Bucky was going to get sick eventually. And it was better that it was a cold and not something more harmful, like pneumonia.

_‘Barnes, I’m dying.’_

_You’re not gonna listen to logic, are you?_

_‘I can feel snot running down my throat!’_

Bucky went into another coughing fit, catching the attention of a certain other super soldier. Steve came in, helping Bucky sit up and rubbed his back.

“Easy Buck, just let it past.”

**I’m dying.**

“It’s just a cold Bucky, you’re not dying.” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “Jesus, this hasn’t changed at all.”

**What do you mean?**

“Anytime you got even a little sick, you turned into a huge drama queen.” Steve said, smiling. “You’d always think you were dying, wither it was the flu or just a runny nose.”

**I have the plague. I’m sure there are symptoms somewhere.**

Steve looked Bucky up and down.

“Not seeing any boils. That was a pretty good indicator for the plague. You just have a cold, stop whining.”

**You’re a heartless bastard, you know that?**

Steve smiled softly and nodded.

“I know. Suffer.”

…

_I know it’s just a cold, but Jesus, this is horrible!_

_‘So you agree? You agree that we’re dying?’_

_Ya… we’re dying._

Bucky smiled weakly under his mountain of blankets.

_‘At least we agree on something.’_

_Oh god this is horrible!_

_..._

**Barnes thinks we’re dying.**

Steve snorted and tried to smother his laughter behind his hand.

“Oh does he now?”

**We’re dying Steve, be nice.**

“Haven’t changed a bit then.”

Bucky glared at Steve from underneath his mound of blankets. He flipped Steve the bird.

**You’re an asshole.**

Steve rubbed Bucky’s shoulder and smiled softly.

“I know. Get some rest, alright? I’ll come back later to check on you.”

 

Bucky closed his eyes after yet another coughing fit. He curled up around Captain Ameribear, snuggling him close. He drifted off into sleep, hoping to get some much needed rest. He didn’t really get what he wanted.

…

It was dark. Dark and cold. He could hear something slamming on metal, a loud clang echoing through corridors. He was sitting on a concrete floor. He could feel something damp and sticky underneath his hand. It was warm and smelt metallic. It made him gag, shaking with disgust. Blood. He was sitting in blood. He heard a clank before a loud creak filled the room. Light flooded into the room, and to his horror, he found that he was covered in blood. He let out a strangled gasp and looked up to see a figure standing in the doorway. It was short and rather dumpy. It was… familiar.

“It’s nice to see you awake, soldier.”

He felt his heart in his throat. He stared at the figure in slack jawed horror.

“N-no. You’re dead. You’re dead!” He cried, speaking for the first time in his dreams.

The man walked up to him, closer and closer. His glasses glinted in the light, flooding in from the corridor.

“On the contrary soldier, I am very much alive. I’m alive in your mind.” The man said, a disturbing grin spreading on his face. “You’ll never get rid of me.”

Bucky tried to shuffled back, only to find that he couldn’t move. The man moved in closer and closer.

“Tell me soldier, do you know whose blood this is?”

He could feel bile coming up. He could feel himself shaking.

“It’s very simple soldier.” He said, chuckling manically. “You know who’s it is.”

Bucky head whipped around, trying to look anywhere, anywhere that wasn’t him. His eyes fell on a body, slumped against the wall, their blond hair stained with blood. Wait… blond? Oh god.

“Yes, yes soldier yes!” The man said, smiling. “You know who’s it is.”

Bucky turned to face the man, shaking. The man’s face was much more clear than before.

“And guess what?” He said, excitedly. “You killed him.”

Bucky turned his head to the side and threw up. Bile splashed onto the floor.

“It’s all your fault soldier.” Said the man, leaning in closely. “You killed him. The man you love, dead by your hand.”

“Stop it.” Bucky croaked, shaking. “Stop it.”

“You want me to stop because you know it’s true.” He said, leaning in closely, his breath reeking of death.

Bucky was shaking.

“Stop it!” He cried. “Shut up!”

“What’s my name soldier? Come on, what’s my name?”

Bucky stared at the man, shaking. Tears were streaming down his face.

“What’s my name?”

Bucky gagged.

“Come on, what’s my name? Tell me my name!”

Bucky ducked his head and sobbed.

“Z-Zola.” He sobbed.

The man pulled back, smiling sadistically.

“Well done, soldier. You do remember me.”

Zola smiled, his teeth turned black. His eyes rolled back into his head and he opened his mouth. Some sort of slime flooded out, black and oozing.

“Not that you’d ever be able to forget me.”

Bucky curled into himself, shaking.

“Steve.” He whimpered, covering his head in his hands. “Steve, please help me.”

“He can’t help you.” Zola wheezed, spitting the slimy substance into Bucky’s face. “Don’t you remember? You killed him!”

Zola lunged forward, grabbing Bucky’s hair and pulling tightly. Bucky cried out in pain, sobbing and shaking.

“Steve! Somebody! Anybody! Help me!”

…

Steve was frantically shaking Bucky, trying to wake him up.

“Buck, I’m right here!” He said, panicking. “I’m right here Bucky! Whatever it is, it’s not real!”

Bucky was sobbing, shaking. Tears were streaming down his face, he was crying out for him feebly.

“I’m right here Bucky.” Steve said, shaking his shoulders. “I’m right here. You’re okay.”

Bucky’s eyes opened slightly. He must have caught sight of Steve as his eyes suddenly shot open and Bucky started sobbing heavily.

“No.” He croaked. “N-no. I-I killed you.” He was shaking violently.

Steve pulled him close, hugging him tightly.

“You’re okay.” Steve said. “I’m okay. I’m not dead. We’re both okay.” He said, gently rocking him and Bucky.

Bucky was still shaking and sobbing, sweat coating his forehead.

“You’re okay. It was just a dream. It wasn’t real.”

               

Bucky curled up into Steve’s lap. He ran out of tears after an hour or so and was now just hiccupping and shaking. Steve cradled him close, rubbing his back.

“It was just a dream.” Steve soothed. “You’re safe now.”

Steve gently stroked his hair, humming and crooning. Bucky whimpered softly, pressing his face into Steve’s chest.

“Do you… you wanna tell me what it was?”

Bucky took a shuddering breath and nodded.

“I… I was in a room.” He croaked. “It was dark, and cold. There was blood everywhere. It was fresh.” Bucky took a breath. “The door opened and s-someone came in.” Bucky whimpered, tucking his head into Steve’s chest.

“It’s okay Buck,” Steve said, tightening his hold. “Take your time.”

“It was Zola.”

Steve’s vision went red. He hugged Bucky even tighter than before.

“He was mocking me. H-he wanted me to tell him who’s blood was on the floor and all over m-me. I tried to look away from him and… I saw y-you.”     

Steve’s heart plummeted to his stomach.

“I-I killed you.” Bucky gasped, shaking. “He made me kill you. He kept mocking me, demanding I tell him his name.” He croaked. All this talking was taking a toll.

Steve gently shushed Bucky, worried for his wellbeing.

“It’s okay,” He said. “Zola’s gone. He’s long gone. He’s dead, I’m sure of it.”

Bucky sniffled and coughed, his throat burning.

“No he’s not. He’ll never be gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good thing I had this pre-written! I do have a couple of more pre-written chapters, but I'm gonna try and space them out (Mainly cause I only have two after this one). I make no promises though.   
> Ya, Bucky's gonna be sick for then next few chapters... he'll get better I swear.  
> Now if you'll excuse me, I have an exam I need to study for. Enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

Bucky didn’t talk for that whole day. He was silent during breakfast, though he didn’t eat much. He was silent during lunch, again, he ate very little. And he hadn’t uttered a word the entire afternoon. Instead, he was hugging Captain Ameribear close and suffering through the odd coughing fit. Steve was trying to coax him to eat some soup.

“Come on Buck, you gotta eat something. Not eating’s only gonna make things worse.”

Bucky curled in on himself, shaking his head. No, he was going to be sick if he ate. Steve sighed, defeated.

“Alright, I’ll stop.” Steve started to stand. “You gotta eat at some point though, Bucky. You’re only gonna make yourself worse.”

Bucky nodded tiredly and held Captain Ameribear tighter. Steve put the plain bread back into the bag, sighing. He went back to the living room to see Bucky curled up, wrapped tightly in his blanket. He was shaking.

“Bucky, you okay?” Steve asked.

Bucky managed to pull out his hands.

**Cold.**

Steve sighed and placed his hand on Bucky’s forehead. He was burning up. Maybe Bucky had more than a cold. Steve went to grab the thermometer.

“Alright Buck,” He said a few moments later, holding the thermometer in his hand. “I need you to open up pal.”

Bucky opened his mouth slowly, allowing Steve to put the thermometer in. He shuddered at the metallic taste it had. When the thermometer finally beeped (After what felt like an age), Steve pulled it out and read the temperature.

“A hundred and seven.” He whispered hoarsely. “Jesus.”

Bucky looked up to Steve, a confused look on his face.

“Jesus Buck, when you get sick, you get sick. Your fever’s high.”

Bucky whined softly, shaking.

**Cold.**

“I know Bucky.” Steve said, gently rubbing Bucky’s shoulder. “You gotta sweat this fever off though. Nothing else we can do.”

Bucky moaned in discomfort and curled up tighter (If that were even possible by this point). Steve got up and grabbed a couple of spare blankets from the linen closet. He draped them over Bucky, who snuggled into them gladly.

“Don’t worry Buck,” Steve said. “You’ll be okay.”

…

_We’re dying!_ Barnes wailed. _Been alive for almost a century, and this is how we die!_

_‘Please stop.’_ Bucky thought. _‘I don’t wanna think about that.’_

_We have the fucking plague Winter._ Barnes said dramatically. _I thought I was gonna go down in a fucking blaze of glory, but noooo, we have to die by the fucking, goddamn plague!_

_‘Please shut up.’_

Bucky opened his eyes to see Steve replaceing the cloth on his head. The cloth was nice and cold against his heated forehead.

**Barnes won’t shut up.** He signed tiredly. He just wanted some goddamn peace.

Steve smiled softly, gently brushing some hair from Bucky’s face.

“Ya? What’s he saying?”

**He thinks we have the plague. He thinks we’re dying.**

Bucky closed his eyes softly when Steve chuckled. God that sounded nice.

“He’s being a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

**He won’t shut the fuck up.**

Steve laughed softly and gently stroked Bucky’s hair. Bucky relaxed slightly. It felt nice. It almost made him forget that he felt like death. He noticed that Steve seemed to be texting someone. Bucky lightly tugged on Steve’s sleeve.

**Who are you texting?**

“Clint.” Steve said, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “I told him you were sick and he wanted an update.”

**I like Clint.** Bucky signed. **He’s nice.**

Steve smiled softly, nodding.

“Ya, he is.”

**What are you telling him?**

“I told him about how Barnes is being a drama queen and thinks you’re dying.”

Bucky giggled softly before he suddenly went into a violent coughing fit. Steve helped him sit up and gently rubbed his back, trying to help him breath. Bucky’s coughing fit lasted five minutes, but finally, he could breathe again.

“You alright Buck?” Steve asked. He looked worried.

Bucky nodded tiredly, slumping against Steve. God that was exhausting. Steve picked up some blankets and wrapped them around Bucky before hugging him close.

“It’s okay Buck, just try and get some rest, alright?”

Bucky nodded tiredly and closed his eyes, focusing on Steve’s comforting warmth.

…

Bucky fell asleep, slumped against Steve. Steve simply held him close and dialled Clint’s number. It rang once, twice, and…

“Hey Steve, what’s up?”

“Hey Clint.” Steve said quietly, not wanting to wake Bucky up. “Nothing much. Bucky’s asleep for now, so I thought I’d maybe give you a call.”

Steve could hear something going on in the background. It sounded like barking and… was someone yelling?

“Clint, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“Ya I’m fine.” Clint said before pulling away from the phone and yelling something Steve couldn’t quite make out. “Lucky’s got Kate’s favourite hoodie.”

“Kate, she’s the other Hawkeye, right?” Steve asked. He couldn’t keep track of all these kids.

“Ya, she… goddamn it Lucky!”

A series of bangs and crashed followed, leaving Steve confused.

“Sorry, Lucky just ran into the table. A fuck ton of dishes are on the floor now. Shit.” Steve heard some shuffling and shouting. “I uh… I think I’m gonna have to call you back Cap. I gotta mess to clean up.” Steve heard some shuffling and yelling before hearing a female voice.

“He means me.”

“I assume you’re Kate?” Steve said, amused.

“Yep I, fuck off Barton!”

There was more banging and yelling.

“Gonna call you back Steve, bye!”

Clint hung up, leaving Steve to laugh quietly to himself. Jesus, what was going on over there? Steve froze when he felt Bucky wiggle and move around, snuffling softly. Steve set his phone aside and gently rubbed Bucky’s back.

“It’s okay Bucky. You’re okay.” Steve said, worried that Bucky was having another nightmare. “You’re safe.”

Bucky whined softly, wiggling around a small bit. A look of discomfort on his face. Steve gently brushed his hair out of his face.

‘Buck’s hair is getting pretty long. I wonder if he’d want to cut it.’ Steve thought.

Bucky whimpered softly, pressing his nose into Steve’s side. Sweat coated his face.

“It’s okay Buck.” Steve said, trying to calm him down. “You’re safe. You’re just sick.”

Bucky whined again, his breathing growing heavier and heavier. Steve felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do.

“Bucky, come on, wake up.”

Bucky snuffled softly, shaking before his eyes shot open and began looking around, frantic.

“Hey, Buck it’s okay. You’re safe. It was just a bad dream.”

Bucky took a few deep breaths, ending in a violent coughing fit. Steve rubbed his back, gently coaxing him through it.

“Easy Bucky, it’s okay. Just let it pass.”

Bucky was shaking when it finally ended. He was struggling to get a breath in.

“You okay?” Steve asked. “You looked like you were having a pretty bad one.”

Bucky slumped against Steve tiredly. He groaned, looking very uncomfortable. Steve picked up the cloth that fell from his head. It was warm.

“Let me get this taken care of.” Steve said, brushing hair out of Bucky’s face.

Bucky didn’t say anything, just grumbling softly. Steve slowly got up, laying Bucky’s head down on the couch gently. He went to the kitchen to run the cloth under cold water. Meanwhile he listened to Bucky groaning softly. Steve hurried back to the couch after the cloth was finally cold and damp. He laid the cloth onto Bucky’s head, who sighed in relief.

“You alright? That helping?”

Bucky nodded sluggishly. He smiled feebly and groaned.

“It’s alright.” Steve said, gently stroking Bucky’s sweat soaked hair. “Just try and relax, alright?”

**Steve, is there anything you’d do when I was sick?**

Steve smiled softly, nodding.

“Whenever either of us were sick, we’d read to each other. It gave us something to do besides suffer.”

**I don’t like suffering.** Bucky signed slowly.

Steve chuckled and nodded.

“You want me to read to you?”

Bucky nodded softly and smiled. Steve got up and went to his bookshelf.

“Steve?” Bucky called out hoarsely.

Steve turned around to face Bucky, wondering what he wanted.

“Could you read the Hobbit?”

Steve laughed softly and nodded.

“Sure, let me get it.”

 

Bucky listened to Steve’s voice, relaxing into the couch.

_‘I like the voices Steve does.’_

_He does do nice voices._

_‘His voice for Gandalf is hilarious.’_

_That’s totally what he’ll sound like when he’s old._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... happy thanksgiving (If you're Canadian) I decided, you know what, I'm gonna post another chapter. I had some free time, so I thought, why not?  
> It's fluffy, unlike the last chapter. And I've introduced Kate Bishop! (Please know that I've never read the comics. So let me know if I make her... different from her comic counterpart and tell me how I can change that so she's more accurate. The joys of having no access to the comics)  
> I've noticed that I'm forcing my love of the Hobbit onto Bucky. Though, I'm sure he'd enjoy the book since it's an amazing book. (And it has a dragon in it. Who doesn't love dragons?)  
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.


	20. Chapter 20

Steve stopped reading about an hour ago. Bucky was fast asleep, his head on his lap. He looked peaceful. Steve didn’t mind this, not really. The only thing he minded was the fact that he couldn’t reach the tv remote… and his phone was at twenty percent… and his charger was in his room. Fuck. Still, he didn’t really mind being Bucky’s pillow, especially if it meant that he could get the sleep he needed to recover. So Steve sat there quietly, listening to Bucky’s quiet sniffles. It was so quiet and peaceful that he was amazed he didn’t jump when his phone started vibrating. Steve quickly grabbed it, fearful of waking Bucky up.

“Hello?” He said, not bothering to check who it was.

“Steve, it’s Sam. Heard Barnes is sick?”

Steve sighed quietly and confirmed.

“I thought it was a cold at first… now I’m not so sure.”

“Where is he?” Sam asked.

“Asleep… and currently using my lap as a pillow.”

Steve could hear Sam snort on the other end.

“I would’ve used your chest personally. More padding.”

Steve could feel a hot blush coming on.

“Sam!” He hissed, stopping when Bucky stirred. He didn’t wake. “Grow up will you?”

Sam was laughing, loudly.

“You’re just pissed cause you know it’s true.”

“I hate you.”

Steve glanced down at Bucky, making sure he was still okay. He was relieved to find he was.

“Sam, there better be a purpose to this call.”

Sam finished giggling and cleared his throat.

“You want me to come over? I’m sure Barnes would love to see something other than your ugly mug.” Sam said. Steve could almost see the smug look on his face. “Besides, I could make some of my mom’s homemade soup. It’s pretty good for colds, might help.”

Steve sighed.

“Please? My phone’s dying, charger’s in my room, I can’t reach the tv remote and I think my legs are starting to fall asleep.”

Sam sighed on the other end.

“You’re such a whiner.” He said, very likely rolling his eyes.

Steve pouted, even though he knew Sam wasn’t there to see it.

“Could you just come over? Please? I think Bucky would be freaked out if he woke up to me talking to myself out of boredom.”

Sam sighed heavily.

“Twist my arm why don’tcha.”

“You offered!” Steve hissed, making sure he didn’t wake Bucky.

Sam snorted and said, “Let me just get some ingredients and I’ll be over. Good thing you gave me a key.”

“’Kay, thanks Sam. I thought I was gonna die of boredom.”

“You’re so hard done by.” Sam said. “See you in a half hour Rogers.”

“See ya.”

Steve hung up, whining softly when he noticed his phone was now down to seventeen percent. Shit.

…

Sam quietly unlocked the door, just in case Bucky was still asleep. He slipped in silently, putting the ingredients on the kitchen counter before going to the living room to find Steve staring at the ceiling, absent-mindedly stroking Bucky’s hair. He knocked on the wall. Steve looked over to Sam and smiled, relieved.

“Oh thank god.” He said. “Could you get my phone charger? It’s at ten percent.”

Sam rolled his eyes and went to Steve’s room grabbing the charger from Steve’s bedside table. He handed it to Steve who thanked him before noticing that he was nowhere near an outlet.

“Shit.”

Sam snorted.

“You never asked me to get an extension cord. You’re on your own.”

Steve flipped Sam off, a tired look on his face.

“How’s he doing?” Sam asked, nodding to Bucky.

“He’s been asleep for over an hour. No nightmares or coughing fits.” Steve raised his arms in victory. “I think this is the longest he’s been relaxed since he’s gotten sick.”

Sam threw his arms up in victory as well.

“Yay!” He whispered. “Take what you can get. I’m gonna get that soup started.”

Steve did a thumbs up, sighing.

“Before you do that, could you pass me the tv remote? I think I might cry if I have nothing to do.”

Sam picked up the remote from the coffee table, getting down on one knee dramatically, holding out the remote as though he was presenting Steve with the mighty Excalibur. Steve snorted, taking the remote from Sam’s outstretched hands.

“Oh my god Sam, really?”

Sam didn’t say anything, choosing to smirk instead before getting up and going to the kitchen.

…

Sam put the lid on the pot of soup, happy with the results. It wasn’t perfect, but his mother would be proud. He walked into the living room to find Steve passed out, the tv on some documentary about mushrooms. He turned the tv off, rolling his eyes he noticed Steve drooling.

“You’re Captain fucking America, and you drool.” He said, snickering.

He pulled out his phone and took a picture. He stowed it back in his pocket, for blackmail purposes. He noticed Bucky snuffing, wiggling around. Sam gently moved some of Bucky’s hair out of his face.

“Hey Bucky, you sleep alright?” He said quietly.

Bucky opened his eyes blearily. He stared at Sam, confused.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, his voice sounding raw. Probably from all the coughing.

“I offered to come over. I made soup if you’re hungry.”

Bucky looked at Sam and nodded. Slowly, he picked himself off of Steve’s lap, blinking tiredly. He accepted Sam’s hand when he offered it and got to his feet. Bucky wrapped his blanket around his shoulders and followed Sam, his feet shuffling along. He sat at the table watching Sam pour some soup from a large pot into a bowl.

“Here you go man.” Sam said, handing Bucky the bowl. “My mom would make this whenever I was sick. Might help.”

Bucky took the bowl, smiling softly.

“Thanks.” He whispered, his voice quiet.

Sam went back to the living room to find Steve had somehow sprawled out and was lying face first on the couch, one foot hanging off the couch and the other hooked on the back.

“How the fuck?” Sam whispered. No seriously, how did he do that within not even five minutes?

Sam ended up running back to the kitchen when he heard Bucky go into a coughing fit. He found Bucky hunched over, metal hand covering his mouth as he coughed. Sam rushed over, patting Bucky’s back.

“Easy, just let it out. You’re doing fine, just let it out.”

Eventually, the coughing fit finally ended and Bucky was breathing properly again, though he was swaying on his feet.

“Easy Bucky, let’s get you sitting down.”

Sam helped Bucky to the floor, rubbing his back while Bucky tried to regain his breath.

“Jesus, that must’ve hurt.” Sam muttered, not meaning for Bucky to hear.

He felt Bucky tap his hand and looked up to him.

**Yes, it did.**

“You want some water?”

Bucky nodded and Sam got up to get him a glass of water. Bucky took it gratefully and took sips, careful not to just knock it back. He looked relieved when the cool water hit his throat. He and Sam continued to sit on the floor for a few minutes, making sure that Bucky was okay.

“Did the soup help any?” Sam asked. “Did you finish it?”

Bucky nodded and then shook his head.

“So the soup did help, but you didn’t finish it?”

Bucky nodded again.

“You feeling nauseous or is it because of the coughing fit.”

**Both.**

“You’re gonna have to finger spell that, slowly.”

**B-O-T-H.**

Shit.

“We’re getting you a fucking bucket.”

Bucky did a thumbs up and sighed, before shivering violently.

**Hurry.**

Shit!

…

Sam managed to get a large mixing bowl to Bucky seconds before he threw up. He held Bucky’s hair back while Bucky violently threw up, shaking. Bucky’s retching effectively woke Steve up, who fell off the couch with a thud and scrambled over to Bucky.

“Shit, what happened?” He asked, rubbing Bucky’s back.

“He had a coughing fit and said he felt nauseous. I managed to get this to him before he started hurling.” Sam said, trying to make sure Bucky didn’t get vomit in his hair. “Got any hair ties?”

“No, really should’ve gotten some.” Steve said.

“How about rubber bands? Those work in a pinch.”

Steve got up and hurried over to a drawer. He dug through it, triumphantly pulling out a small box of rubber bands. He hurried back, pulling out a rubber band and handing it to Sam, who tied Bucky’s hair back.

“You seriously need to get some hair ties.” Sam muttered.

Steve nodded absent-mindedly, gently rubbing Bucky’s back. Bucky was still retching. He didn’t stop for another five minutes.

 

Bucky was leaning heavily on Steve, looking much paler than before. He had the bowl in his lap, freshly cleaned. Steve was rubbing his back; Sam was holding a glass of water.

“When you get sick, you really get fucking sick.” Sam muttered. “How you feeling?”

**Like death.**

Steve translated for Sam, who nodded.

“You wanna lie down Buck?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded slowly and, with Steve’s help, laid down onto the couch. He turned to his side and cradled Captain Ameribear close.

“You want anything Buck, something to help the nausea or do you wanna try and rest?”

**Sleep.**

Sam and Steve nodded and they left Bucky be, allowing him the freedom to try and get some rest (As little as that would be).

Steve decided to get started on dinner, since it was getting late. Sam sat on the counter top.

“You know you’re not an actual bird, right?” Steve said, cutting up some vegetables. “Why are you on my counter?”

“Caw caw,” Said Sam in a high pitched voice. “Fuck you Rogers. I’m a majestic falcon.”

“More like a deformed pigeon.”

Sam clapped a hand on his chest, a hurt expression on his face.

“Wow Steve. Words hurt you know.”

Steve turned to Sam and flashed a shit eating grin.

“Dick.”

The kitchen was silent, save for the sounds of Steve cooking, for a while. It was peaceful. It was domestic. And then there was the sound of Bucky retching again. Sam hurried back to over to Bucky, while Steve threw the knife down onto the cutting board and tripped over his feet trying to get to the living room. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, only bile came up. Steve entered the living room only to find Bucky hunched over the bowl, spitting bile and saliva into it. Sam was rubbing his back.

“Steve?” Sam said. “I know most shit doesn’t work on you super soldiers, but is there anything that would help?” He asked.

Steve nodded and said, “Yes. Ginger ale usually helps me when I feel like puking. I’ll go out and grab some.”

“Get some Gatorade too!” Sam called after him. “If anything, it’ll make the puke taste better.”

Steve did a thumbs up from the door way and put on his shoes, before he raced out the door, wallet and keys in hand.

…

Steve came back with a bag filled with crackers and broth, an entire case of Gatorade, and two litres of ginger ale. According to Sam, Bucky had thrown up again, about ten minutes after Steve had left. Bucky whined softly when Steve offered him a small glass of ginger ale.

“It might help Buck.” Steve said. “It’s good for nausea.”

Bucky took it gingerly, his hand shaking slightly. He took a sip, snorting faintly when the bubbles hit his nose. He continued to sip it, happy of the new taste replacing the bile and vomit in his mouth. Steve sat down beside him, gently rubbing his back. Sam came back with the freshly washed bowl.

“Next time, you’re washing the bowl Rogers.” Sam said, handing the bowl to Bucky, who took it gratefully. “I’d tell Barnes to clean it, but considering he’s the one that needs it, I’m cutting him some slack.”

Steve sighed and nodded.

“Alright, fine. I’ll clean it next.”

Sam sat down heavily on the arm chair.

“Do you even want to try my mom’s soup again? Or would you rather stay away from food for now?” He asked Bucky.

Bucky shook his head and signed.

**No food. Food bad.**

Sam snorted quietly.

“Food’s not bad, your stomach just hates you.”

**Fuck you stomach.**

Steve snorted, laughing as he translated for Sam, who didn’t catch everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I'm in my university library with nothing to do while waiting for my classes. I update this fucking thing.
> 
> Just a note, I like to think that Sam and Steve have an insult based relationship (Considering how they met, I think you all can see why). They're being assholes to each other because that's just what they do. I wanted to let you guys know that so I don't have you coming after me for whatever reason.
> 
> (Man this thing's taking forever)


	21. Chapter 21

Bucky was fast asleep on the couch, the bowl nearby, just in case his stomach decided to say, ‘Hey! Fuck you!’. Steve was sitting in one of the armchairs, staring at the ceiling. Sam had decided to forgo the other armchair and chose to lie on the floor, staring at the ceiling himself.

“So… now what?” He asked.

“You wanna stay over?” Steve asked. “It’s getting late.”

Sam shrugged, wiggling around.

“I don’t know; I guess? Where would I be sleeping?”

“You okay with the couch, once we move Bucky to his bed?”

Sam raised his hand in a thumbs up.

“Ten four good buddy.”

Neither of them moved.

“You wanna take him to his room… or do I have to?” Sam asked.

“Don’t wanna move.”

They remained in their spots for another few minutes.

“Steve, don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not a super soldier. I don’t think I can lift Barnes. He’s almost as big as you.”

“You’ve done it before. I believe in you Sammy.” Steve said, raising his fist. “You got this.”

“Fuck you Rogers. Carry your dying friend.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Get up.” Sam said, determined. “Go on, do your job.”

“Fuck you.” Steve said, getting to his feet.

He made sure to drop a pillow on Sam’s face in revenge before he went over to Bucky and carefully picking him up.

“Could you at least carry his bowl?” Steve asked, cradling Bucky close.

Sam grumbled as he got to his feet and took the bowl, following Steve down the short hallway to Bucky’s bedroom. Steve carefully laid Bucky down, making sure he didn’t disturb him. Bucky grumbled softly in his sleep, reaching out feebly for Steve. Sam slowly puts the bowl in Bucky’s hand and begrudgingly, Bucky accepts it. Sam and Steve slowly back out of the room, closing the door behind them.

“Right, I’m claiming my rightful place.” Sam said, picking up the pillow Steve dropped on his face.

He collapsed on top of the couch, snuggling the pillow.

“This couch is mine now. You can’t have it.” He mumbled, yawning softly.

Steve rolled his eyes, grabbing a blanket and draping it over Sam.

“Go to sleep.” He said.

“Good night Steve.” Sam yawned, snuggling into the warmth.

“Good night Sam.”

…

Bucky opened his eyes to see that he was in his bedroom, the bowl in his hands. He was starting to feel a bit better. He didn’t feel as nauseous; he didn’t feel as warm as he did before. He still felt fucking terrible, but he felt a bit better.

_So we’re not dying?_

_‘We never were Barnes.’_

_Yes, we were. Shut up Winter_

Bucky rolled his eyes and sat up slowly. He looked around the room to find no one there. He wrapped his blanket around his person and shuffled over to the door. He knows it’s late, but he wanted to see if Steve was up. He pokes his head out of his door and notes that someone was passed out on the couch. He slowly makes his way over and see that Sam was passed out on the couch, snoring. Bucky shuffled away from the couch, making his way to Steve’s room. He slowly opened the door, poking his head in. Steve was fast asleep in his bed, loosely holding onto his Bucky bear. Bucky smiled softly and slowly shuffled into the room. He sat down in a corner of a room, hugging his bear close. He watched Steve sleep, relaxing.

_You know this is creepy, right?_

_‘Shut up. It helps.’_

_Ya ya, because you can see Steve. You know he’s safe. You know you’re safe. It’s still creepy._

_‘Fuck off.’_

Bucky relaxed against the walls of the corner and smiled softly when he heard Steve snort softly. He closed his eyes, smiling softly. He didn’t even notice that he fell asleep.

…

Steve’s eyes flew open. He quickly sat up and looked around to find the source of the noise. His eyes fell on a corner, where a figure wrapped in a blanket sat. Bucky. Steve scrambled out of bed, his foot getting caught in the sheets, causing him to almost face plant. He made his way to Bucky and noticed he was crying. He was having a nightmare. Steve reached out and gently shook Bucky’s shoulder.

“Bucky, wake up.” He said. “You’re okay.”

He could hear Bucky breathing heavily, each breath coming out wheezy. Steve shook Bucky’s shoulders again, trying to get him to wake up.

“Come on Bucky, it’s just a dream. It’s not real. Wake up!”

Steve’s bedroom door opened to reveal Sam, rubbing his eyes.

“Nightmare?” He asked, getting to his knees.

“Ya. I can’t get him to wake up.”

Sam put a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Sometimes you gotta let it play out.”

Steve looked like a kicked puppy when Sam said that, whining softly.

“Sam, you know I can’t do that.”

Sam was about to say something only to be interrupted by Bucky crying out softly.

“No, please,” He cried. “I’ll be good, please!”

Steve tried shaking Bucky’s shoulders again.

“Buck, wake up! It’s just a dream! You’re safe.”

Sam was trying to wake Bucky up himself, shaking his shoulders alongside Steve.

“Barnes, wake up! Seriously, dude it’s a dream! You’re okay, no one’s gonna hurt you!”

Bucky thrashed his head side to side, whining and pleading. Sam had taken over by this point, shoving Steve out of the way.

“Goddamn it Barnes! Wake up! Seriously, whatever you’re seeing, it’s not happening. It’s not actually happening! You’re okay, you’re safe! Just wake up goddamn it!”

Bucky, still out cold, reach out blindly and latched on to Sam’s arm. Steve scrambled up, placing a hand on Bucky’s arm.

“Bucky, it’s okay. You’re okay. Just open your eyes Buck. Listen to Sam and I okay?”

Bucky was shaking, tears streaming down faster than before.

“Come on Buck, you’re okay. Just relax, you’re safe.”

Sam and Steve just managed to get out of the way when Bucky threw his fist out, trying to hit whatever was attacking him. His eyes were wild, scared. He shoved himself back into the corner of the room, shaking. He stared at Steve and Sam, covering his mouth in horror.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He sobbed. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.”

Steve reached out to touch Bucky’s arm and he flinched. Steve persisted however and gathered Bucky in his arms. Bucky was shaking, leaning into Steve’s embrace. Sam sat by awkwardly before deciding, fuck it. The more the merrier. He wrapped his arms around Steve and Bucky. Bucky flinched at first before relaxing into Sam and Steve’s embraces. He took deep breaths trying to calm down, failing rather miserably.

“It’s okay Buck, you didn’t mean to. Sam and I are fine. We’re fine.” Steve crooned, trying to help Bucky calm down.

Sam was humming softly. It helped some people, never hurts to see if it helps Bucky. Bucky seemed to latch onto what Steve was saying and Sam’s humming, relaxing slightly. They remained this way for some time. How long, none were really sure. But after a while, Bucky had managed to calm down and was dozing against Steve’s chest. Sam’s shoulders sagged in relief and he carefully pulled away, wrapping Bucky’s blanket around him and Steve.

“Well, that was an adventure.” Sam muttered.

Steve didn’t respond, too busy focusing on Bucky’s dozing form.

“Nice to see Barnes has some sense. He’s using your chest as a pillow this time.”

Steve’s head whirled around to glare at Sam.

“What? It’s more cushioning.” Sam said, grinning innocently.

Steve snorted softly, looking a bit more relaxed.

“You’re an asshole Sam.” He laughed. “Why am I friends with you?”

“Because you think I’m hot?” Sam supplied.

“And humble too.” Steve said sarcastically.

“I’m the humblest person on the planet.” Sam said, placing his hand on his chest.

“What planet are you from Wilson?” Bucky mumbled, peeking his eyes open. “Must be pretty fucked up if you’re the humblest.”

Steve snorted, hiding his face in Bucky’s hair while he laughed. Sam looked at Bucky, offended.

“How dare you! I’ll have you know I’m from Earth and I am humble.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Bucky slurred, closing his eyes. “Just keep telling yourself that Wilson. Maybe one day it’ll come true.”

“I made you soup you dick.” Sam said, smiling. Bucky seemed to be feeling better.

“And that was very nice of you.” Bucky said, wearing a shit eating grin. “But that doesn’t erase the fact that you’re an asshat.”

Sam snorted and hunched over.

“I think you’re feeling better.” Sam laughed. “Good to know.”

Bucky smiled tiredly and snuggled deeper into Steve’s embrace.

“I’m tired.” He mumbled. “Can we sleep now?”

Steve rubbed Bucky’s back, still laughing.

“Sure Buck. We got you, just get some rest.”

Bucky did a thumbs up before putting all his weight on Steve and closing his eyes before snoring softly. Sam made sure he was nice and warm before flopping onto his back.

“We did it. We made Bucky Barnes become a snarky asshole.” Sam muttered, looking tired.

“Get some sleep Sam.” Steve said. “I got this. Besides, you deserve the sleep.”

“Damn straight. The things I put up with.” He muttered, closing his eyes. “See ya in the morning Steve.” Sam yawned before falling asleep himself.

Steve chuckled softly, rubbing Bucky’s back.

“Good night Sam. See you in the morning.”

Steve hugged Bucky close and sighed. It would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, a new chapter! Woohoo! Yay! *Throws confetti into the air* 
> 
> I had nothing to do (Other then studying for my Psychology exam tomorrow) and I decided to throw another chapter at you nerds.
> 
> Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna crawl back into my blanket cave and try to actually study for that fucking exam. Let me know what you guys think of this chapter.


	22. Chapter 22

Bucky was indeed better. He ate all of his food and felt just fine afterwards. He was talking quietly with Sam and seemed to be doing much better than he was doing the day before. Steve smiled softly as he listened to Bucky talk to Sam. It was nice to see Bucky was relaxing and getting better. Slowly sure, but he was still getting better. Steve thought back to when Bucky first showed up. He was timid, scared of letting anyone near him. Constantly flinching when someone touched his shoulder or something. He wouldn’t even talk to anyone. Bucky was now use to casual touching, often initiating it and relaxing more and more as time goes on. He was talking more and more and was slowly getting better. Steve stared at the soapy dishes he was cleaning. He knew that Bucky would never be the Bucky he knew before the war. He wasn’t asking for that, not really. He just wanted Bucky to know he’s safe and to feel comfortable. He wanted Bucky to be happy. And it seemed that he was going to get that. It would take a while, but they were getting there.

“Barnes you little shit!”

Steve ran into the living room, he saw that Bucky had taken Sam’s phone and was holding Sam back with his foot.

“Give it back! Dude, come on! Seriously you asshat!”

Bucky was holding Sam’s phone as far away from Sam as possible. He wore a shit eating grin, wheezing. Steve reached out and plucked Sam’s phone out of Bucky’s hand and handed it back to its rightful owner.

**Steve, what the fuck?**

Steve looked at Bucky, an amused look in his eyes.

“Buck, what are you, five?” He laughed.

Bucky pouted before coughing a couple times. Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s forehead. He noted the drastic change in temperature.

“You seem to be doing a lot better.” Steve said, feeling a wave of relief. “That’s good.”

Bucky smiled softly before reaching forward and trying to get Sam’s phone again.

“Goddamn it Barnes!” Sam yelped. “Get your own phone!”

**Don’t have one. Give it.**

Steve rolled his eyes and pulled Bucky back.

“I’ll buy you a phone if you stop.” Steve laughed, trying to keep Bucky back.

**I don’t want my own phone. I want Sam’s.**

“You can’t have Sam’s phone. You can get your own though.”

“I want Sam’s. Gimme your phone Sam.” Bucky croaked, reaching for Sam.

“Take up Steve’s offer. Get your own!” Sam cried, holding his phone out as far as possible. “Jesus you’re persistent!”

Bucky reached out, pouting.

“Please.”

“Get your own.”

“Pretty please?”

“Fuck off.”

“Bucky, I’ll get you a phone, just stop. Jesus fucking Christ Buck, seriously.”

Bucky sighed and nodded.

“You guys are no fun.”

Steve sighed and loosened his grip on Bucky, who flopped forward and whined.

“You guys are mean.”

Sam started laughing, pocketing his phone.

“And you are a drama queen.” He said, making sure Bucky couldn’t get his phone again.

Bucky lifted his hand, flipping Sam off.

“And you’re a dick.”

Steve ended up snorting again and had to walk away for a moment.

…

Sam ended up leaving around noon, giving Steve and Bucky hugs goodbye. Bucky was curled up on the couch, relaxing. He coughed into his fist.

“How you feeling Buck?” Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged.

**Better. Still feel bad, but I feel better than I did yesterday.**

Steve smiled and nodded.

“Good to know Buck. You hungry?”

Bucky nodded and got up from his seat. Steve went into the kitchen and set to work on heating up some of the leftover soup Sam had left. Bucky was dressed in one of his bigger hoodies, watching Steve. Steve glanced over concerned when Bucky started coughing into his fist, relaxing when Bucky signed that he was okay. When he finished, he handed the bowl to Bucky, smiling softly.

“Here you go Buck. Let me know if you feel queasy, alright?”

Bucky nodded, taking the bowl carefully. He sat at the dining table and began eating slowly. Steve watched Bucky out of the corner of his eye while he waited for his food to finish. Steve ended up making a grilled cheese. Soon, the two of them were at the dining table, eating in comfortable silence.

 

Bucky was sitting on the couch, writing in his notebook peacefully. Steve was sitting on the other end of the couch, reading. He glanced up from his book every few minutes to check on Bucky. He couldn’t really help it. He was worried about him. Steve was definitely relieved that Bucky was getting better. It seemed like he had been ill forever. It was starting to scare him. But now, Bucky was on the road to recover. He wasn’t having coughing fits that left him on the floor on his hands and knees, he wasn’t heaving into a bowl or toilet. He still coughed on occasion, he was making sure to eat slowly to avoid the joy that was vomiting, but now he was better. Bucky could only go up from here. Steve smiled softly, looking down to his book so that Bucky wouldn’t catch him smiling at him. Steve had noticed that he was staring at Bucky more and more. He had been trying to do it less. He didn’t want to freak Bucky out, but he just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help but stare at Bucky. At first, he thought it was simply because he was trying to remind himself that Bucky was indeed there and that it wasn’t some cruel dream. But now… it didn’t seem like that. It seemed… different that’s for sure. Steve rolled his shoulders and tried to focus on his book. Emphasis on tried. He seemed to be failing.

_‘God damn it Rogers. Stop staring. You’ll make him uncomfortable.’_

But god did he want to just stare at Bucky. He wanted to run his fingers through Bucky’s long hair. He wanted to hold him in his arms, shower him in kisses… wait. Realisation dawned on Steve. Fucking shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I really like this chapter to be honest. But I noticed that I hadn't posted a chapter in over a month and I was like, 'I should probably update this'. So, here you go. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this, but here you go.  
> Please note, I'll try and update in a week or so, but don't take my word on it as I have finals pretty soon.  
> Also, Steve finally got his head out of his ass and realized his feelings! Hurrah! It only took him twenty-two chapters!


	23. Chapter 23

“Sam, I think I’ve fucked up.”

Sam sat in his living room confused.

“Wait, what do you mean?” He asked, leaning forward.

“Well… it’s kinda hard to explain.”

“Do your best then. What happened?”

Sam heard Steve take a deep breath on the other side.

“I think… I might’ve… fallenforBucky.”

Sam’s eyes widened. He caught snippets of the last part.

“Wait, wait, wait. Did you just say that you think you’ve fallen for Bucky? You know, the guy from the same era as you? The one who just a few months ago tried to bash your skull in?”

“Sam you’re not helping.” Steve said.

Sam flopped back onto the couch, staring at the ceiling.

“You know, when I became friends with you, I didn’t think shit like this would happen. That said, didn’t think I’d be friends with Captain America. I guess anything’s possible.”

“Sam, I could seriously use some help.”

“Rogers, it’s legal, you know that right?”

“Wilson, you realize that when I found out that no one was getting thrown in jail for being gay in America anymore, I started crying tears of joy, right? I’m well aware it’s legal.”

“Okay, have you always felt about Barnes like this and only just realized, or…”

Silence. Sam waited patiently, waiting for Steve to reply.

“Holy fucking shit. I’m a fucking idiot Sam.”

“Glad you realized that.” Sam snarked, smirking. “So… you were always in love with him?”

“… Maybe?”

He would take that as a yes. He heard Steve groan on the other end.

“What am I gonna do? I mean, Bucky’s already got enough on his plate, trying to recover and all. The last thing he needs is me fawning over him.”

God, Sam was gonna go grey at this rate.

“Ever thought of talking to him about this?”

“Sam, I think we both know that the chances of that happening are about as likely as me going back to the forties.”

Sam groaned. Jesus, what did he do to deserve this? A pining super soldier. God, if you told him he’d be friends with Captain America and that he’d have to listen to him being a pining idiot, he would’ve laughed in your face.

“Goddamn it Rogers, you’re killing me here. Just talk to him!”

“You know I can’t do that Sam! Buck’s got enough on his plate!”

Sam let out a strangled, exasperated yell.

“You goddamn pining bastard. Just fucking talk to him, not even about your feelings, just talk. Get a read on him or something!”

The other end was silent. Sam was this close to violently pressing the end call button.

“Sam… I haven’t felt like this since Peggy.” Steve said, his voice sounding so small and childlike. “I… I’m scared. I’ve already lost so much… I-I can’t lose Bucky. He’s all I have left.”

Sam sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. Okay, that was a fair reason.

“Okay. Just… just relax. Give it time. You never know.”

“Sam?”

“What is it Steve?” Sam asked.

“Thanks. I really appreciate you listening.”

“You’re a fucking idiot Rogers, you know that?”

Steve chuckled weakly.

“Been told that my whole life.”

They said their goodbyes and Sam hung up, throwing the phone off to the side.

“Well, this is my life now.” He muttered.

…

Steve put his phone back in his pocket and took a deep breath. He looked over to Bucky’s sleeping form on the couch. He felt a small weight be lifted off his shoulders as he watched. He looked so calm, so peaceful. Steve took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. Well, this was his life now. Captain America, the pining super soldier. He can punch out a fucking Nazi, but god forbid he develop feelings for his best friend and tell them. Nope, that’s too much for him to handle. Steve laughed weakly, leaning against the wall.

“Jesus, this is insane.”

…

Bucky noticed something off about Steve. He seemed to be skirting around him a lot. He wondered if he did anything wrong.

_Steve’s fucked up on something._

_‘How do you know?’_

_Any time he avoided me in the past, it was usually because he fucked up royally and didn’t want me finding out._

_‘What do you think it was?’_

_Knowing Steve? It could be fucking anything. He could tell me that he brought about the end of the world and I’d probably believe him. Seems like something he’d do._

_‘Maybe he did something he felt bad about?’_

_Like what Winter? Seriously, what do you think he did?_

_‘I don’t fucking know. You’ve known Steve way longer than I have.’_

Bucky huffed silently, staring at his hands for a moment. Barnes was fucking useless sometimes.

“Hey Buck.”

Bucky looked up to see Steve.

“You wanna head to that park again? Get out?”

Bucky nodded and went to his closet to get his backpack. He turned around to see that Steve had left, presumably to get his own stuff.

_‘What if Steve’s trying to get rid of us?’_ Bucky thought, suddenly feeling nervous.

_Why the fuck would he do that?_

_‘I don’t fucking know! It could happen!’_

_This is Steve you’re talking about, right?_

Bucky huffed softly, rolling his eyes.

_‘Old habit okay? Shut the fuck up.’_

Bucky could hear Barnes laughing at the back of his head. He tuned it out while he grabbed his notebook and Captain Ameribear (His job was to guard his stuff). He grabbed his jacket and went over to the front door after closing his bedroom door. He grabbed his boots and started putting them on, pausing when he heard Steve walk up to the door to grab his shoes.

“Ready to go Buck?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded, smiling softly. Steve nodded himself and grabbed the motorcycle helmets. They went down to the parkade, to Steve’s motorcycle. Bucky waited for Steve to get on after putting on his helmet, before getting on himself. He wrapped his arms around Steve and only jumped slightly when Steve started the motorcycle. He relaxed slightly when Steve started driving, taking them away from the apartment building.

 

Steve and Bucky got off the motorcycle. Bucky gave himself a little shake, trying to regain feeling in his legs. He heard a quiet chuckle.

“You alright there Buck?”

**I think I lost feeling in my legs.**

Steve snorted and nodded.

“Makes sense.”

After Steve made sure his bike was secure, the two of them started down the path, wandering through the trees and grass. Bucky noted the leaves slight change in colour. Autumn was coming, and for the first time in seventy years, he would be able to see all of it. A warm feeling filled his chest.

_I’ve always like autumn. It wasn’t so hot that you needed to strip down to nothing, but it wasn’t so cold that Steve could easily get sick._

Bucky nodded softly in reply. He was too busy looking at the area surrounding him. He felt relaxed, calm. Something he hadn’t felt in so long that it still felt strange. Bucky followed Steve down the path. They were going at a nice pace. Nice and slow, enjoying the peace and quiet. They ended up coming to a little clearing with a bench and they stopped. They sat down on the bench and pulled out their respective things. Steve his sketchbook, and Bucky his notebook. They relaxed as they put pencil to paper and just drowned the rest of the world out.

…

The sun was starting to go down when the two of them stopped. Steve had drawn page after page of birds, squirrels, at one point he drew a little field mouse nibbling some seeds. But most of his drawings weren’t of nature. They were of Bucky. Steve was careful to make sure that Bucky didn’t notice the amount of his sketchbook dedicated to him. Jesus, he didn’t need that. Bucky on the other hand, was writing about everything around him. Describing the trees, the animals, the way the clouds trailed across the sky. But every so often, he started writing about Steve. Whether it was about his soft, blue eyes, or about the look on his face when he drew, or about how the sunlight looked in Steve’s hair. Bucky made sure that Steve didn’t notice these. The two of them started packing up their things, feeling relaxed and comfortable. They shouldered their packs and started on their way down the path, heading back to the motorcycle.

“How you feeling Buck?” Steve asked, smiling softly.

“I’m feeling pretty good.” Bucky said, his voice a bit rough from the lack of use. “It was nice to get out of the apartment.”

Steve laughed softly, smiling.

“Ya. It was such a nice day too. I’m glad we could get out.”

They continued to walk in silence. Bucky was tempted to grab Steve’s hand and hold it. He knew he shouldn’t do that though. He didn’t want to freak Steve out. Steve wanted to grab Bucky’s hand but focused on looking straight ahead. Bucky was dealing with enough already. He didn’t need Steve’s pining added on too. They eventually got to the motorcycle and got on after putting on the helmets. Steve pulled out of the dirt parking lot and off they went.

…

Bucky watched Steve doze on the couch, snorting softly. He knew he shouldn’t be staring, but god, he couldn’t stop. He smiled softly, tempted to reach out and play with the little tuff of hair that Steve had. He didn’t. He wouldn’t do that. He was content with watching Steve doze.

_You’re such a creeper._  Barnes said.

_‘Don’t lie, you like watching him sleep too.’_

_It… it does comfort me. I can tell whether or not he’s breathing._

_‘We use to watch him in his sleep, right? Before the war?’_

_Ya… ya we did. I did it to make sure Stevie didn’t die in his sleep._

_‘We don’t need to worry now though.’_

_Old habits die hard._

Bucky took a deep breath and relaxed into the couch cushions, smiling softly at Steve’s sleeping form. Bucky pulled out his notebook and read through what he wrote that day. He smiled when he came across the descriptions of Steve.

_Winter and Stevie sitting in a tree…_

_‘Barnes, you are the biggest hypocrite I’ve ever had the displeasure of speaking with.’_

_Well that’s a little harsh._

Bucky rolled his eyes and snorted softly. He looked back at Steve and smiled softly. He closed his book and got up from his seat, walking over to Steve’s bedroom. He grabbed Steve’s Bucky bear, and a blanket. He wandered back into the living room and placed the Bucky bear on Steve’s chest, before draping the blanket over top of him.

“Good night Stevie.” Bucky whispered, smiling softly.

He walked over to his room and went inside, tucking his notebook underneath his pillow before flopping down onto his bed. He grabbed his Captain Ameribear and hugged him close. He paused for a minute before planting a soft kiss on his forehead.

_Seriously?_

_‘Closest I’m gonna get. Shut up Barnes.’_

_Fair point… good night Winter._

_‘Good night Barnes.’_

Bucky closed his eyes and snuggled Captain Ameribear close, relaxing into his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I finished my first final and I thought,   
> 'Hey, why not post a chapter to celebrate?'  
> So here you go! You get to read about Steve being a fucking selfless bastard as usual. Enjoy you nerds.
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me, I have to study for my Anthropology and Psychology exams. Wish me luck


	24. Chapter 24

Steve opened his eyes blearily. It was pitch black outside, only the dim glow of the street lights out side lit up the night. Steve sat up, surprised by the blanket and his Bucky bear. He turned his head to Bucky’s door and smiled softly. Bucky tucked him in. Steve laughed softly, looking down at the little brown bear in his hands. He closed his eyes and sighed. He could feel a tugging on his heart, the urge to go find Bucky and cuddle him. He shook his head. Nope, not happening. Not that he didn’t want to, but Bucky needed to focus on recovering. Steve smiled down at the Bucky bear in his hands. Well, at least he had this as an alternative. He hugged the little bear close, sighing heavily. Jesus, this was just sad. He looked into the little black eyes of the bear and closed his eyes picturing them as the familiar blue grey eyes of his best friend. Steve gently pressed his lips on the little red nose of the bear and sighed heavily.

“God I’m pathetic.” He groaned. “Really Rogers?”

He set the bear down beside him and ran his hands through his hair before picking up his phone and looking at the time. 1:58 am. Steve rolled his shoulders and stood up, pocketing his phone. Well, he didn’t feel tired anymore. No point in trying to get some more sleep. He quietly crept over to Bucky’s bedroom door, opening it slowly before peering in. He could make out Bucky, fast asleep in his bed, hugging his Captain Ameribear close. He saw that Bucky was smiling softly. Steve closed the door quietly and felt a small smile tug his lips. Well, at least Bucky was sleeping peacefully. He walked back into the living room and grabbed his sketchbook, turning on the table lamp on the end table. He opened the sketchbook, looking at some of the drawings he had done. He smiled softly at one drawing of Bucky fast asleep on the couch. His hair was partially in his face, partially on the cushion. His mouth was slightly open and he was drooling. Sure it seemed silly, but Steve felt himself fall a little more in love with his best friend, gazing at the peaceful drawing. He continued further on and came to a drawing of Bucky sitting on the floor, cross-legged, scrawling something in his notebook. His hair was tied back with a rubber band. Steve smiled again.

_‘He looks pretty good with long hair.’_ Steve thought.

He started thinking about running his hand through the long, chocolate brown tresses, pulling it… wait, no, no bad Steve. Steve shook his head and turned to the next page. This time, it was a page of animal drawings… and a sketch of Bucky’s eyes in the top right hand corner. Steve screamed internally. There was one of these on every page, wasn’t there? He turned the page again. It was a page full of familiar faces. A drawing of his mother, a drawing of Peggy, a couple of the howling commandos, a few of Sam, one of Natasha and… the rest Bucky.

“Okay, this is starting to get ridiculous.” Steve muttered.

He turned the page again and low and behold… Bucky. Bucky sleeping, eating, signing. Drawings of his eyes, his face, his mouth, his hands, his metal arm. Steve was starting to get concerned.

“Jesus I was blind.” He muttered. “How’d I not notice till now?”

Steve decided enough was enough and closed the sketchbook. He looked at his phone, checking the time. 2:11 am. Steve groaned softly. He was partially tempted to text Sam, but he decided that that was a pretty shit idea. Steve sat on the couch, staring at the ceiling for a while. He wasn’t sure how much time was passing by until his phone lit up and started vibrating. Who the fuck was calling him at, he checked the time, 2:37 in the morning? He looked at the ID and groaned. Tony. Why was Tony calling him? Steve answered the call.

“Rogers, I didn’t wake you did I?”

“Tony it’s 2:37am, you’re lucky I was already awake.”

“Nightmare?” Tony asked.

“No, I just woke up at around two and couldn’t fall back asleep.”

“Ah, alright. That’s good to know.”

“Tony, why are you calling me? Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Steve said, exasperated.

“Well, normally I would be asleep, but something came up.”

“Tony, what did you do?”

“I’m hurt Steve. I really hurt that that’s your first reaction.”

“What happened?”

“I found a rather large Hydra cell in Barcelona, and it’s active. I thought you might like to know.”

“You want me to go, don’t you?” Steve said, ready to say no.

“They may have information on what they did to Bucky. If we know more about what they did, we can figure out ways to help him.”

Steve froze. That… that was a good point. He… he could get Bucky the help he needed if he knew what they did to him. At the same time, he was scared of what he’d find. He knew a bit about what happened thanks to the file Natasha gave him. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. Steve took a deep breath.

“I… when were you planning?”

“The sooner, the better. When’s the earliest you can leave?”

Steve looked over to Bucky’s door.

“I… tomorrow afternoon? I need time to prepare.”

“Alright.”

“Who else is coming?”

“Natasha’s coming, same with Sam. I think Clint’s coming too. You’re going, I’m going. Bruce isn’t.”

“Can Bruce come here and stay with Bucky?”

“Why, you don’t trust him?”

“I do. It’s just… I don’t want him alone. He get’s really bad nightmares sometimes and I’d feel better with leaving if he’s got someone with him while I’m gone.”

“I’ll send him over. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“See you in a few hours then.”

“See ya Steve.”

…

Steve was busy packing spare clothing into his mission pack. It was five in the morning. He heard his bedroom door open and he turned to see Bucky looking at Steve confused.

“What are you doing?”

Steve took a deep breath. It was now or never.

“You remember Tony? He came over to fix your arm a couple of months ago?”

Bucky nodded, still looking confused.

“He called me last night. He found an active hydra base and wants me to come in to take it out. I’ll be gone a few days, maybe a week or two, I’m not sure.”

Bucky’s expression went from confused to distressed.

“So… you’re leaving me here?” Bucky asked, looking scared.

“Bruce, he came with Tony when he came to fix your arm, he’s coming to stay with you while I’m gone. You’re not gonna be here alone.”

Bucky still looked distressed. Steve took Bucky’s shoulders and smiled.

“Buck, I trust Bruce. He’s a good man. You’ll be fine.”

“But what about you?”

Oh… Bucky was worried about him. Really, he should’ve seen this coming.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll probably come home banged up and all, but I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

Bucky calmed down a little.

“I’m going out in a couple hours to get you a phone. I’ll help you set it up so you can communicate with me while I’m gone.”

Bucky calmed down a little bit more.

“Okay.” He said, smiling softly.

…

It was 8:37am. Steve was set to leave at three pm. He had just got the phone and he was running up the stairs to his apartment. He ran up to his door and fished out his keys, trying to unlock it in a hurry. He opened the door and rushed in, closing it behind him. He noticed Bucky sitting on the couch, hugging Captain Ameribear.

“Hey Bucky.” Steve said, smiling softly.

He walked up to the couch and pulled out the box containing the phone.

“Shall we set this up?”

Bucky looked at Steve and smiled softly. He nodded and Steve sat down next to him. For the next two hours or so, Steve helped Bucky set up his new phone, putting in his number, showing him how it worked. Bucky had a hard time at first, but once he got the gist of it, he took to it like a fish to water. He sent Steve a text and smiled, proud of himself. Steve smiled, proud of his best friend. He tried to avoid staring at his face.

“Alright. I think you’re all set up.” Steve said, handing Bucky the charger.

“Just remember to charge it whenever the battery gets low, otherwise it’ll die and you can’t use it.”

Bucky looked at Steve with a smirk.

“You did that, didn’t you?” He said, laughing softly.

Steve sighed and put his head in his hands.

“In my defence, I was fresh out of the ice. I had only been out for two weeks and I still wasn’t use to the fact that pretty much everyone has a phone these days.”

Bucky’s shoulders started to shake and the now familiar wheezing started. Steve groaned inwardly. Great, he was laughing at him. All the same, Steve couldn’t help but smiling at the sound of Bucky’s laughter.

“Yes, yes, it’s hilarious.” He muttered. “You’re not letting me live that down, are you?”

Bucky shook his head, still wheezing softly. Steve resisted the urge to pull him in and kiss him.

_‘No Rogers. Don’t be selfish.’_

God did he want to be selfish though. He wanted to know what it was like to kiss his best friend. What it was like to cradle his face in his hands and… goddamn it really? He need to stop doing that.

 

Steve and Bucky spent the last few remaining hours together. Bucky was practically glued to Steve’s side, either silent of talking quietly. Steve didn’t mind though. He didn’t know exactly when he’d be back, and it was nice to spend time with Bucky anyway. Bruce ended up arriving around two o’clock. Steve was to leave in an hour. Bruce was a bit awkward at first, standing in front of the door with a duffle bag in his hands. Bucky watch him for a moment before going up to him and smiling.

“Hi Bruce.” He said, hoping that he’d relax.

Bruce stared at Bucky for a moment before smiling.

“Hi Bucky.” He said. “Nice to see that you’re speaking now.”

Steve smiled from the hall before going to his room to make sure he had everything. He grabbed the suit that Tony ended up making for him. It still had the stripes of his old uniform, but they were much duller and less eye catching. Steve began suiting up, preferring to be ready ahead of time. He didn’t notice Bucky watching him from the doorway. Bucky wasn’t there long. Steve already had the suit mostly on by the time he got there. Bucky ended up seeing Steve’s bare shoulders though.

_Damn those are some broad shoulders._

_‘Why does he have to be so attractive?’_ Bucky thought.

_To piss us off._

Steve didn’t notice Bucky until he had put on his gloves.

“Oh, hey Buck.” He said, wondering how long Bucky had been standing there. “You need anything?”

Bucky shook his head.

“I... I just wanted to… I don’t know.” Bucky finished lamely. What was he going to say? That he wanted to just stare at Steve while he was suiting up? Who the fuck even does that?

_Us._

_‘Shut up Barnes.’_

Steve smiled and nodded. Bucky couldn’t help but notice the faint blush on Steve’s face.

_‘Even his blush is attractive!’_

_Everything about him is attractive!_ Barnes yelled. _He’s just an attractive person!_

Bucky sighed inwardly. He noticed Steve checking the time out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m gonna have to get going soon Buck.” Steve said.

Bucky couldn’t help but want Steve to stay. He didn’t want him to go, even if it was to take out an active hydra cell. He wanted him to stay.

“Okay.” Bucky said, his voice strangled.

Steve smiled apologetically and opened his arms in an invitation to hug. Bucky took him up on the offer and focused on memorizing the feeling of Steve holding him. He wouldn’t get to hug him for a while, so he had to make sure he remembered what it felt like when Steve squeezed him tight, gently rubbing his back ever so slightly. They stood in Steve’s bedroom, hugging for nearly three minutes. A good, long while, but nowhere near long enough for Bucky.

“You can sleep in my room if you’d like Bucky.” Steve said. “If it helps.”

Bucky nodded, still holding Steve’s sleeve. He didn’t want to let go. He was scared to let go. He was scared that if he did… Steve might not come back.

“I’ll be back in a week or so. Two weeks’ tops.” Steve said, smiling. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Bucky smiled weakly, nodding his head. Ya, he wouldn’t count on that. Steve smiled, rubbing Bucky’s shoulder softly.

“Don’t do anything stupid till I get back.” Steve said.

Bucky knew what to say automatically. The memory of the last time he saw Steve when he was still tiny blossoming in his mind.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Steve laughed softly and Bucky felt a wave of pleasant warmth wash over him.

“True. Take care of yourself, alright Buck?”

Bucky nodded before putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“You have to take care of yourself too.” He said, feeling scared. “I don’t wanna have Sam telling me that you got your stupid ass hurt because you weren’t paying attention.”

Steve laughed and nodded. He reached down and picked up his bag and shield.

“I will. I’ll see you in a week or so.”

Bucky nodded. They walked to the front door, Bruce and Bucky both seeing Steve off. Steve thanked Bruce for coming over to keep Bucky company and bade the two of them goodbye. He left and the door closed with a click. Bucky wrapped his arms around himself, feeling scared. He’d come back… right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Glances down at the chapter before tossing it out to the readers.* Here you go, have fun.  
> So I finally finished my finals. Had some... lets call them adventures. Adventures I never want to repeat because they were shit. But, I decided why not give you guys another chapter in another celebration. I survived finals, woohoo!  
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter.


	25. Chapter 25

Bruce noticed almost immediately. Bucky’s shoulders deflated as soon as Steve had left and he had a scared and worried expression on his face. Everything about Bucky’s body language was screaming that he was scared. That he was worried about Steve. Bruce placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, smiling softly When Bucky looked over to him.

“So, you wanna watch a movie or something?”

 

They ended up watching a Disney movie. Sleeping Beauty. Bucky felt a distant memory at the back of his mind. He remembered seeing the posters for this movie when he was sent to take out some minor politician in America. Bucky shook his head, trying to ignore the memory and focused on the movie. He watched the screen, admiring the colours and the grace the characters had. He glanced over to Bruce, who was watching the television. Bucky tried to remember what Steve had told him about Bruce. He was a doctor who got hit with gamma radiation and ended up with another guy in his head that would come out whenever he thought he was in danger. It seemed strange that such a small, soft looking person would have such a violent, almost terrifying side. But then, Bucky thought, everyone has one. He turned to look back at the screen, watching the movie.

…

Steve had been gone for six hours now. Bucky had sent him a text, saying that he and Bruce were doing fine, that he hoped he was doing well and that he hoped he had a good night’s rest. Bucky took a deep breath. He was sitting on Steve’s bed, staring at Captain Ameribear in his hands. He missed Steve so much already, and he hadn’t even been gone a day. Bucky glanced over to Steve’s nightstand and found that Bucky bear wasn’t where he usually sat. Bucky smiled softly. Steve took Bucky bear with him. Bucky wrapped his blanket around himself and hugged his bear close before lying down and closing his eyes. Steve would be back soon. He just had to wait it out.

…

Steve stared at the text on his phone, smiling softly. He couldn’t help but feel relieved seeing that text. He felt a little more sure when he knew that Bucky was doing okay. Steve sent a text back.

‘Hey Buck, I’m glad to hear that you and Bruce are doing well. I’m doing fine. We have just landed in Paris and are waiting for the jet to be refuelled so we can make it the rest of the way. I hope you have a good night’s sleep too.’

Steve ended up typing that he loved Bucky. However, he caught it before he sent it and deleted that part. He read over the text, making sure that he didn’t accidently say anything else that would make Bucky uncomfortable, before hitting send. Steve leaned back into his seat, staring up at the ceiling of the private room in the airport. He felt Sam sit next to him.

“How you doing?” Sam asked, staring up at the ceiling along side Steve.

“I’m okay.” Steve said, though he didn’t really believe himself when he said that.

“No really, how are you doing?”

Steve took a deep breath and sighed.

“I’m worried. Bucky’s nightmares get pretty bad.”

“You having second thoughts?”

Again, Steve sighed. How did Sam do that?

“I… kind of. I’m still following through on this though. It needs to be done.”

Steve heard Sam snort beside him.

“Alright lover boy.”

“Don’t say that around Tony.” Steve said. “I’ll never hear the end of it. He’ll be all, ‘Wow, Capsicle has a crush? Maybe he’ll finally loose his virginity!’, and I don’t wanna hear it.”

Sam made a noise that caught Steve’s attention.

“What is it?”

“Do you still have your virginity?”

Steve snorted.

“No. Lost it ages ago, long before you were born.”

“Do I wanna know?” Sam asked, sounding very apprehensive.

“It was during my uh… early days with the serum. Lost it to one of the show girls. She was real nice. Wonder how she’s doing.” Steve said, suddenly curious. Was Doris even alive still?

Sam groaned.

“You better not go into detail Rogers. I don’t wanna know what happened.”

An evil grin spread across Steve’s face and he turned his head to look at Sam, only to find that Sam was glaring at him.

“Don’t even think about it Rogers.” He said, baring his teeth. “Don’t say a word.”

Steve shrugged.

“Alright fine. You’re missing out though.”

Sam shuddered.

“I don’t wanna know what you get up to in the bedroom grandpa.”

Steve shoved Sam, rolling his eyes.

“Asshat.” He muttered.

“Dickweed.”

The two of them burst into giggles shortly after Sam said that.

 

Finally, they were back on the plane. Steve was staring out the window tiredly. He jumped when he felt Natasha’s hand on his shoulder.

“So, I hear you found Barnes. How come you didn’t say anything?”

Steve stared at Natasha in shock. Oh right, he never told her.

“I was a bit busy, sorry.”

Natasha snorted.

“How’d you find him?”

“More like he found me.” Steve said, thinking fondly at the memory. “He was sitting on my fire escape in the rain. Scared the shit outta me.” Steve laughed. “I got him inside and helped him clean himself up.”

“Do my ears deceive me? Did I just hear Captain America swear?”

Steve groaned. Natasha smiled softly, rather enjoying Steve’s pain.

“Tony, you know I was in the army right? You do know how much they swear in the army, don’t you?”

Tony snorted.

“But you’re Captain America! You’re not suppose to swear!”

“Fuck off Tony.” Steve deadpanned. “I’ll fucking swear as much as I fucking please. I’ll use fuck as a fucking adjective if I wanna. So fuck off before I shove my foot up your ass so hard they’ll be surgically removing my fucking toes from your goddamn stomach.”

Tony sputtered in shock and Clint and Sam threw their heads back in laughter. Even Natasha snorted for a moment before composing herself.

“Well now that’s just rude.” Tony muttered, walking back to his seat.

“Wow Steve, you have such a potty mouth. What would your mother say?” Natasha said, trying not to laugh.

“My ma swore like a sailor. Apparently so did my dad. We’re Irish, it runs in the family.”

Natasha nodded and got up form the seat across from him to go talk to Clint. Steve stared at the ceiling of the plane, silently wondering what Bucky was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! A new chapter! Hopefully, you enjoy it.
> 
> I'll try and post some chapters around Christmas. I cannot guarantee as I'll be at my uncle's and while he has wifi, I'm not sure I'll be able to get on here and update the story. If I cannot update after today, then let me wish you a happy holidays. I hope you guys have a fun time with family, friends or whoever you're celebrating with.


	26. Chapter 26

Steve had been gone for six days, twenty-three hours and forty-seven minutes exactly. Bucky had been keeping track of how long Steve had been gone (if someone tried to confront him on it later however, he’d deny it furiously) and he was nervously staring at his phone. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to remember how to breath. He sighed in relief when his phone lit up with a text message.

‘Hey Buck. We’ll be back tomorrow. I won’t give specific time, but it should be tomorrow. I’ll see you then.’

Bucky relaxed into Steve’s mattress, sighing in relief.

“Oh thank god.” He muttered, shaking.

Bucky reach over to the side and grabbed Captain Ameribear, hugging him close. He relaxed as he laid his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, falling asleep.

…

It was cold… dark… he couldn’t move… why couldn’t he move? He couldn’t seem to open his eyes. He struggled, trying to move something… anything. He tried opening his eyes again, and this time, he was able to open them just a crack.  He could faintly make out a window covered with what looked like frost. He felt his stomach drop. No. No, no, no, dear god now! He tried to breath but he found that every time he did, he could feel the ice slowly coat his lungs. Bucky whimpered softly.

‘No, please no! I don’t wanna go back.’

He heard a loud, metallic bang. If he could, he would’ve started shaking. He struggled to open his eyes further and he got a better view of what he was in. All it did was confirm what he already knew. He was in the cryochamber. Bucky struggled some more, hoping in vain that he could move, by some godforsaken miracle. He sobbed, causing ice to coat his lungs. Once he started, he just couldn’t stop. He gasped for breath, only to feel the ice coat his lungs, slowly suffocating. The last thing he saw was a hauntingly familiar face, like a skull, peering in through the frost covered glass.

“Well Soldier, you’re back where you belong.” Was the last thing he heard?

…

Bruce’s eyes shot open when he heard what sounded like someone screaming in agony. He bolted upright, trying to find his goddamn glasses. He threw back the sheets and tried to stand up, only to almost fall onto his face when his foot got tangled in the sheets. Quickly, he untangled it and hurried over to Steve’s bedroom. He ripped opened the door only to come face to face with Bucky thrashing about in the bed, screaming himself hoarse. He had helped Bucky with nightmares during the week, but… never one that made him react like this. He ran forward, trying to keep himself calm. The big guy coming out would not help Bucky. He raced up to the side of the bed, trying to stay calm.

“Bucky, listen to me,” Bruce said, trying to keep his voice calm and soothing. It worked before. “You’re safe. You’re just fine. Whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real. It’s not happening.”

He could see tears streaming down his face, gasping for breath that he just couldn’t find. Carefully, Bruce reached out and placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Bucky continued gasping for breath, shaking.

“You’re safe.”

Bucky opened his eyes, shaking. He latched onto Bruce’s shirt and tried to breath. Bruce took Bucky by the shoulder and pulled him close, tucking his face into his neck. He wrapped his arms tight around him.

“You’re safe.” He said. “You’re safe.”

Bucky didn’t respond, save for gasps of breath. Bruce held onto Bucky, trying to think of what to do. He took a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm and collected. He thought,

_‘Maybe we should call Steve.’_

He gave Bucky a gentle squeeze and said,

“Alright Bucky, do you wanna call Steve?”

It took a few minutes, but Bucky nodded.

“Alright, let me get your phone.”

Bruce opened Bucky’s phone and dialed Steve’s number. He put it on speaker phone and Bucky and Bruce listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before Steve picked up. Before Steve could say anything, Bruce said,

“Steve, it’s Bruce. We gotta bad one.”

“Bucky, are you okay?” Steve said, his voice sounding tinny.

Bucky’s shoulders sagged in relief when he heard the familiar voice.

“N-no.” He croaked, his voice a little hoarse from his screaming.

“Can you tell me what happened? What did you see?” Steve asked, sounding worried.

“C-cold.” Bucky said, shaking softly. “C-couldn’t move.”

Bruce stared at the phone, worrying his lip.

“You’re not on ice Buck.” Steve said, sounding firm but calm. “You’re never going back there again.”

Bucky struggled to take deep breaths but he seemed to be calming down, ever so slightly.

“W-where are you?” Bucky asked, his voice sounding stuffy.

“In London right now. We’re staying the night and we’ll be leaving by about six tomorrow morning.”

Bucky slumped against Bruce, who somehow managed to support his weight.

“Thanks Steve.” He said, his finger hovering over the end call button. “We’ll see you in the afternoon.”

“No problem Bruce. I’m glad I could help. Sleep well guys.”

Bruce ended the call and looked over to Bucky, who currently had his face smushed into his shoulder.

“You okay?”

Bucky nodded after a minute. His movements were very sluggish and slow. Bruce took a deep breath, trying to think of what to do. Bucky couldn’t just go to sleep again, not after what he saw. He needed time to rest and recover.

“You wanna watch some tv?” Bruce suggested, hoping Bucky would agree. He was really at a lose at what to do.

Bucky nodded, much to Bruce’s relief. Carefully, Bruce helped Bucky to his feet and wrapped his blanket around him, making sure he had that little bear of his. Together, they made their way to the living room. Bruce handed Bucky the remote and he turned on Netflix before hunting down Adventure Time. Bucky didn’t sleep the rest of the night.

…

It was ten in the morning. Bucky was curled up on the couch, dozing. Bruce would glance over every few minutes to make sure he wasn’t having a nightmare. He wasn’t. It seemed as though Bucky was just dozing peacefully, something Bruce was thankful for. He jumped when his phone vibrated. He pulled it out and saw a text from Tony.

‘Plane ahead of schedule, may end up home earlier then expected.’

Bruce shot a text back and relaxed. He stared at the phone in his hands and smiled. Tony made it for him. He made it so that it was completely untraceable. No one could use his signal to find him. He heard a soft snuffling from the couch and saw Bucky curling up under the blanket, hugging his bear close. He watched him nervously, watching for any signs of a nightmare. Nothing. Bucky was just readjusting himself in his sleep. Bruce relaxed slightly and closed his eyes. At least Bucky was sleeping now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've decided that I'm gonna try and post the chapters I've pre-written and finish a couple of chapters for Christmas. Hopefully, I'll be able to post a chapter on Christmas which will skip forward and have Steve and Bucky celebrating Christmas themselves. Think of it as a little Christmas present from me to you. I'm sure I can do this. Wish me luck!
> 
> Happy Holidays you nerds


	27. Chapter 27

It was one pm. The others weren’t quite back yet. They were held up by airport security. They were giving Steve a hard time with his shield. Bucky chuckled at the picture Steve sent. All it was a picture of a young woman behind a desk, checking Steve’s shield, with the caption,

They’re trying to take my shield.

Bucky smiled at the picture and tucked the phone in his hoodie pocket. Bruce was all packed up, his duffle bag by the door. He was sitting in the living room, reading a book. Bucky couldn’t tell what it was. It was written in another language. While he knew plenty of languages, the book was not written in one he knew. He walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out the old beaten copy of the Hobbit and sat down to read. He’s read it over multiple times by this point, but it never ceased to captivate him and bring comfort. However, Bucky was having a hard time focusing this time.

_I hope Steve’s okay._

_‘He’s fine. He told us why he’s not home yet, remember?’_

_Winter, I still worry. I thought we established this._

_‘Let me read the fucking book Barnes.’_

_You’ve read it like a hundred times. You practically have it memorized._

_‘Barnes, if I could, I’d sock you.’_

_You love me._

_‘You annoy me.’_

Bucky sighed inwardly and closed the book. Ya, Barnes wasn’t gonna let him read in peace.

_Read something else at least! We all know what happens and you always rage quit at the end!_

_‘Barnes, I’m gonna fucking hurt you!’_

_You can’t. I thought we established this._

Buck let out a frustrated groan and Bruce looked up, wondering what was going on.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Barnes won’t shut up and let me read.” Bucky grumbled.

Bruce looked at the book and noticed how worn it was.

“Is he complaining about the choice in literature?”

Bucky looked up to stare at Bruce.

“How’d you know?”

Bruce snorted and sighed.

“You could read what I’m reading.” Bruce offered, holding out his book.

“I don’t even know what it is. I don’t understand what’s written on the cover.”

Bruce shrugged.

“What languages do you know?”

Bucky closed his eyes and thought for a second.

“Russian, German, Japanese, I picked up Italian during the war I think, ASL, and… French.”

“That would explain it. This is Mandarin.”

“Show off.”

Bruce chuckled and got back to his book. Bucky stared at the ceiling in defeat.

_‘We could be trying to understand that book Barnes. Are you gonna quit being a baby?’_

_Can I do commentary?_

_‘If I say no?’_

_Then I’m not._

_‘Fine! Do your fucking commentary!’_

_Ya, thanks Winter._

Bucky couldn’t help but think he was gonna regret this.

_Ya. You are._

He was fucked.

…

It was 2 pm. Bucky was fast asleep on the couch, snoring softly. Bruce had stopped reading and was staring at the ceiling, just thinking. He jumped slightly when he felt his phone vibrate. He looked to see a text from Steve.

On my way home. It took way too long to explain why I was carrying a massive metal Frisbee.

Bruce chuckled and texted Steve back, letting him know that they were fine. He put his phone away and went back to staring at the ceiling. He didn’t realise that he dozed off after about quarter past.

…

Steve walked into the apartment, sighing heavily. He looked at his reflection in the mirror just by the door and grimaced from the massive bruise on his face. Bucky was not going to be impressed with that. He put his keys down onto the side table and walked into the living room only to see Bruce and Bucky both fast asleep on the couch. Steve smiled and shook his head before going over to Bruce and gently shaking his shoulder. Bruce opened his eyes, blinking tiredly.

“Steve?” He muttered. “What time is it?”

“2:53.” Steve said, checking his phone. “I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t expect to get held up so long.”

Bruce shrugged, getting up and rolling his shoulders.

“It’s okay. I didn’t mind.”

Steve walked him to the front door, thanking Bruce along the way.

“Steve, it’s fine. It was nice spending time with Bucky. It was nice to see how he was doing anyway.”

Steve nodded and smiled.

“But still, I really appreciate it.”

Steve escorted Bruce to the street where a car was waiting for him.

“Really Tony?” Bruce muttered under his breath.

Steve snorted and rolled his eyes.

“He does it because he cares about you.” He said to Bruce, smiling.

Bruce rolled his shoulders and sighed, shaking his head.

“I know, but does he have to send a limo? Really?”

Steve shrugged and waited until Bruce was in the car and gone before going back to his apartment. He walked through the door and was greeted to the sight of Bucky, still fast asleep. Steve smiled softly. He looked so peaceful, almost like nothing could hurt him. Steve grabbed his bag and went to put it away, keeping an ear out for Bucky just in case. He walked back into the living room to see Bucky stirring. He walked over to the couch and crouched down.

“Hey Bucky, I’m home.”

Bucky opened his eyes and stared at Steve tiredly. When his brain registered who it was, his eyes grew wide.

“You’re home!” He said, a smile on his face.

Steve’s mouth broke into a grin and he nodded.

“Ya, I’m back. How’re you doing?” He asked, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I’m alright.”

“Can I ask about the nightmares? How many you’ve had?”

Bucky’s smile dropped a bit and he looked down at the floor.

“I had a couple every night.” He said in a quiet voice.

Steve nodded, frowning softly. He gently rubbed Bucky shoulder, trying to bring a bit of comfort. Bucky smiled softly at the gesture.

“I’m glad you’re home.” He said, reaching out and putting his hand on Steve’s arm. He stared at the massive bruise on Steve’s shoulder. “What happened?”

Steve ducked his head and snorted, remembering it.

“I uh… I ran into a bar. I wasn’t paying full attention and ended up running into the bar at full speed.”

Bucky looked at Steve with a blank expression. He couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“You ran… into a bar.” Bucky deadpanned. “Why do I not believe you?”

“You can ask Sam. He can confirm.”

Bucky face palmed and shook his head.

“You realise Barnes is yelling at you for being a reckless idiot, right?”

Steve smiled sadly and nodded. He figured he’d yell at him.

“I’m sorry Barnes. I wasn’t paying attention. I never meant to run into the bar.”

“Barnes said that you’re an reckless punk.”

Steve snorted and nodded.

“Noted.”

…

Bucky sat on the counter, watching Steve stirring something in a pot. They had fell into a peaceful silence after talking for a couple hours. Bucky relaxed as he watched Steve looking through some spices, trying to find a specific one.

“So how’s Sam?” He asked, smiling softly.

Steve turned to glance at Bucky and smiled.

“He’s doing alright. He’s said he’s stopping by tomorrow.”

Bucky’s eyes lit up. He liked Sam. He was nice and friendly, didn’t mind it when Bucky talked about his nightmares. HE didn’t judge him. He usually just offered advice, give the odd suggestion as to what he could do to try and relax after a nightmare. He also liked it when Sam came over since he’d sometimes cook. Not that Steve couldn’t cook. It’s just that it was nice to have some variety every once in a while.

“Did he say why?” He asked.

“Something about wanting to check up on us and make sure we didn’t die in the night or something.”

Bucky snorted and laughed.

“Alright.”

They fell into another comfortable silence. It was broken a few minutes later when Steve asked what he and Bruce had gotten up to while he was on the mission.

“We watched a lot of movies.” Bucky said, smiling softly. “He also cooked curry. It was really spicy, but I liked it.” Steve smiled and nodded and Bucky continued. “He showed me a few yoga moves too. It’s pretty nice.”

“Oh ya, Bruce does yoga to try and keep calm. Says it relaxes him.”

“It relaxed me. I only had one nightmare that night.”

Steve nodded. Bucky could tell that the gears were turning in that head of his.

“Could you get me a couple of plates? I think this is ready.”

Bucky got off his perch and grabbed some plates from the cupboard. He handed them to Steve, who began piling on the food.

…

Bucky sat on the couch, leaning against Steve. He felt more relaxed now that Steve was back. He felt safe with Bruce. There was something strangely comforting about having a companion who could turn into a giant, green rage monster at the first sight of danger with him. But it was nice having Steve back. He relaxed even more when he felt Steve’s fingers in his hair. He closed his eyes when he felt the gentle caress and he sighed softly.

 

Steve meanwhile, was watching Bucky. It was nice to be home. It was nice knowing that Bucky was okay. It was great that he was making friends with his friends. He thought that Bruce might be a good friend for Bucky. He jumped when he heard a soft voice.

“So how’s Clint?”

Steve smiled and shrugged.

“He somehow managed to walk away from the mission with no broken bones.”

“That’s not normal?”

“Not for Clint.” Steve said, chuckling softly. “He usually gets a broken arm or some broken ribs.”

Bucky smiled.

“What about his dog?”

“Clint says Lucky’s doing well. He was thinking he could come over tomorrow and bring Lucky.”

“So, we’ll have Sam and Clint over tomorrow.”

“Yep. Is that okay?”

Bucky stared at the ceiling before nodding.

“Ya. I like both of them. They’re nice.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile, slightly relieved that Bucky was okay with them coming over. He didn’t want him to be overwhelmed. He patted Bucky’s shoulder.

“Come on. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired.”

…

Bucky was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling in fear. He tried to convince himself that Steve was fine, that he was just asleep in the next room.

_Go to Steve. Just go. It’ll help._

God that was tempting, but he found that he just couldn’t move. All Bucky could do was tighten his grip on his bear, hoping to get a small shred of comfort from it. It seemed there was no such luck.

_Come on Winter, get up. It’s just a few feet. You’ll be okay._

Bucky took a deep breath and found that he could move now. He moved at a painfully slow pace, shaking. He slowly got out of his bed and paused for a moment, debating on whether or not he should take Captain Ameribear with him. He decided that it would be easier if he just took the bear with him and held it close, slowly shuffling towards the door. He felt a lump in his throat, shaking as he opened the door, but he kept going.

_That’s it. Open the door and then just go down the hall. You got this Winter._

Bucky shuffled down the hall to Steve’s bedroom door. His hand was on the door knob, ready to turn it when he stopped. He couldn’t make himself turn it.

_Winter, you need to open the door. There’s no way around it._

_‘I can hear them.’_

_Wait, what?_

_‘I can hear my handlers. I can hear them talking.’_

_Winter, it’s not real. You’re okay. They’re not here._

Bucky took a deep breath and forced himself to turn the handle. He stepped into Steve’s room, shaking. He could still hear his old handlers.

_‘He’s fucking pathetic.’_

_‘We should put him in the chair! He’s becoming erratic again!’_

_‘God, he can’t do anything.’_

Bucky was shaking more then he was before.

_Winter, don’t listen to them. They’re not here. A lot of them are dead. You’re safe. No one’s gonna hurt you._

Bucky took a deep breath and shuffled over to Steve’s bed. He could see Steve lying in bed, fast asleep. He reached out a placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder. He tried to ignore the voices of past handlers and shook Steve’s shoulder. Steve’s eyes opened slowly and he looked up at Bucky.

“Buck? What’s wrong? ‘S it a nightmare?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

Bucky nodded, shaking. Steve sat up and rolled his shoulders.

“Steve, I can hear them.” Bucky said, hugging the bear close.

Steve’s head whipped around, staring at Bucky in confusion.

“What do you mean? What do you mean you can hear them?”

“I can hear my handlers. I can hear their voices. They won’t stop talking.”

Steve stared at Bucky for a minute before getting out of the bed and wrapping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders.

“It’s okay Bucky.” He said. “They’re not here. They can’t hurt you now. You’re okay, you’re safe.”

Bucky buried his head into Steve’s chest, trying to remember how to breath. He closed his eyes, feeling tears escape his eyes and fall.

“I’m right here. You’re okay.”

Bucky reached up and clung to Steve’s shirt, shaking. Steve rubbed his back and held him tight, softly talking, trying to get Bucky to focus on him and not… whatever he was hearing. That was at three am. It wasn’t until five am that Bucky said that the voices were gone and he could no longer hear his handlers. Steve was relieved, but now he was worried. Was this normal? Was it normal for people who underwent torture to hear their torturers later on? He made a mental note to do a bit of research and to check, but for now, that wasn’t his concern. He wrapped his arms around Bucky and sighed. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve, relaxing and falling asleep. Steve couldn’t help but wonder if Bucky was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will not be a regular thing, I can assure you.
> 
> I'm posting this chapter as it's pre-written. The next one is also finished and I'll try and post it tomorrow morning. Emphasis on try. I can't guarantee that as I will be leaving early in the morning to visit family for Christmas. I'll do my best though and hopefully, you'll get chapter 28 in the morning. I'll definitely try and post Chapter 29, which will be the Christmas chapter, either later on tomorrow night, or sometime on Christmas day.  
> Also, I did check and I found out that it is possible for trauma victims to hear the voices of their tormentors. So it's quite possible for Bucky to hear his handlers. I can say that it won't happen very often. It'll probably only happen a couple more times in the story, though I can't say for sure.
> 
> Happy Holidays. I hope you enjoy this chapter.


	28. Chapter 28

Sam stood outside the door, waiting for Steve to come and let him in. He heard approaching footsteps and turned to see Clint and a dog.

“Hey Clint,” Sam said. “Where’d you get a dog?”

“This is Lucky. I figured Bucky might like to meet him.”

Sam crouched down.

“Can I pet him?” He asked.

Clint nodded and Sam reached out. The dog, Lucky, immediately went forward and started panting as Sam scratching his ears.

“Is he missing an eye?” Sam asked, looking alarmed.

“Ya. He lost it in an accident. Why do you think I named him Lucky?”

Sam looked at Clint, snorting.

“Really?” He looked back to Lucky. “Well, it fits.”              

The door cracked open and Sam and Clint got up to see Steve standing in the doorway.

“Hey guys.” He said, smiling. “Come on in, unless you want to stand in the hallway.”

Sam, Clint and Lucky followed in and Steve closed the door. Lucky started sniffing anything and everything, panting excitedly. Clint let him off his leash and Lucky started padding around, panting excitedly. Everyone heard some quiet footsteps and looked over to see Bucky standing by, wrapped in a blanket. Sam immediately knew what was wrong.

“Nightmare?”

Bucky nodded slowly, tugging the blanket tight. Lucky wandered over to him and started sniffing the blanket. Bucky looked down and smiled softly. He crouched down and reached out to pet him gently. Lucky started wiggling around, panting and yipping softly, pleased with the attention Bucky was giving him. Lucky sniffed Bucky’s cheek before licking it again and again. Bucky laughed softly and buried his head into the soft fur. Sam, Clint and Steve smiled at the scene before them.

 

Bucky was sitting on the floor, petting Lucky. He paused every few moments to sign something to Clint. Sam had no idea what they were saying and instead just talked to Steve quietly. It was peaceful, it was calm.

…

Bucky wrapped his arms around Lucky, relaxing as he listened to him panting. He felt Lucky trying to lick his cheek and smiled tiredly. He pulled away after a few moments and Lucky started licking his cheek, wiggling around and panting. Bucky laughed softly, his face breaking out in a massive grin. He pet Lucky over and over, laughing as Lucky attacked him with kiss after kiss. What Bucky didn’t notice, was Steve standing in the doorway separating the kitchen from the living room, smiling softly. Steve smiled as he watched Bucky laugh and smile as he got attacked by Lucky kisses. Clint was standing next to him.

“Looks like Lucky likes Bucky.” Clint said, sipping from a water bottle. “You know; Christmas is coming up. You could get Bucky a service dog.”

Steve glanced over to Clint and nodded.

“That’s not a bad idea. Lucky looks like he’s really helping Buck. You have any ideas?”

“I know a way where we can get a service dog.” Sam said, just behind the two men.

Clint and Steve turned around to see Sam eating what looked like a cinnamon bun.

“Hey!” Steve cried out. “Dude, those are mine!”

Sam stared at Steve as he took a massive bite out of the bun, grinning as he did. Steve glared at him, pouting slightly.

“I know a couple of guys in the VA who have service dogs. I could talk to them and ask where they got them. Just figure out what kind of dog Bucky would like, and we can get him a dog.”

Steve stared at Sam for a moment and nodded, smiling softly.

“I’m thinking he’d like a big dog. Might be comforting.”

Sam nodded and Clint frowned slightly.

“How long does it take to train a service dog? Clint asked, looking at Sam. “Do you know?”

“It takes about one to two years.” Sam said, shoving the rest of the cinnamon bun into his mouth.

Steve and Clint sighed and nodded.

“You talk to those guys. I’ll figure out what kind of dog Bucky will like. Clint, do you think you could get some stuff to take care of a dog? Toys and such?”

Clint and Sam nodded and Steve relaxed slightly. They were getting Bucky a service dog.

…

Bucky was gently petting Lucky, who was fast asleep on his lap. He smiled softly, relaxing as he watched Lucky twitch in his sleep. He looked up when he heard some approaching steps and saw Steve, who sat down next to Bucky. He smiled softly, reaching out to pet Lucky.

“Hey Buck, how would you feel about a dog?”

Bucky looked over to Steve with wide eyes.

**We’re getting a dog?** He asked.

Steve laughed softly.

“I meant hypothetically.” He said, smiling. “I was wondering if you’d prefer a large dog or maybe a smaller dog.”

Bucky looked down to Lucky, still fast asleep on his lap.

**Lucky’s size is nice.** He signed, relaxing. **I wouldn’t mind a bigger size though. Why?**

Steve shrugged.

“Just wondering Buck.” He said, smiling softly. “You hungry?”

Bucky looked down to Lucky, petting him softly. He nodded after a moment. Steve smiled and nodded himself and got to his feet.

“I’ll order a pizza.” He said. “Sam, Clint! What kind of pizza do you want?”

Lucky’s eyes shot open and his head shot up. He started panting and wiggling around excitedly.

“Goddamn it Rogers!” Clint yelled. “You had to say the p word, didn’t you!”

Bucky’s shoulders started shaking, his smile hurting his face, but he just couldn’t stop. Lucky was wiggling around on his lap, yipping softly, so as not to scare Bucky. Bucky laughed, smiling as he wrapped his arms around Lucky, who started licking his face again.

…

Clint was trying to hold his pizza away from Lucky, who was extremely persistent.

“You got your own pizza!” He cried. “Right there! On the plate on the floor! It’s the exact same pizza!”

Bucky sat on the floor, shoving pizza into his face smiling softly. He laughed as Lucky climbed onto Clint’s lap, putting his front paws on his shoulders and was trying to grab the pizza from Clint’s hand. He managed to sink his teeth into the slice and leapt off of Clint’s lap, his pizza in his jaws. Clint sat there with his jaw dropped open in shock. He leaned forward, glaring at Lucky, who was wolfing down the pizza, making happy sounds.

“Lucky you dick!” Clint cried, falling out of his seat and onto his knees. “That was mine!”

Lucky got to his feet and went over to Clint, licking his face.

“No!” Clint said, pushing Lucky away gently. “I don’t want your pity.”

Bucky laughed softly, his shoulders were shaking.

“Wow Clint.” Sam said, shoving the rest of his pizza into his mouth. “Can’t even hold off a dog.”

Clint grabbed a pillow from off the couch and threw it at Sam, hitting him in the gut.

“Dick!” He said, smiling at the fact that he hit his mark.

Sam started laughing, which lead to Clint laughing. This lead to Steve hunched over in his seat, his shoulders shaking as he tried to smother his laughter. Bucky clapped his hands over his mouth and he started shaking as he tried not to burst out laughing. He ended up failing and threw his head back, laughing. Steve started howling with laughter and the entire apartment was filled with the sound of the four men laughing. It calmed down after a few minutes with everyone sprawled out, breathing heavily.

“Shit I needed that.” Steve muttered, gasping for breath.

Bucky let out a yelp when he felt Lucky’s cold nose on his cheek.

“I think my lungs collapsed.” Clint said, looking very tired.

“I think I threw up a little.” Sam said, swallowing thickly. “I felt something come up.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He just let out a weak groan and curled up onto his side.

“I agree Bucky.” Clint said.

The four men laid there for a long while, groaning softly every few minutes.

…

Steve stood out on the balcony with Sam, leaning against the railing.

“Sam?” Steve said in a small voice. “Is it possible for trauma victims to hear the voices of those who hurt them?”

Sam looked over to Steve, surprised.

“Where’s this coming from?” He asked.

“Last night, when Bucky came to my room, he said something about hearing his handlers. He told me that he could hear them talking.”

Sam nodded for a moment and sighed.

“Ya, it’s possible. Everyone experiences flashbacks differently. Some relive what happened to them, others feel it physically, and some can hear it. It’s normal. A lot of POWs will come home and can hear the people who tortured them. Abuse victims sometimes hear the voices of their tormentors too, even if they know they’re long dead. It’s sad, but it happens.” Sam said quietly, staring at his hands.

Steve’s shoulders slumped.

“Well,” He muttered. “That’s good to know.”

“Just remind Bucky of where he is. Ground him in reality. Talk to him. Anything to drown them out I guess.”

Steve nodded and sighed.

“What am I going to do Sam? I just want him to get better. I know he can’t be my Bucky from the forties, but I just want him to get better.”

Sam placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder and smiled.

“He’ll be okay. He’s getting better. Haven’t you noticed? He’s jumped leaps and bounds in his recovery. When he first got here, he wouldn’t talk. Now he’s talking. When he first got here, you said yourself, he was scared of touch. Now he doesn’t mind. He’s doing better. He’s healing. It’s just that some parts will take longer then others. Just be there for him Steve. Give him the support he needs.”

Steve nodded and smiled before wrapping his arms around Sam and hugging him tightly.

“Thanks Sam.” He said. “I think I really needed to hear that. I just hope you’re right.”

Sam snorted and rolled his eyes.

“I know I’m right. He’ll be fine. He’s got you.”

…

Steve sat in the living room. Sam and Clint had left a few hours ago and Bucky was fast asleep in Steve’s bed, wrapped around his Captain Ameribear. Steve was on the phone with Sam.

“So a dog Lucky’s size or bigger?” Sam asked.

“That’s what he said. Do you think we can do that?” He asked.   

“Oh ya. While some veterans like a nice small dog, there are a fair few who prefer a real big dog. Helps them feel safe, you know?”

Steve made a grunting sound in agreement.

“When can you talk to those guys?” He asked, fiddling with a pencil in his hand.

“I have a meeting tomorrow. I’ll talk to them after the meeting and see what they can tell me. I’ll let you know later.”

“Alright.” Steve said, his head in his hands. “Thanks Sam. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He said, smiling tiredly.

“Alright. Good night Steve.”

Steve bade Sam good night and hung up, leaning back onto the couch.

“I’m getting Bucky a service dog.” He muttered, closing his eyes. We’re getting a service dog.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! Hell yeah, I did it!  
> Here's your early Christmas Eve chapter. I'll post the Christmas Chapter in a while. I can make no promises.
> 
> Please note, that while I've been around dogs, I have no dogs of my own. All I've ever owned as pets are fish and cats. So it is likely that I've mis-written a dog. A fucking dog!
> 
> I hope you guys have a lovely Christmas Eve if I don't post the Christmas Chapter later on today. Stay warm if it's winter where you are and stay safe.


	29. Chapter 29

Bucky stared out the balcony doors, staring at the snow gently falling to the ground. He was wrapped tight in his blanket while on the floor. He held a steaming mug in his hands, filled with hot chocolate. He was waiting for Steve to return from the store. He heard the tell tale click of the door and turned to see Steve walking into the apartment, shaking off the snow from his shoulders.

“God it’s cold out.” Steve muttered, putting down the bags he was carrying. “How’re you doing Buck?”

“I’m glad I’m not out there.” Bucky said, turning his gaze back outside. “It looks miserable out there.”

Steve toed off his boots and rolled his shoulders, sighing.

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in why don’t you.”

Bucky looked over to Steve and smiled a shit eating grin. Steve put the bags in the kitchen and wandered over to the balcony doors, sitting down onto the floor.

“So, are you excited for Christmas?” He asked, smiling softly.

Bucky looked down at the mug in his hands and nodded after a moment.

“Yeah, I am.” He said, looking up to smile at Steve. “It’s my first Christmas in seventy years. I… I’m really excited.”

Bucky didn’t notice Steve’s wince, nor did he notice the look in Steve’s eyes.

“Is there anything you’re hoping for?” Steve asked, smiling knowingly.

Bucky looked over to the balcony doors and shrugged, staring out into the falling snow.

“I don’t really want anything. I’m just happy I’m spending Christmas with you.”

Bucky didn’t notice the look on Steve’s face, a look a pure, unbridled joy.

“I’m happy I’m spending Christmas with you too.” He said, smiling.

…

Steve sat in his bedroom, staring at the phone. Sam had found a service dog that he was sure Bucky would love. The only problem was that it was a Caucasian shepherd.

Steve – How am I meant to fit her in my apartment?

Sam – Look, this is the best dog for Bucky. This guy is huge, but at the same time, really friendly and kind. She’s perfect for him.

Steve – Sam, I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. She’s fucking huge!

Sam – You wanted to get Bucky a service dog, right? This gal specializes in trauma victims, like Bucky. She’s great at grounding people, something Bucky needs. Did I mention that she’s an excellent cuddler?

Steve stared at the picture Sam had sent him. The dog was huge. It made the young woman holding her leash look tiny in comparison. The brown and black fur looked soft and inviting though, and she wore a massive doggy grin.

Steve – Can you get her?

Sam – Already did.

…

Countdown to Christmas, one week. Bucky so far suspected nothing. He did notice that Steve was spending a lot more time on his laptop and on his phone, but Bucky just presumed Steve was trying to find a nice present for Bucky. He wasn’t entirely wrong. Steve was busy looking for items for the massive dog they were about to get. He’d find the items and send links to Clint, who would go get them. At the moment, Steve had managed to find a massive doggy bed. At least, he thought it was a doggy bed. It could’ve been a small mattress. He wasn’t entirely sure. He also managed to find massive dog bowls for food and water and had Clint get a surplus of dog treats. Currently, Steve was looking for some suitable toys. I mean, every dog’s gotta have a toy, right? He was on a pet store’s website when he heard Bucky enter the room. He immediately slammed the lid shut and he was pretty sure he cracked the screen.

“I’m not looking.” Bucky said, chuckling. “I was just getting a glace of water.”

“Okay.” Steve said in a hoarse voice. He really didn’t want Bucky to know.

Bucky, true to his word, grabbed a glass of water and wandered back to his room. He patted Steve’s shoulder before hiding away again. Steve let out a sigh of relief and hesitantly opened the lid. He let out another sigh of relief when he found that the screen had not been crack.

…

Bucky had gone through half a pack of paper, trying to write something, anything. He just wanted to write… something!

_‘I hate you Barnes. This is all your fault. You suggested this.’_

_I’ve made suggestions for what you could write, but no. You’re all “I don’t wanna upset Steve. I can’t write that.”. You want a present for him don’t you?_

Bucky felt his shoulders sag and he sighed.

_‘Yes… yes I do.’_

_Then listen. I suggested that you go through your journals and copy down the logs. I think Steve will really love to see your progress. You don’t have to include… you know._

_‘Fuck it.’_

Bucky got to his feet, and wandered over to the closet. He pulled out the first journal out of it’s hiding place and went back to his bed. He opened the journal and began copying the first log, making sure to edit some parts out.

_Steve will love this. I’m sure._

…

Countdown to Christmas, six days. Bucky had copied down twenty-three entries, staying up the whole night to do so. He sat in bed, staring at the door, blinking blearily.

_Well that was a shit idea._

_‘I was on a roll. I couldn’t stop.’_

 

Unknown to Bucky, Steve too had a sleepless night. He spent the entire night staring at his computer screen, trying to make sure that the things he ordered would come in on time. He, at one point, was very tempted to start screaming when he received an email. He was sure it would be bad news regarding his purchase. Thankfully, it was only an update, saying that it would be arriving a day earlier then expected. Steve sighed, rubbing his eyes as the first rays of dawn poked through his bedroom window. He got to his feet, closing his laptop as he did. He wandered over to the door, deciding now was as good a time as any to get breakfast started. He was quite surprised to see Bucky sitting at the dining table, nursing a cup of coffee.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Bucky shook his head wordlessly.

“Want something to eat?”

Bucky nodded his head and sighed heavily. Steve turned on the stove, waiting for it to warm up while he grabbed himself a cup of coffee. He took a sip and silently sighed. God it tasted so much better then the shit they drank in the army. There were times where he was sure he was actually drinking shit. Both Bucky and Steve stood in silence as Steve cooked bacon and eggs for the two of them. A few times, Bucky almost nodded off, coming close to smacking his head on the counter several times. Steve held him upright.

“Steady Buck. Maybe you should lie down?” Steve said, glancing at Bucky, worriedly.

Bucky nodded and sighed heavily, wandering over to the couch to collapse. When Steve brought his portion of the food, he was out cold.

…

It was three days to Christmas. Bucky and Steve were decorating the tree, something they neglected to do until that point. Bucky was arguing with Steve about what to put on the top of the tree.

“Come on. Your shield has a star on it. It only makes sense that it should be on the top of the tree.”

“It’s a shield!” Steve cried. “Not a Christmas ornament!”

When Steve wasn’t looking, Bucky grabbed his shield and carefully balanced it onto the tree. Steve’s scream of shock was worth the trouble.

…

Two days till Christmas. Bucky had finished his present. He wrapped the pages in tissue paper and placed them in a bag before labeling it, To Steve. He looked at his handy work and gave a nod of approval.

_Steve’s gonna fucking love it._

 

Steve was over at Clint’s apartment, making sure everything was in order. He was helping in wrapping all the dog toys and treats and everything in between. Steve jumped when he felt a cold nose on the back of his neck, again. He turned to see the massive Caucasian shepherd panting excitedly.

“Silver, stay down.”

Steve still couldn’t believe that Sam managed to get her. Silver was a very obedient dog, sitting quietly by Steve, watching excitedly as he wrapped everything for Christmas day. Steve sighed when he felt the cold nose on the back of his neck again.

...

Bucky was fast asleep in Steve’s bed, wrapped in three blankets to fight the chill and cuddling his bear close. Steve on the other hand, was helping Sam and Clint get all the presents in and under the tree. Steve was shocked to find that the other avengers had sent gifts not only to him, but to Bucky. He couldn’t help but be touched at the gesture. Silver sat by the couch, watching as the three men placed the presents under the tree. The plan was simple. Bucky will wake up and him and Steve will open presents. Bucky will open all the presents containing dog items before Steve was to go to Bucky’s room and come back with Silver. Steve knew the plan, but still, he was fucking nervous. He closed his eyes however and sighed. He could do this. He was Captain fucking America.

…            

Steve gently shook Bucky’s shoulder to wake him up. He led a sleepy assassin over to the tree and handed him one of the presents.

“Come on, open it up!” Steve said excitedly, bouncing on his toes.

Bucky took the gift and opened it, revealing a dog’s chew toy. He looked up to Steve, confused. Steve handed him another present. Bucky opened it, revealing dog bowls. This happened again and again until Bucky had open eleven presents relating to dogs.

“I’ll be right back.” Steve said, getting to his feet.

Bucky sat in the midst of a sea of dog products, looking very confused. His eyes widened in shock when Steve entered his room and came out with a massive brown and black dog.

“Her name is Silver. She’s a service dog.”

Bucky stared at the dog in shock for what felt like many hours. Finally, he seemed to snap out of it and he reached forward to pet the dog. She didn’t eat up the attention. She fucking gorged herself on it, wiggling around excitedly. Bucky started laughing and smiling as he pet Silver over and over and over again. He let out a cry of surprise when Silver started licking his face. He started laughing, giggling. He was giggling. Like a school boy! Steve felt his heart burst as he watched Bucky interact with the dog.

“Oh my god.” Bucky whispered after a half hour of just petting the dog. “Oh my god Steve, this is the best present ever!”

Steve smiled and laughed.

“I’m glad you like her so much. You wanna open the other presents?”

…

They went through the other presents with Silver’s head on Bucky’s lap. From Bruce, Bucky received a yoga mat with an instructional video. There was a note attached saying, Because I know it helped. From Tony, Bucky got an alarming amount of Captain America merchandise. Everything from hoodies to sweatpants and… oh dear god… Tony got him a fucking poster. Steve put his head in his hands when Bucky started putting on a hoodie excitedly.

“Steve, look!” Bucky said, beaming. “I have your face on my chest!”

Steve glanced up and sure enough, there was a cartoon version of himself, staring back at him.

“Great.” He muttered. “Goddamn it Tony.”

From Clint, Bucky received an alarming amount of dog toys, many of which Silver seemed to like already. Attached was a note saying, I helped Steve get these. He agreed that the toys should be from me. From Sam, Bucky received a very nice notebook and a fountain pen, as well as a cheesy tourist shirt. Bucky fell in love with it almost instantly. Bucky was very surprised when Steve handed him a gift from a Natasha Romanov.

“She’s the redhead, right?” Bucky asked.

Steve nodded and Bucky shied away from the present.

“Bucky, just trust me okay?” He said, smiling. “Natasha’s my friend. She just wanted to get you something.”

Bucky gingerly took the package and slowly unwrapped it. He was surprised to find that with in the package as a folder that looked to be stuffed almost to overflowing with papers. There was a sticky note which read, This is the information from your past. Specifically, your time in the army. I thought you might like having a bit more information.

“Wow, wonder how she got that.” Steve muttered, wondering what Natasha did to get that.

Bucky held the folder close.

“It’s… it’s about me.” He muttered.

Steve reached out a placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“You okay?” He asked.

Bucky nodded, tears in his eyes.

“Ya, I’m great.”

…

Steve stared at Bucky’s present in his hands. He read the first page over and over. It was a little letter explaining what was written on those pages and stating that he and Barnes wanted Steve to know how much he meant to them. Steve felt his eyes tear up again. He wiped them and smiled before setting the pages down on his bedside table and going to check on Bucky. Bucky was sitting on the floor, playing with Silver. He felt his heart warm as he watched Bucky relax and play. He didn’t notice what was above him where he was standing. Bucky, however, did.

“Uh Steve?” Bucky pointed to above Steve’s head.

Steve looked up and immediately flushed red. There was mistletoe. Someone put mistletoe on his ceiling. Bucky got to his feet.

“I didn’t put it there, I swear.” Steve said, putting his head in his hands.

Bucky slowly walked over to Steve, his heart pounding in his chest. Now was his chance. He could just play it off as following the tradition if Steve didn’t like it. Bucky was mere inches away from Steve.

“Well, you’re caught under the mistletoe,” Bucky said, so quietly that Steve was amazed he could hear him at all. “You gotta be kissed.”

Both Bucky and Steve were blushing by this point. Both of them were screaming on the inside. Steve was sure Bucky could hear his heartbeat. Bucky leaned in closer, moving slowly.

“Is… is this okay?” He asked, looking incredibly nervous.

Steve surprised himself by nodding. He was quite okay with this. He wanted to kiss Bucky. Something in the back of his mind was saying,

 _‘He likes you! He likes you!’_ Over and over and over.

They inched closer, ever closer and then… they met. Bucky closed his eyes as he felt Steve’s lips press against his. He sighed softly as he reminisced in the softness of Steve’s lips. Jesus they were soft. Steve could hear his heart pounding in his ears but god, he didn’t want this to end. Bucky’s lips were slightly chapped and perfect. God, this was better then he ever hoped for. The two of them pulled away, all to soon in both of their opinions and stared at each other, blushing hotly.

“That was… nice.” Steve said, his voice cracking slightly.

Bucky didn’t say anything. He just nodded.

“Buck… h-have you… do you… I mean…”

Bucky mustered up his courage and gently cupped Steve’s face in his hands before kissing him again, a little firmer.

“Ya… I like you… like that.”

Steve stared at him with a stunned expression for a few moments before his face broke out into a massive grin. He wrapped his arms around Bucky and nodded.

“Oh… good to know. Nice to know it’s the same.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and laughed softly, burying his nose into Steve’s neck. He did it. He fucking kissed Steve Rogers.

_Holy fucking shit!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays you nerds! Here's my present to you, the people who actually read what I write. (Still can't believe it to be honest but I'm honored all the same)
> 
> I'll be honest, I wasn't planning for Steve and Bucky to kiss in this chapter. It just happened. That said, I'm quite relieved that it finally happened. You're not the only ones who were waiting.
> 
> https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ba/3a/65/ba3a653dfa8457639ee847f3e3a710b6.jpg  
> This is a Caucasian Shepherd. They're fucking massive. I will admit that I got inspired by yawpkatsi on Tumblr. They have this series called Bucky and Fubar, Fubar being a Caucasian Shepherd. I really liked the idea of Bucky having a massive dog and ya. This happened.  
> (You'll have to copy the link into a search bar. I have no fucking idea how to make it fucking work)  
> Happy Holidays you guys. I really hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	30. Chapter 30

Sam was with his family, playing with his niece, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and saw a text from Steve. He opened it and saw,

Steve – HOLY FUCKING SHIT SAM, I KISSED HIM! WE KISSED!

Sam stared at the text in shock.

Sam – Steve, what are you talking about?

Just moments later, Steve texted back.

Steve – Someone put mistletoe in my apartment and I didn’t notice I was standing under it. Bucky noticed and one thing lead to another and we kissed. Sam, what dO I DO? I’VE NEVER DEALT WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS!

Sam stared at his phone in shock.

“Steve, are you serious?” He muttered.

“What is it Uncle Sam?” His niece asked, looking at him with wide eyes.

Sam looked at his niece and smiled. She never failed to make him smile.

“It’s nothing Jodie.” He said, petting her hair. “It’s just one of your uncle’s friends being silly.”

“What’s wrong? Why are they being silly?”

“They ended up kissing someone they’ve liked for a really long time under some mistletoe I put up and they’re freaking out about it.”

“They shouldn’t be though. If they got to kiss someone they love, then they should be really happy.” She smiled a big, toothy grin, showing her missing tooth.

Sam chuckled and nodded.

“You’re right, but grown ups are silly. Sometimes they don’t know better and they get worked up over silly things. It’s okay.”

“You should tell them that everything’s good now and that they shouldn’t get so worked up.”

Sam smiled softly and nodded. She was right. How is it that a three-year-old could come up with better advice then most people? He’d probably never know.

“I’ll do that right now.”

Sam sent those exact words and smiled at his niece.

“I think we should continue our tea party, don’t you?”

Jodie started bouncing and grabbed her brand new tea pot.

“Would you like more tea Uncle Sam?”

Sam held out his little tea cup with his pinky out.

“I’d be delighted to have more tea.”

…

Clint sat on the couch, scratching Lucky’s ears, when he got a text. He grabbed his phone from the arm of the couch and held it out, reading who it was from.

“Why do I have the feeling that they found the mistletoe?” He muttered, smirking.

Lucky barked softly, nuzzling into Clint’s stomach. Clint opened the message from Bucky and snorted when he read it.

Bucky – I kissed Steve! I kissed Steve!

Clint – Well, that’s wonderful. How was it?

Bucky – You were the one who put the mistletoe up, aren’t you?

Clint – I don’t know what you mean.

Clint sat there with a smirk on his face. He chuckled softly when Bucky sent him a text filled with nothing but swears.

Clint – Now now, don’t be so crude. Sam helped.

Bucky – I don’t know whether I should thank you jackasses or whether to beat your fucking asses.

Clint smiled and pet Lucky’s ears.

Clint – You should thank us. Now, you never answered my question. How was it?

At first, Bucky didn’t reply and for a moment, Clint was worried he might have overstepped his boundaries. Lucky whined softly, nuzzling his stomach.

“I’m okay Lucky. I’m okay.”

Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrate and he saw Bucky reply.

Bucky – It was really nice.

Clint smiled and nodded.

Clint – Well that’s wonderful. Merry Christmas.

Clint put his phone down and sighed.

“Well, at least they finally got their heads out of their asses.”

…

Bucky was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god._

Barnes had been saying nothing but oh my god for the past hour since he kissed Steve. Not that he really blamed him. He was thinking the same thing. He stared at his Captain Ameribear in his hands, sighing. How was this going to pan out? What was he going to do?

_We kissed Steve. Winter, we kissed Steve. What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?_

_‘You’re not helping!’_

_Stop yelling at me!_

_‘You started it first!’_

Bucky pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, sighing heavily.

“God, what do I do?”

_I have an idea._

_‘I’m not listening to whatever suggestions you have.’_

_No, no, hear me out. We go to Steve’s room-_

_‘Barnes, shut up!’_

_We get into his bed-_

_‘Barnes for the love of god!’_

_And we spoon him. We can be the big spoon._

_‘Barnes I… wait, why would we be the big spoon? Why can’t we be the little spoon?’_

_Seriously, that’s what you object to? Just a minute ago, you were like, “No, we’re not going into Steve’s room and cuddling him.” Hypocrite._

_‘We’re not going into Steve’s room. I just wanna know why we’re the big spoon in your scenario.’_

_Fine! We’re the little spoon!_

_‘You’re damn right we’re the fucking little spoon. Where were we going with this?’_

_We’re going to Steve’s room and cuddling the fuck outta him._

_‘No, we are not!’_

Bucky groaned and rubbed his eyes.

_Why can’t we go and cuddle Steve?_

_‘Shut up!’_

Bucky sighed in relief when Barnes didn’t respond after that. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He was almost asleep when…

_So… can we cuddle Steve now?_

Bucky’s eyes flew open and he groaned.

“Goddamn it Barnes!”

Silver opened her eyes and sniffed Bucky, trying to figure out what was wrong.

…

Steve was lying face first on his mattress, trying to contemplate what had happened. It was all a blur. A wonderful, warm and happy blur. All that was going through his head was,

_‘I kissed Bucky, I kissed Bucky, I kissed Bucky.’_

Once or twice, Steve had made a sound akin to a squeak. He wasn’t sure why, he didn’t really know he could make such a sound in the first place, but it happened.

“Oh my god… I fucking kissed him.” Steve took a deep breath. “Holy fucking shit he kissed me!”

Steve screamed into his pillow, kicking his legs.

“Goddamn it Barnes!” He heard, muffled through the wall.

Steve smiled softly. He couldn’t help but wonder what Barnes had said to cause Bucky to reply out loud. Steve closed his eyes and sighed.

“Jesus.” He muttered. “Merry fucking Christmas.”

He rolled over and picked up the small stack of pages Bucky had given him. He smiled as he read through them. He didn’t sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years guys (Unless your new years isn't until later. By which case, happy... January. Ya.)  
> This Chapter is just filler really. But I thought it would be funny seeing Sam and Clint's reactions when Steve and Bucky start freaking out at them, wondering what to do.


	31. Chapter 31

Bucky cracked his eyes open only to close them again when the sunlight hit his eyes. He groaned and threw an arm over his eyes.

_Winter, Winter, you slept through the night! You actually slept through the night!_

_‘Wait what?’_

Bucky sat up and grabbed his phone on the nightstand. Ten in the morning. He stared at the phone, shocked.

“I slept through the night?” He whispered hoarsely. “I-I actually slept through the night?”

Barnes was too busy whooping and hollering excitedly to respond. Bucky threw the covers off his legs and he got out of the bed. He grabbed one of the new hoodies he had got for Christmas and put it on before glancing over to the door and noticing Silver sitting patiently by the door. He smiled softly.

“I can’t believe he got me a service dog.” He whispered, chuckling.

He reached out to pet Silver, who wiggled around happily. She waited for him to open the door and followed him out, staying close beside him. Bucky let out a massive yawn and stretched his arms out. Silver followed him into the kitchen where he prepared himself a mug of coffee. Silver sat by his feet, wagging her tail.  Bucky made sure not to his her in the nose as he maneuvered around her. He had already almost hit her a few times; he didn’t want to actually do it. He set the mug down after taking a sip before going to grab the massive bag of dog food he got. He ripped it open and grabbed the black dog bowl with Silver’s name written in silver paint. He put one, two, three, four cups of dry food into the bowl and Silver padded over and started eating. Bucky scratched her ears.

“You eat up Silver.” He said smiling.

He heard Steve’s bedroom door open and he looked up to see Steve rubbing his eyes as he walked into the kitchen. He felt his heart flutter. Steve looked at Bucky and blushed,

“Morning Buck.” He said, smiling sheepishly.

“Morning Steve, you want some coffee?” Bucky offered.

Steve nodded and Bucky went over to the coffee pot and poured him a mug. He handed it to Steve, who took it gratefully.

“How was your sleep?” Steve asked, smiling.

Bucky blinked slowly and smiled.

“I slept through the night. I actually slept through the night!”

Steve wore a massive grin and laughed.

“That’s great! I’m really glad you slept through the night Bucky.”

Bucky nodded in agreement before taking another sip from his coffee.

“How’re you liking Silver?” Steve asked after a few silent moments.

“She’s great.” Bucky said in a quiet voice, watching Silver eat from her bowl. “She slept with me on my bed, curled up at my feet. She was nice and warm…. She made me feel safe.”

Steve watched Bucky for a moment before smiling.

“I’m glad she makes you feel safe. Sam thought you’d like her.”

“She’s huge.”

“Well, Caucasian Shepherds tend to be. But like you said, she makes you feel safe.”

“She could eat anyone who tries to hurt me. Steve, she’s fucking huge! How are we gonna feed her?”

“Don’t worry about that. I got this.”

Steve’s eyes widened when he noticed what Bucky was wearing. A navy blue hoodie with his shield on the front.

“I’m gonna fucking kill Tony.”

“I like it.” Bucky said, smiling. “It’s like I have a little piece of you wherever I go.”

Steve blushed again and smiled.

“Well, I’m glad you like them so much, but I’m still gonna kill him.”

Bucky snorted and continued sipping his coffee.

“You making breakfast?”

“Sure. Bacon and eggs?”

“You read my mind.”

…

Steve watched from the couch while Bucky played with Silver. At least, that’s what he thought they were doing, if one could consider the dog sitting on their owner’s chest playing. Bucky was laughing, so he assumed everything was okay.

“You alright Buck?” He asked, laughing a little.

“I don’t think I’m getting up for a while.”

Steve snorted and nodded.

“Ya, don’t think she’s letting you up.”

“Well, I guess there are worse ways to go.” Bucky said, a big smile plastered on his face.

Steve chuckled and nodded, watching as Silver carefully moved around so that her head was on Bucky’s chest. He laughed alongside Bucky when she started licking his chin. Bucky started scratching her ears.

“You’re a good girl.” He said, beaming. “My good girl.”

Silver yipped softly and licked Bucky’s chin again. Steve reached out to pet Silver’s head before stopping.

“Hey Buck, is it alright if I pet Silver?”

“Sure. I don’t think this classifies as working.”

Steve ran his fingers through her thick fur and smiled when Silver tried to turn her head so that she could lick his hand. Steve laughed and pulled away, leaning back onto the couch.

_‘You need to talk to Bucky about last night.’_ He thought. He really didn’t want to though.

Steve closed his eyes and sighed inwardly. No, he needed to talk to Bucky. He needed to find out for certain what they were going to do now.

“Hey Buck?” He said, waiting for Bucky to respond. He heard him grunt. “Do you… do you wanna talk about what happened last night?”

He noticed Bucky started looking nervous and he wasn’t the only one who noticed. Silver whimpered and crawled in closer, licking his face to try and help him feel better.

“I’m not mad or anything,” Steve quickly said. God he wasn’t mad, he fucking loved that kiss! “I just… I want to know what we’re going to do now. I mean… this… this is big. I…” God, why was he so fucking awkward?

He noticed Bucky relax and he silently sighed in relief.

“I… I don’t know.” Bucky said after a few moments. “What do must people do?”

“I’ve no fucking clue.” Steve laughed, shaking his head. “Are you… are you okay with this?”

“Steve, I’m the one who kissed you. If anything, I should be the one asking.”

Steve snorted and nodded. Well, he wasn’t wrong.

“Can I… can I ask how long you’ve felt this way?”

Bucky stared at the ceiling, seeming to ponder the question.

“I… I-I guess since… forever.” He was blushing slightly.

Well, Steve knew that feeling.

“Well, I guess we’re in the same boat there.”

Bucky and Steve laughed softly and smiled at each other.

“Do you… do you have any boundaries?” Steve asked, fiddling with his hands. “Are there things you’re not comfortable with yet?”

Bucky sighed and shrugged.

“I… ya… I guess there is.”

Steve waiting for Bucky to tell him at his own pace.

“I liked the kissing.” Bucky said, blushing softly. “But at the same time… it scares me.”

“I can ask before I kiss you.” Steve said, smiling softly. “If you say no, I won’t.”

Bucky looked up to Steve, a grateful look in his eyes.

“Okay,” He whispered. “I… I like hugs but…”

“I’ll ask before I hug you too, sound fair?”

Bucky nodded and looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Steve… do we… do we have to do anything… intimate?” Bucky said, his entire face a soft red.

Steve sputtered a bit and glanced over to Bucky, surprised.

“I… well no. I mean; it depends on what you mean by intimate. If you’re referring to… sex, then… no. No we don’t have to do that. We can wait as long as you need until you’re comfortable. And if you’re never comfortable then… then we’ll never have sex.”

Bucky stared at Steve, smiling softly.

“That’s… that’s good to know.”

“How do you feel about cuddles?” Steve asked.

“I know Barnes would like to cuddle.” Bucky said under his breath.

Steve snorted and smirked.

“Really? Did Barnes say anything?”

“Last night, he wanted me to go to your room and spoon you.”

Steve snorted again, his shoulders shaking.

“I said no. He was all ‘Come on, we can be the big spoon’. I told him no and that we’d be the fucking little spoon.”

Steve was now doubled over, his shoulders shaking violently. Silver got off Bucky’s chest and went over to Steve, sniffing him worriedly.

“I’m okay Silver,” Steve wheezed. “I’m just fine girl.”

Bucky lightly tugged on her collar and brought her closer to him.

“He’s fine girl, don’t worry.”

Steve looked up and snorted again, shaking his head.

“So… you’d like to be the little spoon?”

Bucky blushed and nodded, hiding his face in Silver’s fur.

“Kinda. I mean, I don’t know what that’s like so I might change my mind after I try it and all but it’d be nice to try and I’m rambling.”

“I think we can arrange that.” Steve said, chuckling softly. “It’s okay.”

Bucky glanced up at Steve and smiled softly. Steve smiled back.

…

Bucky was drying dishes while Steve cleaned them.

“Hey Buck,” Steve said, trying to get a stubborn piece of food off the pot. “Do you want to sleep in my bed or… do you want to sleep in yours still?”

Bucky paused, holding the plate he was drying in his hands while pondering.

“I… I don’t know. Some nights I’d… I’d like to sleep in your bed… but others…”

“You can always sleep in your room whenever you need.” Steve said, smiling softly.

Bucky looked relieved and nodded. He finished drying the plate and went to put it away.

“Do you wanna sleep in your room tonight?” Steve asked, glancing at Bucky over his shoulder.

Bucky paused in closing the cupboard door.

“I… I kinda want to sleep with you… in your room I mean.”

Steve smiled and nodded.

“Alright, you can sleep in my room then.” He held the pot out. “Could you dry this please?”

Bucky took the pot and smiled, yelping a bit when Silver seemingly appeared out of nowhere under his feet.

…

Bucky was dressed in a pair of black sweatpants and a white t-shirt with Steve’s shield on the front. He sat on the couch, writing in his journal. He looked up to see Steve entering the room, wearing black basketball shorts and a white tank top. He groaned when he saw what shirt Bucky was wearing.

“Really?” He groaned, smiling softly.

He sat down next to Bucky, smiling as he watched him finish his entry. He noticed how few pages were left.

“Man, it’s a good thing Sam bought you a new journal for Christmas.” Steve muttered.

Bucky nodded.

“And a fountain pen. I can’t believe he got me a fountain pen.”

“They’re actually pretty cheep.” Steve said, shrugging.

He watched as Bucky put the book on the side table. He took a deep breath before asking,

“Can I kiss you?”

Bucky looked at him, a bit surprised.

“I… okay.” He said, smiling. He was surprised that Steve was keeping true to his word and asking before he kissed him.

He smiled when he felt Steve’s lips against his. He felt the now familiar flutter in his chest. They pulled away after a few seconds but god, it felt like hours.

“Thank you.” Steve said, smiling pleasantly.

Bucky snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Why are you thanking me?” He laughed.

“I’m just thanking you for allowing me to kiss you.” Steve said before getting up and going to his side of the bed.

He got under the covers and rolled over to face Bucky.

“You gonna get into bed or not?”

Bucky snorted again and got underneath the covers. He turned to face Steve.     

“Would you like to cuddle?” Steve asked.

Bucky felt a massive smile on his face.

“Okay.”

“Great, now how do you want to do this?”

“I have no idea.”

Eventually they figured it and Bucky ended up being the little spoon. He found that he quite enjoyed it too.

_‘I fucking told you! Little spoon!’_

_I always pictured us as the fucking big spoon!_

_‘Little spoon for the fucking win!’_

_I fucking hate you._

_‘And you’re stuck with me.’_

Barnes groaned loudly and Bucky smirked. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of Steve against his back. He took a deep breath and relaxed into the warmth and closed his eyes. He sighed as he felt Steve hugged him tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guess what? Go on, guess.
> 
> I've started winter term in uni. And I have roughly four hours in between my second class and my last class. *Laughs awkwardly* I had nowhere else to put it. Everywhere else conflicted with other classes.  
> On the plus side, that gives me roughly four hours to write to my hearts content (And maybe actually go to the gym, I mean it's covered by my fucking tuition). However, don't expect daily chapters or some shit. I'm not a miracle worker. The flood of chapters during Christmas probably won't happen again until next Christmas. (Will the story still be going by then?)
> 
> I feel like I should've gone into more detail, I mean this is the chapter where they're talking about boundaries and trying to figure out what they're doing. But I read over it and I decided that maybe I should leave it be. That being said, let me know if you guys have any ideas on what they should talk about. Maybe let me know if you think they should talk about a specific thing more?   
> As you might have noticed, I'm having Steve and Bucky ask before kissing one another. This is just me, but I find that asking for permission is more romantic then just going for it. It shows that the other person gives a shit about your boundaries, stops awkward situations and I don't know. I mean, I've never so much as held hands with someone outside my family. What do I know? Still, that's just me.
> 
> Let me know how you like this chapter, it really means a lot to get feedback on this.


	32. Chapter 32

Bucky could feel warmth at his back and hear soft breathing in his ear. He smiled tiredly and opened his eyes. He expected to find himself in Steve’s room, with Silver at his feet or just next to him. Instead, he found himself in a dark room with concrete floors and concrete walls. He suddenly noticed that the warmth at his back was gone and the arms around him weren’t arms, but chains. Bucky could still hear the breathing in his ears, but it was no longer calm and soft. It was panicked and scared. Bucky tried to get up, but found that he couldn’t. His heart was pounding, he felt sick to his stomach. He tried to move his head, tried to look for something, anything that gave him any idea on where he was, but he couldn’t move. He seemed to be paralyzed. Bucky screwed his eyes shut, trying to take a deep breath, only to open his eyes and see himself in a disturbingly familiar room. The wall was lined with safety deposit boxes, there were armed men all around. He was in… oh dear god. He was in the chair. He could hear the breathing again. It was panicked, terrified. He tried to move but once again, he found that he couldn’t. He could see a figure walking up to him. He couldn’t quite make out who it was and he didn’t want to. He struggled against his bonds, trying to move something, anything. The figure was coming closer and closer. He closed his eyes as tightly as he could, trying to block out everything. He opened his eyes when he heard someone say,

“Soldier.”

Right in front of him was a distorted, but disturbingly familiar face. It seemed to change from one face to another. At first it looked like Pierce, then it shifted to Zola, then to the Red Skull and then to other handlers. Bucky found he couldn’t look away, couldn’t close his eyes. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. Stop. Looking. The figure leaned in closer until Bucky could smell his putrid breath. It smelled like death. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears.

“Wipe him.”

Suddenly, the familiar mouth guard was shoved into his mouth and Bucky started screaming, at least, he thought he did. All he could hear was panicked breathing and the pounding of his heart. He saw as the machine slowly came over his face, obscuring his vision in his left eye and then the electricity started.

…

Steve tried to shake Bucky awake. Silver was licking his face, trying to get him to wake up.

“Bucky, whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real!” Steve said, scared of whatever was plaguing Bucky’s dreams tonight.

Steve wasn’t sure what happened. All he knew was that it was four in the morning and he woke up. He didn’t realise anything was wrong until he heard whimpering and felt Bucky’s shaking. He definitely knew something was wrong when Bucky started screaming. At least, he thought it was screaming. Bucky’s mouth was sealed shut, as though someone had glued it shut, but he still seemed to be screaming. Silver had given up licking and was now shoving her massive paw into Bucky’s face, trying to wake him up. This woke Bucky up and his mouth opened and a loud cry filled the room. Bucky curled into a little ball, shaking. He started muttering in Russian. Steve could just barely make out what he was saying.

“I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget. I’ll be good. Don’t let me forget.”

Silver shoved her muzzle into Bucky’s face, trying to calm him down. Bucky’s hand latched onto her collar and he held tight, trying to draw some semblance of comfort. Silver gently licked the tears streaming down his face. Steve gently brushed the hair away from Bucky’s terrified eyes.

“Bucky, it’s okay.” Steve said in a soft, calm voice. “You’re okay.”

Bucky’s gaze flickered over to Steve and fresh tears spilled over. Bucky screwed his eyes shut and he buried his face into Silver’s fur. Silver whined and gently licked his face, trying to sooth him. Bucky tried to breath but had a rather hard time due to Silver’s fur and his stuffed up nose. Steve gently brushed Bucky’s hair away from his face.

“You’re okay.” Steve said, trying to bring comfort. “You’re okay.”

Steve was at an absolute lose at what he should do. Silver seemed to know exactly what Bucky needed, while Steve is sitting at the sidelines as clueless as a newborn. Steve sighed softly and decided that just being there and being an anchor was the best thing he could do for Bucky. He gently rubbed Bucky’s back, whispering soft words of comfort. It wasn’t until nearly six in the morning that Bucky finally calmed down and Steve let out a soft sigh of relief. Bucky was still curled up against Silver, but he loosened his grip. Silver seemed to notice the change in his demeanor and started gently licking the tear tracks on his face, softly barking as she did. Bucky let out a weak laugh which ended in pathetically. Steve continued rubbing Bucky’s back.

“Hey Buck.” He said in a soft voice, not wanting to scare him. “I’m here for you.”

Slowly, very slowly, Bucky turned to look at Steve. His eyes were red from the crying and he looked absolutely terrified.

“You’re okay Bucky.” Steve said, smiling softly. “I got you.”

Bucky slowly released his iron grip on Silver’s collar and feebly reached out to Steve. Steve took his hand and gave a gentle squeeze.

“I’m right here.”

…

Steve left his bedroom carrying Bucky. Bucky had his arms wrapped around Steve’s neck and his legs around Steve’s waist and Steve was supporting him. Silver trotted behind them, keeping a close eye on Bucky. Steve walked over to the kitchen and got started getting some coffee made before going to make some toast, the entire time, softly talking to Bucky to try and keep him grounded in reality.

“Steve?” He heard Bucky say in a hoarse, quiet voice.

Steve grunted in acknowledgement.

“Thank you.” Bucky said, squeezing gently.

Steve wrapped his free arm around Bucky and squeezed back, smiling softly. This felt nice. It felt good to be able to do this.

“No problem Buck.” He said. “I’m here for you.”

 

Bucky was sitting at the table, so close to Steve that they were practically on the same chair. Silver was eating from her bowl underneath the table by Bucky’s feet. Bucky was slowly eating a piece of toast.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Steve asked, keeping an eye on Bucky’s reaction.

Bucky tensed up and looked as though he was about to shake his head. But to Steve’s surprise, he nodded.

“I… I was in a room.” Bucky said in a soft, timid voice. “I thought I was with you but… but then I opened my eyes. I-I could feel chains a-around me a-and I could hear breathing. Really panicked breathing.” Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I remember closing my eyes and opening them again. I was in the chair.”

Steve felt his blood boil. God he hated that fucking chair.

“I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even turn my head.” Bucky said, shaking. “I could see someone coming, but I couldn’t make them out… at first.” Steve was sure he knew who it was. “At first, it was Pierce… a-and then it was… it was Zola. A-and then I s-saw R-Red Skull and then a bunch more of my h-handlers and i-it wouldn’t st-stop!”

Steve put a hand over top of Bucky’s. Bucky took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly before opening them again.

“He… they… it leaned in, I… I could t-taste its breath. A-and it s-said… ‘wipe him’.”

Tears were starting to flow again. Steve wrapped an arm around Bucky and pulled him close, softly crooning in his ear.

“It wasn’t real.” Steve said, rubbing Bucky’s back. “It wasn’t real Buck. They’re all dead. All of them are dead. They’re never coming back.”

Bucky looked at Steve and let out a weak laugh before slumping against Steve and taking a deep, shuddered breath. Steve gently rubbed his back, softly whispering into his ear. Silver poked her head from underneath the table and placed it onto Bucky’s lap, whining softly. She began lapping at Bucky’s hand when he offered it. Bucky smiled weakly.

“You’re okay Buck.” Steve said. “Silver and I got you. You’re not alone.”

…

Bucky was sitting on the ground, his head against Steve’s leg, with Silver on his lap. He was staring at the tv, watching adventure time while scratching Silver’s ears. He melted into Steve’s leg when he felt him start petting his hair gently. Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the peace and quiet.

_Adventure time! Come on grab your friends. We’ll go to very distant lands, with Jake the dog and Finn the human, the fun will never end. Adventure time!_

_‘Did you just sing along to the adventure time theme song?’_

_… no. No I did not._

_‘You fucking did.’_

_In my defense, it’s catchy._

_‘… true.’_

Bucky smiled softly and rolled his eyes. He jumped slightly when he felt Steve tap his shoulder.

“Hey Bucky,” Steve said, smiling softly. “Is it okay if I kiss your forehead?”

Bucky started smiling and snorted softly. He nodded.

“Okay.” He said, beaming like an idiot.

Steve placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and Bucky just couldn’t stop smiling. Silver sat up from her spot on Bucky’s lap and licked his face. Bucky started laughing softly. He didn’t notice Steve’s expression.

“Silver, get off!” Bucky laughed. “Just because Steve did it doesn’t mean you do it too!”

Steve snorted, shaking his head. He watched as Bucky tried in vain to get Silver to back off. Silver was persistent and kept licking his face over and over, again and again. Silver accidently licked Bucky’s mouth when it was open and Bucky started gasping and sputtering.

“Oh god! Silver what the fuck girl?” Bucky cried, wiping his mouth.

Steve meanwhile wasn’t being very helpful. He was currently hunched over, laughing loudly. He ended up flopping over onto the couch and continued laughing. Silver trotted over to Steve, getting her face into his. Steve stopped laughing when she did the exact same thing. Steve sat up gasping and sputtering.

“Oh fuck! Ah that felt wrong!” Steve screamed, wiping his mouth and tongue.

Bucky sat there with a smug grin, pleased at this outcome.

“And this is why you shouldn’t laugh at others Steve. It’ll happen to you.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed and an evil looking grin spread across his face.

“Hey Buck, can I kiss you?” He said, leaning in.

Bucky started scooting away, laughing.

“No. Not happening.”

“What’s wrong Buck?” Steve asked, grinning widely. “You can tell me.”

Bucky quickly got to his feet and began to scramble away, laughing.

“Dude, you got kissed by a dog! I’m not kissing you!”

Steve was laughing so hard he couldn’t even make his way off the couch.

“Come on Buck!” He said, giggling. “Please?”

“Fuck you Rogers, I ain’t kissing ya when you got dog breath.”

Steve just slumped over the arm of the couch and fell into a contagious fit of giggles. Bucky sank to the floor and joined in in his laughter. The two of them sat there, laughing like idiots for several minutes before stopping simply because it hurt too much to continue.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth.” Steve said, wheezing slightly.

“Please, I’m not kissing your dog breath.”

“And I’m not kissing yours.” Steve laughed, getting up from his spot on the couch. “Now come on, before it sets in or something.”

It took Bucky a few tries to get to his feet, but he did and he followed Steve to the bathroom to try and clean their mouths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fic that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend. One day I just, started writing it, not know what it was, and writing it forever and ever just because, this is the fic that never ends...
> 
> I know this isn't as long as some fics out there, but holy shit! This is taking forever! I mean, it's almost been a fucking year since I started this thing, and we only just recently had them kiss! We're not even close to done.
> 
> This chapter is basically filler. Really, there is no point to it, but something tells me you'll need the fluffy moment at the end there, because I can see only angst up ahead. Fluff will be happening, but it'll be short and you'll hardly see it in the see of angst coming your way.  
> Man, remember when I was all like "They deserve some happiness damn it!"? That was so long ago.
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try and make time move faster because dear god I'm bored! Send help!


	33. Chapter 33

Tony sat in his lab, sipping his seventh mug of coffee while he looked through the files they had gathered at the base in Barcelona. There were far more then he originally anticipated and it was taking forever to look through them, even with Jarvis’ help. He was just scrolling through one file, glancing over it when Jarvis called.

“Sir, I do believe I found something.”

“What is it J?” Tony asked before sipping from his mug.

“It would appear that Sargent Barnes has sleeper codes.”

Tony spat up a small bit.

“What are they?”

“It seems to be the Russian word Sputnik.”

Tony felt his blood run cold. That was a word that could easily be said by accident.

“Oh fuck, we need to tell them!” Tony said, scrambling to get his phone. He ended up dropping his coffee mug and spilt luke warm coffee on himself. He didn’t seem to notice as he scrambled to get his phone. “Jarvis, tell the others! Everyone needs to know!”

Jarvis set to work on that while Tony quickly shot Steve a text, hoping that the word couldn’t do anything when written.

…

Bucky laid on the couch, eyes closed as he listened to some music from Steve’s stereo. Steve was out getting groceries, leaving Bucky and Silver alone in the apartment. Not that Bucky minded. He just enjoyed the comforting weight of Silver on top of him and the music. He jumped when he heard the old tune star spangled man with a plan. He reached out to grab his phone from the coffee table, wondering why Steve was calling him. He hit answer and put the phone to his ear.

“Steve, what is it?”

“Did you know you had a sleeper code?” Steve asked, panicked.

Bucky sputtered for a moment. A sleeper code? He had a fucking sleeper code?

“Bucky, I need you to answer me!”

“N-no!” Bucky stuttered, sitting up. Silver got off his chest, but stayed on his lap, whining softly.

“Tony just texted me and told me that he and Jarvis found something in some old files. Apparently Hydra had a sleeper code for you just in case. I’m not gonna say it, don’t worry.”

“What is it?” Bucky asked, shaking. “What’s the code? Can you text it?”

“I’m currently in the car. I’ll try and text it to you at the next red light! Just don’t look at any documentaries involving the space race, do you understand?”

Bucky sat there confused but said he understood. Steve hung up and Bucky was left sitting on the couch with Silver on his lap. What could the code be? Just then, his phone vibrated with a text. He opened it and saw,

The sleeper code is sputnik.

That word looked disturbingly familiar, leaving a sold feeling in Bucky’s stomach. Just then, Steve’s ringtone sounded again. Bucky answered it.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, sounding worried.

“I… I recognize that word.” Bucky said, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know from where though.”

“It’s your sleeper code. If they say that, apparently you just collapse onto the floor like you died or something. Tony said that in the files, you were described to just be lying there with your eyes open and completely limp.”

Bucky swallowed thickly and suddenly wanted Steve to be home right now.

“Steve, how far are you?” Bucky asked, shaking slightly.

“I’m five minutes out Buck.” Steve said. “I’ll be home soon.”

Bucky took a deep breath.

“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

Steve hung up and Bucky was left sitting on the couch, feeling rather scared now.

…

Steve ran into the apartment, throwing the groceries into the kitchen before scrambling over to the living room. He found Bucky sitting on the floor, hugging Silver. Bucky looked up to see Steve and looked slightly relieved. Steve fell to his knees and hurriedly said,

“Can I hug you?”

Without a word, Bucky flung himself into Steve’s arms, hugging him tightly. Steve hugged him just as tight, if not tighter, almost afraid to let go.

“We’ll figure something out.” Steve said, gently rubbing Bucky’s back. “Tony said he was coming over to see what could be done.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He just nodded and sighed heavily. They knelt on the floor for what felt like hours, just holding onto each other.

“Why am I so broken?” Bucky said in a small, childlike voice.

“You’re not broken.” Steve said, rubbing his back gently. “You never were.”

“Normal people don’t exactly have sleeper codes Stevie.” Bucky said, his voice muffled by Steve’s shoulder.

“True, but that doesn’t mean you’re broken. You didn’t ask for this.”

“When’s Tony coming?”

‘He’s on his way now. I’m not sure how long it’ll take though.”

Bucky nodded numbly and held onto Steve all the tighter. Silver was against Bucky’s back, whining softly.

…

It turned out that if you were Tony Stark and you were determined to get to a destination, it didn’t take very long to get there. It only a half hour for him to get to the airport, into the air, to the ground and to Steve’s apartment. Bucky jumped when he heard violent banging on Steve’s door. Steve opened the door to reveal a flustered Tony, carrying a tool kit.

“Okay, let’s see what we can do.” Tony said, stepping into the apartment and setting his tool kit onto the coffee table.

“Hi to you too Tony.” Steve deadpanned. “How am I? Oh I’m great!”

“Now is not the time Captain sarcasm. Tony said, opening the toolkit.

Bucky hugged himself, watching Tony nervously. Steve was watching him too, looking a bit surprised by Tony’s behaviour.

“Tony, for god’s sake, calm down a bit will you? You freaking out won’t help anyone!” Steve said, trying to breath.

Tony stopped for a moment, trying to control his breath.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m not trying to scare anyone, it’s just… this is bad. This is really fucking bad.”

“I put that together.” Bucky said, hugging himself close.

“I’m not trying to scare you.” Tony said to Bucky, looking as though he felt bad. “I just wanna help. I know you don’t wanna be… there again.”

Bucky shuddered and nodded.

“What are you gonna do?” Steve asked, walking over to Bucky.

Tony pulled out a strange looking machine.

“I need to scan Bucky.” Tony said, grabbing a pair of goggles and putting them on.

Steve and Bucky looked at Tony in alarm.

“Why the fuck are you putting on goggles if you’re just gonna scan him?” Steve exclaimed.

Tony handed Steve and Bucky a pair of goggles.

“Because there’s gonna be a bright flash of light and this’ll protect your eyes.”

Steve and Bucky looked at each other for a moment before quickly putting on the goggles. Silver put her head on Bucky’s lap, whining softly. Tony pulled out another pair of goggles and handed them to Bucky.

“I brought these for your little canine friend.”

Bucky carefully put the goggles on Silver, being mindful of her ears. Silver wiggled around a little.

“So… what’s gonna happen?” Bucky asked, looking nervous.

Tony picked up the machine and started poking at it.

“Basically, I’m gonna point this at you and it’ll emit a bright flash. When it flashes, it’ll give me an image of your body from the inside. With that image, I can check to see if there’s anything within your body that shouldn’t be there and see if the sleeper code is in your mind or you only react to it because of something in your body.”

Bucky sat there, clutching his chest lightly.

“Oh…” He said in a hoarse voice. “Is that all?”

“It’ll only be a couple of minutes. For now, I need you to stand up with your arms out like this.” Tony demonstrated and Bucky got into position. “Great. The flash will only be a minute, but I need you to remain absolutely still, can you do that?”

“I’m a sniper.” Bucky said, rolling his eyes.

“Great. On three, ready?” Bucky nodded. “One,” Bucky tensed up. “Two,” Bucky stopped breathing for a moment. “Three!”

A bright flash filled the room and a loud whir followed afterwards. Tony set the machine down, connecting it to his tablet with a thick cable.

“You can sit down now.” Tony said, fiddling with the tablet.

Bucky sat down and immediately started petting Silver, trying to keep himself calm. Steve sat down next to him and offered his hand. Tony grunted and laid out his tablet onto the coffee table, moving his hand so that a 3-D image of Bucky’s body appeared. Bucky took Steve’s hand and stared at the unsettling image.

“Alright, already I’m seeing a shit ton of metal that shouldn’t be here.” Tony muttered, pointing to the metal on Bucky’s ribs and spine.

“That’s to support the arm.” Bucky said, swallowing thickly.

“I can build you an arm that doesn’t need that shit.” Tony muttered. “Fucking Russians.”

“Actually it was a Swiss who created my arm.” Bucky muttered.

Tony glanced up and nodded.

“Alright then, fucking Swiss.”

Bucky snorted and squeezed Steve’s hand, whom squeezed back. Tony poked and prodded the image, snorting under his breath, grumbling about fucking neo Nazis and how they should’ve died after world war 2. Tony did a close up of Bucky’s head and hummed.

“What is it?” Bucky asked, his hand tangled in Silver’s fur.

“It looks like there’s some damage in your brain, but I can’t really tell much other then that.”

Bucky felt his heart drop into his throat. Did that mean he was never going to be better?

_Calm down Winter, I’m sure it’ll be fine._

“Honestly, I think it’s best you guys come to New York with me. That way we can monitor Bucky, take care of all that fucking metal, I mean holy shit! We can see what we can do about the sleeper code and… ya.” Tony finished lamely.

Bucky glanced over to Steve, who seemed to be considering this.

“When’s your flight?” He asked.

“Whenever I say it is. Get what you need.”

Steve’s shoulders deflated and he sighed.

“And I just got the fucking groceries.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll here! (Not including Christmas, that's an outlier) Second chapter this week, whoop!
> 
> Please note that I have virtually no background when it comes to tech of any kind. Science is not my strong suit. (I'm a fucking history major, what do you expect?) I was basically making shit up as I went along here (I mean, I do that all the time, but here it's more prominent). I figured, it's Tony. He built the first Iron Man suit from scraps in a cave. He could probably make something like the thing he scanned Bucky with. It's not out of the realm of possibility. (It's Marvel, nothing is)
> 
> Yep, the boys are heading to New York now. This means we'll be seeing other avengers and shit. Isn't that exciting?   
> The story will probably be focusing a bit more on trying to get the sleeper code out, Stucky will take a bit of a backseat to that, but it's only temporary, I swear to god.  
> Also, I'm using the sleeper code from the comics for the following reasons.  
> 1\. There's only one code, making my life easier. I don't have to look up the fucking movie codes or anything  
> 2\. I can remember this much easier then 'longing' or 'streetcar' or whatever they were  
> 3\. I didn't really like Iron Man Civil War and I'm trying to seperate from that movie  
> So I better not get anyone in the comments going "That's not the sleeper code in the movie". I know you're out there. You're poised at your keyboard, waiting. I can see you. Cool poster by the way.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let me know what you think, yada yada, you know the deal by this point. Still, hope you enjoyed.


	34. Chapter 34

Bucky grabbed his notebooks and wrapped them in a sweatshirt before shoving them into his backpack. He grabbed clothing and shoved it into a duffel bag. He scrambled around for a hot minute, trying to think what else to grab before sitting down onto his bed and taking a deep breath.

_Jesus, you’d think you were just told the world was ending._

_‘The world I know basically is.’_

Bucky took a deep breath and sighed heavily before getting to his feet and looking around. He saw Captain Ameribear, sitting dutifully on the pillow, awaiting his return. Bucky blinked when he saw Silver trot over to the bed and grab Captain Ameribear carefully in her mouth before trotting over to Bucky’s backpack and dropping him in. Bucky smiled softly and rubbed her ears.

“Thanks Silver.” He said, sighing. “I appreciate that.”

He then went on to gather up Silver’s toys and leash, shoving them into his backpack. He looked around for a moment, trying to figure out where her bowl went when he saw Steve tucking it into his duffel bag. Steve looked Bucky in the eyes before signing,

**Are you okay?**

Bucky swallowed thickly and shrugged. He wasn’t really sure if he was being honest. He didn’t know how he was. Steve reached out and placed a hand over Bucky’s smiling patiently.

“It’ll be okay.” He said. “You’ll be fine.”

Silver sniffed his hair, panting when he payed attention to her. He smiled weakly and sighed.

**I know. I just… I’m on edge I guess.**

Steve tightened his hold and brought Bucky’s hand to his lips, kissing the knuckles softly. Bucky knew he didn’t ask, but at the moment, he couldn’t help but feel comfort at the gesture. Steve helped Bucky get the rest of his things together and soon, both Steve and Bucky were standing by the door, dressed in their winter gear, carrying a duffel bag and backpack each, as well as a small bag for Silver. Tony looked up from his spot on the couch.

“Wow, didn’t think you’d be ready that fast.” He got to his feet. “You got everything?” He asked, rolling his shoulders.

Bucky and Steve nodded and Silver barked softly. Tony grabbed his tool kit and gestured to Steve to lead the way.

“To New York!”

…

Bucky was now sitting in a spacious private jet with Silver at his feet and Steve right in front of him. Tony was walking back from the cockpit.

“We’ll be going in about ten minutes so get comfy.”

Bucky closed his eyes and tried to relax. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He’d been on planes before, he was sure of it.

_Not like you can remember most of those times. And any times you do remember, there were people trying to shoot us out of the fucking sky._

_‘Barnes, you are not helping!’_

_… Sorry._

Bucky sighed inwardly and tried to focus on what was right in front of him. Steve. Steve saw looking quite comfortable in his seat, rooting through his backpack for something. Bucky closed his eyes for a minute and tried to breath.

“Bucky?”

He opened his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Bucky didn’t say anything, he just grunted.

“I can read to you to take your mind off of this.” Steve said, reaching out to put a hand on Bucky’s knee.

Once again, Steve broke the no touching before asking rule, but right now, Bucky didn’t care. It helped. He closed his eyes and nodded and the sound of Steve rummaging through his bag went on. He heard Steve grunt as he pulled out a book and flip it open.

“Once, in a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit,” Steve began.

Bucky relaxed into his seat, listening to Steve begin the story he knew by heart but goddamn if it wasn’t comforting. He didn’t notice Tony’s expression as Steve continued to read as they took off, flew and eventually landed. Once they were back on the ground, Steve stopped, putting the book back in his bag.

“The Hobbit huh?” Tony said as he unbuckled himself. “Didn’t think you were a fantasy fan.”

“It’s timeless.” Bucky said as he got out of his seat, eager to get off the jet.

Silver stayed close to him, making sure that she continuously brushed against his leg as he walked down the ramp, following Steve. Tony came down after him and he lead them into the airport. After grabbing their luggage, Tony lead them to the front doors, making his way to a sports car waiting for him. There was a man standing by the car.

“Happy, good to see you!” Tony said, smiling.

Happy smiled softly and nodded.

“Good to see you! Nice to see you in one piece too.”

Tony pat Happy’s shoulder before going over to the drivers seat. The four men piled into the car and Tony pulled out from the loading area.

…

Bucky stood with Steve in the elevator. He was standing shoulder to shoulder with Steve, Silver lying at his feet, panting. He stared at the light indicating which floor they were at on a map on the wall. They were almost to the floor Tony told them to go to. Floor 47. Bucky swallowed thickly, feeling scared of what was to come. Finally, the elevator doors opened to reveal a simply furnished apartment. Steve hummed thoughtfully.

“I’m impressed Tony didn’t fill it with shit from the 30s and 40s.”

“Has he done that before?” Bucky asked, keeping a firm grip on his backpack.

“No, but knowing him, it wouldn’t surprise me.”

Bucky smiled softly and he followed Steve into the apartment all the way. As soon as Bucky let Silver off her leash, she began sniffing around. At first Bucky thought nothing of it. But then he noticed that she was spending an awful lot of time near the couch. Bucky tugged on Steve’s sleeve, nodding towards Silver. Steve looked and his eye brow raised. Bucky looked around the immediate room, trying to see if there was anything he could use as a weapon. Steve was already ahead of him, pulling out his shield. Bucky saw a letter opener on the side table against the wall. He grabbed it and got behind Steve. Using the shield to cover themselves, Steve and Bucky slowly made their way over to the couch. Bucky tightened his grip on the letter opener, nervous. He noticed how Silver was still simply sniffing the couch. Why wasn’t she on edge? Steve glanced back towards Bucky, motioning him to get ready just in case. Bucky crouched down low, ready to spring when Steve lifted the couch. He noticed a flash of red before Steve lifted the couch to find Natasha.

“I blame your dog.” She said, shimmying her way out from underneath.

“Nat?” Steve said bewildered. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to surprise you.” She said simply, smiling.

“You wanted to surprise to world war two veterans by hiding in their apartment and supposedly jumping out and scaring them?” Bucky said, cocking an eyebrow.

Natasha looked over to Bucky and smiled. She held out her hand.

“I don’t believe we’ve properly met. Natasha.”

Bucky took her hand after a moment of hesitation and shook it.

“Bucky. Sorry about… shooting… you.” He finished lamely.

_Sorry for shooting you? Sorry for shooting you! She’s a fucking assassin man!_

_‘So am I!’_

_Do you or do you not remember when she fucking rode us like a bucking bull?_

_‘The bridge right?’_

_YES!_

_‘That’s kind of a blur.’_

_Oh dear god we’re dead._

Natasha smiled softly and nodded.

“No hard feelings. I fucked up your arm in that fight so…”

“I don’t think that makes us even.” Bucky sad, looking confused and slightly scared.

“You’re right, it doesn’t. I’ll get you back.” Natasha said calmly, smirking.

“Nat, please don’t start a prank war.” Steve whined. “The last time you did that, my hair was turned pink!”

Bucky glanced over to Natasha.

**Do you have pictures?**

“Yes.”

“Bucky what the fuck?”

Bucky smiled a sheepish grin, knowing full well he got caught. Steve groaned and stomped over to the wardrobe to put his winter gear away.

“You’re both dead to me!”

Natasha glanced over to Bucky and smiled.

“I have a feeling we might just be friends.” She said, patting his shoulder. “It was nice meeting you Bucky. I’ll see you around.”

Bucky couldn’t help but get a sinking feeling when she said that. When she pat his shoulder, He felt her nails dig in.

…

Bucky laid on the couch, fast asleep. Silver was lying on top of him, acting as a massive, furry blanket. Steve smiled softly before going back to his phone call with Sam.

“Ya, we got in fine.”

“How’d Silver do?” Sam asked.

“She did great!” Steve said. “It was Bucky who wasn’t okay.”

“How is he?”

“He’s okay now. He’s passed out on the couch right now.”

Steve heard Sam chuckle before sounding panicked.

“Jodie, put down the cheese grater before you cut yourself!”

Steve stood in the kitchen, very confused.

“Jodie, you and I both know for a fact that your mother doesn’t allow you to grate the cheese!”

“Sam, do you want me to call you back or…” Steve felt utterly lost.

“No! No, it’s fine! It’s… Jodie I swear to god! Put down the cheese grater or I’m telling your mother!”

Steve heard what sounded like metal clanking against tile and Sam sighing in relief.

“Sorry Steve, I’m watching Jodie for the day. Three year olds are demons.”

Steve chuckled softly and smiled.

“Well I wish you luck with that.”

“Thanks, I’ll need it. So you and Barnes are… Jodie what did I just say?” Sam cried.

“Sam, put me on speaker.” Steve said. “I have an idea.”

“Rogers if you traumatize my niece I swear to god,”

“I won’t. Does she know your friends with me?”

“Ya, why?”

“Perfect, put me on speaker.”

Steve stood there for a minute, waiting for Sam to put him on speaker.

“Okay Rogers, you’re on speaker.”

“Jodie!” Steve called, putting on his Captain America voice. “Your uncle tells me that you’ve been misbehaving.”

Steve suddenly heard a tinny, “Uncle Sam! It’s Captain America!”

“Ya sweetie, I’m friends with him, remember?”

“Hi Captain America!”

Steve felt a huge smile on his face. He cleared his throat and got back into character.

“Jodie, are you playing with something you shouldn’t be?”

“… yes.”

“What should you do?”

“Not do it?”

“Atta girl. Now you be good for your uncle Sam, alright?”

“Are you still gonna come deliver presents on the fourth of July?”

Steve was very confused.

“Of course he is honey, but only if you behave.” Suddenly there was another beep and Sam was back. “Sorry, my sister and I told her that on the fourth of July, you come around and give presents to good little boys and girls. It was before I met you.”

Steve was now leaning over the counter, trying to smother his laughter. His shoulders were shaking violently.

“You’ll have to give me her address or something so I can do that for her.”

“Wait what?”

“You heard me Sam.”

Steve burst out laughing when Sam let out a feeble, “Oh god my sister’s gonna kill me.”

They bade each other goodbye and Steve hung up the phone. He was tucking it in his back pocket when he noticed Bucky staring at him tiredly from the couch.

“Shit, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Not you. Nightmare.”

Steve walked over to Bucky, crouching down so that he was more leveled.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Bucky shook his head and instead grabbed Steve’s hand.

“Can we watch a movie?”

“Sure Buck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? That's right, new chapter. And it's only been a week. You lucky little shits get a new chapter today.
> 
> So a few things to clear up just in case (Because I'm paranoid),  
> Sam's sister will be pissed that he told Steve what they told Jodie. This is because she'll be embarrassed (I mean, when you think about it, it's pretty reasonable why she would be embarrassed. How would you feel knowing that Captain America knows you told your kid that you get presents from him on his birthday?)  
> Barnes is actually trying to help, but he forgets that he's a different Bucky. He forgets that Winter has gone through some messed up shit, in some cases worse then what he's been through. He is trying to comfort him, he's just a load of shit at it. Still, he means well.  
> Natasha only dug his nails into his shoulder as a warning. She's not planning on hurting him, don't worry! I'll explain better in later chapters, but you don't need to worry about her trying to fucking kill him or something. 
> 
> I keep thinking that I should write some fucking angst with this. I mean, it can't damn well be hurt/comfort if there's no hurt, right? And yet my cowardly ass is like, "Nah, lets write about them cuddling while watching a movie or some shit. Write fluff!" I promise you though, I'm trying to write angst, it just won't come in droves like I originally thought. 
> 
> Also, just out of curiosity, am I annoying anyone by forcing my love of the hobbit onto Bucky here? I personally think he'd like the book, but I'm wondering. Are some of you rolling your eyes going 'Oh this shit again?' or am I just being paranoid and I have nothing to worry about here?
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. You know the deal by this point, leave a comment as it gives me the warm fuzzies and leaves me smiling for hours on end. I mean, you lot should know this by this point. Some of you have been here since last year when I started this fucking thing. Others kinda hopped on later on but by this point, you know what to do.
> 
> (Dear god, I swear these things are getting longer and longer every chapter)


	35. Chapter 35

Falling, falling, falling. That’s all he knew. Falling. He didn’t even remember where from. He wasn’t sure where he fell. All he knew was that he was falling and… pain. Now it was falling and pain. He landed in the snow with a thud, effectively knocking the wind out of him. He laid in the snow, gasping for breath as he stared at the unforgiving sky above. He felt cold. Cold everywhere except… he turned to look at his left arm. Oh, that’s why it wasn’t cold. It was gone. Bucky turned to look at the sky again, confused and in a daze. He could hear the snow crunching underfoot. He could barely make it out over the roaring in his ears, but he could hear it. Bucky closed his eyes, only to open them when he felt someone grab his jacket from the front. He saw what looked like a man. A very blurry man dressed in a fur coat. He looked down to see a bloody trail being left behind by his bleeding stump. He knew he should be panicking. He knew he should be screaming and fighting against these guys and yet… he couldn’t. He just couldn’t muster the strength to even bother. What were they gonna do anyway? He was bleeding out. He could fell other parts of him were broken too. He was dying. All they were going to do was try and help him live, which will only prolong his death. Bucky closed his eyes again, only to open them and find he was strapped to a fucking table. A man with a surgical mask came up to him holding a fucking saw. It was now that Bucky started panicking, struggling against his bonds, screaming. He screamed in agony as the saw began cutting into his stump, taking more and more of it away.

“No god! Please! Please god please!” He cried, yelling himself hoarse.

He passed out from the pain. When he opened his eyes Bucky found himself in a cell, his right arm chained to the wall. He was repeating something. Why was he repeating it? What was the point?

“Sargent James Barnes, 32557038. Sargent James Barnes, 32557038, Sargent James Barnes,”

He kept repeating it over and over until he passed out again. When he woke up again, he was in the chair. Well, a cruder version of it. But it still brought terror to his heart. Bucky struggled against the bonds only to start screaming when the electricity started, slowly eating away some part of his brain that they didn’t like. He screamed so loud that his voice gave out and he was now only wasting breath. He knew he was wasting his breath but dear god it hurt so fucking bad. It finally stopped and standing before him was a figure. At first, the face was Red Skull’s, looking rather pleased, then Zola’s, who looked terrifyingly interested, then it changed to his next handler, then the next, then the next, all the way to Pierce. At least, he thought it was Pierce. The face seemed to be some horrifying mash up of all the faces of his handlers. God he wanted to vomit. He opened his mouth to scream when the grotesque face starts moving closer and closer towards him. He tried screaming for someone, anyone to pull him out of here. But nobody heard, and nobody came.

…

Bucky bolted upright, scream caught in his throat. His heart was still pounding and he could feel frightened tears threatening to spill forth. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to breath. Silver was trying to wiggle her way onto his lap, sensing his distress. He wrapped his arms around her, calming down as he gently pet her soft fur. He could still hear the sound of the chair, the sound of his handlers laughing. He could hear the mocking words of those who kept him captive for so long, so fucking long. Bucky screwed his eyes tight and tried to focus on Silver’s panting in his ear. After a few minutes, Bucky calmed down long enough to pull away and look at his surroundings. He was in a room, on a massive king sized bed. He could make out his duffle bag in the corner, along with his backpack. There was a dim glow being emitted by Steve’s phone. He looked over to his left and relaxed almost immediately when he saw Steve, still fast asleep. He had his hand out to Bucky, just in case. Bucky smiled softly, a warm feeling coming about him. He grabbed his phone, flinching when the bright light hit his eyes. He checked the time. 2:27. He sighed inwardly before leaning back against the headboard. Well, there was no point trying to force himself to fall back asleep. After a nightmare like that, it would be a miracle if he managed to fall asleep again. Instead, Bucky spent some time petting Silver and calming down. The soothing repetitive motion of petting Silver relaxed him, but not enough to fall back asleep. It was 3:43 when Bucky noticed Steve shuffling in his sleep. At first he thought Steve was turning over to get comfortable, but then he noticed that he wasn’t stopping.

_Stevie’s having a nightmare too._

Bucky leaned in slightly, trying to make out Steve’s expression. It was tight. Steve looked very uncomfortable. Bucky closed his eyes for a minute before reaching out and gently shaking Steve’s shoulder.

“Steve, wake up.” Bucky whispered. “It’s okay, it’s just a nightmare.”

It took several minutes of shaking, but Steve’s eyes opened to fall on Bucky.

“Buck? Shit, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Bucky shook his head, smiling softly at his concern.

“No, I had a nightmare earlier, couldn’t fall back asleep.”

Steve looked at him, concerned.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“You’re the one who just woke up from a nightmare Steve.” Bucky said, rolling his eyes inwardly. Steve was always more worried about others then himself.

Steve reached out and placed a gentle hand on Bucky’s bicep.

“Are you okay?”

Bucky smiled faintly and nodded.

“I’m fine. That was over an hour ago. I’m more worried about you.”

Steve shuddered and sighed.

“The ice again. I’m fine, I just feel really cold.”

Bucky glanced over to Silver, who was fast asleep against his back. He decided to let her be and laid down, wrapping his arms around Steve, pulling him close.

“Is this better?” he asked.

Steve nodded tiredly and placed a loose arm around Bucky’s waist.

“Ya, thanks Buck.” He muttered before closing his eyes again and falling back asleep.

…

Bucky laid awake, Silver laying on his chest, staring at the ceiling. He had just gotten back from Tony’s lab. He and Bruce had just spent the last hour checking him over, checking to see how the damage to his brain tissue was, checking to make sure he was okay. Now, Bucky was back. Now, he was very tired and just wanted to rest. And so, Bucky was lying on the floor of Steve’s apartment, staring at the ceiling with Silver on his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment, silently thinking. He opened them when he heard Steve walking over to him.

“Hey Bucky, you okay?”

Bucky grunted.

“How’d it go?”

Bucky sighed heavily and shrugged.

“I don’t… I don’t know. It went okay; I mean they got some information. Tony spent an hour ogling my arm and told me that he thinks he can make me one that weighs less and is more efficient. Bruce told me that the damage in my brain seems to be repairing itself and they kept talking under their breath about how they were gonna get the fucking code out and… I feel tired Steve.”

Steve got down onto the ground with Bucky and leaned over him so that his face was over Bucky’s.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve asked in a gentle voice.

Bucky smiled and nodded. Steve leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Bucky’s lips, smiling softly as he did.

“That help?”

“A little.” Bucky sighed. “I think my nightmares are getting worse.”

Steve watching him sadly. If his nightmares were getting worse, Steve knew that they were bad then.

“Have you told Dr Banner?”

Bucky nodded. 

“He told me that he’ll try and see if he can find a way to help me sleep better.” Bucky pressed the heel of his hands against his eyes. “Honestly, at this point, I’m willing to crawl into the freezer and sleep there. At least if I were frozen, I know I’d get some rest.”

Steve grimaced and Bucky immediately wanted to retract his statement.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“It’s fine. I’m not mad.” Steve quickly soothed. “It’s not your fault that you can’t sleep. I wish there was some way I could help.”

“Be there?” Bucky whispered, gently scratching Silver’s ears.

Steve smiled faintly and nodded.

“Ya, I think I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy one year anniversary guys! That's right, it's been an entire year since I started this thing and I'm still no where near done. I swear to god I had a point to this story.
> 
> I know that recently, things have gone to shit. So I'm hoping that this chapter at least brought a smile to some of your faces, even if it was mostly Bucky's nightmare.
> 
> To anyone who participated in the Women's March on the 21st, I want to say I'm proud of you. To anyone who didn't, I'm not judging. I'm sure you had your reasons. I wasn't exactly able to participate physically myself. Here's to showing them that we're not taking any shit.
> 
> Also, if any of you want to talk, for any reason, you can hit me up on my tumblr. It's the same name, all lower case. You don't have to, but I thought I'd extend the invitation. Someone might need someone to talk to. I'm willing to be that person.
> 
> I hope all of you are doing well and that you're all okay. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	36. Chapter 36

Bucky was standing in Tony’s lab, waiting patiently for Tony to even notice him. Silver was next to him, sitting quietly by his side. She barely took up any room. Tony looked up after several minutes to find Bucky standing by the door, waiting.

“You could’ve said something,” Tony said, setting his tools down. “Come in, sit down.”

Bucky walked in and immediately noticed what looked like a dentist’s chair. He felt his heart in his throat. It look far too similar to… the chair. Tony noticed Bucky tense up and turned his gaze to where Bucky was looking.

“Do you want me to cover that up?” Tony asked. “I can cover it up if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Bucky looked over to Tony gratefully and Tony grabbed a massive sheet he had for some reason and covered the chair.

“There, outta sight, outta mind.” Tony said, smiling.

He motion for Bucky to take a seat on a stool and went over back to his seat.

“Right, so I wanted to talk to you about your arm. Bruce has been looking into ways we could get that code outta your head, so don’t worry about that.” Tony rambled. Bucky was having a bit of a hard time following him. “Since Brucie doesn’t need our help at the moment, I thought you’d like to talk to me about your arm. Maybe we can come up with something you’d like more?”

Bucky looked at him bewildered and smiled softly.

“Okay.” He said in a small voice.

Tony got the look of a kid on Christmas morning and immediately pulled out a tablet, bouncing slightly.

“Great! So, I have a basic design and I wanted your input.” Tony wheeled his stool over to Bucky. “What do you think?”

Bucky looked at the 3-D model on the tablet and saw what was essentially his arm now.

“It looks the same.” He said, confused.

“Do you maybe want it in a different colour?” Tony asked. “Maybe black or we could make it look like your other arm?”

Bucky looked at Tony and grimaced at that last suggestion.

“I don’t think making it look like my other arm is a good idea.” He said. “It feels wrong.”

“Okay, fuck the flesh coloured arm then.” Tony said, swiping at one colour option on his tablet. It flung itself into the trashcan. “So, any colour you were thinking of?”

Bucky shrugged, not sure what colour he’d like.

“I’ve never really thought about it before. Never had much choice in the past.”

“Well, now you do. Why don’t you take a look at some of the colour pallets, maybe create your own if you want, and see what you like?”

Bucky took the tablet and looked through the colour options, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choice. The black and silver option looked good.

“I like black and silver.” Bucky said.

“So do you want a black arm with a silver insignia? Or maybe the other way around?”

Bucky looked at Tony, feeling somewhat helpless.

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“It’s okay! Sorry, didn’t mean to overwhelm you there. We can step away from this for now if you’d like.”

Bucky took a deep breath and shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. Um… silver with black.”

“Silver arm with black insignia, got it.” Tony muttered, quickly writing it in the air.

Bucky stared in shock when letters appeared where Tony was writing them. Tony noticed this and grinned.

“Isn’t it cool? I just got this to work last week!”

Bucky nodded, staring at the writing in the air.

“Can I try?”

Tony nodded and Bucky reached out. With his finger he started writing, ‘My name is Bucky Barnes’ in Russian, Japanese, Italian and all the other languages that he knew. Tony stared in shock.

“Jesus, how many languages do you even know?” He muttered. “That’s gotta be at least half a dozen. Where’d you learn all these?” Tony immediately realised the error of his question and wanted very desperately to take it back.

Bucky looked at him tiredly, feeling subconscious now.

“I learned Italian during the war. I was stationed in Italy. The other languages… I don’t know.”

Tony quickly changed the subject, asking Bucky what insignia he wanted on his arm.

“We could do Cap’s shield, or maybe a sniper rifle? Uh… did your unit have a symbol? Do you know? We could do an animal, what’s your favourite animal?”

Bucky stared at Tony as he rattled off ideas. He waited until Tony ran out of steam.

“I was thinking… the commandos insignia? The little wing? I don’t know… I… I don’t remember much… but what I remember… it’s nice.”

Tony pulled up an image of Steve’s helmet, zooming in on the wing at the side.

“You want that?” Tony asked, making sure.

Bucky nodded and Tony made note of it.

“Silver arm with a black insignia. Howling Commando symbol. Got it.”

Tony gave a grand sweep of his arm, the writing disappeared, and he smiled, turning to Bucky.

“Alright then. I’ll keep you up to date on that. Is there anything else you’d like? Any features or something?”

Bucky looked at Tony for a moment before shrugging.

“I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Well if you think of anything, let me know. I’ll see what I can do.” Tony said before kicking off and sending himself spinning away from the table.

Bucky watched him, amused.

“Really?” He muttered, chuckling.

“Do it!” Tony cried. “It’s so much fun!”

Bucky looked down at Silver, who was sitting patiently. He shrugged and gently kicked off the table. He moved backwards a few feet, spinning slightly. Okay, it was kinda fun.

“Try harder; you can get some amazing speed!”

“Won’t the chair topple over?” Bucky asked, looking over at Tony.

Tony kicked off against the wall with a whoop.

“Who cares?” He cried as he sped past Bucky and Silver.

Bucky winced as Tony crashed against the wall, flying out of his seat and onto the floor with a thud.

“I’m okay!” Tony cried and Bucky laughed.

…

Steve was in the kitchen, chopping up vegetables when Bucky came in. He looked up to see that Bucky looked very tired. Silver was practically glued to his side.

“Hey Buck, how you feeling?”

“Tony and I have a basic idea on what we’re doing with my new arm.” Bucky said, walking over to Steve. “Bruce came later and told me that he needed to do some scans of my brain to see if there was anything different about my brain from other, normal brains. We’re doing that tomorrow.” Bucky sighed heavily.

Steve opened his arms in invitation and Bucky leaned against Steve’s chest, accepting the hug. Steve gently wrapped his arms around Bucky and rubbed his back softly, feeling Bucky relax slightly.

“How’s your shoulder by the way? Is it hurting any?”

“’S sore.” Bucky slurred, blinking tiredly. “I’ll be fine.”

“I can rub it if you’d like? Try and get rid of the tension?”

Since Steve and Bucky admitted their feelings, Steve had given Bucky far more massages for his shoulder then he did before. The sound of one right now was very tempting.

“Okay,” Bucky said, his voice muffled by Steve’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Steve chuckled softly, gently squeezing Bucky.

“It’s nothing. I’m glad I can help. Mind if I kiss you?”

Bucky pulled away just enough to place a small kiss on the corner of Steve’s mouth.

“Sure.” He said, smiling widely.

Steve placed a gentle kiss on Bucky’s lips before pulling away and grinning like an idiot.

“Alright, just let me finish chopping these up and put them in the slow cooker and I’ll rub your shoulder.”

Five minutes later, Bucky was on the floor, stripped from the waist up and hugging a pillow while Steve carefully pressed his fingers into Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky was watching a cartoon. Steve glanced up in time to see the two main characters running for their lives from… were those gnomes?

“What the…” Steve muttered.

“Gnomes want the girl as their queen.” Bucky said his eyes still on the screen.

“Oh… okay.” He couldn’t help but think children’s programing was… pretty fucking dark.

Steve continued to rub Bucky’s shoulder, looking at the screen. He snorted with laughter when the kids used a leaf blower to fight back.

“Jesus, that’s one way to do it.” He muttered, smirking.

Steve noticed Bucky’s smirk. He rubbed Bucky’s shoulder a little while longer before stopping and patting his back.

“How’s that feel?” He asked.

“Better. Thanks Steve.” He said, smiling softly.

Steve hummed and he went back to quietly watching the show.

…

Bucky was curled up on the bed, fast asleep. Captain Ameribear was poking his head out from Bucky’s arm, seeming to be looking out at the world. Silver was lying against Bucky’s back, not sleeping, but resting. Steve stood at the doorway for a few minutes. He knew it was creepy watching someone sleep, but there was something comforting about watching Bucky sleeping. There was just something so comforting about seeing Bucky laying in bed, sleeping peacefully. It reminded Steve that Bucky was there. That this wasn’t some messed up illusion that his brain came up with to try to combat his loneliness. Steve took a silent breath and walked away, running a hand through his hair. He pulled out his phone to see a text.

Caretaker – Peggy is well. She woke up and remembered that you’re alive.

Steve stared at the text, smiling sadly. Peggy remembered him. It wasn’t everyday he got to hear that.

Steve – Good to know. Thank you for telling me.

Caretaker – It’s no trouble Captain Rogers.

Steve sighed heavily and put his phone back into his pocket. How sad was it that hearing something like that had become the highlight of his day? He felt his phone vibrate against his leg and pulled it out to see a text from Sam.

Sam – hey, any luck on getting that code out of his head?

Steve – Nothing so far. They’re trying to figure out how they even got the code in there.

Steve closed his eyes and sighed. He hoped that Jarvis would find some more information on Bucky’s sleeper code. He’d like to at least know more about what they did and how they did it.

Sam – How’s Bucky doing? He okay?

Steve – He’s having nightmares. Nothing unusual except… they’re getting worse.

Sam – Shit, really? Is Silver helping any?

Steve – Ya. She’s helping him a lot actually.

Sam – Well, at least there’s that.

Steve set the phone down onto the kitchen counter before going to grab a glass. He needed something to drink.

Sam – How are you?

Steve stared at the text for a moment, pondering. How was he? Wasn’t that the million-dollar question?

Steve – I… I’ve been better honestly.

Sam – What’s wrong?

What wasn’t wrong?

Steve – It seems like whenever I finally start getting my life together, something tries to ruin it again. First, it was finding out that Peggy was alive and then learning she couldn’t remember me 90% of the time. Now I have Bucky, but now we’re both terrified that someone will say sputnik!

Sam – Well, I’ll be honest. I wasn’t expecting that.

Steve – Sorry.

Sam – Don’t be. Something tells me you needed to get that out.

Steve – Any clue what I should do?

Sam – Honestly, I have no idea. It’s not like they teach you this stuff at the VA. If I had to say something though, just be there for each other. Really, that’s all you can do.

Steve sighed and smiled weakly before drinking some of the orange juice he got himself.

Steve – Thanks Sam. How are you doing? How’s your family?

Steve couldn’t help but smile as Sam ranted on and on about how his sister was making him watch his niece again. About how he was getting grey hair from watching her.

Sam – Just last night, she managed to find a hammer I didn’t know I had. She put a hole in my drywall.

Steve snorted when he read that line.

Steve – Jesus, no wonder your sister’s making you watch her. She needs a break too.

Sam – She seems like a sweet and innocent three year old, but Steve I swear to god, she’s the devil in disguise! That’s the only explanation!

Steve – Don’t you think you’re overreacting?

Sam – Do you wanna watch her?

Steve – No.

Sam – Then shut the fuck up you dick!

Steve snorted and rolled his eyes. He could hear shuffling coming from the bedroom.

Steve – I should go. I need to check on Bucky, I think he might be having another nightmare.

Sam – Alright, say hi for me!

Steve – Will do.

Steve shoved his phone into his pocket as he walked over to the bedroom. He poked his head in and saw Bucky sitting up, rubbing his eyes. Silver was lounging beside him.

“Hey Buck, you okay?”

Bucky looked up and blinked groggily.

“I… I think so. I think I had a nightmare, but I don’t remember what it was.”

Steve walked into the room and sat down beside him.

“You need anything?”

Bucky shrugged before yawning. Steve put his arm around Bucky and pulled him close.

“Well, I’m here if you need anything.”

Bucky leaned against Steve for a moment before looking him straight in the eyes.

“Carry me.”

Steve snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Yes princess.”

“I’m the best fucking princess.”

“Yes you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo, another chapter!  
> To be honest, the only reason I'm publishing this one is because I've spent the last hour trying to find an ancient source regarding draconian law and the guy who came up with it. I've come up with nothing. I needed a break from that.
> 
> For anyone wondering, yes. Bucky is watching Gravity Falls (One of my favourite shoes to be honest). I feel like he might enjoy it.  
> Also, I did look up the howling commandos insignia and while other insignia's do come up, for the most part, it is the wing you see on Cap's helmet. (And on Bucky's upper left arm on his jacket in the first movie). I don't know. I just thought he'd like to have that instead of that fucking star.
> 
> Enjoy the peacefulness while you can. I'm warning you ahead of time mainly because I'm an asshat and decided "Things have been a little too peaceful". That's right kiddies! Nothing but a flood of pain and angst is coming your way! Woohoo! All aboard the angst train!
> 
>  
> 
> I feel like my current mental state is starting to reflect in my writing. You haven't seen it yet, but dear god, these two are in for a world of hurt.


	37. Chapter 37

Steve could only see red. Everything was fucking red. He wanted to rip this guy’s head right off. He wanted to rip it off so that he could shove it up their ass. The only reason he hadn’t done that yet was because Tony was holding him back in the Iron Man suit and Natasha was holding him down, knocking him out before putting him in handcuffs. Steve’s gaze fell to Bucky, who laid on the floor, unmoving.

 

The day started well enough. Steve, Bucky and Silver went down to Tony’s lab. They talked to Bruce and Tony for a while when a Stark Industries employee walked in, asking to speak with Mr. Stark. Tony had obliged, asking what he wanted. Then the man had said those fateful words.

“Sir, none of us get why you won’t let us say Sputnik.”

Bucky’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and his knees crumpled from underneath him. No one could move fast enough to catch him and Bucky fell to the ground. He laid there, almost as if someone just shot him in the head. Tony yelled at the man for a moment.

“You fucker! You know the goddamn reason!”

He would’ve gone on longer, but Steve suddenly rushed the man, punching him so hard in the face that one could hear the bone crack. Tony grabbed Steve and tried to muscle him away, but Steve was too strong. He called an Iron Man suit and managed to pull him back enough. Bruce was kneeling next to Bucky, checking his pulse, trying to see if he was still alive. Silver was nudging Bucky’s face, trying to get him to wake up. Jarvis had sent out an emergency call and Natasha rushed into the room, tackling the man to the ground. She demanded to know who he was.

“The first of many. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.” The man knocked a pill lodged in his teeth loose with his tongue and he crunched it. “Hail Hydra.”

Natasha moved faster then he did though. She managed to turn him over and began violently smacking his back, forcing him to cough up the froth. None of it was ingested.

“You’re not getting away that easy.” She hissed in his ear before smashing his head against the ground, knocking him out cold.

Steve felt his blood run cold at the familiar words. He found himself standing on a dock in Brooklyn, with Doctor Eriskine’s killer in his hands, dead. He closed his eyes and opened them to see Natasha was tying the man up and gagging him.

“Tony, why’d you have a fucking hydra agent as an employee?” She said, glaring at him.

“I’d like to know that too.” Tony said, snarling.

He let go of Steve, who just stood there for a moment. He fell to his knees next to Bucky’s unmoving body. He took his flesh hand in his and held on as tight as he dared.

“Bucky, Buck wake up.” Steve said his voice hoarse.

Silver whimpered next to him, pawing Bucky’s leg.

“I need to roll him over Steve.” Bruce said. “I don’t want him choking on vomit or his tongue.”

They rolled Bucky over so that he was facing Steve. Steve stared in horror. His eyes were wide open.

…

They had moved Bucky to a hospital bed after making sure he wasn’t dead. Natasha watched Steve from the door of the room, listening to him mutter things to Bucky. She couldn’t quite make out what they were, but she was sure they weren’t for her ears. She knocked on the door, alerting Steve of her presence. Steve looked up, his eyes red.

“He’s in a secure cell. He’s not going anywhere. You wanna interrogate him?” She asked.

Steve shook his head.

“Not until Bucky wakes up.”

Natasha nodded and sighed.

“Alright. I’ll leave you be.”

Steve grunted and Natasha left the room, feeling worried.

 

Steve was holding Bucky’s left hand, muttering softly in his sleep. He opened his eyes after resting for an hour and looked up to see Bucky’s eyes were closed this time. He relaxed slightly. His eyes weren’t wide open now. They were closed. Steve gently squeezed Bucky’s hand. He felt it squeeze back.

“Bucky?” He said, “Can you hear me?”

Silence. Steve wondered if he needed to use Russian or maybe German. He took a deep breath and said in rough German,

“Can you hear me?”

Silence. Steve took a deep breath again and tried to remember what Russian Natasha taught him.

“Can you hear me?

Bucky’s eyes flew open, scaring Steve rather badly.

“Ready to comply.”

…

Winter’s eyes fell on the man sitting beside him. He was muscular and blond. Was he his new handler? The man looked horrified after he said what he had been trained to say. Why was he so horrified? Maybe he said it wrong? He said it again in Japanese. Nothing changed. Italian garnered the same result. French caused the man to look even more horrified.

“B-Bucky? Don’t you remember me?”

Winter stared at him, confused. Who was Bucky?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I have the feeling that some of you, if not all of you, will want to start yelling at me?
> 
> I mean, I completely understand. I wanted to yell at myself when I was writing this. It just came out and when it did, all I could think was,  
> 'Hey, this could actually work. Let's run with this.'  
> And here we are. Yep. Someone said the sleeper code, Bucky can't remember anything and I can honestly say, at least for the next few chapters, we're on the hurt train. Comfort has been thrown out the window and hurt has taken over the car! It's gonna be beating the piss shit outta us for the next few chapters!
> 
>  
> 
> If it makes you feel any better, I'm along for the ride. So if anything, you're not the only ones suffering here.
> 
> Also, I know this chapter is really short. It's not even 900 words, but I felt it would be best to end it where I did. I can't guarantee anything, but future chapters should be longer.  
> Hopefully.  
> I mean, that's the plan anyway.
> 
> Feel free to yell at me in the comments.


	38. Chapter 38

Winter sat in the hospital room, looking around. The man, his name was Steve, wasn’t it? That’s what he said it was anyway. Winter was confused. He had never been treated like this by one of his handler’s before. He watched through the window out into the hall. He could see his handler, Steve, talking with a shorter man with glasses and curly hair. How long was he frozen this time? He didn’t recognize that man. He saw a woman with bright red hair walk past the window and go through the door. Who was this woman? Did she have permission from his handler to be here? She walked into the room and sat down on a plastic chair on the other side of the room.

“Do you know who I am?” She said in fluent Russian.

Winter shook his head.

“Do you know who you are?”

“I am the Winter Soldier.”

The woman shook her head.

“Not anymore, your name is Bucky.”

Why was everyone calling him that? Who the fuck was Bucky?

“Who’s Bucky? Is he my next target?”

The woman shook her head again.

“No. You no longer have targets. You’re not with Hydra anymore.”

Winter stared at her, confused.

“Then why am I awake?”

The woman watched him for a moment.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I was being put into the cryo chamber.”

The woman frowned and she hummed.

“That’s… alright.”

She got to her feet and straightened her hoodie.

“Wait here.”

Winter watched as she left the room and went to talk to his handler. He couldn’t hear what they were saying and they weren’t facing him, so he couldn’t lip read. He could only wait to see if someone would inform him of his mission. After several minutes, his handler, Steve, walked in. He sat down on the chair by his bed, close to his arm.

“Bu-Winter.” He stared, taking a deep breath. “I need you to listen to me, understand?”

Winter nodded.

“You’re not with Hydra anymore. You’re in Avenger’s Tower. You have no targets. You’ll never have another target again.”

Winter’s eyes went wide and he felt a lump in his throat. Was he being decommissioned?

“What did I do wrong?” He asked.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not punishing you.”

“Then why am I awake?”

Steve sighed and put his head in his hands. He looked Winter in the eyes and said,

“You’ve escaped Hydra. You escaped them nearly a year ago. Someone said your sleeper code.”

Winter stared at him, more confused then ever.

“What’s my mission?” He said, hoping to get something out of this guy. He wasn’t meant to be taken out of cryo freeze unless there was some sort of mission.

“Y-your mission…” Steve took another deep breath. “Your mission is to heal. You’re not well.”

“Have I been preforming inefficiently?”

Winter saw Steve’s expression go from tight to sick.

“N-no. You’ve been preforming fine.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“You… we need to do maintenance and it’ll take some time.”

Winter watched him for a moment and nodded.

“Yes sir.”

Steve looked sick to his stomach.

…

Bucky was sitting still while Bruce checked him over. In fact, he was too still. He looked like he was a statue with how still he was. Steve couldn’t help but have a sense of unease as he watched. He felt tired, angry. He wanted to kill the man who said the sleeper code. He wanted to rip his heart right out of his chest himself. Maybe then, he’d know how Steve felt. But he couldn’t. He had to wait until he knew Bucky was okay. Until he knew, Bucky wouldn’t hurt himself or others. Steve watched as Doctor Banner shone a light into Bucky’s eye. Bucky didn’t even flinch.

“Everything seems to be okay. I don’t know what else to say.”

Bruce set down the little flashlight.

“You couldn’t find anything wrong?” Steve said. “Nothing at all?”

“Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Well, other then the fact that the last thing he remembers is the cryo chamber and the fact that he thinks you’re his handler.”

Steve glanced over to Bucky and saw that he was still ramrod straight, facing straight ahead. He wasn’t even blinking. Tony came into the room, walking slowly past Bucky. He didn’t know what he was thinking, and he didn’t want to startle him.

“Steve, can I talk to you?”

Steve followed Tony out into the hall. Once Tony was sure the others couldn’t hear him, he said,

“We’ve gotta problem.”

“I think that’s pretty fucking obvious.” Steve said, rubbing his arms.

“It’s not just your boyfriend.”

Steve stared at Tony, surprised. Did he know? Or was he making a joke?

“You guys aren’t very subtle.”

Goddamn it.

“I went to visit our mole in his cell. He told me that there are other’s throughout Stark Industries. All of them were tasked with returning the Winter Soldier to Hydra. He was the first step.”

Steve paled.

“When’s the next step? Do you know?”

Tony shook his head before taking a deep breath.

“I think Natasha beating the piss shit out of that guy might’ve given us a larger window though. They know we know.”

Steve took a deep breath, noting the tight feeling in his throat.

“What do we do?”

“Well, I think it’s best we avoid highly populated areas.” Steve stared at him. “We don’t know whose Hydra and who isn’t. If we’re in a more rural area, we stand a better chance.”

Steve took a deep breath and nodded. Okay, that made sense.

“Anything else that guy told you?”

Tony shook his head.

“Not really. I mean, unless you consider him telling me that they need the Winter Soldier for something important. He didn’t specify what.”

Steve felt his shoulders slump and he nodded.

“You happen to have any cabin in the woods that we don’t know about?”

Tony grimaced.

“You see, that’s were we have more problems. I… all my places are in populated areas.”

Both men jumped when they heard someone clear their throat. There stood Natasha by the door, obnoxiously chewing gum.

“I know a place.” She said, smirking.

“Where is it?” Tony asked.

“Clint has a farm. It’s small, rural, in the middle of nowhere. They can hide out there while we figure out what to do.”

Tony and Steve stared at her, bewildered.

“Barton has a farm?” Tony muttered.

“Ya, he got it when he first joined Shield. It’s nice.”

…

Winter didn’t understand why his handler was packing two duffle bags and two backpacks. Why did he need all those clothes? Why did he have those bears? Did he have a child? Steve shoved one of the backpacks and duffle bags into Winter’s hands.

“These are yours. We’re going somewhere safe.”

Why did they need to leave? Who was coming? Steve grabbed his bags and ushered Winter out the door. The big dog was following them. Was this dog the handler’s dog?

“Nat called ahead to let Clint know the situation. He knows we’re coming.”

Nat? Clint? Who was he talking about? Steve ushered him into the elevator and Winter stood in the corner. Where were they going? The doors opened again to reveal a sign that said Basement 3. Steve stepped out of the elevator and Winter followed, very confused. Steve walked up to a massive, black van. It was heavily armoured. Winter saw a flash of a black van, riddled with bullet holes, lying on it’s roof. It vanished as quickly as it came. Steve threw his bags into the back seat and took Winter’s bags before throwing them in too. The dog climbed into the backseat. Steve told him to get in the front seat. Winter was still confused, but it felt good to have an order. He saw the woman with red hair coming over to them. She got into the back seat, sitting right next to the dog.

“Alright Rogers, let’s drive.”

 

They arrived at the airport in twenty-one minutes and thirty-two seconds. Winter was ushered out of the car and was given his backpack and duffle bag once more. His handler and the red haired woman guided him through the airport to a more private section. There he could see a small private jet with the name Stark written on the end. They quickly boarded the flight, leaving the red haired woman behind. She whispered something into Steve’s ear, but he didn’t know what. He sat in his seat obediently, right across from his handler.

…

Clint scratched Lucky’s ears and sighed. This, this was not good. This was not good at all. He sat out on the front porch, his bow next to his rocking chair. He stared out into the distance, hoping to see the two super soldiers coming up the hidden pathway. Tall trees with only a dirt path leading up to it surrounded the farmhouse. Another dirt path lead to the chicken coop and the barn he owned. Lucky panted, excited. He was gonna see Bucky again and he was going to give him ear scratches and feed him pizza when no one is looking and it’ll be great! Clint glanced down at his watch and sighed. They should’ve been there by now. He grabbed his bow and his quiver, getting to his feet. Lucky got to his feet, ready to follow.

“No, stay here Lucky. You be a good boy and hold down the fort, okay?”

Lucky whimpered softly, but he did lie back down onto the porch. Clint pulled an arrow out of his quiver and nocked it. Just in case.

…

Steve was having trouble driving down the road and dear god was his anxiety skyrocketing. They were in a tiny, piece of shit car and it was having trouble with the dirt path. It started slowing down.

“No, no, no!” Steve muttered. “Don’t you dare, don’t you dare!”

The little car stopped and Steve smacked his hand against the wheel in frustration.

“Okay, okay.” Steve said his head in his hands. “I guess we’re walking.”

He got out of the car and asked Bucky to help him push the car off to the side. It would be better to leave no trace and so it would be best to hide the car in the woods. They pushed the car into the woods and got their stuff out. He let Silver out of the car.

“Hey girl.” He said, lightly scratching her ears.

He asked Bucky to give him a hand in finding forage to cover the car with and make its peeling blue paint less noticeable. It took sometime, but after several minutes, the car was barely noticeable. Steve shouldered his bag and sighed.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Bucky followed Steve, looking very confused as to why Silver was staying close to his side.

“Is this your dog?” He asked, his voice soft, like he was afraid of asking the question.

“No, she’s not mine.” Steve said. “Silver’s your dog. She’s your service dog.”

Bucky looked at Steve, surprised.

“Will she help me with missions?” He asked and Steve had to stop himself from bursting into tears. God, all the progress was just gone.

“She helps you with nightmares. She keeps you safe.”

Bucky looked at her for a minute and looked back towards Steve.

“Is she an attack dog?”

Steve shook his head. “No, she’s a service dog. She’s trained to help people with PTSD.”

Bucky still looked confused but he didn’t ask any more questions. Steve didn’t know whether he was relieved by this or saddened. Steve saw someone coming up the road and froze. Who the fuck was that? Bucky froze too, crouching low. He was picking a rock up from the ground.

“Put it down.” Steve ordered. If this was Clint, he didn’t want him getting hurt.

Bucky dropped the rock begrudgingly. Steve squinted and saw to his relief that it was Clint. Armed, but it was Clint. Clint raised his arm in greeting.

“I was afraid you got lost.”

Steve shook his head.

“No, our car was a pieced of shit. It broke down on the road. We hid it in the woods.”

Clint nodded and motioned them to follow him.

“Come on, Lucky’s waiting.”

…

This man was armed. Why did his handler trust this armed man? He obviously knew him. But why was he so comfortable with his bow and arrows? Winter stared at the man’s back nervously. He was on edge and the dog, Silver, seemed to sense it. She nuzzled his hand and he immediately pulled it away. Silver looked at him with sad eyes and he slowly brought his hand down. He started to gently stroke her and found that it actually helped ease his nerves. Winter felt an unpermitted smile slowly stretch across his face and there was nothing he could do about it.

…

Steve glanced back and noticed the wide smile on Bucky’s face as he pet Silver. He was still in there. They just had to help him come out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'm just gonna say this right off the bat. I'm sorry for the last chapter. I'm sorry okay? It will get better, I promise you that. It's just that the angst train came in and decided to drag me (and by extension all of you) along for the ride. I don't like it, you're not gonna like it, so let's just sit here in salty silence while you glare at me from your seats, okay?  
> I'll be the one in the corner looking extremely sleep deprived. 
> 
> Also, yes. Clint has his farm. And before I get asked, no. He doesn't have his family from AOU. That doesn't exist here. He does have Kate Bishop coming over every once in a while though. We might see her, I'm not sure.
> 
> I know the story is kinda jumping around here, but the next few chapters (However many that will be) will take place at Clint's farm. So bear with me.
> 
> I will try to update in a day or two. I have a few chapters prewritten, I just gotta go through them and correct any mistakes and shit, so I'll try and update. Don't expect miracles though.
> 
>  
> 
> So... anyone wanna guess where Clint's farm is? I'll tell you where I put his farm (I'm 99.9% sure they never really state where it is in AOU, so it could be where ever) in a few chapters but... anyone wanna guess?  
> If you don't wanna, you can just yell at me for being a dick and making it so that these boys have to go through even more shit. That's fine too.


	39. Chapter 39

Winter sat on the porch, Silver against his back and a smaller, golden dog with his head on his lap. He was gently petting him. He didn’t know why, but he felt calm around these dogs. They didn’t threaten him. He glanced up to see his handler talking to Clint. He wondered silently what they were talking about, only for the little golden dog to steal his attention away again, demanding more scratches behind the ear. Winter complied, only because he felt bad for the creature. His face was pretty mangled. He heard footsteps and looked up to see his handler.

“Winter, are you hungry?” He asked.

Winter thought for a moment. He didn’t feel any gnawing hunger. Sure, he hadn’t eaten in five hours, but he felt fine. He shook his head.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. His handler looked exasperated.

“It’s been almost five hours. You need to eat something.”

An order. His handler wanted him to eat something. Winter got to his feet, followed Steve, and the other blond man into the house. He was given a sandwich and an apple. He started eating quickly and efficiently, hunched over his food.

…

Steve felt his heart ache as he watched Bucky eat. He was hunched over his food, just like he was only a few months ago. He glanced over to Clint who shrugged.

**There’s nothing we can do about this right now.** Clint signed. **Let’s just focus on helping him feel safe. Silver and Lucky have been doing that already.**

Steve nodded tiredly. Clint was right. They needed to make sure Bucky felt safe. It would not do to have him running away because he felt threatened.

…

Steve couldn’t help but wonder what Hydra wanted Bucky for. The fucker who said the sleeper code said that Bucky was needed for something. Something important. Was it a target? Steve was tempted to ask Bucky, but he didn’t even know if Bucky would know what he was talking about. Still, if they could figure out what Hydra wants him for, they could figure out how to stop it. Steve got to his feet and walked over to Bucky, who was sitting on the floor with Silver and Lucky. Lucky was fast asleep on Bucky’s lap. Silver was dozing at his side and Bucky was staring up at the ceiling.

“Winter, there’s something I need to ask you.” Steve said, crouching beside him.

Bucky glanced over to Steve, looking tired, but ready to answer.

“Hydra wants you for something. They said it was something important. Do you have any idea what it might be?”

Bucky looked back to the ceiling, frowning slightly. He seemed confused.

“There was a girl.”

Steve felt his heart sink. Did Hydra want Bucky to kill some poor girl?

“Can you tell me anything about her?” He asked, hoping to weasel out some more information.

“There was a girl. They brought her in, she kept fighting them.” Bucky said, staring at the ceiling intensely. “They wanted me to train her. They would hurt her if she didn’t cooperate. They hurt her a lot.”

Steve felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. Oh no, this was much worse.

“Do you know her name?”

“They call her Shadow.”

“Did she tell you her name?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Why do they want you to train her?” Steve asked, feeling desperate. How long was this girl there?

Bucky shook his head.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know how old she is?” Steve asked, feeling frantic.

“She was thirteen.”

Was. She was thirteen. She could be older, depending on when she was taken. Steve wasn’t sure which he preferred.

“When was she brought in? Do you know?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Do you have any idea how old she might be now?”

Bucky furled his brow for a moment.

“Once, they hurt her real bad. They injected her with something and she wouldn’t stop screaming. It was worse then the first time. She was in her cell, in the corner. She wouldn’t stop muttering something.”

“What was it?”

“1998.”

  1. Was that her year of birth? Steve felt the gears in his mind turn. If she was thirteen when they brought her in and she was born 1998, then she was taken in either 2011 or 2012, depending on the month she was born. So if she was taken in 2011 or 2012… she was roughly fifteen by now. Steve swallowed thickly. She had been there for two years.



“Is there anything you can tell me about her? Anything at all?” Steve asked. “Her appearance, anything?” Steve really wanted to help this kid.

“She’s pale. Really pale, like she’s never been outside before. Her hair’s dark… and long. Past her shoulders. She wore glasses and had things in her ears.”

“Hearing aids? She has hearing aids?”

Bucky nodded.

“Not anymore now.”

“What do you mean?”

“They took my blood and mixed it with chemicals and… and other types of blood before injecting it into her.”

Was… was that what Bucky meant when he said the first time?

“I-is there anything else you can tell me about her?”

Bucky looked Steve in the eyes and said,

“She’s crazy… but she’s a good kid.”

…

She’s crazy. What did he mean she’s crazy? Steve told Clint everything Bucky told him.

“Jesus. If that kid’s still trapped there, she’s gonna be off her rocker. I mean, look at what they did to Barnes. The kid’s not gonna be okay.”

Steve paced the porch, feeling frustrated.

“There’s a child, missing since either 2011 or 2012. She’s been tortured, trained to kill, injected with god knows what! What are they doing?”

“Do you think they’re trying to create a new Winter Soldier?”

“Winter he knew her as Shadow.”

“A replacement?”

Steve felt his heart sink for the hundredth time that day.

“Dear god, I hope not.”

“Look Steve, you worrying and wearing a hole into my porch isn’t going to help matters. Just relax, okay? There’s really nothing we can do for the kid. We can tell Tony and maybe he can dig up information, but other then that, there’s nothing we can do right now.”

Steve slumped his shoulders and nodded.

“You’re right. I just… I hope the kid’s okay.”

…

Winter felt strange telling his handler about Shadow. She was a strange kid. She constantly fought back, refused to kill children until they beat one to death right in front of her. The last he remembered her, one of the men kept hitting her in the face. She would always fall to the ground, but she’d always get back up. He remembered one time. She was in her cell, scratching at her skin, muttering something about how it burns. He didn’t know what she was talking about then, and he still didn’t know now. He jumped when he felt Silver’s wet nose against his cheek. He glared at her only to soften his gaze as he looked into her big brown eyes. Her eyes reminded him of Shadow’s. He couldn’t help but wonder what happened to her. Was she still there?

…

“And Barnes never told you about her before?” Tony said over the phone.

“I don’t think he could even remember her.” Steve said, fiddling with a pencil in his hands. “He might’ve repressed it.”

“Jesus.” Tony muttered before taking a breath. “Okay, I’ll look into girls who went missing in 2011 and 2012. I’ll put in everything you told me, but I doubt that’ll shorten the list by much.”

“Okay, thanks Tony.” Steve said before Tony hung up.

Bucky would’ve told him about this girl if he had remembered, right?

…

Winter was lying in bed, Silver and Lucky sleeping by his side. He couldn’t sleep. He just stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours. He closed his eyes and sighed. He could feel something scratching at the back of his skull. Something wanted to make itself known and it wasn’t letting up. Winter took a deep breath and screwed his eyes tight, trying to dispel whatever it was.

_-teve._

Winter’s eyes flew open and he immediately sat up, looking for the source of the voice. The room was empty save for him and the dogs.

_Steve._

Winter heard it again and tensed up. What was going on? Was he malfunctioning?

_I need Steve._

What needed Steve? Why did it need his handler?

_Dark. It’s so dark. I can’t breath._

Winter was confused and now scared. What was going on?

_It’s so cold._

Suddenly, a glimpse of a frost-covered window was all Winter could see. He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head.

_I need Steve. It’s too cold in here._

Winter frowned, confused. What was too cold? Where was this voice coming from?

“What’s cold?” He said. He didn’t know what compelled him to speak.

_I can’t see, it’s too dark._

“Who are you?”

_Bucky. My name is Bucky. Where’s Steve?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To tell you the truth, I wasn't originally planning to have Shadow in this. I just created her for fun and look! Now she's in the story! She's now here... sorta. We won't be meeting her for a while.
> 
> I haven't even finished this story, and yet I'm already planning a fucking sequel for this that focuses on Shadow! Really brain? I can't even finish this story before you're all "You know what you should do? Plan another fucking story! Never mind the one you're tying to write now!"
> 
>  
> 
> My brain's a fucking dick.
> 
> By this point, you should know the drill. Leave a comment. Tell me how you feel! It gives me the warm fuzzies.


	40. Chapter 40

Winter laid on the bed, confused and a little scared now. Bucky. That was what the red hair woman said his name was.

_Please, it’s so cold here. Let us out._

Us? What did it mean by us?

“How many of you are there?” He said in a soft voice.

_Two._

“Who’s the other one?”

_Barnes. His name is Barnes._

“Why isn’t he talking?”

_He won’t wake up. Please let us out. It’s so cold here._

Winter shook his head and snarled.

 _‘Why should I let them out?’_ Winter thought to himself.

_We’re you. We’re you. Please let us out._

“How did you… how did you hear my thoughts?” Winter asked, suddenly terrified. Dear god he was going crazy.

_We’re in your head. Let us out._

Winter took a deep breath.

 _‘Why should I let you out?’_ He asked, feeling foolish.

_Please, it’s too cold. It’s too dark._

_‘Where are you?’_

_It’s dark. It’s so dark._

The voice… Bucky sounded scared. Winter felt something tug his heartstrings.

_‘I can get my handler.’_

_Get Steve. Please, Barnes won’t wake up. Please get Steve, I’m begging you._

Winter sat up and got to his feet. He felt nervous going to his handler. What if he got mad at him for waking him up? Still, Winter wanted the voice to stop. It kept pleading with him, begging him to go and get Steve. He left the bedroom Clint had given him and walked down the hall to where Steve was sleeping. He went up to the door and knocked slowly, suddenly feeling scared. He heard a muffled “Come in” and turned the handle. He walked in to see Steve sitting upright.

“What is it?” Steve asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Who is Bucky and Barnes?”

Steve looked at him wide eyed.

“W-wha-?”

“There’s a voice. He said his name is Bucky. He kept saying that it’s cold and dark and that Barnes won’t wake up. He wanted me to get you.”

Steve stared at Winter wide eyed. His jaw was slack.

“C-can you hear him right now?”

Winter nodded, still confused.

“What’s he saying right now?”

_Steve! Steve, Barnes won’t wake up! I can’t get him to wake up!_

“He says he can’t get Barnes to wake up.”

Steve’s face fell.

“O-okay. Can he tell me what’s going on? What can he see?”

Winter was confused. Why was his handler taking such interest in this? He was obviously going crazy.

_Barnes is on the floor. It’s really cold and really dark, but I can see bars. I think I’m in a cell._

“He says Barnes is on the floor. He can see bars. He thinks he’s in a cell.”

Steve nodded, frowning.

“I’m assuming it’s locked?”

_I’ve tried everything. It won’t open._

“He’s says it won’t open.”

“Keep trying. Tell him to keep trying. We’ll figure something out.”

_C-can we stay with Steve tonight. I’m scared. Barnes won’t wake up and there’s no one else. I’m scared._

“He wants to stay with you for the night.” Winter said, still very confused. “He says he’s scared.”

Steve nodded and moved over.

“That’s fine.” He said, looking worried. “I’ll explain in the morning, alright?”

“You know what’s going on?”    

“I have an idea.”

…

“You’re telling me that this is normal?” Winter said, confused.

“For Bucky it was.” Clint said, shoving more pancakes into his mouth. “He had a voice in his head called Barnes. Barnes was him before the fall, right?” Clint looked to Steve.

Steve nodded, wondering what to do. He was sketching out what Bucky said he was in. It was a basic cell. Three walls of stone and the fourth wall was thick metal bars. There were shackles and dried blood. There was enough light that he could see into the corridor. There was nothing outside however. Not even another cell.

“Winter said that Bucky said that the cell was locked. He can’t get out and Barnes won’t wake up.”

Clint swallowed the mouthful of pancakes before saying,

“Well, maybe it has something to do with Winter. No offense.” He said to Winter, smiling sheepishly. “As the Winter Soldier, he wouldn’t be able to remember his past. Maybe that’s why Barnes is out?”

“If that’s the case, then why is Bucky awake?”

“He doesn’t remember the forties?” Clint suggested.

Steve nodded again, looking sorrowful.

“If he doesn’t remember the past, there’s no need to keep him out.”

Winter sat in his spot, still very confused.

“The cell might be locked up so that Bucky doesn’t run around telling Winter about how he escaped.”

“But that doesn’t explain how he can still communicate to Winter.”

“He’s been trying to do that for hours.” Winter said quietly.

All eyes were upon him and he felt very uncomfortable.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“Ever since I woke up… there was something scratching at the back of my head. Something wanted to come out, but… it couldn’t. I think it was Bucky.”

Steve looked over to Clint and Clint back at Steve.

“Do you think Sam would know what to do here?” He asked.

…

“Goddamn it Rogers. I’m not a fucking psychiatrist. I’m not trained to understand the human mind.” Sam said, throwing his bag to the ground.

“Then why’d you bother coming?” Clint asked through a mouthful of apple.

“Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.” Sam muttered, rolling his eyes.

He glanced over to Winter, who was sitting on the floor with Silver and Lucky.

“Hey Winter.” He said calmly. “So you have voices in your head too huh?”

“Just Bucky. Barnes is out.”

Sam sighed.

“Well, that’s something Bucky and Winter have in common then.” He muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Any idea on what we should do?” Steve said, looking very tired. How much sleep was he getting?

“Unless you know Professor Xavier, I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”

Clint groaned.

“Goddamn it. He fucking offered me his number three years ago and I never fucking took it.”

Steve and Sam looked at Clint in shock.

“You know Professor X?” Steve asked in bewilderment. “You know the leader of the x-men?”

“I ended up on a mission with one of his students. He offered me his number. You know, in case I needed it. Didn’t think I needed it so I declined. Man, hindsight’s a bitch.”

“I’ll call Tony. Maybe he can get in touch with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, we're kinda figuring out the situation Bucky's in at the moment. Don't worry, he's fine.
> 
> Now, before y'all get excited, I'm not throwing the x-men into the story. Before you start rioting (seriously, put down the pitchforks), there's a reason. The only x-men film I've ever watched in its entirety is x-men first class. That was back in my first year of junior high, which was roughly six, seven years ago. I have no access to the comics and dear god if I try, you'll just find me curled up on the ground crying in confusion. I'm not doing this to be an asshole. I'm just trying to spare myself the headache of trying to understand shit and remember who's dead, who's alive, who's been resurrected (seriously it's ridiculous).  
> I mainly through in Professor X as an Easter egg really. I was just like, "Hey, doesn't he have power over the brain or some shit? Let's mention him!" So ya, that's why there's any mention at all.
> 
> I'll try and update again in a couple of days. Most likely Thursday. The next chapter will say where I dumped the farm, so if you guys wanna try and guess, feel free. I can give you a hint:  
> It get's really fucking cold. Like, so fucking cold. So cold it makes grown men cry! (Okay, maybe that last part is an exaggeration. I mean, I've witness my dad cry when he's been told to go outside and shovel the walk when it's -30 degrees outside so... ya.)
> 
> So uh... keep the rotten food throwing at a minimum. Let me know if you enjoyed the chapter (I sincerely hope you do) as it was a labour of love. That and it gives me the motivation I need to keep writing this damn thing. Dear god how did it get so long?


	41. Chapter 41

Steve, Clint and Sam sat at the dining table, crowded around Steve’s laptop. Tony was on the screen.

“Professor Xavier? I can try, but I can’t promise anything.” He said, smearing oil across his cheek. “Any other ideas, in case I can’t get him?”

Steve sighed.

“Unless you can somehow contact Thor, I can’t think of anything.”

“I might be able to figure something out.” Tony said, writing something in the air.

“Thanks Tony.” Steve said, rubbing his forehead. “I really appreciate it.”

Tony gave him a thumbs up before he shut down the connection. Steve sighed heavily, his head in his hands. Sam pat his shoulder.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll figure something out.”

“I just, everything we’ve worked towards is gone. He was doing so well and then that fucker had to go and say his sleeper code.”

“Hey, Natasha’ll beat the piss shit out of that bastard.” Clint said, getting up to get a drink. “She’ll beat some information out of him I’m sure.”

Steve snorted tiredly.

“Still, that won’t undo what he did.”

“But it’ll make him suffer.” Clint muttered, pouring some whiskey into a glass. “Want a drink?”

“Can’t get drunk.” Steve muttered. “No point.”

Clint slide a glass under Steve’s nose.

“We can try. Here.”

“Clint, if I couldn’t get drunk in 1945, I’m not gonna get drunk in 2015.”

Clint stared at Steve for a moment before snorting.

“Stubborn asshole.” Clint muttered, taking the glass back and nocking it back. “This is the nice shit too!”

Steve snorted tiredly, rubbing his eyes.

“Jesus, this is the worst.”

“I don’t know, you could be on fire.” Sam said, shrugging. “You could be drowning in acid. You could be in the middle of a hurricane. I mean, it could be worse.”

Steve snorted, shaking his head.

“Just let me be miserable.”

“Not an option.” Clint said. “Come on, I need some help feeding the chickens.”

Steve smiled feebly.

“Alright.”

…

Winter followed after them, his hand wrapped around Silver’s collar. Clint led them over to the chicken coop, carrying a bucket of feed.

“Alright, so just scatter the feed. If you see some chickens or roosters eating more then their share, let me know.” Clint said, holding out the bucket.

Steve grabbed a handful and started scattering it about. Winter hesitated at first, but then went to grab some feed as well. The chickens, chicks and roosters scurried around, excited for the food. Winter threw out the food, trying to scatter it. The feathery creatures clucked and crowed as they ran towards the food, quickly eating it.

“Tony you fucking pig!” Clint cried.

“Clint, why do you have a chicken named Tony?”

“I named all the chickens after you guys.” Clint said, holding the chicken away from him at arms length. “If you guys piss me off, I eat the chicken.”

“How many Tony’s have you gone through?” Sam asked, smirking.

Clint hesitated at first before replying, “Seventeen.”

“Mostly for bird jokes?”

“Yes.”

“Are there any chickens you haven’t killed?” Steve asked, scattering some more feed.

“Natasha’s still alive and kicking.”

Winter noticed Steve rolling his eyes. He couldn’t help but smile softly. He scattered some chicken feed, smiling faintly when Silver ended up having a chicken riding her back.

…

Winter sat on the floor with Silver and the little golden dog, Lucky. He was on the porch, staring out into the woods. He couldn’t help but feel uneasy when he looked out into the woods. Something, anything could be in them. Hydra could be in there, waiting. Waiting for the right moment. Winter had finally tasted freedom, that he could remember, and he didn’t want to lose it. He continued scratching Silver’s ears, swallowing thickly when he saw a bird fly over the treetops only to disappear from sight when it plunged into the treeline. He heard footsteps and turned to see Sam coming out.

“You know, it’s really creepy when you do that.” Sam said, sitting down next to Lucky. “You alright? You don’t look so good.”

Winter didn’t say anything. He just stared out into the trees, waiting.

“I highly doubt they’ll find you here. According to Clint, not even Shield knew about this place. It’s safe.” Sam said, watching Winter.

Winter’s shoulders were still hunched, but they relaxed slightly. He still looked uneasy.

“They’ll find me. They always find me.”

“You’ve escaped before, haven’t you?” Sam asked softly.

“1979. I stole a motorcycle.”

“How long?” Sam asked softly.

“Three days, seven hours and fourteen minutes.” Winter said mechanically. He sighed. “I was punished for running after they found me.”

Sam looked at him sadly.

“I’m sorry that happened. But… it’ll be harder to find you in a place that’s not meant to exist. It’s pretty secure here. I mean, the road here is pretty difficult to find. I had a hard time finding the stupid thing. Not only that, but we’re not even in America anymore. We’re in fucking Canada! The second largest country in the world! And we’re in rural Canada! It’ll be pretty fucking hard for Hydra to find you here.”

Winter looked over to Sam tiredly. He blinked slowly and relaxed a bit more. He was still on edge though.

“They’ll still find me. It’ll just take longer.”

…

_It’s cold._

Winter sighed heavily, covering his eyes with his arm. Bucky was talking. Again.

_‘I know it’s cold. I can’t do anything about it.’_

_Yes you can! You can let us out!_

Winter felt a wave of unease overcome him at the mere thought. That was a bad idea.

_‘You’re safe where you are.’_

_Listen Winter! I don’t wanna be locked up! I don’t think Barnes wants to be locked up either! I’ve been through the same things as you, I know you’re scared. But… but you gotta let us out. Please. I can’t… I can’t be in here. It’s too much._

 Winter groaned, shaking his head.

_‘You’re safe there! They can’t touch you if you’re there!’_

_They damn well can and you know that!_ Bucky cried, sounding very frustrated. _All they have to do is shove us in the godforsaken machine and pull the lever. That’s all they have to do! Nowhere is safe!_

_‘Barnes is still around.’_ Winter argued, rolling over to his side.

_Barely. He’s barely around. That’s only because he let you take over. He didn’t have the strength to keep fighting back. He gave up power to you and you know that!_

Well, Bucky wasn’t wrong. Eventually, Barnes had to give in. It took a little over a year, but finally, hydra managed to break him. Rather then loose everything, Barnes retreated and allowed Winter to take over. He hid in the darkest recesses of his mind, waiting for the day Winter would escape. Barnes was the only one with any memories predating Hydra.

_‘I know, but you’re safe there.’_

_You know the chair will find us eventually. You know that. And when it does… we’re finished. Barnes will be gone in an instant and I’d follow closely behind._

Winter took a deep breath and pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes.

_‘It’s not safe. We’re not safe.’_

_Yes we fucking are! I know these guys! They’ve helped me recover and they can help us! Just let us out!_

Winter swallowed thickly.

_‘I don’t know how.’_

_Are you… are you fucking serious?_

Bucky sounded very angry. Winter wanted to hide from the voice. He was sure that all hell was about to break loose.

_This whole fucking time, I’ve been begging you to let us out, to let us go, and you’re telling me that this whole time, you didn’t fucking know how to do it?_

_‘I feel like if I say yes, you’ll keep yelling.’_

_Winter you fucking ass!_

Winter screwed his eyes shut and tried to drown out Bucky’s shouts of rage. Bucky however was persistent and continued his rant no matter where in his mind Winter retreated to.

_Winter, I’m gonna kick your broody ass in a minute I swear to god!_

Winter sighed feebly, shaking his head.

“I don’t know how.” He muttered. “I’m sorry.”

_We have to wait for Xavier or something, aren’t we?_

“I… I don’t know.” Winter said. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off, I wanna congratulate Sharpclaw for correctly guessing where the farm was. I mean, they were the only one that guessed, (At least in the comments) but still. I felt I should give them credit for guessing correctly.
> 
> As for the case of Winter not knowing how to let Barnes and Bucky out, there are reasons.  
> Reason 1: He's never done that shit before. Seriously. Barnes can't exactly call out to him to let him out when he's out cold and unresponsive.  
> Reason 2: Even if he did know how, he still requires a bit of help.  
> Reason 3: I already have an idea for how this will be resolved. It'll be fucking cheesy as shit, but damn it! We need cheesy.
> 
> I'm not sure when the next update will be. While I do have some prewritten chapters, I have not one, but two midterms next week. On the same day. One after the other. Fuck me. So I cannot say for certain when the next chapter will be. You guys are probably use to getting updates every Tuesday and Thursday, so I thought I'd warn you ahead of time so you're not sitting there wondering what happened.
> 
> I will try to update if I can, but I wanna focus on studying for my history and classics midterms, as well as focus on fixing my fucked up sleep schedule. I mean, I'm currently functioning on 2-3 hours of sleep. Still better then the last chapter, where I was barely functioning on 1 hour of rest. Not sleep. REST.
> 
> So, by now, you guys probably know the drill. Let me know what you think, it fills me with determination. Even if it's just incoherent keyboard smashing, it'll make me smile in this dark time, I'm sure of it. It doesn't even have to be about the story. Tell me about some stupid, hilarious shit your pet/sibling did or something. I'll need something happy to get me through this. 
> 
> Also, if you don't mind, could you wish me luck on actually focusing and not just fucking around and leaving all my studying to the last minute? Please? Pretty please?
> 
>  
> 
> Ah Canada, where we have roughly 35 million people (Less then all the people in California alone) all scattered across roughly 10 million km squared (4 million miles squared for Americans) of land. Where we have basically every ecosystem fucking possible.  
> I'm not even kidding.  
> You want a rain forest. Check out British Columbia. There are rain forests there. For example, Stanley Park.  
> We have Fjords. Just check out Quebec's Sagueney river, or Baffin island. There are Fjords there.  
> Of course, we have the motherfucking Rockies. (Fucking gorgeous. If you get the chance to go to Jasper or Banff, do it. It's worth it.)  
> We have fucking prairies (The province of Saskatchewan)  
> We even have a fucking desert. I'm not kidding. Okanagan Desert in British Columbia. Look it up.  
> And of course, we have the boreal forests. And everyone's favourite, the fucking frozen tundra that is Nunavut.  
> Canada. Our population is diverse, just like our country's ecosystems.


	42. Chapter 42

Tony sat on his stool, fingers flying across the keyboard. He couldn’t reach Professor Xavier and he couldn’t figure out how to reach Thor. And so, he decided to focus his efforts on missing kids around 2011 and 2012. The list was extensive. He read through the names, but each of them held inconsistencies with what Winter told them. There was Amelia, but she was six, not thirteen. Katherine could’ve been another option, if not for her hair being bright pink. Sarah was out. Winter described Shadow as pale. This girl was black. Tony put his head in his hands. Most of these girls were found anyway. Why was he looking through these again?

“Sir, there’s something on the roof.”

“It’s probably a pigeon Jarvis, it doesn’t matter.”

“It’s far heavier then a pigeon sir.” Jarvis said, sounding nervous. “I believe it’s Thor Odinson.”

Tony slowly looked up and stared at the ceiling.

“Jarvis, are you pulling my leg, or are you being serious?”

“He just landed and is now on his way here. Shall I direct him to you sir?”

“Give me footage Jarvis!” Tony said, sitting up straight.

A holographic screen appeared in front of Tony and sure enough, coming down the stairs was Thor. Blond hair, red cape and all. However, there was someone else in tow.

“Jarvis, am I seeing things?” Tony asked. “Is that… Loki?”

…

Loki rolled his eyes as he followed Thor down the stairs. The man in the ceiling was now directing them to Tony Stark. Loki was tired. He wanted nothing more then to sleep, but no. Thor had broken him out of prison to drag him onto the pitiful realm of Midgard. And for what? He didn’t know. Thor never said anything. They came to a stop in front of a massive glass door, which slid open slowly, revealing Tony Stark.

“Thor, good to see you. Can’t say the same about Rudolf though.”

Loki sneered.

“Heimdall had informed me of what’s happened to Captain Roger’s friend. I wish to help. Loki is skilled in the mind and magick. He might be able to help.”

“How do we know he won’t just scramble Barnes’ brains even further, or that he won’t take him over?” Tony asked, watching Loki with a critical eye.

“He won’t.” Thor said, a tired look in his eyes.

Tony looked Loki in the eyes, trying to find any semblance of fault.

“My past… endeavours have failed. I have no wish to take over Midgard.”

“Well, why don’t you tell me about what’s happened since. If I like what’s being said, I’ll ship you guys off to where they’re hidden.”

Thor nodded and guided Loki within the lab. Great.

…

Loki could remember what happened very clearly. After faking his death and Thor leaving him to save Midgard, Loki returned to Asgard. He put Odin into Odinsleep and stowed him away before taking shape of the allfather himself and posing as him. When Thor had returned and tried to hand him Mjolnir, he refused, telling him that he should do as he wished. What he didn’t know was that Thor saw through his disguise very quickly. He didn’t act enough like Odin, he didn’t sit like Odin and he certainly didn’t talk like Odin. And now, thanks to Loki’s own negligence, Thor found him out. He had only been ruling for a few mere Midgardian months when everything started taking its toll on him. He fell ill. The stress was becoming too much. Thor found him in the Throne room, collapsed from exhaustion. The disguise was lifted. Loki spent a few days in the infirmary, recovering from his ailments while Odin fixed everything Loki had changed, which wasn’t much. Odin wanted to cast Loki out to Jotunhiem, his birth realm. But then, Thor was informed of the situation on Midgard and asked his father to allow him to take Loki with him to provide aid. Odin had agreed, on the condition that Loki wore this goddamn collar at all times. It stifled his magick to the point where even the most basic spells were exceedingly difficult. Now he was sat on a rather uncomfortable metal stool in Stark’s lab.

“You mean to tell me he can’t do magick?” Tony said, smirking.

“Not without great difficulty.” Thor said, looking remorseful. “Please, I’m sure the situation is dire.”

Tony looked at Thor with tired eyes.

“I guess you can say that, ya. Let me fill you in.”

Loki zoned out while Thor told Tony what happened, only to come back and hear what happened to Barnes.

“Wait, he forgot everything?” He asked, confused. How could the action of saying one, seemingly meaningless word cause a man to forget everything they know?

“That’s what I said reindeer games. Barnes will only respond to Winter, doesn’t remember anything other then Hydra, and generally doesn’t act like the Barnes I’ve gotten to know over the past few months.”

“Where are they? We can help.” Thor said, leaning forward onto his knees.

Tony handed Thor a phone and told him that the coordinates were on the phone.

“Just follow them and you’ll find where they’re hiding.”

“Excellent. Come brother, we have work to do.” Thor said, helping Loki out of his seat.

“You’re not my brother.”

…

“Okay, thanks Tony.” Steve said before hanging up.

“Alright, so what’s happening?” Clint asked, fiddling with a dart.

Steve told Clint and Sam everything Tony told him. About how Thor was informed of the situation and had come from Asgard with Loki in tow to try to aid in helping Bucky recover.

“We should probably tell Winter then.” Sam said before tossing his dart at the dartboard. “It would be pretty bad if he attacked Thor and Loki because he didn’t recognize them.”

Steve nodded and sighed.

“I’ll get right on that.”

He went to the front door and walked out onto the porch. Winter was in his usual spot at the edge of the porch with the dogs around him.

“Winter, I have something I need to tell you.”

…

Winter looked up to see his handler sitting down beside him. What was he going to tell him? Did he have a mission for him?

“There are two men coming here. They’re friends. They won’t hurt anyone.” Winter couldn’t help but notice Steve’s tone when he said they won’t hurt anyone. “They’re coming to help you.”

“Because I’m preforming inefficiently.” Winter said.

Steve didn’t bother correcting him like he usually did.

“Their names are Thor and Loki. Thor’s tall with long blond hair. Loki’s a bit shorter then Thor with long black hair.”

His handler went on to describe the two men to the best of his abilities.

“They’re friends. They’re not gonna hurt you. They’re not a threat, understood?” Steve said, looking very tired.

Winter nodded calmly.

“Understood.”

His handler sighed before getting up and leaving Winter alone with Silver and Lucky. He absent mindedly stroked Silver’s fur for what felt like hours. Finally, he saw two figures approaching in the distance. Both were tall, but one had long blond hair while the other had long black hair. Winter got to his feet. Lucky and Silver got up as well, their hackles raised. Winter calmed them before going into the farmhouse to tell them who just arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kicks door open* Guess who's back bitches! I'm... oh god. That wasn't valuable was it? Shit, fuck, I'm sorry. Oh fuck I broke the door too. Shit, I'm so sorry.  
> Yep, I've finished my midterms at 10:40 am on the 16th of Feburary, 2017 and I'm back. I'm back and really fucking tired. I need to fix this sorry excuse for a sleep schedule.
> 
> Yes, Thor and Loki are in the story. "Why?" You might be asking. "What purpose do they serve?" Well I'll tell you. Now sit down, shut up and let me tell you a thing... or three... or ten.  
> 1\. Thor is one of my favourite avengers. He was the second one I was introduced to (Captain America being the first). So I have a soft spot for him.  
> 2\. Sometimes, magick is required to fix shit.  
> 3\. I was always planning on having them come in at some point.  
> 4\. I'm a fantasy writer. This is fiction. It's time to bring some fucking fantasy in here! That and with magick, anything goes. It's fucking great.  
> 5\. I'm fascinated by mythology and by introducing them, I can throw in mythological elements, which always makes me happy. Who wants to learn about nordic mythology?  
> And lastly,  
> 6\. I just like Thor and Loki, okay?  
> So ya, they're here now. Who knows? Maybe the Queen of England will make a cameo! (She won't.)  
> (Do keep in mind that I am interpreting shit that we didn't see in the Thor movies. I'll say right off the bat. I don't really see Loki as a villain. I mean, ya, he's done some nasty shit, but he's not really like Hydra when you think about it. I'll explain within the story how I think things might've gone. So, if you don't agree with me, that's fine. Everyone's entitled to their opinions.)
> 
> As usual, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Leave a comment and tell me what you think. I love hearing what you have to say.  
> And yes, I am throwing in nordic mythology, whether you like it or not. It's gonna be in here. That being said, don't use me as a source for a paper or some shit. You will fail and it'll be your fault.


	43. Chapter 43

Loki stood on the porch silently while Thor was inside, telling his friends everything. There was a massive brown and black dog sitting and watching him, as well as a smaller golden dog. They stared at him, watching him. If he so much as shifted, the little golden one would growl. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. The door opened again to reveal Captain Rogers, looking very tired.

“You can help Bucky?” He said, arms crossed.

“I’ll aid him to the best of my abilities.” Loki said smoothly. “I cannot guarantee that I’ll be able to bring him back.”

“I just want him to remember. I don’t care about the stuff during the war. He already has enough nightmares; we don’t need war memories haunting him as well. I just… I just want him to be able to remember the last few months.”

Loki looked Captain Rogers up and down before asking,

“When did he return to you?”

Captain Rogers sighed tiredly.

“Late July of last year.” He said before blinking harshly. “He escaped ten months ago.”

Loki nodded and rolled his shoulders, resulting in the little golden dog growling again.

“Lucky calm down.” Captain Rogers said. “He’s not the enemy.”

Loki nodded his appreciation. He took a breath before asking,

“May I see him?”

Captain Rogers looked hesitant at first, but he relented and escorted Loki inside the house. The first thing he saw was Clint Barton, glaring at him from his seat on the couch. He was sharpening a knife. Loki swallowed thickly and turned his gaze away. His eyes then landed on a man sitting on the floor. His knees were tucked up to his chest, making him look far smaller then he actually was. His hair was long and in his face. He had a silver arm. This must be Barnes. Captain Rogers crouched down and got his attention.

“Winter, this is Loki. He’s here to help.”

Barnes, or Winter as Captain Rogers called him, looked up and stared at Loki. Loki nodded his head in greeting.

“Greetings Winter,” He said in a calm tone. “I am Loki. I was asked to come as it’s speculated that I might be able to help you.”

Winter looked at him confused.

“I still don’t know how I’m malfunctioning.”

Loki glanced over to Captain Rogers, who looked like he was ready to cry. Well, given the information he was given, he must be very frustrated indeed.

“I was told that the last thing you remembered before you woke up was going into… what was it? Cryo?”

“Cryo sleep.” Said a dark man from across the room. “Basically he got frozen for lengths of time and pulled out whenever they needed him.”

Loki blinked. That sounded unpleasant.

“I see.” He said slowly. “Well, what you fail to realise it seems, is that you’re missing ten months of memories.”

“They said I escaped ten months ago, but I don’t remember it.” Winter said, still looking very confused.

“Well, I’m here to try and help with that. Hopefully, I’ll be able to help you regain these memories and you’ll be fine.”

“Any idea how you’re gonna do that?” Said Barton from his seat. He was slowly sharpening his knife, staring at him all the while. It made him uncomfortable.

“I will need to examine him.” Loki said, staring Barton down. Maybe if he did that, he’ll stop trying to intimidate him? “After that, I’ll be able to determine a course of action… in theory.”

Barton’s glare intensified. It wasn’t working. Barton got to his feet and stretched, knife still in his hand.

“I suppose I should show you to your bedroom.” He said. “If I had it my way, you’d be sleeping in the barn with the horses. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Loki flushed and scowled. Barton turned to Thor.

“You’re staying too I’m assuming.”

“I’m under orders to remain near Loki at all times. I cannot leave.” Thor said. He looked around for a moment. “You have a nice home. It’s cozy.”

Barton smiled for a moment.

“Thanks. Now come on, I’ll show you your rooms, unless you’d rather share.”

“Separate is fine, thank you.” Thor said before Loki could protest.

As Barton led them away, Loki couldn’t help but notice Winter’s eyes on him. It made him feel cold.

…

Steve glanced over to Sam, who had since gotten out of his seat.

“What do you think of him?” Steve asked.

Sam stared at the hallway Clint led Loki and Thor down for a moment.

“I honestly can’t believe that was the guy who tried to take over the world. He… he really doesn’t seem like he’d be able to do that.”

“Do not let Loki’s appearance fool you.” Thor said as he walked back into the room. “He might be small and he might seem weak, but that’s exactly why you should be weary of him. Many an enemy had fallen by his hand due to underestimating him.” He said, sitting down onto the couch. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of knowing your name.”

Sam stared at Thor for a moment.

“Uh… Sam. Sam Wilson.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you son of Will.”

Sam glanced over to Steve, who shook his head, a small smile on his face.

“Don’t. Just don’t.”

…

Loki sat in the bedroom that Barton gave him. It was small, didn’t have much in way of furniture, but Loki didn’t really care about that. He stared into the mirror that hung atop the dresser, his fingers just barely grazing the metal collar that sat heavy on his shoulders. He closed his eyes and sighed, tired. He heard a knock on the door and he got to his feet. He opened the door to reveal Thor. He was holding an alarmingly thick file.

“Captain Rogers asked me to give this to you. He thought it might help.”

Loki took the file and was shocked at the sheer weight. He’s carried heavier, but he wasn’t expecting it to be quite so heavy.

“I’ll leave you be Brother.” Thor said, turning and shutting the door behind him.

“You’re not my brother.” Loki muttered before walking over to the bed.

He set the file down onto the bed and cracked it open. The first thing he was greeted by was a large picture of Winter, his eyes closed, expression blank. It looked like he was covered in frost. Loki then noticed a smaller photograph attached at the bottom. It was brown and looked old. A few decades at least. In the picture, there was a man. He was clean-shaven, in a uniform and… smiling. He was smiling. Loki stared at the picture. That was Winter… before everything happened to him. His eyes looked bright and innocent in the picture and yet… Winter’s eyes looked haunted, tired. Like he had been forced to bare the weight of the world on his shoulders. Wasn’t there a Midgardian myth about something like that? Loki shook his head and started reading through the file. He lost track of time very quickly.

…

Steve seemed to be on the brink of tears constantly now a days. Jesus, he wasn’t this emotional when Bucky first came back and didn’t know anything, why was he now?

_‘Because everything we’ve worked towards is gone. He doesn’t remember you or Sam or Clint. He doesn’t remember Silver; he doesn’t remember what you mean to him or what he means to you.’_

Steve pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to block out tears. Sometimes he fucking hated his brain. Steve stared out the window in the kitchen, noticing the thick clouds forming. Clint leaned in, staring out the window.

“Oh good, it’s gonna snow. We need the moisture.” Clint said, drying a dish.

“What happened to all the snow?” Steve asked.

“Well, there was like an inch of snow around Christmas, but then it got unseasonably warm. It melted early January.”

Steve stared at the clouds.

“How much snow do you think we’ll get?”

Clint glanced out the window.

“Probably a couple of inches. Not a metric shit ton.”

Steve stared at Clint, confused.

“What? We’re in northern Canada. It’s snows a lot.”

Clint went back to drying the dish in his hands, putting it into the cupboard.

“Are you gonna help or are you gonna stare out the window some more?” Clint teased.

Steve looked down to the dishwasher and the hand towel on his shoulder.

“Shit.” He muttered. “I’m sorry… I… sorry.”

He reached down to grab a glass when Clint stopped him.

“Steve, what’s wrong? You can talk to me.”

Steve looked at Clint for a moment and felt tears threatening to spill forth. Again.

“I… I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

Clint tightened his grip.

“No it’s not. Is it Barnes?” Steve’s expression said it all. “He’ll be okay. Look, I don’t trust Loki,”

“Understatement of the year.” Steve deadpanned. “That’s like saying being frozen for seventy years is a minor inconvenience.”

Clint smirked. “Alright, fair. Look, I trust Loki about as far as I can throw him. But Thor still trusts him, even after all the shit he’s pulled, so… so there’s gotta be something good in him. He’ll help Bucky. He doesn’t really have a choice on the matter anyway.”

Steve wanted to smile, he really did. And he managed to pull it off, sort of. Clint was faced with a watery smile. Steve looked ready to just breakdown in tears. Clint took Steve’s towel and tossed it to the side before giving him a hug. Steve was tense at first, but soon melted into the hug. He didn’t realise how much he needed some comfort until now. And now that he had it, the tears started and they weren’t stopping. Clint rubbed his back.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out. It’ll be okay.” Clint soothed. “He’ll be okay.”

…

Winter stood in by the doorway leading into the kitchen. He could hear Clint and Steve talking. They were talking and then… it just stopped. Soon the sound of talking was replaced with shuffling and Winter put his head around the corner to see Clint and his handler hugging. Steve was crying. Something in him wanted to go over and… do something. Anything. He didn’t like seeing him distressed. Winter almost made his presence known when he stopped. He could hear Clint talking.

“He’ll be okay. He’ll get better. Don’t worry Steve, he’ll remember.”

Winter got a strange feeling in his stomach and he quickly made his way to the porch. He sat on the porch, staring at the ever-darkening sky. Those clouds looked heavy and thick. He estimated that it would be roughly an hour before it started snowing. He could sit outside until it started. Silver padded over to him, curling up against his leg.

“Hi.” He said in a soft voice.

Silver nuzzled his leg and Winter started petting her fur. He stared at the sky past the treeline for a few minutes when he heard footsteps. He turned his attention to the source and low and behold, there was Loki in the doorway.

“You know it’s about to snow, right?” He said, tucking hair behind his ear.

Winter stared at him for a moment before turning his attention back to the clouds in the sky. It was getting colder. Loki sat down against the railing of the porch, facing opposite of Winter.

“What are you doing here?” Winter asked, trying to get a read on the man.

“Well, I just spent the past couple hours reading over a file that Captain Rogers thought I should read and I needed a break. It got… taxing.”

Winter frowned slightly and turned his attention to the sky once more. The two of them sat in silence for a few more minutes before Winter said,

“How do you know my handler?”

Loki looked surprised at the question.   

“I’ve only met him once before.” He said, fiddling with his shirtsleeve. “It wasn’t… in optimal circumstances.”

“You’re the Loki, who tried to take over New York, aren’t you?”

Loki once again looked surprised.

“How… to my knowledge, you weren’t even awake during the chitari invasion.”

“My previous handlers told me about it.” That was a lie. They were talking about it while Winter was in the room. They weren’t talking to him.

Loki nodded after a moment and sighed. He could see his breath.

“I think it’s best if we move inside, don’t you?” Loki said, getting to his feet.

Winter glanced up to see that the clouds looked ready to burst.

“Ya… I… I’ll be there in a minute.”

Loki cocked an eyebrow.

“I’ll wait. I’m in no rush.”

Loki leaned against the outside wall of the house, waiting for Winter to get up. It wasn’t until the snow had already began to fall and stick that Winter stood up. The massive dog followed Winter into the house and Loki followed quickly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter for you lot!  
> Yesterday was Family day for me (Don't know about the rest of you. Is it only a Canadian thing or something?) and I have the rest off the week off from classes for Reading week. I thought I'd update this since I haven't much else to do at this present moment in time.
> 
> If you have any questions about the story, like if I didn't explain something well enough or something, let me know. I'll do my best to answer them and try and clear up any confusion.  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think!


	44. Chapter 44

_It’s too quiet._

Winter groaned softly. Bucky was wide awake once again.

_‘Shut up and let me sleep!’_

_Come on, I can’t be the only one who thinks it’s way too quiet._

Winter screwed his eyes shut, trying to get Bucky to shut up.

_Winter, I think there’s something wrong._

_‘If I open my eyes and prove to you that everything’s fine, will you shut up?’_

_Fine._

Winter opened his eyes and was greeted with a completely smooth ceiling.

_‘See, nothing’s… wait.’_

The ceiling shouldn’t be smooth. The ceiling’s made of wood. The ceiling’s wood planks. Winter slowly sat up, his heart pounding in his chest.

_Aren’t we in the middle of a snow storm?_

Winter felt his heart sink. He couldn’t hear the howl of the wind anymore. Why couldn’t he hear the wind anymore? Winter suddenly noticed that Silver wasn’t at the foot of his bed like she was earlier.

_Where’s Silver?_

Winter very slowly got out of bed, his heart in his throat. He set one foot onto the floor, only to pull back immediately. The floor was wet. Why was it wet? Winter peered over to look down at the floor. Just barely, he could make out what looked like a thick, red liquid.

_Am I the only one seeing blood?_

_‘No.’_

The floor was covered in blood and yet Winter couldn’t find a source. Very slowly, he got out of bed, trying to ignore the feeling of the blood between his toes. It was still warm. He started walking towards the door when his foot hit something. Something big… and furry. Winter looked down and saw Silver lying on the ground, mouth wide open in mid bark.

_Winter… please tell me we’re seeing things._

Winter wanted to throw up. Silver was so gentle! She wouldn’t hurt a fly! Why would someone do this?

_Winter! Steve! We need to find Steve!_

Winter sidestepped around Silver, feeling a large lump in his throat as he looked back to see her unmoving body. He sprinted down hallway after throwing open the door. He threw himself at Steve’s door, trying to break it down. Why wasn’t it opening?

_Steve, oh god Steve! Stevie!_

Winter managed to weaken the door enough and it came crashing down. Steve was laying in his bed, like he never heard Winter banging down the door. He raced over to the bed only to find Steve with his eyes wide open, his throat slit.

_No, no, no, no! This can’t be happening!_

Winter couldn’t help but notice that the way Steve’s throat was cut was disturbingly familiar. He noticed the first cut, which was shallow and then the second cut underneath, which was much deeper. He only knew one person who did that. He just managed to hear nearly silent footsteps behind him and he turned around. Standing before him was a figure dressed entirely in black, wearing a muzzle. Just like he use to. The eyes. The eyes looked so familiar.

“Where were you Winter?” The figure said in a hoarse voice. “We made a pact. You promised that you’d help me escape too. Where were you?”

_Is that… Shadow?_

Winter screwed his eyes shut and opened them again only to see that Bucky was right. It was Shadow. He recognized her sickly skin tone and her dead eyes.

“You abandoned me Winter.” She said, cocking her head. “You left me to the wolves.”

Winter didn’t even have time to react before he felt her knife plunge into his abdomen. She retched it upwards and… god. Oh god. He could feel blood filling his mouth. He coughed, trying to expel it and more blood came to replace it. Shadow was leaning in close now.

“We made a pact!”

Winter was dead before he hit the floor.

…

Winter sat upright, a scream in his throat. The first thing he laid eyes on was Silver, alive and well.

_Oh thank god._ Bucky whispered. _It was a dream. It was a fucked up dream._

Winter wasn’t so sure. He got out of the bed, Silver waking up as he did. She followed after him as quickly made his way to Steve’s room, whimpering softly. He opened the door slowly and saw Steve lying fast asleep in bed. He crept up to the bed and saw to his relief that Steve’s throat wasn’t slit.

_‘It wasn’t real. It was a nightmare.’_ Winter could feel tears of relief.

_Thank god. Oh thank fuck._

Winter sat in the corner of the room, hugging Silver close. He managed to fall asleep after an hour of paranoid watching.

…

Steve wasn’t expecting Winter to be in his room, let alone fast asleep in the corner. Yet he was. He didn’t expect Winter to have a kitchen knife clenched in his fist. Yet he did. He didn’t expect Winter to suddenly awaken and stare at Steve for many long minutes before relaxing. Yet he did.

“Winter, is something wrong?” Steve asked, kneeling onto the ground.

Winter watched him for a few minutes, looking tired and shaken.

“I… I had a… a nightmare.” He said, staring at the knife. Silver gently licked his face.

“I see.” Steve said. That would explain the knife and the reason why he was asleep in the corner of his room. “Can you tell me what it was about?”

Winter remained silent for many minutes before finally replying in a soft voice.

“I… I had my eyes closed when Bucky told me something was wrong. Something wasn’t right. I opened my eyes and… the ceiling looked wrong. I sat up and Silver wasn’t at the foot of the bed. I… I found her a few feet away. She was dead.” Winter paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. Steve noticed his left hand tighten around Silver’s collar. “Bucky started panicking and wanted me to check on you… so I did.” Winter said, his voice coming a bit rougher. “I went in… and you didn’t move. It was like you never heard me. I got closer and… a-and your throat… was cut.”

The look on Winter’s face made Steve desperately want to reach forward and comfort him. But he held back.

“I heard footsteps and I turned around… and… I saw Shadow.”

Steve’s blood went cold. The girl?

“She kept talking about how I abandoned her. How I left her to die even though we made a deal and… and she killed me. She stabbed me in the stomach.” Winter said, his hands shaking.

Steve gently took the knife away, setting it aside. Winter didn’t notice. Silver was whimpering softly, nosing him, trying to comfort him.

“Winter… everything’s alright. Everything’s fine. What you saw, what you told me, it wasn’t real. None of it was real.”

“B-but Shadow…” Winter said in a breathy voice. “Wh-what if she really does think that? D-does she think I abandoned her?”

Steve gently reached out and placed a hand on Winter’s arm.

“Winter, I  don’t know her nearly as well as you do, but I don’t think she’d be mad at you for not helping her escape. You couldn’t help her. You couldn’t go back for her, otherwise neither of you would be free. I promise you, we’re tying to find her. We’ll help her, okay?”

Winter looked Steve in the eyes and seemed to calm down, if only a little.

“Okay.”

…

Loki sat in the bedroom, reading through a certain part of the file. How they put the sleeper code in in the first place.

“If I can just… figure out how they got it in… I can figure out how to get it out.” He muttered.

He blinked and shook his head. He glanced over to the window to see that the sun was starting to rise. Oh. He worked all through the night again. Loki blinked tiredly and sighed. He could hear someone shuffling outside in the hallway. Probably the dogs. He took a deep breath and stared at the passage, hoping to find something, anything he could use to try and help. Nothing was sticking out. He stared at the paper in his hands for a few more minutes when a knock came at the door. Loki let out a startled “Come in.” The door opened to reveal Captain Rogers, hair still mussed up and looking sleepy still.

“I’m not disturbing you, am I?” He asked.

Loki glanced down at the nest of papers he made himself.

“Uh, no. No you’re not. Is there anything you need?” He asked, blinking tiredly.

“You didn’t sleep last night, did you?”

“What’s your point?”

Steve snorted softly and sighed.

“I thought you’d like to know that breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.”

Oh. He would like to know that. If there was one thing he liked about Midgard, it was the food. Well… some of it. He still didn’t understand why some Midgardians eat snails.

“Thank you Captain. I’ll be out in a couple minutes then.”

Steve nodded and turned to leave before stopping and turning his head to look at Loki.

“Call me Steve. We’re not in the army.”

 

Loki came out, rubbing his eyes. He wandered into the dining room where he saw Thor helping Barton set the table.

“Look who’s awake,” Barton said. “Enjoy your sleep there sleeping beauty?”

“You’re assuming I actually went to sleep. I spent the night looking over that damn file.” Loki groaned, feeling very tired indeed.

Barton looked at him for a moment before sighing. He wandered over to a small machine. Wasn’t that called a coffee machine? He didn’t have time to finish the thought when a mug of hot coffee was placed in his hands.

“Here you big baby. Try and stay awake.”

Loki stood there, confused, for a few moments.

“Uh… thanks.”

He sat down and sipped the coffee tiredly, noting it’s bitter taste. Seriously, why was it so bitter? He noticed Winter walk into the dining room, Silver pressed against his leg. He made no indication that he noticed Loki there.

“So, nightmare?” Barton asked.

Winter nodded tiredly and sighed, resting his head against his hands.

“I’ll… I’ll be okay.”

Barton shrugged.

“Alright.”

…

_Tired, very tired. I feel so fucking tired Winter._

_‘We’re all tired Bucky.’_ Winter sighed, rubbing his eyes. _‘Suck it up.’_

_Fuck you, I’m complaining._

Winter sighed internally before poking the food that was placed before him. He began to eat slowly, blinking tiredly. He took note of all the men in the room. His handler was on his left, sipping from his mug before going to eat some more. On his right is Sam. He liked Sam. He seemed nice. At the head of the table, just next to Steve, was Clint, whom was chugging coffee from the pot. He wasn’t sure that was healthy. After Clint was Thor. Thor seemed intimidating to Winter. Like he could crush him under his thumb if he so wished. Just after Thor was Loki. Winter wasn’t sure what he felt about Loki. He had such a hard time getting a read on him that it was a miracle that he managed to get anything. Still, he seemed nice. Creepy, but nice.

_You know, nice, for the guy who tried to invade the world and take it over so he could rule._

_‘Well it’s not like he can really do that now.’_

_Fair, but still._

Winter decided it was bester to keep an eye on Loki, just to be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone order an update? No? Well fuck it. You get one anyway.
> 
> I know this chapter is later then usual for when I update on Thursdays, but I have a reason. I was with my sister at a high school open house. She's going to high school next year and my mum's currently out of town for work, so I was the one to show her around and help her understand shit. At least... that's what I thought I was doing. She was all,  
> "But you don't need to tell me this! My friend already told me this." (Even though her friend had only been there for one year and I have graduated from that school and have more experience in general.)  
> She was also like,  
> "They already told us at the presentation!"  
> To which I lost my temper and said, "Ya well I wasn't at the presentation ya little shit!" Or something to that extent.  
> So ya... I've... it's been a day.
> 
> So... you got a glimpse of Shadow... kinda. VIA a dream anyway.  
> ... What'd you think of dream her? She seems nice, don'tcha think? (I'm being sarcastic)
> 
> As usual, leave a comment if you can, let me know what you think. If you have any questions, ask! I don't mind answering them.   
> ... Please. I'm very lonely. ... I don't have a life.


	45. Chapter 45

Winter sat in Loki’s bedroom, quietly on the floor with Silver half on his lap. He was quietly petting her while watching Loki… do whatever he was doing. He was rifling through a seemingly endless pile of papers, looking for… something. Winter tried to focus on petting Silver when he heard Loki mutter something.

“Finally, only took twenty minutes.” He muttered, smoothing out the sheets.

The pages in his hands were slightly brown along the edges, giving hint to how old they were. There seemed to be illegible chicken scratch on the front and back. Winter couldn’t really tell what was written on the papers, but Loki seemed to be able to tell just fine.

“Alright, now I want you to tell me if this sounds at all familiar.” Loki said, staring at the sheets of paper. “If they do, tell me and I’ll stop. Sound good?”

Winter nodded hesitantly. What was going to happen?

“Right, let’s see here.” Loki began reading off the paper, rattling off the date and location the pages were written in. “We have begun the procedure to implant the sleeper code. This will be vital in the future, as I worry that the asset will attempt to escape in the future. Future handlers must be wary… the sleeper code will only be useable once.” Loki slowly looked up from the sheet. “It can only be used once. Winter, do you know what that means?” Loki shouted, getting excited.

Silver started wagging her tail excitedly, staring at Winter.

“Th-they can’t use it again.” He muttered. “They can’t use it on me again.” He said louder, coming to realize what this meant.

Loki nodded excitedly.

“Any attempt to use the code on the asset more then once could be disastrous, though I cannot say how.” Loki continued to read the pages aloud. Winter found that they did indeed stir up old memories. Loki came to the end of the last page. “It is unknown how long it’ll take for the sleeper code to become fully functional and I fear I cannot test it. Let’s hope we never have to use it.” Loki paused. “It’s signed by a… Dr. Arnim Zola.”

Winter froze upon hearing that name and started to feel his hands shake. Loki’s eyes went wide.

“Winter, what’s wrong?”

Silver was shoving her nose into Winter’s face, trying to calm him down. Even her cold, damp nose against his cheek wasn’t enough to ground him into reality. Loki got off his bed and down to the floor beside him.

“Winter! Winter, listen to me! Winter, can you hear me?”

But he couldn’t.

…

Loki immediately knew he shouldn’t have said that name when Winter froze. He wasn’t fully sure who this Zola was, be he made a negative impression on Winter, that he was certain. Loki wasn’t sure what to do. Winter seemed to be shutting down. Silver was trying desperately to calm him down and ground him to reality, but it didn’t seem to be working. Loki took a deep breath, trying to think.

“Captain Rogers.” He muttered. “I need to get him. He has to know what to do.” He turned to Silver. “Stay, help him. Help him as best you can.”

Silver let out a soft bark and Loki got up and ran out the room. He ran into the living room where Captain Rogers was sitting on the couch, drawing.

“Captain Rogers, we have a problem!” Loki said, nervous. He actually liked Winter. He was nice to talk to. “I need your assistance.”

Steve immediately got to his feet and began following Loki.

“What happened?” He asked, looking concerned.

Loki recounted what happened to him.

“I read the name at the end and he just froze. Then he started shaking and I couldn’t get him to snap out of it!”

They ran into the room to see Winter still sitting where Loki left him. Silver was still trying to get him to snap out of it. He was staring straight ahead, seemingly at nothing. Captain Rogers got to his knees in front of Winter and waved his hand in front of his face.

“Winter, can you hear me?”

…

The moment he said the name, Winter froze. Immediately, memories long repressed and hidden away came flooding back, assaulting his mind. He could feel the cold of the ice on his skin; feel the sharp, white-hot pain of the saw cutting into his arm. He could hear the disturbingly familiar voice and see the smile and the beady little eyes. Oh, he fucking hated that smile. Winter could faintly hear Loki calling for him, but it was muffled, as if he was underwater. He could feel Silver’s nose against his cheek, but his skin felt numb. He could only feel the pressure. Soon, he could faintly make out footsteps and heard someone sit down in front of him. There was something waving, just past his field of vision and then he could just make out the words,

“Winter, can you hear me?”

He wanted to respond, but his limbs felt too heavy. He felt as though he couldn’t move his body. He tried however, to convey in some way that he heard that voice. He was sure he heard that voice before. He slowly closed his eyes and opened them again. He felt a gentle touch on his arm.

“Winter,” Said the voice again, still muffled. “You’re safe. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

He can’t… Zola can’t hurt… can he?

“You’re safe. He’s been dead for years. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Zola’s… Zola’s dead? He’s really dead?

“I need you to come back to me, okay?” The voice was sounding more and more clear the more he heard it. “I need you to come back.”

Slowly but surely, the room came back in focus. He could see Silver watching him worriedly, whining softly. He could see Loki on the other side of him, looking worried. And he could see… he could see his handler, right in front of him, holding onto his arm gently.

“Hey,” Steve said in a soft voice. “There you are. You’re alright.”

Winter felt something wet on his face and reached up to wipe it away. He stared at his now damp hand. Was he… was he crying?

“Winter? Can you tell me what happened?”

Winter looked at Steve and took a deep breath. It was shuddery, broken.

“I-I don’t… I d-don’t k-know.” He said, his voice wavering. Why was he having such a hard time talking?

Steve turned to Loki.

“Go to his room. There’s a grey blanket. Grab it. In my room on the dresser, there are two bears. Grab the one dressed like me.”

Loki looked at him, confused, but nodded none the less. Steve turned his attention to Winter, whose breathing was still harsh.

“Hey, you’re okay. You’re just fine. No one’s gonna hurt you, not here.” Steve said, smiling softly. Winter couldn’t help but feel just a little comfort from his words.

_W-we’re okay. We’re okay._ Bucky said. He didn’t seem to be in the best shape either.

Loki returned, carrying a massive, dark grey blanket and a little bear in his hands. His handler took the blanket and wrapped it around Winter before taking the bear and holding it out to him.

“I know you don’t really remember him, but this is Captain Ameribear. Tony gave him to you.”

Winter reached out and took the bear tentatively. He stared at its face. Why would anyone give him a bear?

“Tony gave him to you when he came to fix your arm. He gave him to you to help with nightmares.” Steve explained, smiling softly.

Winter was still confused, but he couldn’t find it in him to care right then. He focused on the soft fur of the bear and the feeling of the little uniform underneath his fingertips. He focused on Steve right in front of him and Silver to his side, now pressing herself against his leg. He felt Steve’s hand on his arm again.

“Winter, would you like to lie down?” Steve asked, looking concerned.

Why did he ask that? Did he look ill? He didn’t… okay now that he thought about it he felt off. Like he was going to keel over any minute now. That didn’t make sense though; he was sitting… wasn’t he? Winter looked down at the ground and saw that he was standing. When did he stand dup? What was… what was going on? Steve put an arm around Winter’s shoulders, steading him.

“Come on; let’s get you to the couch. You can lie down, okay?” Steve said.

With Steve on one side and Loki on the other, they guided him towards the couch, Silver hot on their heels.

…

“So… so they can’t use it again?” Captain Rogers said, looking relieved.

Loki and Steve were sitting by the couch, Steve at Winter’s head and Loki at his feet. Silver was sat comfortably at in the middle, watching him tentatively.

“According to that document, it can only be used once.”

Steve’s shoulders deflated and he sighed heavily.

“Thank god. I was terrified that they could use it again.”

Loki continued talking to Steve for a while longer when the door opened to reveal Clint, coming in after feeding his chickens.

“Why’s Winter passed out on my couch?” He asked as he shed his coat and boots.

“There was an incident.” Steve said, getting to his feet. “Loki accidently read the name of one of Winter’s past handlers and he… well… I’m not sure what happened. He just seemed to… shut down.”

Clint looked over from Steve to Winter before his gaze fell on Loki. He felt a sudden urge to hide. He didn’t feel comfortable with the way he was looking at him. His glare was cold, making him feel like was in the snows of Jotunheim.

“Cap, can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?” Clint said, his eyes not leaving Loki.

Steve agreed and Loki was left alone with Winter and Silver. He sighed. At least he didn’t have Clint glaring at him anymore.

…

“So you’re telling me that Loki just read the name and Winter shut down? You don’t think that’s a little suspicious?” Clint asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Really? I mean, we’re talking about the guy who invaded New York, you know, world domination and shit?”

Steve sighed heavily and Clint rolled his eyes.

“Clint, he didn’t know. How was he supposed to know that saying Zola’s name would cause Winter to have a fucking panic attack? I didn’t even know.”

Clint huffed and looked over to the window. It looked like it was going to snow again soon.

“Cap, you don’t think that Loki has some sort of motive? Some reason he’s doing this? I mean, this is Loki we’re talking about.”

“My brother has no ill intentions.”

Steve and Clint turned their heads to see Thor by the door, arms crossed.

“I know Loki better then anyone and I can tell you, he has no ill intentions. He’s taken quite a liking to Winter as it is. I doubt he’d do anything to bring him harm intentionally.”

Clint scoffed.

“Look, no offense, but I don’t exactly trust the guy. After all, he took over my fucking brain, remember?”

Thor nodded solemnly.

“I do know that. I also know that Loki… wasn’t himself during New York.” Thor gestured to the chairs around the dining table. “Sit. It’ll take time to explain.”

Steve and Clint sat down on the chairs and Thor sighed heavily, looking very tired indeed.

“Haven’t you noticed something about Loki? Anything at all?”

Steve shrugged.

“Well… his eyes are green? What do you want us to say Thor?” Steve said.

“What colour were his eyes during the chitari attack? When you fought him?” Thor asked.

Clint’s eyes widened slightly.

“They were blue. They were blue, like my eyes were when he took me over with that stick of his.”

Thor sat down onto the chair in front of him.

“Loki told me this once we returned to Asgard. He was awaiting his sentence you see. He told me that when he fell, he was found by Thanos. Loki struck a deal with him. He wanted to get back at my father and me for hurting him and so he wanted to hurt Midgard.” Thor took a deep breath. “However, as he spent more time with Thanos, he found that he didn’t want that. He just wanted to go home. The problem was… he didn’t…”

“He didn’t know how.” Clint muttered, staring at the table.

Thor nodded.

“He knew that if he attacked Midgard, I’d come to its aid. He didn’t want to invade. He had no choice. When you make a deal with Thanos… you cannot back out. Loki had more control, but he was still under oath to Thanos. He sabotaged his invasion instead. He made sure he lost. He had seen the records of you and the others and he knew what you were capable of.”

“He deliberately underestimated us?” Steve asked, confused.

Thor nodded, smiling softly.

“By making it seem like you’ve defeated him, Thanos would leave Midgard alone… for the time being. Loki kept his side of the deal with Thanos; he technically stuck with the deal,”

“But because he lost… he could go home.” Clint said.

Thor nodded, smiling a little bigger now.

“He… he regretted what he had to do. But… you cannot anger the mad titan. There’s a reason he has that name.” Thor shifted in his seat. “He told me… while we were waiting for father to call us that he deeply regretted what he did to you Clint. He found that he liked you and that he didn’t blame you if you hated him.”

Clint snorted.

“Saying I hate him is like saying New York was a slap fight.” He muttered. “Your story sounds good and all Thor, but we’re talking about your brother here. If I remember correctly, he’s the god of lies.” Clint said, emphasising the last word. “I’m not sure we should trust anything he says.”

“Even the greatest liar has a tell.” Thor said, getting to his feet. “When Loki doesn’t lie, he bits his lip… a lot. He was biting it throughout the story. He wasn’t lying.”

Clint was still skeptical, but Steve just looked relieved.

“I still trust him as far as I can throw him.” Clint muttered.

Thor nodded respectfully.

“I understand. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t blame you for your feelings. You have every right to distrust Loki.” He rolled his shoulders. “I’m going to go check on him.”

Thor left the dining room, leaving Steve and Clint behind. Steve turned to Clint.

“Thank you.” He said. “Thank you for letting Loki stay. I know… I know you don’t trust him, but it means a lot.”

Clint’s shoulders slumped and he sighed.

“I’m only letting him stay because I want Winter to be okay. If he… if he can help him, then he can stay. But I swear to god if he hurts him…”

“You’ll have to get in line. I’ll be going at him first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the hurt train... toot toot.
> 
> Right, before you start hurling bricks at me or something, I'm sorry. He's okay though! Winter's okay! Winter (And by extension Bucky) are okay! They're just a little shaken up.
> 
> Also, you'll see that I spent... what maybe a third of the story? explaining what I think happened during the events of the first avengers movie.  
> Other's have made the observation, and I wholeheartedly agree, that Loki's eyes are blue in the movie. Now that wouldn't be weird if it weren't for the fact that in the first and second Thor movie, his eyes were green. Ya, don't think that was a production error. One bloke on Tumblr (Can't remember them for the life of me as that was years ago) stated that it looked like Loki actually might've been under control of Thanos. You know, since he had the blue eyes like Clint had when he was taken over. I took this observation and idea and kinda thought, 'what if that was the case? If so, what happened leading up to this?'  
> And thus, we have what I explained here. Loki wanted to get back at Odin for lying to him his whole life. He wanted to get back at Thor for being an ass to him and treating him as an inferior (Which, you'll find he did. If you pay attention to the first movie). So, what better way to do that then to take over Midgard, which by this point, Thor loved, and rule over the pitiful mortals, which Odin... well he doesn't love them. It's more like... "Hey, they worship me... that's cool." Loki gets found by Thanos, floating out in space, strikes up a deal, realizes that he fucked up, blah blah blah, you already know. 
> 
> Please note, I don't think Loki is an innocent little baby. In the Thor movies, he's far from it. In the first one, he fucking freeze Heimdal and straight up stabs and murders his birth father. That's a little fucked up, don't you think? In the second one, the little shit fakes his own death... AGAIN! He's far from innocent. I know that. I just think that in the Avengers, he didn't really have as much power and control as he said he had.
> 
> I remember reading somewhere that in the comics, it was stated that they could only use the sleeper code once, so I threw that in there. So now, all they have to worry about is trying to get Winter to remember the past year! Yay! Easier said then done, good luck Loki.
> 
> So ya, I think that's everything. Leave a comment if you'd like... please. It get's lonely here in this dark part of my mind. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!


	46. Chapter 46

Thor found Loki sitting by Winter’s head. Silver had her head in his lap and Loki was absent-mindedly stroking her fur. He was staring straight ahead, lost in thought.

“Loki.” Thor said.

Loki jumped in the air, startled by the sudden sound. Thor chuckled softly.

“I do hope you don’t blame yourself for this.” He said, sitting down beside his brother. “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”

Loki shrugged, sighing softly.

“I know that… it’s just… I didn’t know what to do. He looked so scared. He was crying! He just started crying and I didn’t know what to do!”

“You knew to get Captain Rogers.” Thor said, smiling softly. “You knew what to do.”

“Still, if I had just used common sense, maybe I could’ve prevented this!” Loki said, hitting himself in the head repeatedly.

“Loki, no one can blame you for not knowing. This is a different situation. For everyone.”

Loki sighed heavily and allowed his head to flop back onto the couch.

“How… how did they help Barton?” He asked. “How did they snap him out of it?”

“Lady Natasha hit him in the head. Hard.”

“Natasha’s the red head, right?” Loki asked. If he remembered correctly, she was the one who he really underestimated. He should’ve known better. There was a lot more to her than meets the eye.

“Yes.” Thor said, smiling.

“I think we should probably avoid that then.” Loki said, smiling feebly. “I… I don’t know what to do.”

Thor glanced over to his brother, who looked very tired.

“I’ve known you since we were children. If anyone can figure out a solution, it’s you! I mean, who figured out that serpent’s weak point?”

“Me.” Loki whispered. “We wouldn’t have been in that mess if you hadn’t thrown a rock at it.”

“Who mastered the complex arts of magick?”

“It’s the only way I stood a chance compared to the rest of you!” Loki argued.

“Who was the one who helped me when I accidently destroyed mother’s favourite vase?”

Loki glanced over to Thor. “That was an accident?”

Thor grinned sheepishly.

“I never meant to break it. That wasn’t my intention.”

Loki rolled his eyes and smiled softly.

“Who’s the proud mother of Slephnir? The proud father of Hel, Fenrir, and Jormundgandr?”

Loki rolled his eyes and laughed weakly.

“Me… I am.” He whispered, looking at his hands.

Thor placed his shoulder on Loki’s shoulder.

“I believe in you brother. You can do this. Maybe… maybe the answer isn’t in Asgardian knowledge, but Midgardian.”

Loki looked at him and sighed.

“Why not? Worth a shot.”

…

Winter opened his eyes and groaned softly. He sat up and looked around, trying to remember how he ended up on the couch. He saw his handler rush over to him.

“Winter! How’re you feeling? Any better?” He asked, getting to his knees.

Winter wasn’t sure how to answer. He just felt kinda woozy.

“I’m… I’m okay.” He said, slowly lying down.

“Winter, are you okay?” Steve asked. “You don’t look so good.”

Winter curled up onto his side, facing Steve.

“I just… feel off.”

Steve began stroking his hair absent-mindedly. Winter was shocked at first, but found that he quite enjoyed it. He purred softly as he felt Steve’s fingers lightly scratch his scalp.

_Steve does this sometimes._ Bucky said. _It’s relaxing._

_‘I like it. He’s gentle.’_

Winter slumped into the couch cushions, closing his eyes for a moment. He focused on Steve running his hands through his hair, how he’d play with it, just a little. Why was his hair so long anyway?

_Never bothered to cut it. There wasn’t any point in doing so. Besides, I like it._

_‘It’s messy.’_

_Fuck you, I like it._

Winter snorted softly and Steve froze.

“Sorry, am I bothering you?”

Winter softly shook his head.

“Just Bucky.” He muttered, feeling very sleepy.

“What’s Bucky saying?” Steve asked, smiling weakly.

_Hi Steve!_

“He said hi.” Winter said, nuzzling into the pillows. “You can… you can keep doing that… if you’d like.”

Steve smiled softly before petting Winter’s hair some more.

…

Loki sat at the dining table; hunched over the laptop he was given. It was different from what he was use to, but it wasn’t that strange. He scrolled through a psychology article and groaned when he reached the end.

“What is it tall, dark and angsty?” Clint asked, stirring a pot on the stove.

“Midgardians have a treasure trove of knowledge, and yet I cannot find anything to help me help Winter!” He threw his hands into the air dramatically. “How is that possible?”

Clint rolled his eyes.

“What, your fancy Asgardian magic can’t fix him?” Clint snarked, smirking.

“It’s not like we see cases like Winter every other day. Besides, I’m not even sure Asgardian magic could help him. Midgardian science might be able to though.” He sat up. “If I could find something!”

Steve walked into the room, stretching.

“Having trouble?” Steve asked.

“Yes.” Loki muttered, putting his head on the table. “It’s… difficult navigating Midgardian information.”

“Wish I could help, but I was an art student. Psychology isn’t exactly my area of expertise.”

Steve sat down next to Loki, gently scratching his chin. He glanced at the computer screen.

“What are you searching?” Steve asked. “What you search determines what you find.”

Loki hit the backspace and Steve saw the search.

“Ways to heal a damaged mind?” Steve muttered.

“Not a bad search,” Clint muttered, glancing at the screen. “But maybe you should be vaguer. Sometimes that gives you the best answers.”

Loki rolled his shoulders and sighed.

“What’s that disease where you forget things called again?” He muttered. “I forget what you call it.”

“Amnesia?” Clint supplied, cocking an eyebrow.

Loki typed ‘Severe cases of amnesia’ into the search bar and multiple articles popped up.

“Oh, great.” Loki muttered, clicking on the first article. “Looks like I’m gonna be here a while.”

…

Three hours. Three goddamn hours to read through the first page of articles. Loki put his head in his hands, trying not to scream. Nothing. There was nothing.

“I know Winter’s case isn’t common but come on!” He muttered. “There has to be something!”

He glanced over to the file at his side and grabbed it, leafing through. He had read through the entire thing at least a dozen times, but maybe he missed something? A hint? A clue of some sort? He was reading a document when Sam walked into the room.

“Having fun?” Sam asked, grabbing a glass and pouring himself some juice.

“I think I need a break soon, otherwise I might kill a man.” Loki muttered, his head in his hands.

Sam glanced over to him worriedly.

“Sorry,” Loki quickly said. “I didn’t mean it literally. I just… I can’t find anything.”

“Well, it’s not like this is a common thing. Honestly, I think Winter’s the only case ever.” Sam said before taking a swig.

“No, I don’t think so.” Loki muttered, staring at the screen. “Mortals can survive lightning strikes, right?”

Sam shrugged.

“Sometimes… if they’re lucky. Doesn’t happen often though.”

“But it is possible.” Loki turned to Sam. “What happens to their mind? Do you know?”

Sam gestured to the computer in front of him.

“Google it. Search side effects of lightning strikes or something. You’ll probably find something.”

The room was silent save for the rapid clicking of Loki typing the question into Google. Loki’s eyes light up.

“I think I found something. While Winter’s circumstances are very different, there are other cases.” Loki muttered, smiling. “When Midgardians are struck with lightning and survive, they tend to suffer from memory loss, changes in their personalities, mood swings, etc, etc. I don’t know about you, but a couple of those symptoms sound familiar.” Loki said, bouncing in his seat. “I can work with this. I can definitely work with this.”

Sam smiled, pulling out his phone to record Loki bouncing in his seat like an excited child.

“Good luck with that.” He said, before leaving the room.

Loki never noticed Sam recording him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you guys go, a new chapter. It looks like Loki might finally have a foothold on this. Where will it take him? Fuck if I know.  
> Like I said, I'm throwing in Norse Mythology. Mainly because some of the stories are fucking hilarious and weird as fuck. Treat yourself and read some of them. If anything, it'll make you feel a bit more... normal? Is that a good word? Either way, you don't have as many issues as Norse gods do.
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter. I'm currently working on the next chapter. Ya, I'm out of pre-written chapters. It shouldn't take long for me to finish the next one, but still.  
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think. I could really use a pick me up right now. I'm kinda having a shit day. Well, shit by my terms, I don't know about you guys.
> 
> Sam's recording Loki for blackmail purposes. When you're under the same roof as the trickster god, it's best to have something on him to protect yourself.


	47. Chapter 47

It was dark. And cold. There was a musty smell lingering in the air. He could faintly hear footsteps in the distance. Winter looked around, trying to figure out where he was. His eyes fell on a small figure in the corner of the room. They were curled up tightly. He could make out their ribs and the boniness of their spine. They had long, dark hair that was limp and greasy. The figure was dressed in a baggy pair of combat pants and a pair of small boots. They wore a solid black sports bra. Winter cleared his throat and the figure moved. They slowly turned around to look at Winter tiredly.

“Hi Winter.” They said in a rough, hoarse voice.

 _Is that Shadow?_ Barnes whispered.

_‘Yes.’_

Winter motioned Shadow to come closer towards him. She glanced at him for a moment before looking over to the cell door. There was nobody there, for the time being. Shadow crawled over to Winter, looking like a wounded animal. Winter noticed the way she was holding her left arm.

“What happened?” He asked, gently taking her left wrist.

Shadow flinched as pain shot up her arm.

“We were doing exercises… and I didn’t land properly. I sprained my wrist.”

“Why haven’t they treated it?” Winter asked, already knowing the answer.

“You know why.”

Winter glanced over to the cell door. There was still nobody there. He gathered Shadow in his arms and pulled her onto his lap. Her small figure curled into his lap with ease. Winter held her close, gently rubbing her right arm. They sat in silence for a few precious moments. It almost seemed like nothing was wrong, if Winter ignored the fact that Shadow’s bones were digging into him and the fact that both of them reeked and were covered in sweat and grime.

“Winter?” Shadow whispered after a few moments of peace.

He hummed and Shadow swallowed.

“What do you remember? Of before?”

Winter took a deep breath and thought hard. A flicker of a memory showed itself.

“I remember… a boy. With golden hair… and the bluest eyes… like the sky. He was small, like you… and he was real scrawny. He… he would get sick a lot.”

“Were you friends?” Shadow asked in a small voice.

“I… I think so. I think we were.”

Winter gave Shadow a gentle squeeze.

“What do you remember?”

Shadow curled into a tighter ball.

“It’s… it’s getting harder to remember Winter.”

“Try.”

Shadow took a deep breath and nodded.

“I remember…” She screwed up her eyes tightly, scrunching up her nose. “I remember sitting on… something soft. Like, real soft. And I… I was tiny. Really, really tiny.”

“Smaller then you are now?” Winter asked, smiling softly.

“Ya. I remember… holding something in my arms. It was really big. Smaller then me… but not by much. I… I think it was a baby.”

Winter gently rubbed Shadow’s shoulder.

“Keep going.”

“I was… I was holding something to the baby’s mouth.”

“A bottle?” He asked.

Shadow shook her head.

“No… I… I think it was… a pacifier… a weird looking one anyway. I remember having to stick my finger in it… to hold it in the baby’s mouth.”

Winter laughed weakly and nodded for her to continue.

“I was… I was talking to the baby. I don’t know what I said… but I was talking to them.” She sighed heavily, slumping against Winter. “I don’t… I don’t remember anything else.”

“You did good. Keep fighting, okay?” Winter said, burying his nose into her greasy hair. It smelt foul, but he didn’t exactly smell like a rose garden himself. “Never stop fighting.”

“I-it hurts.” Shadow whispered. “It really hurts.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. But… but you gotta keep fighting. We’ll… we’ll get out of here soon. I’m sure of it.”

“You promise?” Shadow asked feebly.

Goddamnit, he didn’t want to lie to her. The kid needed all the hope she could get to survive this place.

“If you keep fighting… we’ll get out. I’m sure.”

There was silence for a few minutes before,

“Winter?”

He grunted.

“If I get out before you… I’ll come for you. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep kid.”

Shadow didn’t respond. She had fallen asleep.

…

Winter opened his eyes and found that once again he was crying. There was his handler, sitting on the floor by his face, looking worried.

“Winter, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

Winter shook his head slowly.

“No… it was… it was a memory. A nice one.”

Steve reached out and took Winter’s hand gently.

“You wanna tell me it?” Steve asked, smiling softly.

“It was… it was about Shadow. She and I were talking. Just talking. It was… peaceful. We were telling each other things we could remember. I… I talked about a boy… with blond hair. She told me about holding a baby when she was little.”

Steve squeezed Winter’s hand.

“Y-you told her about me.” Steve said, smiling weakly.

“Ya.” Winter said, taking a deep breath.

He wondered silently if Shadow was okay. Was she still fighting? Did she give in? It’s been… god he wasn’t really sure. Winter felt Steve’s hand on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Steve said, smiling softly. “We’ll find her. Don’t worry.”

Winter took a deep breath and nodded. He hoped so.

…

Loki was lying on his stomach on the ground in the dining room, questioning his life choices. What was he thinking? No matter where he turned, there was nothing. Nothing! He couldn’t find anything that could possibly help Winter recover his memories. He heard footsteps coming into the room and over to him.

“Loki, why are you on the floor?” Sam asked, crouching down.

“There’s nothing. I can’t find anything!” Loki looked up from his spot. “I’ve spent the last twelve hours. Searching for any. Possible. Answer. There was nothing. Nothing.” He let his head fall against the floor with a thunk. He groaned. “Midgardian science is stupid!”

Sam stared at Loki for a moment, deadpanned.

“Jesus and I thought Steve was dramatic. He’s got nothing on you.” He muttered, straightening up. “Maybe you should take a break? Go for a walk? It’s pretty nice out… if you like freezing weather.”

Just then, Thor walked into the room. His eyes fell on Loki’s form.

“Uh… brother? Why are you on the floor?”

Loki explained what he did to Sam, finishing with “I’m not your brother.” Thor sighed heavily, shaking his head.

“This happens every time you spend too much time researching.” He muttered. “You need to rest Loki. Maybe take a nap? Go on a walk like Samuel said?”

“I hate you.”

Thor rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen.

“You say it so much; it’s come to have lost all meaning.” Thor said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Get up off the floor brother.”

Loki grumbled from his spot on the floor and Thor rolled his eyes. Sam glanced down at the form of the defeated trickster god and decided it was best to just stay out of this. He went to the fridge, grabbed an apple and left the room, muttering something about gods and their inability to take a break. Thor watched as Loki slowly but surely peeled himself off the floor.

“Alright, how about you go for a walk?” Thor suggested. “Fresh air will help you, I’m sure.”

Loki glanced outside, noting the few snowflakes falling.

“I don’t know.” He said.

Thor clapped Loki’s shoulder.

“No, go outside. You’ve been inside for far too long and you need a change in scenery anyway.”

Loki tried to resist as Thor slowly pushed him out of the dining room and into the main seating area where Winter and Steve resided. Loki was failing miserably.

“Just go for a walk!” Thor growled. “Stop being difficult!”

“I don’t want to!” Loki said, trying to climb over Thor and again, failing miserably.

“Loki! Just go outside for a few minutes!” Thor said, peeling Loki off him.

“I don’t have the proper clothing.” Loki deadpanned.

“I’m sure someone would be willing to let you borrow a coat, hat and gloves.”

“You can borrow mine!” Sam called out from his room. “Just don’t loose them!”

Loki’s shoulders slumped and he knew. He was defeated. Just then, Winter got up from the couch, Silver following after him, panting happily. He walked over to Loki.

“I’ll go with you.” He said. Silver pressed herself against his side. “I need to get out anyway.”

 

He swore to the Norns, he was gonna stab Thor when he got back inside. Loki was now standing on the porch, bundled up in Sam’s coat, toque and mitts, looking extremely grumpy about the situation. Winter was adjusting his toque while Silver sat there, wagging her tail excitedly.

“Come on,” Winter said, his voice slightly muffled by his done up coat. Steve made sure he was nice and warm. “Let’s walk around a little.”

Loki followed after Winter, grumbling the whole time as he did. Norns! It was like Jotunhiem! How did Midgardians live here? Winter didn’t seem near as uncomfortable as he felt. They walked down a small forest path. The only way they knew it was there was because the snow covering it was lower then the surrounding snow, hinting at a trench of sorts. Loki followed Winter, trying to space his footsteps so that they landed in Winter’s tracks. Sometimes he did it, but most of the time, he failed.

“Why is the snow so high?” Loki grumbled. “It’s up to my knees! It doesn’t get near as bad in Jotunhiem.”

Winter turned to face Loki.

“What’s Jotunhiem?” He asked as they continued down the path.

“It’s one of the nine realms.” Loki said. When Winter just gave him a confused look, Loki elaborated. “There are nine realms. Midgard, or as you call it, Earth is one of them. Asgard is another. Jotunhiem is the land of the Jotun or Frost Giants, as they’re more commonly known. It’s a land of ice and snow, not unlike this place.” Loki muttered. “Another realm is Vanaheim, then there’s Helheim, which is the land of the dead. My daughter’s there.”

“You have a daughter?” Winter asked, looking very surprised.

Loki stumbled in the snow for a moment.

“Yes, I have a daughter and three sons. My daughter is Hel. Then there’s my firstborn, Slephnir. Nightmare to carry.” Loki muttered.

“What do you mean carry? Like he wiggled a lot as a baby?” Winter asked.

“I’m his mother. I was pregnant with him.” Loki grumbled.

Winter stopped walking and looked at Loki, very alarmed.

“I thought you were a guy.”

“I am.”

“Do you have the parts?”

“At the time I did. I was a mare.”

Winter stared at Loki, now extremely confused.

“What does that have to do with it?”

“Slephnir’s an eight legged horse.” Loki said before tripping over Silver and landing face first into the snow. He scrambled out of it and shook himself off.

“He’s… wait… what?”

“Long story, rather not talk about it.” Loki said, shuddering at the memory. “I’m… I’m not proud of how he was conceived, but I still care about him very much.”

Winter took a deep breath and decided that perhaps it was best if they moved on.

“What about your other two sons?” He pressed.

“Well, there’s Fenrir. He’s Hel’s brother. He’s a giant wolf.”

“Did you… were you pregnant with him too?” Winter asked… not sure he wanted to know the answer.   

“No, I’m their father. My wife at the time, Angrboda, was the mother.”

“Wait, you were married?” Winter asked. Jesus, Loki got around.

“I use to be yes. We’ve separated since. Marriage wasn’t working.” Loki explained, stumbling over a hidden tree root. My last son is Jormungandr, Hel and Fenrir’s brother. He’s a massive serpent encircling Midgard.”

Winter stopped walking once again and turned to look at Loki once more.

“You’re not lying, are you?” He deadpanned.

Loki shook his head, smiling to himself.

“No, not even close.” He bit his lip. “I hope I can visit him later. It’s been centuries since I’ve last seen him.”

Winter wasn’t sure what was real anymore.

“I think I’m done walking now.” He muttered.

He turned around, Silver trotting beside him. Loki followed after. Loki fell into the snow a couple more times before they made it back to the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you are, a nice long chapter. That outta hold you for a couple days.
> 
> Remember the first time we saw Shadow? You know, when she went and killed Silver and Steve (I'm really sorry about Silver. Please don't yell at me)? That was what Winter thought she might've become since he had last seen her, which was many months ago. He technically hasn't seen her in roughly a year. That's a long enough time for her to change from what he remembers. What he does remember is a kid who's fucking terrified and is rapidly loosing her innocence! Yay!
> 
> I also threw in some Norse mythology! Well, bits and pieces. I might eventually go into more detail, like how Slephnir was actually conceived. I have no idea.  
> Fun fact, did you know that Slephnir is Odin's steed? Ya. Odin rides the eight legged child of Loki. He technically rides his grandson if you look at it from the movie perspective.
> 
> Odin what the fuck?
> 
> As always, leave a comment down below. It fills me with happiness and rainbows. Seriously, my classics class was canceled and I have even more time then I originally thought today. I'm at high risk of getting bored. Talk to me. I've got time to kill.


	48. Chapter 48

Winter sat on the floor, staring at the notebooks set out in front of him. These were his. That’s what his handler told him. He wrote in these, about anything… and everything. He wrote about his memories from before Hydra, as fragmented as they were. He wrote about his memories of Hydra, memories he had suppressed. He wrote about everything that had happened to him after he escaped and everything up to when the sleeper code was said. He wanted to read what was written, but dear god he was scared. What if he didn’t like what was written? What if there’s no truth? Winter sighed heavily and felt Silver press her nose into his right hand. He glanced over to see Silver panting happily. He scratched her ears and smiled weakly. Well, if anything, he knew Silver was real. She was true. And thank god for that. She made everything easier to bare. She helped him make sense of everything. Winter sighed heavily.

_It’s okay if you read what I wrote._ Barnes said timidly. _It might help. I promise you, it’s all real._

God, that sounded really tempting. Winter wanted to read everything and drink it all in. He wanted to know what life was like. He wanted to fill in the blank spaces in his mind. But… but he was scared.

_Don’t be scared. You have these memories. Put them to good use Winter. I didn’t have this luxury._

Barnes was right about that. He didn’t have that luxury. Technically speaking, he still didn’t. The closest he had to this was the files on the Winter Soldier, and those didn’t contain memories. They contained fact. Nothing more.

_‘I… okay.’_

Winter reached forward and picked up the first notebook, cracking it open to the first page. He started reading.

…

Loki sat on the couch, reading a book of Midgardian fairy tales. He knew he should’ve been looking for a cure. Some way to help Winter remember everything, but if he spent another minute researching, he was going to loose his mind. So, instead of sitting in front of a computer, wanting to pull his hair out at the roots, he sat on the couch and read Midgardian stories about princesses and dragons. It was a nice break from… that.

“What are you reading?”

Loki glanced up to see Thor sitting down onto the armchair.

“A Midgardian fairy tale.” Loki said, turning the page. “It’s called Sleeping Beauty.”

Thor hummed thoughtfully.

“What’s it about?” Thor asked, leaning forward.

“It’s about a Midgardian maiden who had been cursed by a fairy to sleep for a hundred years. The only way to wake her is for her to be kissed by her true love.”

Thor grunted.

“I’ve noticed that in Midgardian fairy tales, usually the problem can be solved with a kiss.” Loki snorted, rolling his eyes. “If only it were that simple.” He muttered, sighing heavily.

Thor watched his brother for a moment.

“Maybe… maybe it is that simple?” Thor muttered, staring at the ground. “Maybe… maybe you’re looking into this too much. Perhaps the best solution is a simple one.”

Loki slowly turned to look at his brother, his eyes wide.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” He muttered.

…

“Okay, do you know if Captain Rogers and Winter are a couple?” Loki asked.

The two gods were walking around outside, mainly because Thor insisted on getting Loki out of the cozy little house every once in while.

“I don’t know.” Thor said, stepping over a small root. “New York was the only time I actually met Captain Rogers.” Thor ducked to avoid a tree branch. “Though I suppose, given the way he talks about Winter and how he acts around him, it’s very likely.”

“You know what we have to do then.” Loki said, stumbling over a hidden rock. “Damn it. We have to try and see if it works. We have to get them to kiss.”

Thor looked over to Loki just in time to see him land on his face.

“Even after all these years, you’re still uncoordinated in the snow.” He laughed.

“Ironic considering what I am.” Loki said, his voice muffled in the snow.

Thor helped Loki to his feet and sighed.

“Look, while that’s a good idea in theory, we don’t even know if they were even in a relationship before this whole thing started. For all we know, Captain Rogers is just… what’s that word? Pining?”

Loki’s shoulders slumped and he sighed.

“We need to talk to him. See what we can find. If possible, we’ll try and convince Captain Rogers and Winter to kiss. If we’re lucky, Winter will remember everything he forgot and he’ll be okay. Worse case scenario is that it doesn’t work.”

Thor sighed.

“It’s worth a shot. Maybe we’ll get lucky.”

…

“You want me to what?” Steve said, looking at Loki over his sketchbook.

“I have a theory. Maybe the simplest solution is the best. Maybe kissing him will bring everything back. It’s worth a shot. The worse case scenarios is that it doesn’t work.”

Steve stared at Loki; the look on his face was a mixture of emotions.

“I… you guys may have magic, but we don’t.”

“Steve,” Said Thor, who was sitting in the chair. “Magic is just science that’s not yet understood. Midgardians have wrote countless tales about the hero saving the day with a kiss of true love. If Midgardians write that so much, then there must be some truth.”

Steve slumped in his spot on the couch, unsure of what to do.

“Look… I… I don’t know. I mean, Winter might not be comfortable with that.”

“I’m well aware of the fact. If he’s not comfortable, we won’t do it. But it’s best to consider that maybe, just maybe, this might work.”

Steve slumped even further down his spot on the couch and covered his face with his sketchbook.

“I… we’ll need to talk to him about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it turns out that my 8 am History class was cancelled due to my prof being ill. I didn't see the email because my laptop decided it wanted to be a little bitch. I have to wait until fucking 9:30 for my next class. So congratulations, you nerds get a chapter at an even earlier time then usual!  
> Who knows, you might even get a chapter later on as well. Two chapters in one day, imagine the possibilities!
> 
> Right, so you may have noticed my proposed solution for the kenundrum I've created. Or at least Loki's solution. If you're skeptical, don't worry. You're not the only ones. But ya, true loves kiss. I don't even know what's happening any more.
> 
> The only reason you got this chapter at like 8:05 am GMT is because I'm trying to pass time. Don't get excited. This'll probably never happen again.  
> You know the drill. Leave a comment, let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	49. Chapter 49

Clint stared at Loki in disbelief. Was he fucking serious? True love’s kiss? Was he even trying? What?

“You know that those are fairy tales, right?” Clint said, staring t him in disbelief. “They’re not history books. Those things never happened.”

Loki glared at him.     

‘I’m well aware that it’s myth, but at the moment, I can’t find anything else that isn’t theoretical and incredibly dangerous, so I proposed this.”

Clint stared at Loki for a moment before looking around the room. Oh good. Sam was also staring at him as if he belonged in the fucking loony bin.

“Look, as amazing as it would be for that to work,” Sam said. “I’m seeing a lot of issues. First one, how do we know that what Steve and Bucky have is true love?”

Thor cleared his throat and everyone turned to look at him.

“When was Captain Rogers born?”

Clint and Sam looked at him confused.

“He was born July 4th, 1918. Why?” Clint said.

“When was Sergeant Barnes born?”

“March 10th, 1917.” Sam said. “They taught us this in school.”

“When did they meet?” Thor asked.

“They met when they were kids. I think somewhere around five years old?” Clint said, shrugging. “I don’t know for certain.”

“When did they go off to war?”

“1942. That’s when America got into the war.” Sam said. Why was he asking them this?

“How long were they frozen?”

“Seventy years?” Clint said, staring at Thor. Was he going crazy or something? “Winter was on and off.”

“Captain Rogers has told us that the two of them had feelings for each other from before the war, correct?” Thor said, smirking.

“Yes.”

“If I remember correctly, during the war, Captain Rogers met a Peggy Carter. He said that he would’ve married her after the war if he could have. If memory serves me, at the time, wasn’t it highly controversial for two men to be in love?”

“It wasn’t controversial, it was illegal!” Clint said, crossing his arms. “If you were gay, you could’ve been arrested or killed!”

“They’re now in a time where they’re allowed to be together. Captain Rogers has had multiple opportunities to fall in love with another. He’s been out of the ice since… 2011 I believe?”

“Ya… he’s been out of the ice for nearly four years.” Sam said, eyes widening.

“And yet, he still pined after Sergeant Barnes. Doesn’t it make sense that what they have isn’t just a fleeting crush?” Thor said, getting more excited. They were finally figuring this out! “This love, this adoration has survived a war and over seventy years of separation. It’s survived so much and it’s still strong! That has to say something about what they feel for each other. If this is not true love, I don’t know what is.”

Loki stared at Thor, wide eyed.

“I did not think you had that in you.” He muttered. “Since when did you get this excited about such things?”

“Since it involved one of my friends.” Thor said, rolling his eyes. Thor tended to get passionate about things that involve the people he cared about, why not this?

“Alright, so let’s say that what they have is true love,” Sam said, sighing. “That still doesn’t mean it’ll work. All that could happen is a lot of awkwardness.”

“I’m aware of the fact, but it’s better to try and fail then to not try at all.” Loki said. “I’ve already talked to Captain Rogers and he’s willing to give it a try. We just need to talk to Winter.”

Clint stared at Loki in disbelief.

“If this works, I’ll buy you a drink.”

…

_True love’s kiss? Is he fucking serious?_

Winter couldn’t help but agree with Bucky on this one. He wasn’t sure how this was meant to work.

“Look, I know you don’t believe me.” Loki said, taking a deep breath. “I understand, but by this point, I have no ideas. This is the best idea I’ve got right now. Is it perfect? No. Not even close, but it’s worth a shot, don’t you think?”

_Well, we’ve kissed Steve before, why not?_

_‘If we’ve kissed Steve before and true love’s so powerful, then why can’t you remember anything before hydra?’_ Winter argued.

_I was starting to remember things actually, all thanks to Steve. He helped me remember things. Maybe kissing him will help us remember things._

Winter sighed inwardly. Well, it was worth a shot, wasn’t it? He might as well try and see if it actually works.

“What… what do I have to do?” Winter asked.

…

Sam sat on the couch, nursing a beer. This was the solution Loki came up with. A kiss. Granted, he didn’t think of that, but he never even considered it an option. Who would think that fairy tales might be the answer? Well apparently, Thor did. Still, there was a chance it could work. Sam wasn’t about to argue with a god on this anyway. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that he had a call from his sister.

“Hello?” He said, answering the call.

“Hey, how’s it going? Everything alright?”

Sam groaned heavily.

“It’s going great.” He said sarcastically. “Yep, absolutely wonderful.”

“I see.” His sister deadpanned. “Would you like to talk to Jodie?”

“Sure.” Sam said smiling softly to himself. Jodie never failed to cheer him up.

“Hi Uncle Sam!” He heard on the line. A big smile spread across his face.

“Hi Jodie, how are you?”

Sam smiled as he listened to Jodie talk about how she made a snowman in the front yard and how her imaginary friend had (Gasp) a girlfriend. He could feel himself relaxing as he listened to Jodie talk about everything new that had happened to her. He was thrown off track when he suddenly heard,

“Uncle Sam? Are your friends okay?”

Sam sputtered a bit, unsure how to answer. He took a deep breath and said,

“One of them… isn’t themselves. That’s why I had to go away. I’m trying to help them get better.”

“They’ll be okay, won’t they?” Jodie asked.

“Don’t you worry, they’ll be fine. It’s just taking some time.”

Sam and Jodie talked a little longer before Jodie relinquished the phone to Sam’s sister once more.

“You take care of yourself.” She said. “You can’t help anyone if you wear yourself thin.”

Sam smiled tiredly.

“I will. Thanks for calling, I really needed this.”

He heard his sister chuckle on the other end.

“Good bye Sam.”

Sam bade goodbye and hung up. He stared at the ceiling for a moment and sighed. God he missed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how at 8:30ish I was like,  
> "Who knows, you might get a second chapter later on!"  
> Well guess what bitches. It must be fucking Christmas up in this bitch, either that or it's someone's birthday, because you got two chapters in one day.  
> This will not be a regular thing. Don't count on it.
> 
> This chapter was kinda filler really. Everyone is basically finding out what the plan is and is basically reacting. That's about it. I also wanted to write a little part with Sam and his niece, Jodie, because I just wanted something sweet okay? As for Thor's little thing? I have no idea where that came from honestly. It just kinda came out and when I read it over, I was like,  
> "Well alrighty then. I'll just keep you in."  
> But ya, this is filler, just reactions really. I can promise you that we'll be getting back to Stucky real soon.
> 
> Real soon.
> 
> You'll have to wait four days before you can find out how soon though. *Starts evil laughter only to start hacking up a lung* Oh god that was a bad idea.
> 
> You know the drill. I don't have to tell you. Hope you liked the chapter!


	50. Chapter 50

Steve could feel his heart pounding. He wanted this to work. God did he want this to work. He wanted Bucky to remember everything they’d gone through since the beginning, but what if it didn’t work? What if it was all a waste of time and Bucky still didn’t remember? What if Bucky did remember, but he remembered all the bad things that he was forced to go through as well as the good things? What if Bucky remembered only the bad things and none of the good? Steve swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. Panicking wasn’t going to get him anywhere. It was only going to cause him misery and grief. And besides, there was the chance that Bucky would remember everything good that happened and that he’d be okay. Steve just had to remember that. Who knows, it might actually work… right?

…

It was universally decided that Steve and Bucky should get out of the house and walk around for a bit. This was mainly to avoid any awkward situations where innocent bystanders are forced to watch two super soldiers attempt to eat each other’s faces. Though there was another reason. At least, that’s what Clint argued.

“It’s winter; we’re surrounded by thick, lush forest, what’s more romantic?”

Well, Steve might argue that a roaring fireplace was more romantic, that sitting by said fireplace wrapped in a thick blanket was a thousand times more romantic, but everyone wanted the two of them out of the house and so they were by the door, getting bundled up. Steve was silently dreading the cold that was waiting for him outside, mocking him, laughing at him. God he hated the winter season. But if this worked, if Bucky remembered, then goddamnit, winter would be his new favourite season! Steve helped Winter zip up his coat, which was difficult with the thick gloves he was wearing. God, why did Canada have to be so cold? Steve bent down to make sure that Silver was wearing her little boots. Even massive dogs from Russia can get frostbite and goddamnit, Steve wasn’t about to let that happen! Not on his watch. Silver wiggled around happily, excited to go for a walk in the snow. Steve took a deep breath and looked over to Winter, who glared at the door.

“If we die of frostbite, we’re coming back to haunt their asses.” Winter snarled before opening the door. Steve silently agreed with him.

Steve and Bucky held the door open longer then necessary. They grinned from ear to ear when they heard the resounding cry of,

“Jesus, close the fucking door!”

They closed the door, but not without cackling for a moment.

 

Winter and Steve slowly made their way down the path, stumbling and tripping every occasionally over the roots and stones hidden away. Silver was bounding around happily, rolling in the snow.

“I’m glad to see that someone is enjoying the snow.” Steve muttered, pushing his way through the snow.

The two of them walked for a little while longer. It started snowing lightly when they finally stopped for a moment. Silver laid down in the snow, panting happily. Steve glanced over to Winter, whose cheeks were flushed from the cold.

“How are you?” Steve asked. “You warm enough?”

“Kinda wanna go back inside.” Winter said, his voice slightly muffled by his scarf. “But… I kinda also want to stay out here. It’s nice.”

Steve smiled softly and reached over to take Winter’s hand. Winter glanced down and seemed to smile softly. He squeezed and Steve squeezed back. They both stood there, watching the snowfall steadily around them, holding one another’s hand. The mood felt right. It felt like the perfect time to do it. God Steve wanted to kiss him so bad, but he was terrified. What if Winter didn’t want to do it anymore? He wouldn’t kiss him if that were the case, but he was still so scared. What would happen? Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly, watching his breath as he did. He glanced over to look at Winter. He was going to do it. He was going to ask.

“Winter… may I kiss you?” He said. He immediately wanted to take the words back. What if he said no? What if he didn’t want to? God there were so many things that could happen.

Winter turned to look at Steve. His expression was blank at first and Steve silently wondered if maybe, just maybe, he decided he didn’t want to do this anymore. Winter pulled down his scarf, exposing his face completely. He turned to face Steve and looked him in the eyes.

“Yes.”

Steve took Winter’s face in his hands and traced his cheekbones with his thumbs for a moment. He leaned forward, nervous.

_‘Please let this work. Please.’_

Steve gently kissed Winter, who at first didn’t kiss back. Steve was about to pull away when Winter began kissing back, holding tight to Steve’s jacket. Steve smiled softly into the kiss. This… this felt right. This felt real. The kiss got deeper and Steve didn’t feel cold anymore. He felt warm all over. Finally, he and Winter pulled away. Steve held his breath, hoping for a miracle.

“Hi Stevie.”

…

“Winter… may I kiss you?”

Oh god, it was happening. Steve asked. Steve fucking asked.

_Yes, yes, yes!_ Barnes yelled at the top of his lungs.

_‘Jesus, calm down. It might not even work.’_

_Shut the fuck up! It’s shit like that that makes shit like this not work!_

Jesus, Bucky was determined, wasn’t he? Steve was still waiting for an answer. Winter moved his scarf out of the way so that Steve could hear him clearly.

”Yes.”

Winter felt Steve’s hands on his cheeks; he could feel him gently tracing his cheekbones. He closed his eyes when Steve leaned in. He felt Steve’s lips against his and he felt warm. He felt warmer then he ever remembered. Images started flashing in his mind. Sitting out on a fire escape in the rain, staring at Steve. Steve feeding him. Steve taking him shopping. Steve reading to him when he was sick. Steve hugging him. Clint teaching him sign. Sam talking to him. Steve kissing him. Meeting Silver for the very first time. Winter felt overwhelmed. There were so many memories that he didn’t even know were missing and they were just flooding his senses. Steve pulled away and Winter was able to breath for a moment. Steve was watching him.

“Hi Stevie.” Bucky said, smiling softly. He could remember everything. He could remember everything that had happened in crisp detail.

_I’m awake bitches!_ Barnes screeched. _You can’t get rid of me that easily!_

_Oh dear god, I miss when you were out cold._ Said a new, rough sounding voice. Was that… was that Winter?

“Bucky? What’s wrong?” Steve asked, looking concerned.

“I… I have a new voice in my head.”

Steve stared at him, confused.

“What do you mean a new voice?”

“I think… I think Winter’s… a voice in my head.” Bucky said slowly, unsure himself. “I don’t… I’m not… I’m not sure.”

Steve grinned and laughed tiredly. If Bucky thought about it, that probably wasn’t the weirdest thing Steve’s heard.  He pulled Bucky into a tight hug, laughing with relief.

“I’m so glad that worked.” He whispered.

Bucky grinned himself and nuzzled into Steve’s neck.

“Ya, me too. It’s nice remembering everything again.”

_Okay, now kiss!_ Barnes shouted.

_Oh my god stop!_ Winter screamed.

Bucky groaned internally. This had better not be permanent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Throws confetti into the air* Tada! Bucky remembers! True love's kiss conquers all!
> 
> Ya, Winter's a voice in Bucky's head now. He now has a grand total of, drum roll please... two whole voices! Yay. Barnes and Winter now. How long will Winter last, you wanna guess? Go on, guess.
> 
> The only reason I'm publishing this so early (At ten to 8 in the fucking morning) is because I have another Sociology midterm this afternoon and I want to focus on studying. Wish me luck?
> 
> Also, please be forewarned that I am now out of prewritten chapters. I might be able to start a new chapter, but don't count on it. I'm trying to focus on review and studying. Still, maybe we'll get lucky.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! It was a bit of a nightmare, but I think it turned out good! I hope you guys feel the same way. Leave a comment if you'd like. Yell at me for making them suffer for a while if you want, or just gush, I don't care. I hope you guys have a lovely day! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna pen an email to my history prof as I just got an email saying that his wife isn't doing so well. Shit. I hope she's okay. Anyway, have a good day!


	51. Chapter 51

            Loki couldn’t believe it. It worked. It actually worked. He just made a wild guess and hoped for the best… and it worked. It actually worked! Winter… no Bucky. His name was Bucky. Bucky stood before him, holding Captain Roger’s hand. He looked… different. He seemed more relaxed, calmer. His eyes didn’t look so dead inside. He looked vibrant. He looked alive. Bucky let go of Captain Roger’s hand and he walked over to Loki. What was he… what was he doing? Loki didn’t even have time to question Bucky’s actions before feeling Bucky’s arms around him tight in a hug. He was hugging him. Why was he hugging him?

            “Thank you. Thank you for helping me remember.”

            Loki hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around Bucky and hugged him back.

            “I… I’m glad I could help.” He said, smiling. It actually worked.

…

            Loki sat in his room, gently tugging at the collar on his shoulders. He stared at his reflection in the mirror on the dresser. What would happen now? He’s done what he was brought here to do… what would Odin do to him?

…

            Bucky laid in bed and listened to Barnes and Winter screaming and shouting in his head. It was starting to get grating on his ears. He wasn’t even sure what they were talking about anymore. They started talking about what it was like to lie dormant and it went on from there.

            _Oh come on, Silver’s a good girl._ Barnes said.

            Wait, when did they start talking about Silver?

_Since ten minutes ago._ Winter grumbled. _All I did was say that Silver was huge and he went on about how she’s a good girl and deserves lots of… what’s that word you said?_

_Love. I said she deserves lots of love._ Barnes jumped in.

            Bucky rolled his eyes. Why couldn’t he be normal? Just a little normal?

_Normal’s for suckers Winter!_ Barnes cried out.

_I’m Winter._

            _‘Barnes, just call me Bucky. It’ll save us from awkward moments in the future.’_

            _Got it!_

            Bucky rolled his eyes and snorted. He felt the bed sag and all of the sudden Silver was sniffing in his face.

            _Who’s a good girl? You are!_ Barnes started cooing.

            _Sweet Jesus! Will you shut up?_ Winter cried.

            Bucky didn’t pay them any mind. He just scratched Silver’s ears and smiled.

            “Hey girl,” He said, chuckling when she started licking his face. “You’re a good girl. Thanks for helping me through that. You made it easier for me.”

            Silver let out a soft bark and placed her nose against Bucky’s. He chuckled.

_She did make it more bearable._ Winter muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I haven't updated in a week, I basically pulled this short chapter out of my ass and I still feel like shit. Here you go! *Chucks the chapter violently at the wall* I'm still hacking up a lung!
> 
> So if you're wondering why there was no chapter on Thursday, basically, I ended up getting sick. The symptoms started during the 15th. By Thursday the next day, I hadn't slept a wink and I was hacking up a lung. So I just sent emails to my classmates asking for notes and tried to get some sleep. From Wednesday all the the way to Monday yesterday, I've basically been sleeping or coughing up my lungs. I wasn't writing or anything, I was just suffering silently.   
> I'm now back at classes. I'm trying to catch up on the day's worth of notes that I missed and I'm gonna try and get started on a source analysis due on Thursday. Oh, and I'm gonna try and make notes on sources for my final paper. And my finals are in less then a month from now.
> 
> Ya. You're not really gonna get many updates from now to mid-April.
> 
> I will try and update when I can, but at the moment, I have no prewritten chapters. Maybe I'll be able to write something in my limited spare time but for now, there's nothing. I'm really sorry, this could mean that you guys will go roughly a month if not more without updates (Worse case scenario), but there's really nothing I can do about this at this time. I really need to focus on this. Still, if I can and I have chapters to post, I'll try and throw up an odd update. Don't count on it though.
> 
> On the plus side, you know that smut I promised at the beginning? I have a feeling it'll be coming soon. Like, In a few chapters kinda soon. Who wants to read my attempt at porn?
> 
> If you want to comment, feel free. Again, I'm sorry, but school's important kids. I gotta focus on that. I hope you guys are doing well and hopefully, I'll be able to update in a little while. Until then, wish me luck on my assignments and finals!


	52. Chapter 52

It had been a short amount of time, roughly two weeks. They were still hiding at Clint’s farm. They were waiting for Tony, Natasha and Bruce to let them know that it was all clear, but they hadn’t yet. So instead, they stayed in northern Alberta, huddling away from the negative forty-degree weather outside. Loki was passed out on the couch, curled up in a ball. Thor was sitting in an armchair, reading. Sam was lying on the floor, wrapped in a blanket by the fireplace. Clint was fast asleep in the other armchair, Kate Bishop was playing with Lucky on the floor, and Steve and Bucky were cuddling on the floor with Silver on their laps. It was warm, peaceful. For once, the world decided to let them have a break and stop telling them to fuck themselves while tossing them into the eternal shit pile that was their life. Steve had one arm around Bucky while he looked through messages on his phone. Bucky was gently petting Silver. It was so calm and quiet, save for the crackling of the fire, that everyone jumped when Steve’s phone started ringing loudly in his hand. Everyone had a heart attack. Steve got to his feet and went to answer the call, leaving everyone to recover from the sudden jumps care.

“Holy shit,” Sam said from his place by the fire. “Is it just me, or was that louder then usual?”

“It wasn’t just you.” Kate said, hugging Lucky, who was licking her face. “That was really loud.”

Clint, who had nearly fell out of his seat, was now getting back up and shaking himself off.

“Who the fuck is calling?” He muttered, looking off into the dining room, where Steve was on the phone.

The question was answered shortly when Steve ended the call and walked back into the room.

“That was Tony. He said that they managed to find all the other hydra agents that were hiding throughout Stark Industries. He had all of them arrested and is working on having everyone working in the tower moved to another location.” Steve sat down on the floor again. “He said he’s trying to make sure that what happened before won’t happen again.”

Clint, Sam and Bucky’s shoulders sagged in relief. Thor hummed thoughtfully and Loki sleepily put his arms up in victory.

“Does Stark still have the one responsible in custody?” Loki asked, his voice slurring over the words.

“Ya,” Steve said. “They’ve been trying to get information out of him. They’ve been interrogating everyone they caught, offering them lighter sentences if they talk. So far, they’re not biting. Natasha’s gotten a couple things out of the guy responsible though.”

“What did she break on the guy?” Clint asked, rubbing his eyes.

“She didn’t break anything.” Steve said, running a hand through his hair. “She threatened to cut off his dick. Brought a knife close and everything.”

“Jesus.” Sam muttered from his spot on the floor. “Glad I’m not him.” He muttered, wiggling around a little in his blanket cocoon.

“So now what?” Clint asked. What were they meant to do now?

“Tony said to wait a little longer, just in case. After a week, we can head back at any time.” Steve said, rubbing Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky leaned into the touch.

“Welp, that sounds fun.” Clint said, slowly sinking out of his chair. He turned to look at Loki, who was trying not to fall back asleep. “What happens to you? You go back to Asgard or something?”

Loki tensed up and looked over to Thor. Thor sighed.

“Loki… completed the task my father gave him.” Loki swallowed thickly. “If we go back to Asgard… he get’s thrown into a cell for the rest of eternity. He might even be killed.”

Everyone in the room flinched. Well, things weren’t looking so good.

“However… my father doesn’t know everything about the situation. We could say that Loki will be needed here indefinitely.” Thor said, shrugging. He looked so innocent for someone who was suggesting that they lied to the allfather.

“He’ll find out eventually.” Loki said, now sitting upright with his knees up to his chest.

“Well, we’ll help.” Steve said, smiling softly.

Bucky nodded.

“You’re not the same guy who tried to invade New York.” Clint said, shrugging. He was now half out of the armchair with his shirt riding up. Kate was poking his exposed belly. “As long as you don’t try bullshit like that again… why not?”

Loki stared at Clint. Was he smoking something? He was definitely smoking something. Loki decided that it was best not to question it and stayed quiet. Clint swatted feebly at Kate’s prodding finger. She persisted.

…

Bucky sat by the window, staring at the falling snow. Silver was fast asleep by his hip. Captain Ameribear was in his hands. He closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the peace. He didn’t feel afraid anymore. He felt safe. He felt free. A flicker of a memory flashed across his mind. A faint smirk and tired eyes. He blinked for a moment and sighed.

 

Ever since they reversed the sleeper code, Bucky had been getting flashes of memories he had long since suppressed. He wasn’t sure why these were suppressed. Memories of Shadow were usually the more pleasant ones. At the very least, it was a break from the harshness of life as a weapon. They didn’t happen often, but once in a while, he’d see a young woman, a girl really, trying her damnedest to fight back and make their lives difficult. She had a dark sense of humor. Every once in a while, she’d make a joke along the lines of, “Well, looks like we’re all gonna die. I’ll see you in the afterlife”. They were horrible, morbid, but they seemed to be one of the few things that kept her going. Clinging to the faint hope that one day, maybe soon, she’d die and not suffer any longer. Well, that hasn’t happened yet and Bucky doubted that it would for a long time. He silently hoped that she was okay. She was a clever kid. There were a few times in the past where she almost broke out and escaped. However, they always caught her in the end. Still, maybe she was trying to figure out how to escape. He hoped so. No one deserved the sort of treatment they endured. He smiled faintly to himself as an old memory came to the forefront of his mind.

_“Winter, do you like when it rains?”_

_Winter looked over to Shadow, confused._

_“It’s a hindrance to the mission. It makes it more difficult.”_

_Shadow was staring at the wall, almost as if she was trying to bore a hole into it._

_“I like the rain. I like the smell that comes after it rains. It’s peaceful, like white noise.” Shadow said. “It’s like the world is being cleaned and when it stops, the world is pure, at least for a while.”_

_Winter couldn’t help but smile._

Bucky jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Steve.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you Buck.” He said, sitting down on the window seat with Bucky. “You alright? You looked like you were spacing out there.”

Bucky shrugged.

“I was just… thinking. Remembering.”

Steve smiled softly.

“You wanna tell me about it?” He asked, smiling.

“It was Shadow. She asked me if I liked when it rained. She said she liked when it rained.” Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s knee and squeeze. Bucky took a deep breath. “If she’s anything like how I remember her… she’s probably trying to figure out a way to get out of there. She’s probably planning something. She was really clever.”

“We’ll find her Buck,” Steve said, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “Who knows, maybe she’ll find us.”

Bucky relaxed as he felt Steve kiss his hair and sighed. God he hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. It's been a while. So... how've you been? Good?
> 
> I've been writing chapters in between studying and classes. They help me keep what's left of my sanity. I needed a break from re-writing notes and trying to remember dates, names and law codes and so I decided why not post a chapter?
> 
> Not a lot really happened in that chapter. Well, I don't consider it a lot. But we now know that they found all the hydra agents. Yay
> 
> I hope you guys liked the chapter and I hope you're doing well. Maybe let me know what you think? It always makes my day.
> 
> I'll update when I can. My finals aren't until the 19th, 20th, and the 21st of April, but I'm trying to focus on studying. Still, maybe we'll get lucky and I'll have a chance to update. But until then, I hope you have a nice day!


	53. Chapter 53

Steve was laying in bed, arms wrapped around Bucky, holding him close. It was four in the morning and he couldn’t sleep. His mind was just racing and wouldn’t slow down long enough for him to fall asleep. He sighed and resigned himself to a night where sleep didn’t come. It wasn’t so bad though, he didn’t mind just laying there in silence, hold Bucky. Besides, he got to notice many things Bucky did when asleep. Bucky would wrinkle his nose every once in a while. He didn’t know why, but Steve found it adorable and had to resist the urge to kiss Bucky’s wrinkled nose. Bucky would also snort softly when he was in a deep sleep. Every time Bucky snorted, Steve gave him a little squeeze, beaming like an idiot. He never noticed when he started to fall asleep at 5:29 in the morning.

…

Oh god why? Why was it so bright? Why can’t the sun just fuck off? Seriously, it was excessively bright in here. Steve opened his eyes just a crack, glaring at the window, where bright, cheerful sunlight was streaming in. Well, the light reflecting off the snow wasn’t helping matters. Steve groaned and buried his face into whatever he was holding.

“Morning Stevie.”

Steve looked up to find Bucky sitting upright, leaning against the headboard. He was holding a book in his hands.

“Did you sleep well?” Bucky asked, smiling.

“I don’t even remember falling asleep.” Steve muttered, smacking his lips. God his mouth was dry. “Last thing I remember was that it was four in the morning and then next thing I know, the sun’s being a douchebag.”

Bucky chuckled and ran a hand through Steve’s hair.

“Well, the sun’s just doing its job.” Bucky said, closing his book. “You hungry?”

Steve nodded groggily and the two of them got out of bed and shuffled over to the kitchen.

 

Clint was standing in the kitchen, making as many pancakes as he could. Two super soldiers and two gods eat a lot more then one would originally think. Sam was helping him get things out and set up. Kate just sat on the counter, telling him to flip the pancakes. Loki was already sitting at the table, enthralled by the book in his hands. Thor was reading over his shoulder, wide eyed. Someone had given them Harry Potter. Steve and Bucky walked into the room and made a beeline for the coffee machine.

“Morning.” Bucky said, yawning.

“Good morning,” Clint said before looking at the two sleepy super soldiers. “Does coffee even work on you guys?”

“It’s more of a comfort thing.” Steve slurred, leaning heavily on Bucky. “Remember the coffee we drank in the army?”

“That was coffee?” Bucky said, pouring Steve a mug. “I thought they were giving us tar to drink.”

“Didn’t stop us from downing it.” Steve muttered before grabbing the mug and sipping at its contents.

Bitter. He needed cream and sugar. He was not suffering through bitter coffee anymore.

 

Everyone slowly made their way through the mountain of pancakes Clint ended up making. They were actually struggling.

“Clint, I know we eat a lot, but holy shit this is way too many.” Sam said, leaning back in his chair. That last pancake was probably a mistake. A delicious mistake. “Why do you hate us?”

“I over estimated.” Clint said before shoving the last chunk of pancake he had into his mouth. Jesus this was a terrible idea.

Steve had given up after his tenth pancake and now had his head on the table, trying to remember how to breathe. Bucky was still going. He was on his eleventh pancake, but he was going much slower. Thor had stopped after eating twenty-five pancakes and Loki was somehow still going.

“For a scrawny guy, you sure can eat.” Clint said, trying to breath. This was how he would die. From pancake overdose.

Kate was lying on the ground, groaning softly.

“He’s gonna finish that mountain, isn’t he?” She asked.

“Loki always ate a lot.” Thor said, head in his hands. Those last two pancakes were a mistake. He should know his limits by now.

“Magic can take a lot of energy out of a person. You need to eat a lot to prevent it from eating away at your person.” Loki said through a mouthful of pancake. This was his twenty-seventh pancake. How was he not dead?

Bucky shoved his plate away and groaned.

“God, that last one was a mistake.” He moaned. What were they thinking?

“Well, we have enough for lunch and dinner later on today.’ Sam muttered from his seat.

“If I see another pancake, I’m gonna cry.” Kate said from her spot on the ground. “I ate seven pancakes. No normal human being should be able to eat that many.”

# …

Bucky sat quietly in the main room on the couch. He stared at the ceiling, just thinking to himself.

_Hey… hey Bucky. Bucky!_

He can’t even have a moment’s peace, can he?

_No, I need to talk to you._

_‘What is it Barnes?’_ Bucky rolled his eyes. What does he want?

_Tell Winter to move out. Seriously, he’s annoying._

_I’m annoying?_ Oh god. _Have you looked in a mirror recently?_ What did he do to deserve this?

_‘You’re both adults. Figure this out on your own. Silently.’_

At first, they didn’t reply. Bucky thought for a moment that they were actually listening to him for once. And then…

_Winter’s touching me!_

Jesus, it was like he had two bickering toddlers in his brain. Bucky groaned and covered his face with his hands.

_‘Stop fighting!’_

_Not until you get Winter to leave me alone!_

Bucky silently wondered what would happen if he hit his head against the wall.

 _Pain._ Barnes said. _Pain would happen._

 _And relief from you. A blessing for anyone._ Winter muttered.

Bucky groaned aloud and tried smothering his face into the cushions. What did he do to deserve this? He was sure he must have sinned horribly to end up in this little slice of hell.

 _That’s a little harsh there Bucky. We have feelings you know._ Winter said.

_Really? The emotionless robot has feelings?_

_I swear to Christ, I’ll cut your fucking dick off_.

Yep, banging his head against the wall sounded pretty good right now. Just then, Steve walked into the room.

“Uh… are you okay Buck?” He asked. “Is something wrong?”

Bucky covered his face with his hands and sighed.

“They won’t shut up.”

“What are they fighting about now?” Steve asked, sitting down onto the couch.

”The usual.” Bucky groaned, rubbing his temples. “Why are they like this?”

Steve reached over and pat Bucky on the shoulder, trying to comfort him.

“It’ll be okay. I’m sure they’ll learn to get along. After all, they’re stuck inside your head. It’s not like they can get away from each other.”

Bucky sighed heavily.

“They damn well better get use to each other. This is getting ridiculous.”

Steve chuckled lightly and placed a soft kiss on Bucky’s forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? I'm finally finished my classes for winter term and I don't have classes until September (I'm not doing Spring/Summer term). I now have roughly over a week until my finals and then I'm good until September. Yay!
> 
> So this is really just a filler chapter. It just kinda came out and I was like 'You know what? Why not? I've put you guys though metric shit tons of bullshit, let's have some fluffier moments before we dive into the smut."
> 
> The smut chapter is fully written and mostly edited. There is one more chapter before that one however. Hopefully I'll be able to post both those chapters sometime after the 21st (My last final's on that day). So don't worry, you'll get to read a virgin, 18 year old girl's attempt at gay porn. Yay! This will end badly.
> 
> Barnes and Winter don't get along at first (Considering how different they are, it's not hard to see why), but don't worry, they'll get along eventually. In the distant future. Some day.
> 
> Leave a comment if you like and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Wish me luck on my finals! Have an awesome day!


	54. Chapter 54

Thor took a deep breath. Okay, he could do this. Sure, he couldn’t lie as well as Loki, but he could lie to his father. He could lie to the man who made it possible for him to live and what was he doing? This was insane! Still, he had to try. Thor walked outside, trudging though the thick snow. Depending on where you end up, Midgard gets a lot of snow. On Asgard, it was always sunny and on Jotunhiem, it was always frozen. Every realm had its own climate, except Midgard. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get use tot that. Finally, Thor made it to the clearing and took a deep breath. He called out to Heimdall to send down the Bifrost and suddenly, he was surrounded by rainbow lights. It took a few seconds, but soon the familiar, friendly face of Heimdall greeted Thor. He couldn’t even open his mouth in greeting however before Heimdall said,

“You’re planning on lying to the Allfather.”

Sometimes he really hated that Heimdall could see everything.

“I’m not doing it with malicious intent.” Thor said. If he could win Heimdall over to his side, maybe he wouldn’t tell his father. “Please, I’m just trying to protect my-“

“I know why you’re doing it.” Heimdall said, his gaze unblinking. “I’m not sure you’d want to try however. You know your father’s ravens will report back to him what Loki is doing.”

“Does… does he already know? About Barnes?” Oh Norns he didn’t think about that. What if he already knew?

He let out a sigh of relief when Heimdall shook his head.

“I have not told him and the ravens have not seen as of yet.”

“Please, don’t tell father,” Thor said. “I just want to help Loki. He can change. He already has!”

“Even so, I don’t think the Allfather would be too keen on Loki remaining on Midgard where he can’t get him.”

“It’s better then Loki rotting in a jail cell or dead.” Thor replied, frowning slightly. “Please, don’t tell father.”

Heimdall watched him for a moment. Thor felt as though he was being stripped away, layer by layer. He felt naked.

“I will not tell him. Though I cannot guarantee he won’t find out sooner or later.” Heimdall said, smiling softly. “Now go. He’s waiting for you.”

Thor nodded, relieved. Okay, maybe he could do this.”

 

His father looked… angrier then usual. This… this would not be easy.

“Where is Loki?” Odin asked, glaring down at Thor. “Why is he not with you?”

“I have some news. I thought it would be best to tell you face to face father.” Thor said. He could do this. He had to.

Odin watched Thor for a moment before waving his hand, urging Thor to continue.

Thor took a deep breath and said, “I’m afraid that Loki must remain in Midgard for longer then we thought. He’s having a difficult time finding a way to reverse the damage done to Sergeant Barnes. It’s worse then we originally anticipated.”

Odin cocked an eyebrow. “Really? How long could this take?”

“I’m not sure.” Thor came so close to stuttering there. “It is unclear how much time this could take. He is trying father. It’s just that it’s much more complicated then we initially thought.”

“What was he doing when you left?” Odin asked.

“He was asleep. He had stayed up most of the night, trying to figure out a way to fix this.”

Odin grunted, looking off into the distance.

“You’re not lying to me, are you?” Odin asked.

Thor’s heart was pounding. Please don’t let him suspect. Please.

“Why would I lie to you father?” Thor asked. “I have no reason to.”

Odin’s eye bore into Thor. He felt tiny, like a child once more.

“You have more then enough reason to.” Odin said, getting to his feet. “You’d lie if it meant that you could protect your loved ones.”

Shit, shit, shit, was he seeing though him? Thor made sure to keep a neutral expression on his face.

“I’m not lying.” He said stubbornly. “Loki has spent hours reading the file on what happened to Sergeant Barnes as well as reading medical articles on the internet.”

Odin cocked an eyebrow.

“Midgardians can share information world wide using the internet. It’s very useful and informative.” Thor explained.

“What has he found?” Odin asked. Thor felt very tiny under his gaze.

“He’s found that Sergeant Barnes’ case isn’t the only one, technically speaking. When Midgardians are hit with lightning and survive, they actually have very similar side effects. They loose memory, have a hard time remembering things, have mood swings and so on. Loki’s been looking into their treatment to see if we could use that to reverse the effects. He’s also been trying to find ways to introduce Asgardian ways of healing to make it more effective.” By this point, Thor was just pulling shit out of his ass. He wasn’t even sure what he was saying anymore.

Odin nodded, seemingly satisfied.

“Well, you best return before he awakes. He’ll likely get into mischief.”

“Loki hasn’t done anything father.” Thor defended. “He’s too tired.”

Odin grunted and waved Thor off. Thor was about to leave when he thought,

_‘Maybe I can convince him to let Loki use magick again. I can tell him that he might need it to help heal Barnes.’_

Oh he was really pushing his luck now. Thor took a breath and said,

“Father, is there any chance you could allow me to release Loki from his bonds. He might need magick in order to properly heal Barnes.” Please work, please work, please work.

Odin glared at Thor. Well, he pushed his luck off a cliff.

“I’m sorry, never mind.” Thor quickly said, turning to leave.

“Thor!” Odin called.

Thor froze, his heart pounding. He would much rather take on an army right now. That was much easier then this.

“Come here.”

Fuck. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck! Okay, just turn and oh Norns he was dead. Thor turned around and slowly walked over to his father again. Odin pulled something out of seemly nowhere and held it out to Thor.

“This will unlock his bonds. Only unlock them when you feel it necessary. If you unlock them and never put them back on, I’ll know.”

Thor took it, nodding furiously.

“Of course, thank you for understanding father.”

Odin waved him off and Thor quickly made his way out of the throne room. Now, where are those birds?

…

Everyone was sitting in the living room when Thor returned. They all looked at him expectantly. Did it work? Did it actually work? Thor sighed and smiled.

“It worked. I don’t think he suspected a thing.” Thor said, beaming.

Loki still looked nervous.

“What about Heimdall? And the ravens?”

“Heimdall promised me that he would not tell father the truth. As for the ravens…” Thor trailed off.

“You didn’t kill them, did you?” Loki asked.

“What? No!” Thor cried. “I’m not stupid! I bribed them!”

Loki’s shoulders slumped in relief.

“Oh thank goodness.” He whispered. “I was really worried there.”

Thor rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“You have so little faith in me. I’m a little hurt brother.”

Loki shook his head and sighed.

“There’s one other thing.” Thor said. Everyone perked up and watched Thor intensely. “I talked to father about your bonds.”

Loki tensed up again. Thor opened his clenched fist, showing everyone in the room a small, elegant looking key with Nordic runes etched in. Loki’s eyes widened.

“Is that…”

“It’s the key. Father is willing to allow you to use magick. He did make me… promise something though.”

Loki watched Thor, worried.

“I have to lock you again every once in a while. It cannot be permanent. He said he’d know. I’d rather not test that.”

Loki nodded and sighed.

“Well, I’ll take it.”

Everyone watched as Thor unlocked the collar on Loki’s shoulders. There was a small click and for a brief moment, Loki’s eyes glowed a soft green. He let out a sigh of relief.

“That’s much better.” He whispered. “Thank you.”

Thor took a couple of steps back and Loki conjured a small flame in his hand.

“It feels so much better to do this again.”

Everyone watched him as he exercised his magick, looking brighter and happier then he had been before. Bucky smiled, knowing what it felt like to finally be free. After several minutes of Loki dicking around, everyone turned to look at Thor.

“So… how long can he have that thing off?” Sam asked.

“Father didn’t say.” Thor said, fiddling with the stone in his hand. “I think it will be okay for a couple of hours, but we shouldn’t push it. I think it would be best if we lock you again after three hours or so.”

Loki nodded and sighed.

“I’ll take advantage of what I have then.”

…

Okay, this felt really weird. This felt really fucking weird. Bucky was sitting on the floor. Loki was sitting on the bed behind him. His hands were mere inches from Bucky’s head and a soft green glow was emitting from his eyes. Bucky’s head felt… fuzzy, like he was falling asleep. It would tingle like his foot would when it fell asleep. It was a strange feeling.

 

Loki was attempting to see if there was any further damage that needed attention in Bucky’s mind. As far as Bucky could tell, there was nothing yet, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t something.

“It doesn’t seem like there’s much right now.” Loki muttered. “It seems to me that your mind is doing a rather impressive job healing itself.” He pulled his hands away and Bucky sighed. God that felt weird. “I do want to monitor you all the same. Just in case.”

Bucky nodded.

“Alright. I… that felt really weird.”

“Sorry.”

Bucky decided to wait a couple minutes for the fuzziness in his head to subside before he tried getting up.

“So… how do you feel?” Bucky asked, looking at Loki.

Loki didn’t say anything at first. He just stared at his fingers and flexed them.

“It’s… strange. I had that collar holding my magick back for… for months. And now… now I can use it again. Not for very long… but I can use it again. It’s nice. I could feel it being bottled up inside and when Thor broke the bond… I just felt relief. Overwhelming relief.” Loki sighed. “It felt very good, I have to say.”

Bucky smiled and nodded. The fuzziness was starting to subside.

“You’re not gonna do anything stupid, are you?” Bucky asked. He heard the stories about Loki getting into mischief.

Loki shrugged.

“I might play a little prank here and there, but I’ll try and avoid playing any large jokes for the time being.”

“What kind of jokes were you thinking?” Bucky asked uncertainly. What was he planning?

“Where do you think would be a good place to hide a corn snake?”

…

Clint was the one who found the snake, curled up in a massive pot he was grabbing for supper. It wasn’t real of course. It was merely an illusion, but the scream of shock was more than enough to make Loki laugh so hard, he was hunched over.

“You motherfucker!” Clint yelled, reaching in to grab the snake. His hand phased through. “It wasn’t even fucking real? Are you shitting me?”

Everyone within earshot was laughing. Clint glared at Loki.

“I hate you.” He said, pointing to Loki. “I fucking hate you. You’re dead to me.”

Loki didn’t seem to care. He was too busy grinning ear to ear, obviously very pleased with himself.

“Can I just say, it felt very good to do something like that again.” Loki purred, absolutely beaming.

Clint flipped him off and went to fill the pot with water for pasta. The whole time, he was grumbling under his breath about stupid gods and their stupid powers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kicks open door violently* Whose got two thumbs, two exams done, one to go and is real fucking tired? This gal!
> 
> So it's been a couple of weeks since I've last updated. I decided to update mainly cause I have nothing but studying to do and I'm trying to procrastinate that for as long as I can. I know my last final is tomorrow, but I spent two hours this morning writing so much my right hand was cramping. I need a break.  
> So... guess what's next. We've all been waiting for it (Me especially). I've tagged it and it's the reason that this bloody thing's rated E in the first place.
> 
>  
> 
> It's porn time motherfuckers.  
> Yep, next chapter you get to read about a virgin woman's attempt at gay porn. This will in no way go downhill and cause nothing but embarrassment, no sir.
> 
> I wanna thank everyone for wishing me luck in my finals so far. That really means a lot. I've just got one more to go and then I'm done my first year of university. Jesus. When I first started this thing, I was halfway through my last year of high school. Time really flies.  
> I'll probably post the next chapter sometime tomorrow in celebration of the fact that I'm allowed to sleep again. Let me tell you, I really regret taking sociology. Worst idea I've ever had in my life.
> 
> Leave a comment if you want. It always fills me with the warm fuzzies. And believe me, I could use warm fuzzies with what I'm forced to study with sociology. No really, I love studying about how the world's fucked up, honest and truly I do. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we can all say this. Fucking finally!

They were leaving in two days. Half of them were going to pile into Clint’s car, while the other half were going in Sam’s. Bucky already had everything packed into his duffle bag. Now, now, he was thinking to himself. Well, more then that really. He was holding a conversation with Barnes and Winter. He was confused and needed advice.

_‘It’s… it’s been a while… since Steve and I… got together.’_ He thought quietly.

_Ya, what’s your point?_ Winter grumbled. Why was he trying to take advice from him again?

_Bucky, you gotta actually talk to us if you want help._ Barnes supplied, unhelpfully.

Bucky took a deep breath and thought,

_‘I think I’m ready… for… you know.’_

_No, I don’t know. Clarify._ Winter said.

_Wait… are you… are you saying… you’re ready to have sex? With Steve?_

What was he thinking? This was a terrible idea. This was an awful, terrible idea.

_Oh my god, Winter! We’re gonna get laid!_

Bucky face palmed.

_‘I don’t even know if Steve’s comfortable with that! He might not be ready you horny bastard! And for god’s sake, even if he was ready, it would be me that get’s laid, not you.’_ Bucky thought. Why? Why was this his life?

_But we are other versions of you. If one of us get’s laid, we all get laid._ Barnes replied cheekily.

_Shut up Barnes._

Bucky sighed, exasperated.

_‘You know, I wanted to ask you guys what you think I should do, but now I think it would be better to take advice from Loki. Or Sam. Or even Clint.’_

_But Loki fucked a horse!_ Barnes cried out. _Why would you take advice from a guy who fucked a horse?_

_‘The horse fucked him and you know it!’_ Bucky shouted.

_You’re asking us advice on how to bring this up with Steve?_ Winter suddenly said after a few moments of silence.

_‘Yes.’_

_Just talk to him. Get him alone and talk to him. Seriously, not that hard._

_‘Since when did you know about shit like this?’_

_I don’t. I’m using common sense. Just talk to him about it. See what he thinks. If you’re both comfortable, congratulations, we get laid. If he’s not, well, now he’d know you’re willing and waiting and it’s only a matter of time._

Wow. Winter could be helpful when he wanted to be.

_I’m only telling you this so that Barnes won’t tell you something that’ll end in disaster._

_I’m hurt Winter. I thought we were roommates._

Bucky rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. Well, he got what he asked for. He got up from his seat on the bed and walked out of the bedroom. He needed to talk to Steve.

…

Steve was helping Clint dry the dishes, chatting quietly when Bucky walked in.

“Steve, can I talk to you? Alone?”

Steve nodded and set the dish he was drying down. He put down the dishcloth and followed after Bucky.

“Is it okay if we talk outside?” Bucky asked, looking nervous. What was wrong? Was he okay?

“Ya, that’s fine Buck.” Steve said.

The two of them put on their coats and boots, shoving their toques over their ears and putting on their gloves. They shuffled outside and started walking down the worn path to the woods. Steve waited a few minutes before asking Bucky what he wanted to talk about. He glanced over to Bucky, who was blushing red and looked very nervous. What was going on?

“I… well. Shit, this is hard.” Bucky shook his head and took a deep breath. “You know… how when we started our relationship… we talked about taking it slow? Going at my pace?”

Did Bucky want to speed up? Or did he want to slow down? Did he feel they were moving too fast?

“Ya, is there something wrong?” Steve asked, his voice slightly muffled by his coat.

Bucky shook his head rapidly.

“No, no, no. There’s nothing-wrong Stevie, I just… I’m having a hard time trying to say it.” Bucky chuckled under his breath and sighed. “You know… you know how when we were talking about boundaries, sex came up?”

“Ya, you brought that up.” Steve reminded him. Was he… was Bucky saying what he thought he was saying?

“I think… no I am. I’m… ready.”

Bucky was trying his damnest to hide his face in his coat. Easier said then done, but he was actually doing a pretty good job. He was bright red. Steve knew he should say something… but what? What was a person meant to say in this situation? He’d never been in a situation like this!

“I… that’s… I have no idea what to say.” Steve said. Ya, real helpful there Rogers. “I… damn, this is hard. A-are you sure?”

Bucky nodded.

“I… I’ve thought… about it… a lot.”

Well, nice to know he wasn’t the only one.

“Well, that’s good to know.” The two of them walked a little longer. “So now what do we do?”

Bucky started laughing, shaking his head.

“God we’re idiots.” Bucky said, his shoulders shaking.

Steve started laughing as well and the two of them were standing in the middle of the pathway, laughing.

“Well, it’s not like we’ve ever done shit like this before,” Steve said, trying to smother his laughter. “It’s not like there’s a handbook on this sorta shit!”

The two of them continued laughing, trying to calm themselves down, only to fail and begin laughing all over again. They managed to calm down and began huddling closer to each other. It was really fucking cold. Steve took Bucky’s hand and held it tight. He smiled at Bucky.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” Steve asked. He was still so use to asking.

Bucky let go of Steve’s hand only to wrap his arms around Steve’s neck and leaned in close.

“How’s this for an answer?” He asked, grinning.

“I need a yes or a no.” Steve said, smirking. “For all I know, Barnes took over.”

Bucky snorted and kissed Steve’s nose.

“Nope. Winter’s holding him back. It’s kinda nice.” Bucky sighed softly. “I would very much like to be kissed Steven.”

“Don’t call me Steven. That makes me feel old.” Steve laughed before gently kissing Bucky.

Steve held Bucky close, treasuring the warmth he gave off. Seriously, it was really cold. They kissed softly for a few moments before pulling away.

“I vote we go inside before my balls freeze off.” Steve said. Were his teeth chattering?

“Sounds good to me?” Bucky laughed, shivering slightly.

Steve put an arm over Bucky’s shoulder and pulled him close as they walked down the path to the house. Bucky wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and they walked back, grinning the whole time.

…

Clint had finished while Steve and Bucky were out talking. He was now standing by the window in the living room, trying to see if they were coming back. He noticed them walking back up the path towards the house though the trees, holding onto each other. They were grinning like lovesick fools and Clint couldn’t help but smile. He walked over to the side table by the door and opened the drawer, pulling out a package of earplugs. Everyone was gonna need these if he was correct.

 

“Why are you giving me ear plugs?” Sam asked as Clint dropped them in his hand.

“Trust me. You’ll want these.”

Sam cocked an eyebrow and looked at Clint skeptically.

“Why?” He repeated.

“I think Rogers and Barnes are gonna do the horizontal mambo. You know, hide the sausage? The frick frack?”

Sam put up his hand and shook his head.

“Okay! I don’t want to hear every euphemism you know for sex! Why do you think they’re gonna have sex?”

Clint told Sam what he saw.

“Oh. Ya, I want these. I don’t wanna know what super soldier sex sounds like.” Sam said, holding the earplugs close. “You better hurry and give Thor, Loki and Kate ear plugs. Hell, you might wanna give Lucky some too. And Silver. She doesn’t need to hear that shit.”

Clint smirked and nodded.

“I’m on it.”

 

Thor took them without a word and instead smiled when Clint explained briefly.

“So ya, wear these tonight, just in case.”

“Thank you.” Thor said, chuckling. “While I’m happy for them, I’d rather not hear it.”

“Amen to that.”

 

Loki glanced at the earplugs in Clint’s hand and back at Clint.

“Is this some sort of way to get back at me for scaring you with that snake?” He asked. He wouldn’t put it past him.

“Think of it as a peace offering. I’m like ninety-nine percent sure that Barnes and Rogers are gonna have sex tonight and I’d thought I’d be nice and offer you ear plugs.”

Loki hesitated for a moment before snatching them out of Clint’s hand.

“I really don’t want to hear it.” He muttered, clutching them to his heart.

“That’s why I’m handing them out.” Clint muttered.

“You think we should make them a cake for the morning after?” Loki said, smirking. “As kind of a ‘congratulations’ sort of thing?”

Clint paused at the door for a moment.

“We meet up at five am, sharp.”

Loki nodded and grinned.

 

“Why do I need those?” Kate asked, staring at Clint.

“I wish to protect your virgin ears.”

“You’ve never cared about my virgin ears before.” Kate said, rolling her eyes.

“Do you want to hear two super soldiers getting it on? Or do you wanna sleep tonight?”

Kate took the earplugs from Clint’s hand and shoved them in her ears.

“Nope. Not today.”

Clint rolled his eyes.

 

He grabbed the pairs of doggie headphones he always had an abundance of. He grabbed one for Lucky and one for Silver because, ya. She didn’t need to hear that sorta shit. He was silently grateful of the fact that he was profoundly deaf. He never knew that it was a blessing in disguise.

…

Steve and Bucky stepped into the house and shed their winter gear. Silver padded up to Bucky, whimpering.

“I’m sorry girl. I didn’t mean to worry you.” Bucky said, rubbing her ears. “I’m okay. I was with Steve.”

Silver sniffed Bucky worriedly for a few minutes before deciding that yes, he was okay. Both Steve and Bucky looked up just in time to see Clint walking into the room with two pairs of particularly shaped headphones and a small box of earplugs. He froze.

“Uh… hi. Good talk?”

“You could say that.” Bucky said, staring at the stuff in Clint’s hands. “Whatcha got there?”

Clint didn’t respond at first. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Just… some shit from my room. I’ve been meaning to move it. I hadn’t gotten around to it until now.”

Bucky cocked an eyebrow.

“So you’re saying that you just happen to have a small supply of earplugs and headphones in your bedroom?” He deadpanned.

“Yes.”

“You. The man who’s profoundly deaf.”

Okay, it wasn’t really a blessing anymore.

“It’s for the summer. The birds are really loud.”

Now both Steve and Bucky were staring at him, eyebrows cocked.

“Clint, we all know that’s bullshit.” Steve said.

Clint didn’t say anything at first. The room was silent save for Silver, who was sniffing Bucky’s boots by the door. Suddenly, Clint spun around and ran back into the hall, scrambling up the stairs, shouting,

“They know we know! They know we know!”

Steve and Bucky stood there extremely confused for a few minutes before shaking their heads and sighing.

“I think Clint’s drunk. Or high. Either way, he’s acting weird.” Steve said, staring at Clint was.

“I think you might be right. Either that, or he hasn’t been sleeping well lately.”

The two of them shrugged and went on their way.

…

Supper was normal. Everyone sat around the table, eating peacefully while chatting quietly amongst themselves. They were all ready to leave in a couple of days. Of course, Kate was planning to stay at the farm with Lucky. Her excuse was that someone needed to stay behind and feed the chickens, but Clint knew. He knew she just didn’t want to sit in a car for the couple of hours it took to get to the airport. What she didn’t know was that she had to come with; otherwise, she wouldn’t have a truck. When supper was finished, Clint gathered up dishes and loaded up the dishwasher. He left the dishes he used to cook in the sink to soak and stretched.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to bed.” Clint said, yawning. “Good night.”

“I’m off to bed too. I feel very tired right now.” Loki said, pushing in his chair before going upstairs to his room.

“Well, good night everyone.” Thor said, waving as he went upstairs.

Kate left without a word, just yawning and rubbing her eye. Sam stretched for a moment before getting to his feet.

“Good night.” He said. “See you in the morning.”

Steve and Bucky got up from their seats and waited until they heard Sam’s door close. Steve glanced over to Bucky and smiled.

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Bucky said, grinning.

The two of them made their way to their bedroom and locked the door behind them. Little did they know that Clint ran out of his room and quickly put the headphones over Silver’s ears.

“Trust me girl,” He said to her. “You’ll thank me later.”

He then ran back to his room. Steve and Bucky never noticed.

…

Steve gently cupped Bucky’s face before kissing him softly. They kissed for a few minutes, just relaxing into the moment. They both agreed that they were going to take it slow. They were just gonna move slowly, even if it took all night. Steve slipped a hand underneath Bucky’s shirt. Bucky shivered slightly, not quite expecting Steve’s frozen hand.

“Your hand is freezing.” Bucky laughed before kissing Steve softly again.

Steve laughed, shaking his head lightly.

“Not much I can do about that.” He chuckled.

Steve let out a small shriek when Bucky slipped his metal hand underneath his shirt.

“Was that payback?” He asked after recovering from the frigid hand.

“Maybe.”

The two of them laughed for a few moments. Bucky buried his face into Steve’s neck. He sighed softly as he felt Steve gently rubbed his lower back.

_Kiss his neck, kiss his neck, kiss his neck._

Steve gasped softly when Bucky kissed his neck. Jesus, if that’s the reaction Steve had when he kissed his neck, he wanted to know what his reaction might be if he tried that elsewhere.

_Do it. Just do it!_

_‘We’re moving slowly you horny bastard!’_

Bucky snorted in Steve’s neck.

“What is it?” Steve asked.

“Barnes won’t shut up.” Bucky laughed, shaking his head.

Steve snorted and kissed the side of Bucky’s head.

“Barnes, shut up. We’re good here.” Steve said, holding Bucky close.

_Well I’m a little hurt._

Bucky rolled his eyes and placed a gentle kiss on Steve’s lips. Steve and Bucky continued kissing for several more minutes. Steve slipped his hand underneath Bucky’s shirt again and this time, Bucky didn’t shriek from the cold. Steve gently rubbed Bucky’s back, slowly riding the shirt up. Bucky was gently tugging Steve’s shirt, slowly lifting it up. They both broke away to help each other get their shirts off. Bucky stared at Steve’s chest for a moment. Wow. He had seen Steve shirtless before… but this… just… wow. He had never seen it up close, not that he could remember. Steve meanwhile was staring at Bucky’s chest. His eyes followed the scarring from the arm and continued onto the pale, toned body. He stared for a rather long time at Bucky’s abs. He slowly reached out and gently traced the scarring on Bucky’s shoulder before planting a gentle kiss on the seam. Bucky shivered slightly.

“Is this okay?” Steve asked, gently rubbing Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky nodded, grinning.

“Ya, ya its fine Stevie.”

He felt tears in his eyes. He didn’t know why, but it just comforted him so much when Steve was gentle like this. He felt safe and warm. They started kissing again for an even longer amount of time and Bucky smiled faintly. He traced his hands on Steve’s back, trailing them lower and lower until they were at the waistband of Steve’s pants. Steve’s breathing sped up slightly, his fingers tangled in Bucky’s hair, his other hand just above the waistband of Bucky’s jeans. Steve kissed Bucky before asking,

“You wanna move on or do you wanna keep kissing?”

Bucky tugged Steve’s waistband.

“We can move on, definitely.”

Bucky kissed Steve again, trying to ignore how his erection was pressing against the zipper of his jeans. Rather uncomfortable, but he was a bit too preoccupied to care. Steve’s fingers left Bucky’s hair and he went to unzip his pants, still kissing Bucky as he tried to unbutton the damn things. Bucky fumbled at the button and yanked the zipper down, sighing in relief now that his cock wasn’t pressed against the restricting fabric of his pants. The pants fell onto the ground in a heap and they stepped out of them, pushing them to the side. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist and pulled him close. Bucky could feel Steve’s erection against his leg. Fuck, that felt larger then he imagined it to be. Steve kissed him again and again.

“God I love you.” He said, kissing him.

Bucky felt his heart flutter and he grinned widely as Steve covered his face in kisses.

“I love you too.” He said, gently grabbing Steve’s face and pulling him close to kiss him again.

Steve’s hands slowly migrated south until they were at the waistband of Bucky’s boxer briefs. His fingers dipped in slightly.

“Is this okay?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded before kissing him again. His heart stuttered when he felt Steve’s fingers slip past the fabric of the underwear and gently cup his ass. He moaned softly. He heard Steve chuckle.

“There’s one thing we forgot to discuss.” Steve said, kissing the corner of Bucky’s mouth. “Are you topping, or am I?”

Bucky paused for a moment. Shit, they did forget to talk about that.

_Steve should top! Steve should top us!_ Barnes cried.

_I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Barnes is right._ Winter chimed in.

“You.” Bucky said, kissing him again. “You’re topping.”

Steve chuckled and smiled into the kisses. He slowly pulled down Bucky’s underwear, cupping Bucky’s ass as he did so. Bucky tugged Steve’s underwear, pulling it down and grabbing a handful of that ass. Jesus, no one should be allowed to have such a beautiful, perky ass! Eventually, after some maneuvering, the underwear fell to the floor and Steve was gently pushing Bucky over to the bed. Bucky fell onto the bed and Steve leaned down, kissing him softly.

“Hi.” He whispered.

“Hi.”

The two of them giggled softly for a brief moment before Steve started tracing his fingers along Bucky’s numerous scars. He traced a scar that was on Bucky’s abdomen all the way down to his mid thigh. He traced what looked like stab wounds around his stomach area. He traced what looked like old burns. He started kissing each and every one of them, covering the entire length of them. Bucky felt the tears come back and he grinned. Steve never failed to make him feel so special, so loved. He sighed as he felt Steve slowly kiss his way back up Bucky’s chest, eventually stopping to kiss Bucky on the lips again.

“You okay?” Steve asked, gently wiping away the few tears that managed to fall. “Do you need to stop?”

Bucky shook his head.

“No, I’m fine. I just… thank you.” Bucky said, reaching up to wrap his arms around Steve’s neck. “Just… just thank you.”

Steve chuckled softly and pulled away.

“I’m nowhere near done yet soldier.”

“You better not be.”

Steve and Bucky kissed again for a couple of minutes before Steve got up for a moment. He went over to his duffle bag and pulled out a travel-sized bottle of lube. It was half-full. Bucky was staring at him.

“Did you come prepared? Why is it half full?”

Steve blushed softly and snorted, laughing a bit.

“I think you know why it’s half full.”

Steve walked back over, kissing Bucky’s forehead.

“I need you to roll over, okay? It’ll make it easier to open you up.”

Bucky took a deep breath and nodded. He could trust Steve. He could trust him.

“If you need me to stop for a moment, just let me know, okay?” Steve said, smiling softly.

Bucky nodded and kissed Steve one last time before rolling over onto his stomach. He felt Steve slowly spread his legs open, leaving him exposed. Bucky took a deep breath and jumped slightly when he felt something cold against his asshole.

“Sorry, I guess I should’ve warmed it up a bit first.” Steve said, chuckling softly. “Sorry Buck.”

Bucky snorted.

“Ya think? Jesus that’s cold! You know it’s the middle of winter, right?”

Steve kissed Bucky’s shoulder.

“Sorry, I’ll do better next time.”

Bucky tried to relax as Steve gently massaged his hole. He felt Steve kiss his back every once in a while, keeping him calm and grounded. He enjoyed the sensations and gasped softly when he felt Steve’s finger breach.

“Is this okay?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded. It felt weird, but not in a bad way. It was more of a… well there wasn’t really a way to describe it. It just felt weird. He wasn’t use to it. Steve slowly pushed his finger in, moving it in and out and in and out and Bucky sighed. This… this actually felt nice. Steve started to slowly add another finger. Bucky tried to relax some more. Steve gently kissed the small of his back, keeping him calm.

“Are you okay? Do you need a minute?” He asked.

Bucky shook his head.

“No, I’m okay Stevie. It feels kinda weird but not in a bad way. I’m fine.”

Steve kissed the small of his back again and started moving his fingers in and out scissoring them, slowly loosening Bucky. Bucky sighed and gasped at the sensations. It felt strange, but at the same time, it felt so good. He jumped when a wave a pleasure shot through him and groaned into the bedsheets.

“Well, I think I found it.” Steve chuckled before kissing Bucky’s back again.

Steve started to add a third finger. Bucky was laying on the bed, his hands gripping the sheets now. Steve kept hitting his prostate and goddamnit it felt so fucking good. Bucky was shaking and son of bitch he wanted Steve and he wanted him now! He reached behind him, blindly, trying to find Steve.

“S-Steve, n-now. I need… now!”

Steve slowly pulled out his fingers and Bucky whined at the loss. He felt exposed. He heard the crinkle of a wrapper and looked over to see Steve putting on a condom.

“You know that I have a super serum too, right? I’m ninety-nine percent sure neither of us have STDs.” Bucky said, his face in the sheets.

“Better safe then sorry.” Steve said, lubing up his erection. He gently pushed Bucky’s hip. “Roll over.”

Bucky rolled over and Steve stared at him for a minute. God, he looked beautiful. His hair splayed out on the bedsheets, his cock against his belly, dripping pre-cum, the flushed look on his face. Steve kissed him, a bit roughly, but Bucky moaned and wrapped an arm around Steve’s shoulders. Steve pulled away and looked down, making sure he was actually getting his dick into Bucky. He slowly pushed in and moaned alongside Bucky. By the time he was all the way in, Bucky was shaking and Steve needed a minute. God he felt so good. He felt so fucking good. Steve kissed Bucky as he slowly moved. His thrusts started shallow. In, out, in, out. Bucky gasped and whined with every thrust, wrapping his legs around Steve’s waist. Steve slowly but surely started picking up speed and Bucky’s moans slowly but surely picked up in volume. Steve grunted as he thrusted, sweat coating his brow. Bucky was gripping the bedsheets, gasping and moaning. He looked like a mess. A beautiful, glorious mess. Steve surged forward and captured his lips. Bucky whined and shook. Okay, he was ready to cum. He was so fucking ready to cum. Steve’s thrusts were only getting faster and faster and Bucky could feel his orgasm looming closer and closer. He was so close. So fucking close. He finally came with a shout, his back arching from the bed. Steve came shortly after, groaning into Bucky’s neck. Steve laid on top of Bucky, gasping for breath. Bucky didn’t mind. He needed a moment anyway. It took a few minutes, but Steve picked himself off of Bucky’s chest and smiled.

“How was that?” He asked, kissing Bucky’s chin.

“That was… that was… can we do that again?” Bucky asked, wide eyed. Holy shit that felt so good.

Steve laughed and smiled.

“Maybe later. I think I need a minute.”

Steve got up on shaky legs and disposed of the condom in the small trash bin in the corner of the room. He slipped out of the room, coming back with a small, damp washcloth. He gently cleaned Bucky off, kissing him on the forehead.

“You need anything?” Steve asked, looking sleepy.

Bucky opened his arms and made grabby hands towards Steve.

“I wanna cuddle.” He said sleepily.

Steve snorted and helped Bucky under the covers before sliding in himself. He held Bucky close, gently rubbing his back. Bucky sighed and nuzzled his face into Steve’s chest.

“We’re doing that again.” He yawned before closing his eyes and falling asleep, feeling warm and safe.

Steve said nothing. He just grinned and held Bucky close. Ya. He could do that.”

…

Everyone laid in bed, wide eyed. The earplugs weren’t enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations, you just read my attempt at porn. Which doesn't even start until halfway through this chapter!
> 
> Still, all that said and done, this is the longest chapter I've written for this by far and I'm happy with how this turned out. I sincerely hope that you guys enjoyed this.  
> I'm finally done my finals and now I won't have classes until September. Yay.


	56. Chapter 56

Steve and Bucky walked into the kitchen holding hands. They noticed the haunted looks on everyone’s faces and how they were all avoiding eye contact. Clint shoved a plate of food in their general direction without even looking at them. Steve and Bucky glanced at each other in confusion. What was going on? Why were they acting like this? Loki walked into the room, noticed Steve and Bucky and promptly turned on his heel to walk back out of the room. Nope. Not today. He wasn’t dealing with this. Thor grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged. He looked. The look in Thor’s eyes pleaded him not to go. Loki shook his head. No, no, no. He was not dealing with this. He was going back to bed and hiding underneath the covers. Nope, not today. Thor’s grip tighten and his puppy dog eyes grew larger. Loki sighed internally. What did he do to deserve this? Loki sat down at the kitchen table and found that he was right in front of Steve and Bucky. Fucking… he was gonna throttle everyone in their sleep.

“So how’d you guys sleep?” Steve asked, shoveling eggs into his mouth.

No one said anything. Bucky glanced around the room, trying to see if there were any visual clues as to why everyone was acting so… oh god no. Bucky tapped Steve’s hand. Steve glanced to look over at Bucky. Bucky kept his mouth shut but widened his eyes, trying to silently tell him why everyone was acting this way. Come on Steve, don’t be so dense. He could practically see the buffer sign on Steve’s face as he pondered what Bucky was trying to convey. It took him a moment, but when he figured it out, his widened and he felt a red-hot blush wash over him. Oh. That’s why.

“You…” Steve kept staring at Bucky. He felt like he was going to combust if he looked anywhere else. “You heard everything… didn’t you?”

“Every goddamn word!” Sam hollered from where he sat. “Jesus I did not want to know what super soldier sex sounded like!”

“Even the earplugs Clint gave us didn’t do anything!” Kate said from her spot, looking very traumatised. “It was terrifying.”

Steve looked away from Bucky in favour of hiding underneath the table in embarrassment. Bucky hid his face in his hands and groaned. Clint slid a small cake over to Bucky. Written on it in bright green icing was, “Congratulations! You got laid! And we heard every word you sinful bastards!”. Bucky didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Instead, he opted for,

“I fucking hate all of you.”

…

Goddamn it why was it so early? Bucky stared at the time on his phone, willing it to be wrong. He wanted more sleep. Just one more hour. That’s all he was hoping for, but no. It was four am. Their flight left at 6:30 pm. They had an eight-hour drive ahead of them. Bucky reached over and shook Steve’s shoulder.

“Steve, come on, we need to get up. We gotta get back to New York.”

“Five more minutes.” Steve groaned, burying his head into his pillow.

“No dice soldier, now move.”

Steve and Bucky moved out of the bed sluggishly, stumbling over to where they laid the clothes for the morning. Bucky sleepily struggled into his pants, almost loosing his balance entirely and falling onto the ground multiple times. He grabbed his backpack, making absolutely sure he had everything. Yep, there was Stevie bear hugging his notebook. There was a little bag of dog treats for Silver and there was a couple of books and his phone charger. He was good. He shouldered his backpack and picked up his duffle bag, looking over to see if Steve was ready. Steve was standing by the door, holding out his hand. Bucky took it and they went to put their stuff in the living room by the door. They stumbled into the living room where Clint was standing by the coffee machine, willing it to brew faster. Silver was happily eating from a large metal bowl since they already packed her food dish. She heard Bucky walk in and scurried over to him, her claws clicking against the laminate. She buried her face into his hands and Bucky couldn’t help but smile. At least she’d make the flight more bearable. Clint, Sam, Thor, Loki, Sam and Steve sleepily drank their coffee, trying to fully wake up. Kate stumbled into the room, walking over to the coffee machine.

“Who the fuck took all the coffee?” She grumbled looking over to the table.

Thor and Loki were both holding large mugs, Steve and Bucky were on their second mugs, Sam was blinking tiredly while nursing a normal sized mug and Clint was sitting in his chair with the actual glass container that the coffee was collected in. He was chugging it quickly, trying to wake up as quickly as possible. Kate stared at the group of men and rolled her eyes, sighing heavily.

“I hate you all. Making me wake up at four in the morning and you don’t even save me any coffee.”

By 4:30, the group shuffled out the door, piling into the two cars and curling up for the ride to the airport. They were looking at an eight-hour car ride to get to the nearest airport, the Whitecourt Airport.

…

They stopped for breakfast at a small diner in the small town closest to Clint’s cabin, chugging most of the coffee they had brewed. They packed away several plates of pancakes and sausages, as well as at least three loaves of bread worth of toast. They tipped the server extra because dear god it was early and the poor kid had to carry so much food at so many times. Everyone shuffled over to their respective cars and began on the long drive.

…

It had been almost four hours. They were halfway through the drive. Steve was fast asleep, his cheek smushed against Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky’s face was smushed against the window and he was staring out into the passing scenery with a dazed look in his eyes. Kate was curled up on the passengers seat, snoring away, still dressed in her pajamas. Clint was grumbling underneath his breath as he drove along. Silver was lying across Steve, her head on Bucky’s lap. Meanwhile in the other car, Sam was driving, questioning his life choices and wondering what he did to deserve such torment. God this was hell. Thor was sitting in the front, snoring softly. Loki was sprawled out in the back, snoring loudly. Sam was wondering how such a loud snore could come out of such as scrawny dude. Holy shit.

…

They were two hours out, stopping at a restaurant to eat. They sleepily ate, chatting quietly. Kate grumbled under her breath about how they had the audacity to drag her along for this slice of hell. The group finished eating at 1 pm and left a tip before getting up and going to their cars again. They arrived at the airport around roughly 3:30 pm. Kate shuffled over to the driver’s side and waved to Clint tiredly.

“I’m gonna stay at the hotel for the night, then I’m leaving.”

“Alright.” Clint said, grabbing his bag from the trunk. “Don’t forget to feed Lucky. Feed the chickens too. If I find out that they’re dead because you couldn’t be bothered to take care of them, you’re dead to me.”

Kate rolled her eyes and sighed.

“I know, relax.”

Everyone shuffled into the airport. They had three hours to kill.

…

Silver sat down, curled up by Bucky’s feet, resting peacefully. Bucky was fiddling with her leash, trying to mentally prepare himself. God flying was terrible.

_We can just drive. Nothing wrong with driving. It’ll only take maybe two days, three at most._

_‘Driving would take too long. A plane is faster.’_

_I’d rather sit in a car to be honest._ Winter muttered. _Less terrifying._

_‘Really, you remember all the times we’ve been in a car? Plane is faster.’_

_Fucking hate planes._ Winter grumbled.

_At least we can agree on that._ Barnes mumbled.

Bucky rolled his eyes, sighing softly. Well, at least they’re getting along.

“Barnes and Winter arguing?” Steve asked, reaching out to hold his hand.

“Surprisingly no. They’re trying to convince us to drive to New York.”

Steve shuddered.

“No. No that’s not happening. I’ve had enough road trips to last me a life time.” Steve grumbled, shaking his head.

“Remember when we did a road trip across Europe?” Sam asked, grinning. “The car we had was tiny.”

Steve groaned and put his head in his hands.

“Don’t remind me. I couldn’t feel my legs most of the time.”

Bucky snorted and smiled softly. He jumped when the plane’s engine started and groaned softly. Great. Now he just had to sit and suffer for six hours. Lovely.

…

Bucky let out a breath when the plane started to land. Silver was pressed against his leg, grounding him, but dear god, he was terrified. He took a deep breath and tried to relax as the wheels touched the ground, causing the plane to lurch to and fro. Goddamnit, why did they have to fly?

_We’re gonna die. We’re all gonna fucking die! We’re gonna die and it’s all because you wanted to go a faster route!_ Barnes cried.

_They’re landing the fucking plane!_ Winter screamed.

Surprisingly, Winter was the level headed on in this situation. Barnes and Bucky were both terrified. The plane finally came to a full stop and Bucky let out a breath of relief. He knew it was silly to be afraid of planes, but Jesus. It was fucking nerve racking. He was all too happy to get off the plane, Silver trotting after him. In hindsight, it was a mistake to fall to his knees and kiss the frozen ground. It tasted disgusting. Bucky could hear Steve laughing behind him.

“You good now?” Steve asked, trying to keep a straight face.

Bucky got to his feet, wiping his mouth.

“I’m fine.”

“I was not aware that Midgardians had such… strange customs.” Loki said from behind them. “Is it normal to kiss the ground after flying?”

“It’s about as normal as two Norse gods and two men who should be dead by now.” Sam said, grumbling. “Can we go inside now? It’s cold.

Everyone shuffled into the airport and made their way through, grabbing their luggage and heading to the front. They weren’t at all surprised when Tony had sent them a limo.

“Of course.” Steve muttered under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He he, I just thought the beginning would be kinda funny.
> 
> So, guess what's finally coming to an end. If you guessed the world... no. Unfortunately not. If you guessed school, then... you're not wrong. I mean there's like two months left and then people are free and all, but that's not what I mean. What's gonna end? This story!
> 
> That's right! This story will be ending in just a few chapters. It should end by around Chapter 60, give or take. It's kinda weird. I've gotten so use to writing this.  
> But don't worry! I have a sort of sequel that I've been planning to write for this. *Pops a single, pitiful party popper* Yay
> 
> Leave a comment if you'd like. I mean, no one's forcing you to, but I'd like it if you did. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try and find some ways to survive the heat. It's been uncomfortably warm for the past couple of days. Ugh


	57. Chapter 57

  

Bucky flopped down onto the couch, sighing heavily. He was tired, sore, and grateful to not be on that plane anymore. He looked around Steve’s apartment in the tower. Yep, nothing really changed. Well, the basket on the kitchen counter was new. Bucky got up and walked over to it, curious and cautious. What was in that basket? He looked inside and found exactly three bottles of lube and a vast amount of condoms. Regular and flavoured. Bucky smacked his forehead in exasperation when he saw a little note attached.

_I hope you have fun._ It said. _Just don’t have sex outside your apartment. Sincerely, Tony._

Bucky groaned and shook his head. Was that really necessary? He heard soft footsteps behind him and turned to see Natasha behind him.

“Have a nice time at the farm?” She asked.

Bucky nodded, remembering their first meeting.

“Good. It’s a nice little place, isn’t it? I like to go there when I have downtime. It’s calm there.”

“Ya. I felt pretty safe there.” Bucky said, watching her.

“You feel safe here, right?” Natasha asked, her expression hard to read.

“Well, considering the fact that Hydra infiltrated the tower, I think you can understand me not being so… comfortable here. I do feel safe with Steve.”

Natasha nodded and smiled.

“Fair enough.” She glanced at the basket. “I see Tony sent you a present.” She smirked.

“I have no idea how he found out.” Bucky muttered.

“Oh, Clint texted me in the middle of the night. ‘Tasha, I can hear them! Oh god I can hear them!’. Tony hacked my phone and decided to give you this.”

Bucky groaned and hid his face in his hands.

“I’m never gonna be able to live this down.” Bucky grumbled, his voice muffled by his hands.

“It’s his way of showing he likes you.” Natasha said, shrugging. “Anytime I come back from a mission, there’s usually a basket filled with Russian pastries and sweets. Next time he’ll give you something different I’m sure.”

“He better.”

Natasha snorted and pat Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re okay. Steve was really worried about you.” She rolled her shoulders. “You wanna spar? I could use a partner.”

Winter glanced at her between her fingers and nodded.

“Sure.”

…

Oh god what was he thinking? His lungs burned, his muscles were sore. It felt great! He felt the adrenaline rushing through him and god damn it felt good! Natasha was panting, hunched over on the bench. She took another swig from her bottle and shook her head.

“That was… that was fun.” She said, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face. “We gotta do that again some time.”

Bucky nodded before chugging his water. Jesus his throat burned.

“Ya.” He gasped after finishing his drink. “I’d like that.”

They sat on the bench for a couple of minutes before getting up and making their way to their apartments. Bucky relaxed as the elevator slowly made it’s way up. He got out when it reached his floor and he walked to the bathroom, shedding his tank top. He stripped while waiting for the shower to heat up. He heard a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” He asked.

“It’s me.” Steve said.

Bucky gave him clearance to come in and Steve stepped inside.

“So, you sparred with Natasha I hear?” Steve said, smirking.

Bucky nodded.

“It was fun. She’s really good, like I remember her being.”

Steve nodded.

“I’m glad she’s on our side.” He chuckled. “Gonna shower?”

“I’m covered in sweat. Of course I’m gonna shower.”

Steve snorted and nodded. He looked up to Bucky’s face and asked,

“Do you mind if I join?”

No, he didn’t mind at all.

…

Tony pulled up the 3D design for a new arm for Bucky, grinning excitedly. He was quite proud of this design and he was sure that Bucky would like it too.

“What’d you think?” He asked, showing it to Bucky.

Bucky stared at it for longer then Tony felt necessary. He couldn’t help but wonder if Bucky was trying to figure out how to let him down lightly. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Bucky smiled.

“This looks amazing!” Bucky laughed, bouncing in his seat. “How long will it take to build?”

“I got most of the parts made. There are just a couple more I need to build and then I need to put the arm together. It’ll take… a month? Maybe a little more?”

Bucky nodded, grinning widely. He reached out to the design.

“I can’t wait.”

The two of them stood in silence for a few minutes before,

“So, you and Cap did the deed, huh?”

“I’m gonna kill you.”

     

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took a while. I ended up with writer's block, I got really busy and it's just been kinda hectic for me.  
> I received an email, a little over a week ago now, from my university. I've been asked not to apply for 12 months due to my marks. I've been trying to process that.  
> And then yesterday, I ended up going through a depressive episode where I had no energy, everything felt heavy and I generally felt like shit. But I'm okay now and this chapter is here so don't worry.
> 
> This chapter is short because I honestly had no idea what I was doing. Like I've said before, this story is coming to an end. There will probably be one, maybe two more chapters if I really stretch it, and then that'll be it for this story. Geez, feels like just yesterday when I posted the first chapter and now it's coming to an end.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter. Leave a comment if you'd like as it always makes my day and I'll try and get that last chapter or two written. Until then, have a nice day guys!


	58. Chapter 58

Bucky sat by the window, his notebook open on his lap. He glanced out the window and watched as tiny, little people made their way around on the ground, doing whatever it was they needed to do. He sighed tiredly, smiling. If someone told him a year ago that he’d be free and that he’d be in a relationship with his best friend, well he wouldn’t have remembered it for one. He also wouldn’t believe you. He fiddled with the pen in his hand, sighing. He wanted to write, but his mind kept wandering to god knows where. He supposed he wasn’t going to get much done today. He sighed and rolled his shoulders, continuing to watch the world outside. A lot had happened since he first escaped. For one thing, he escaped. He managed to survive everything Hydra had thrown at him so far and he was still going. He wasn’t sure how, but he was. He heard approaching footsteps and turned to see Steve walking over to him.

“Hey Buck,” He said, sitting down in the chair opposite him. “What’re you thinking about?”

Bucky hummed thoughtfully before looking back out the window.

“It’s just… it’s crazy. After everything Hydra threw at us… we made it. I made it. We’re still fighting.”

Steve nodded, smiling softly.

“That’s not the only thing you’re thinking about, is it?”

Bucky shook his head.

“Shadow’s still out there. As far as I know, she’s still trapped. She could be dead. She could still be alive. Maybe she’s escaped. Maybe they… maybe they broke her. I don’t… I don’t know. And it scares me Steve. I wish I knew that she was okay… but I don’t.”

Steve reached out and placed a hand on Bucky’s knee before squeezing gently.

“I wish I knew what to say. I wish I had an answer for you Bucky… but I don’t know.”

Bucky sighed before smiling tiredly.

“Well, if she’s still there, I feel like she’s giving them hell.” He said, smiling.

Steve chuckled and got to his feet. He placed a gentle kiss on Bucky’s forehead and pat his shoulder.

“Tony wanted me to tell you that the arm is almost ready. There are just a few more parts that he needs to take care of and then it’ll be ready.”

Bucky nodded, feeling giddy. He was excited to get a new arm. He was excited to get this… thing off him.

“How long will it take?” He asked.

“A week at most.” Steve said, going over to the kitchen for a drink. “One of Doctor Banner’s friends is coming to help with the surgery. He’s known them for years.” He sipped the juice in his glass. “He says he trusts them with his life.”

Bucky nodded, feeling nervous and excited.

“Okay.”

…

Bucky sat in Tony’s lab, watching as Tony pulled out the arm. It looked very similar to his current arm, but Bucky could make out the differences. The plates were shaped differently and the wing was not painted onto the arm, but it was built in. Bucky reached out with his right hand to glide his hand along the plates.

“Oh my god.” He whispered.

“I take it you like it?” Tony said, looking quite proud of himself.

Bucky nodded, his mouth partially open in awe.

“This is amazing. Tony, I… thank you. Thank you so much.”

Tony grinned widely, looking quite pleased.

“The pleasure’s all mine. I must say, I had a lot of fun building this. I was tempted to put a repulsor in, but I figured I’d ask before I put in anything else.”

Bucky looked up from the arm and took a deep breath.

“I just… I don’t want it to be a weapon. I do want it to be durable… just in case. I don’t… I just want an arm.”

Tony nodded.

“Alright. Done and done. This baby’s pretty much finished. All we have to do is wait for the good doctor to show up and we can get this puppy on you.”

Bucky bounced in his seat, grinning widely. Oh this was gonna be great.

…

Tony sat in his lab, admiring his handiwork. He was glad Bucky liked it. He was proud of just how sleek it was. It would run far more efficiently then his old arm. It wouldn’t run the risk of over heating and could take way more of a beating. He polished the wing on the shoulder when he heard Jarvis.

“Sir, remember the girl that Sargent Barnes talked about? Shadow?”

Tony stopped and looked up at the ceiling.

“What about her?”

“After studying Sargent Barnes’ description of her, I do believe I might’ve found a video of her.”

A blurry security video appeared in Tony’s face showing a girl struggling against three men, far bigger then herself. Her hair was dark, hanging at her shoulders and she wore dark clothing. He smirked when he saw the girl kick on of her attackers in the face. He felt his heart in his throat when he noticed one of the attackers pull out a bottle and rag. Was that… was that chloroform? He watched as the man poured so much that the rag was dripping. He slapped it over the girl’s face and though she struggled, it took only a few minutes for her to pass out. The man pulled the rag away and they threw her into a van before zip tying her legs and wrists together and gagging her. Tony felt sick to his stomach.

“Jarvis, can you get that van’s license plate?”

A few moments of silence.

“Sir… it doesn’t seem to have one.”

Tony swallowed thickly.

“Can you tell me where you found this?”

“This is from a home security camera in western Edmonton, Alberta sir.”

Well, that narrowed down the search immensely.

“Show me missing girls in the Edmonton region Jarvis. We got a kid to find.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'll be honest. I didn't think I'd get this chapter out so fast.
> 
> This is the last chapter. This story is finished. It's been over a year since I first started this thing and now... now it's finished. Wow. Already?
> 
> I'd like to say thank you to everyone who supported this story. Even if you never commented and only left a kudos, thank you. Even if you only discovered this story part way or have been here since the beginning, I don't care. You're awesome and I hope something equally awesome happens to you.  
> I thought I could maybe get another two chapters out, but I could only get one more out and well... here it is. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support and I hope you all enjoyed this. I know I had fun writing this. I hope you'll enjoy writing I'll post in the future and I wish you all the best.  
> You guys are fucking awesome. Thank you.


End file.
